A/N: user Zweitbeste approached me with this fun idea, and although I know it's full of plot holes, I said I would use all of my brain cells to make it work! I've tried to fit this to canon where possible, but you've gotta give me just a little leeway with some of the concepts presented. The 1st plot hole: I know you'll be thinking 'why is Beerus not linked to Shin?', well mainly there would be no tension if that was the case, so for the sake of this fic I had to not link them, and by the end of the fic Beerus will try and justify that decision haha.

Life Insurance

~75 million years Before Age

Beerus turned the sword in his hands, looking at his reflection in the blade. "Well, that's shut him up."

Whis sighed. "They're not going to be pleased."

"I don't think they're ever really pleased by anything I do." He looked around and began to walk towards the hills in the distance.

Whis followed. "You'll at least tell them what you've done?"

Beerus smirked to himself. "I don't know, I think it'd be hilarious to watch them scour the universe looking for him." Yet he could almost feel Whis's disapproval in the air. "But yeah, I'll tell them. Hopefully they'll get a better kai next time. Can't believe this idiot managed to let an old hag steal a potara. You ever heard of something so ridiculous?"

"No, can't say I have. What will you do with the sword?"

Beerus took off and flew up onto a particularly large piece of rock. "I'm leaving it here. As fun as it'd be to put this on display back home, it'll be safer here." He tapped the rock with his foot and shook his head; this wouldn't do.

Whis followed as Beerus tested a few other places before finally settling on one. "I thought you wouldn't mind if the sword was accidentally broken."

Beerus lined himself up and plunged the sword down into the rock, making sure it went in perfectly straight and giving it a tug with a fraction of his strength to make sure no average person could dislodge it. "You misunderstand what I've done. This right here is life insurance for life!" He patted the hilt. "I should have done this ages ago. He's not dead, but he's not walking around and open to being killed. Hopefully the kais will eventually forget he's even here and only we will know."

"How do you know the life-link will still function?" Whis asked.

"Trust me, I know." He reached out to the sword again, gently stroking the along the guard. "When you touch a life-link you can feel it."

"I see. Is that why you avoid contact with the kais so much?"

"I don't see any reason why we should touch in the first place," Beerus said. But Whis was right: Beerus didn't like being reminded that his life depended on others also being alive, even if he technically had 5 lives this way. "Anyway, if this sword is somehow broken, then it'll release the bastard and I'll just have to come and seal him back up. But the way he was raving about this sword earlier suggests it'd be really difficult to break – if they can get it out in the first place."

Beerus motioned for Whis to give it a tug, and Whis nodded appreciatively, careful not to use more than the strength of the strongest kai on the planet.

"I wonder if he can hear us?" Beerus wondered aloud. "Sucks if he can, because it's going to be a boring however many millions of years."

"Perhaps you'd like to break the sword and ask him?"

"Oh, Whis, you just want me to let him out, don't you?"

Whis said nothing.

"Look, no matter how stupid you think the argument was, he's not worth keeping around. His lifespan must have been slashed due to fusing, so really I'm doing him a favour by making him useful again." He moved to place a hand on the angel's back. "Let's go."

"Ahem. I think you should explain to the Grand Supreme Kai where his Eastern Kai has gone first."

Beerus chuckled. "As usual, you don't miss a trick."

Ooo

~5 million years Before Age

"This hasn't changed your opinion on Buu?" Whis asked.

"Nah. It was all that Bibidi guy's fault he woke up after how many thuds? And the bastard definitely led him to the kais – can't recall ever hearing about Buu having an interest in Other World, have you?"

Whis shook his head. "No, his destructive instincts have always focused on the mortal realm."

"Why, Whis, are you suggesting that I should be doing something about him?"

"No. As you say, this was a calculated attack by someone else. I just wondered if it was too close a call for you."

Beerus grinned. "That sword is still standing on the Sacred World – all according to plan."

Whis frowned. "Yes, but if all the kais had been killed and you were still alive, it would look very odd to the higher-ups, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Although it is incredibly rare for destroyers to be killed by life-links when you have so many of them, I'm not sure keeping a seven thud-old link trapped in a sword would reflect well on you." Whis paused. "Yes, it has been almost exactly 70 million years now. Some 15 or so generations of kais if I'm counting correctly."

"It's been so long, I could probably just tell Zeno that I forgot about him. I'd say I wasn't planning to leave him in the sword for more than a few days or something, but then I was distracted. By work."

Whis wasn't convinced. "So you're not going to link with the new de facto Grand Supreme Kai?"

Beerus shrugged. "Whether I link with him or not, it doesn't matter, just like the rest before him. Because if he dies, I still won't die."

"I was trying to suggest that you do something about the one you've left in the sword," Whis said. "There are four positions open. You could probably release him and easily slip him back into his Eastern role without people noticing."

"No. I'm not bringing attention to it. Although…" Beerus hummed. "Next time we have a meeting, remind me to ask that short-ass what he knows about the sword. I want to know what legends surround it."

"Why wait that long? He seemed in need of support after losing all of his colleagues in such a devastating way. You could go and help in his time of need."

Beerus's face became more and more disgusted by the idea. "I don't do emotional support, you know that, Whis. Maybe if I was linked to him I might consider it, but no thanks. I'm sure he'll be just fine without me."

Ooo

Age 778

Beerus was sitting with Whis's staff in hand and the Oracle Fish hovering behind him as they watched Goku's part in the fight against Buu play out. He'd had an excellent day fighting this mortal on Earth and now he wanted to know how he'd managed to put a stop to the entity that was thought to be unstoppable.

"Mortals on the Sacred World?" Beerus laughed. It was almost unheard of. He didn't get to think on the matter further because something else caught his eye. "WAIT!" He leaned forward. "That's…! What did I miss?"

He skipped back through the footage, calling Whis over the help him find what he was looking for. Before Goku arrived on the Sacred World, his son had pulled that damn sword out! Heh, like father like son, I guess. He played through the footage again, watching as Gohan broke the sword on a block of katchin.

Although seeing his life insurance walking around free wasn't a pleasing sight (and he certainly wasn't going to ask how long it had been exactly), he took solace in the fact that he'd found out on the first day he was awake in 4 decades.

"Alright, let's go." Beerus set his snacks aside and dusted himself off. "I had a good run, but I think I'll put him back in something else this time. Maybe an ornament no one has any use for. We can discuss ideas on the way."

ooo

Beerus's arrival on the Sacred World had both kais on their feet. It was the taller one that stepped forward first.

"Lord Beerus, I can explain –" he began, but Beerus had no eyes for him.

"Yes, nice to meet you, but I –" He paused and looked the kai up and down. "Hold on a minute." He looked between the pair, now unsure who to deal with first. He wished that he'd finished watching all the footage before he'd left, but he had definitely seen Shin conjure up the katchin, not this guy.

In the end he turned to Whis. "So, the other one died and no one noticed? Perfect!"

"Who died?" Kibitoshin asked.

"Don't worry about it," Beerus said. "Nice to meet you, now be a good kai and stay out of my way."

Old Kai rolled his eyes. "Still the same rude destroyer, I see. I don't know why I'd expected you to mature a little after all this time."

"Seems you haven't changed much either," Beerus retorted. "What would you like to be this time? A teapot? I know kais are ever so careful with their china." He turned to Kibitoshin. "You're not clumsy, are you?"

"N-no."

"Then I think a teapot will be perfect." He grabbed Old Kai by the arm to drag him inside, and Kibitoshin moved to intervene, but Beerus seemed to freeze on contact.

For a moment he simply stared down at Old Kai, trying to focus on their connection, even moving to take Old Kai's hand in his own, flesh against flesh. Nothing. His head whipped around and he touched Kibitoshin next, making the younger kai extremely uncomfortable.

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck?!

He let go of both of them and stepped back, his heart racing in his chest. Surely he couldn't just forget what it felt like to have a life-link? But if neither of these two were linked to him and he was still alive – then who the hell was he linked to?!

"Lord Beerus, are you okay?" Kibitoshin asked.

Beerus sat down on the grass. "Whis… What else have I missed?"

"Firstly, no more kais died," Whis said. "Please look closer."

"…Another fucking fusion?!" he exclaimed once he'd stared Kibitoshin out. "What is it with these Eastern Supreme Kais?"

Kibitoshin laughed nervously. "It's not a big deal, really."

Beerus looked over at Old Kai. "And this one? What's wrong with him?"

"This Great Ancestor gave his life to allow Goku to return to the mortal realm," Whis explained.

Old Kai grinned, but Beerus was off on another planet. Earth, to be precise. For a moment he stopped breathing and simply stared into the distance, but after a few seconds he exploded.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" he yelled, grabbing Old Kai by the front of his robes. "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?!"

"Well, you're the one that left me in a sword for seven and a half thuds." Old Kai huffed. "And it's not like me dying would do anything."

Beerus gripped harder, and his eyes flicked up to where the halo should have been, but wasn't, but that was a question for another time.

"Oh? Don't tell me you haven't linked with the actual Supreme Kai?" Old Kai was on the brink of laughter – it served Beerus right if that was the case!

"We're not linked?" Kibitoshin asked. He'd never questioned it – he'd always assumed it was an automatic link at the time of promotion.

Beerus dropped Old Kai and turned on Whis. "And you let me fight Goku?! I could have killed myself!"

Whis shrugged. "I've always suggested that you link with the current kais."

"Well, it's a good thing I didn't!" Beerus elaborated when no one seemed to understand him. "This idiot –" He pointed at Kibitoshin. "Went off to try and stop Buu, almost dying in the process." Oh yes, he'd watched that bit carefully to make sure his linking choices continued to be justified. "And now we're down to a single-kai model, it sure would look suspicious if I had two links, wouldn't you agree?"

"Again, I've been advocating for you to swap to the appropriate link for many years now."

Beerus groaned. "Fine. I'm finally giving in. I cannot be linked to a mortal – especially not a mortal like Goku – for more than another five minutes. Gods, how many years were you going to let this go on for?"

"You were asleep," Whis reminded him.

"Dying in my sleep because I was linked to a mortal – just how I always wanted to go!" Beerus said sarcastically. "I can't believe I fought this guy and never noticed."

"As mortals are not meant to be life-linked to gods, it probably doesn't feel the same way."

Beerus clapped his hands. "Enough talking. Whis, you go to Earth and get Goku. And you –" Again, he pointed at Kibitoshin, not sure how to address him. "You defuse so I can link with the actual Supreme Kai. I don't want the link to be split over the fusion or something weird like that."

"Ah, you see… The potara fusion is permanent for us," Kibitoshin said.

Beerus blinked. "You're gonna stay like that forever?"

Kibitoshin shrugged. "Well, if the opportunity ever arose to un-fuse…"

"Right, that's it. You heard of Dragon Balls? Wishing Orbs? Go find a set and un-fuse yourselves. Chop, chop! Kai-kai away!"

Kibitoshin paused for a moment to think before disappearing.

Old Kai chuckled and sat down next to Beerus. "Just you and me now."

"I'm still going to shove you into a teapot once this is over."

"Eh, if it makes you feel better. But I think that young kai of yours could use an old hand like me advising him."

Beerus narrowed his eyes. "Trying to change my mind, are you?"

"Well, it's not like I've got any chance of beating you in a physical fight, so a battle of words is all I can do."

Beerus sighed as he thought about it. "Maybe I will leave you out. It's lonely being a god after all. I'm sure he could use a new face around."

"Mm, I hear there are kais out there who don't even have an attendant. It must be lonely now they've done away with cardinal Supreme Kais."

"Have you met Roh? Ninth Universe," Beerus said. "He's the dodgiest kai I've ever seen and I put it down to having no one but Sidra to socialise with."

"Oh, that one. Rings a bell."

"But I feel sorry for him…" Beerus muttered. "Shin, I mean. It's gotta be hard going from five to one overnight."

Old Kai chuckled. "This business has really gotten to you, hasn't it? Not like you to admit something like that."

"Piss off. I'm merely justifying my decision not to lock you up to myself. Usually Whis would be here to listen to my rambling and tell me I'm right."

"I don't like to agree with you, but this time I think I can."

Beerus rolled his eyes. "I should have got you to take Whis to Earth so he could be back already."

"Then he'd be back and Goku would be listening to all this as well."

"Well, while we wait, how about you tell me the story of how the Supreme Kai and his attendant ended up fused?"

ooo

Whis arrived back first, and smiled at seeing the destroyer and kai sitting on the grass together chatting.

"Yo, Lord Beerus!" Goku gave a wave. When he saw the glare Beerus gave him, he straightened up and gave a small bow. "I mean, good, uh –" What time was it here? "– Good afternoon? I hope you are well!"

"Ho ho, you've really got him well-trained." Old Kai returned Goku's wave.

Beerus got up and rushed over to Goku, grabbing his arm (thank the gods for short sleeves because he did not want to take Goku's hand like he had the kais'). There was nothing to feel, even when he closed his eyes and tried to sense anything akin to the link.

"Hey, uh…"

"Shut up," Beerus said. He let go and instead placed a hand over Goku's heart. Nothing, just the calm beat of the heart of a saiyan who wasn't as god-fearing as he should be. "You are Goku, right?"

"Yup! That's me." Goku grinned. "Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I had a heart virus once, but I got it treated. When Whis came I thought you were gonna offer me some training…"

Beerus looked back to Old Kai. "This is definitely the mortal you transferred your life to?"

"Can't mistake him."

Goku nodded too. "Yeah, thanks again!"

"It must be then." Even if he couldn't feel anything from Goku, he had to conclude that the link was there somewhere. How terrifying. The sooner Shin returned, the better.

"So, what's going on, Lord Beerus?" Goku asked. "Why are we here? Why are you feeling my heartbeat?"

"Just be a good boy, sit still, and don't do anything stupid for an hour," Beerus said. "If you do that, I'll tell Whis to train you."

"Oh, boy! Really?!"

"Yes. And if you shut up too, I'll double the time."

Goku beamed and made a motion as if he was zipping his lips. He walked a few steps away and sat down in a meditative position.

He's really serious about this! Beerus thought. Well, he supposed it wasn't often a mortal was offered such a high prize for such a simple task, although he got the feeling this wasn't exactly an easy task for Goku based on what he'd seen so far.

The wait for Shin and Kibito to return was agonising. Although his life had been hanging by a thread for several years now, every minute more still had him on edge. Why had Goku decided to tell him about that heart virus? This mortal could drop dead from something like that at any minute! The temptation to re-link with Old Kai was becoming more and more tempting. Couldn't he just transfer the link back for now?

"Hey, Whis, can links be transferred? Or am I stuck with this extra one forever?"

"A century at most is hardly forever, my lord. But no, links are not transferrable. To be honest, I am shocked the link has remained in-tact, but I suppose it's the first time a Supreme Kai has given up their life for a mortal in our universe."

Beerus turned on Old Kai. "Yeah, because Supreme Kais know that giving up their lives could leave their universe as a godless wasteland!"

Old Kai shrugged. "How was I to know you hadn't linked to the current Supreme Kai? That's your problem."

"We have a better question," Shin said, having appeared from nowhere with Kibito in tow.

Beerus had never been so glad to see him.

"We were wondering – why has no one ever noticed that you and I aren't linked?"

"Simple – kais are not monitored like destroyers are." Beerus motioned to Whis. "They have us under direct surveillance at all times – not that I'm not glad to have Whis around, but it is a constant reminder. As long as they know I'm linked to a kai, they probably wouldn't check on you. A kai will grow old and die eventually, so linking makes no difference. It's all just a way to control the destroyer, the mortal given immortality."

"But if you – I mean, if a well-behaved destroyer – links to new kais all the time, what is the purpose?"

Beerus laughed. "I am well-behaved. Most of the time. That's why I'm still here, sitting with kais 15 generations apart. But if someone were to decide I was no longer fit to do my job, it would be as easy as killing you."

Both Shin and Kibito were shocked by his words.

"Not that it's all that easy to kill a Supreme Kai, but it's far easier than trying to kill me directly. But it doesn't have to be someone else – it could be you." Beerus looked at Shin, thinking he'd never do it. "There's a story I heard when I was a young destroyer. It said that the Seventeenth Universe once had a rogue destroyer who listened to no one. Some say that their actions were part of the reason Grand Zeno decided to whittle the numbers down. Anyway, in the end the Supreme Kai – yes, there was only one back then too – committed suicide to stop the destroyer. That is the value of the life-link."

"And you've essentially been stopping us from doing that for however many millions of years?" Shin asked.

"Hey now, did you ever consider it? Am I that bad at my job?"

"N-no," Shin said. "But, what if I had? It wouldn't have worked and all would have been in vain!"

"Not really. I probably would have been investigated and found out, and I would have been erased. Same conclusion, just not instant." Beerus motioned for Shin to come closer. "We're linking now. No more questions until my life is safe in your hands."

Shin thought those were strange words, but he supposed it was better than leaving his life in Goku's hands.

"Do you remember how, my lord?" Whis asked.

"Of course I do." He paused. "Maybe you could remind me of the words…"

Whis ran them both through it, and Beerus yelled at Goku to stop watching and he would triple the training time. The deities sat there facing each other, Beerus's hand over Shin's heart, and Shin's hand over Beerus's heart.

Together they recited the words in the divine language. "I, Beerus, take this Supreme Kai's life in my heart, to have and to hold from this day forward, until death do us part."

A light travelled down their arms, from heart to heart, like they could see their life energy passing between them. Shin only pulled away once Beerus had, but Beerus grabbed at him again seconds later. This time they both felt that spark between them – the presence of the life-link!

"Oh thanks the gods." Beerus sighed in relief.

Shin curiously ran his hand over Beerus's. "How fascinating."

"Alright, enough touching." Beerus yanked his hand away. "We're linked until you die. I certainly don't plan on being responsible for your death, and I expect the same from you. No more heroics trying to beat beings way above your level like Buu, alright?"

"O-of course, Lord Beerus."

"I mean it! You went after that bastard like a fool even when you thought we were linked!"

Shin looked away, unable to defend himself. It hadn't been something he'd been thinking about at the time – the life-link had always been a footnote in the job description and he never really thought about it. The last thing he needed anxiety about was whether he'd die suddenly because of it – not that he thought Beerus was someone who would let that happen. Still, now he'd felt it, he didn't think he'd forget it so easily next time he had an outlandish idea.

"Alright, Whis, you can take Goku home now. Don't tell him anything, I think he's still in the dark about exactly what's go on."

"Hey, what about training?" Goku asked when Whis patted him on the shoulder.

"We'll pick you up another time. Don't worry, I won't forget about it." Beerus waved them off.

"You're keeping that link?" Shin asked.

"You missed the bit where we discussed that. Now I've got you, having Goku as an extra doesn't matter. I know from past experience that if he dies it won't kill me. And by leaving this old fart to walk around free no one will think my multiple links are strange."

"Then I still don't understand why you wouldn't take advantage of multiple links."

"I know it's hard to understand that I can be selfless, but it's true." Beerus paused to see if the penny had dropped. "My life was secure in a sword, so I didn't need to link with any current kais. Linking with them only increased the chances of a godless universe. Unlike me, you kais can only link to a single destroyer. If I die, you all die. By only linking to the one in the sword, I was able to make sure you all lived. And, as the one that refused to set up the links, if everything was found out I would be painted as the villain, and I'd already be dead."

"Seems unnecessary when you've managed to survive this long."

Beerus shrugged. "It's the thought that counts. It's not like I haven't had a few close shaves in my time. I'm sure there are a few kais who'd thank me for not linking with them."

"Well, I would like to thank you for linking with me," Shin said. "I'd much rather we were doing everything by the books. And I'm enjoying the novelty." He poked Beerus's arm, feeling the connection once more.

Beerus grabbed his hand. "Seeing as you like touching me so much, you might as well take me home while you're at it. I don't fancy hanging around here until Whis gets back."

Secretly Beerus was also enjoying the feeling of being linked again. After such a stressful afternoon he wondered how he'd spent so many years not checking up on the sword to make sure everything still felt the same. Before that how had he let his links walk around unsupervised without worrying every minute of every day? Truly he would like to take Shin home and keep him somewhere safe.

When they appeared outside his castle he had to bite his tongue so he didn't say something strange about wanting to protect the kai, or telling him to get in touch if he needed help. He had a feeling it would be a while before he enjoyed another decade-long nap without a care in the world.

A/N: Alternate timeline plot hole: in Future Trunks' timeline the Z sword is turned to stone by Dabura and smashed, killing Old Kai. But you see, in the future timeline we never actually see Beerus, only Shin. So, in this fic's canon, Zamasu killing Shin would kill a new destroyer, and Beerus would have died when the sword was destroyed. We know Trunks doesn't know about Beerus because he doesn't recognise him when he comes to the present. Checkmate.

Seriously though, I tried hard to fill in all the plot holes and if you can think of any I haven't addressed would love to try and fill them in with some crazy mental gymnastics. It was very tempting to just write an essay about this 'what if' idea.