*starts after the end of season 3

Without you

She woke up with a startle. Shooting upwards to a seated position and looking around while breathing heavily.

"I haven't been able to sleep ether" the comforting calm voice came from outside the little glass door of the transparent quarantine area inside her white new room. She got up with a sign and sat on the edge of the bed, facing the only person in the world that she wanted to speak to right now.

"I keep thinking Lincoln is gonna come see me, enter my room with his crooked smile and offer me a snack or something". The tears came back, and the same dreadful feeling of something stuck so hard in the base of her throat she couldn't breathe. She took a small shaky gulp of air "And every time I wake up- I remember it all over again."

Now the tears were streaming done her face and she couldn't stop it, she didn't really understood how are there still any more liquids left in her body to cry like that. She was so drained she felt like a dry rug. A really stupid, sad and ashamed peace of a leftover.

Coulson remained quite and she was really thankful for that. She didn't get to fun out about that night yet. Not that everyone weren't trying to get her to talk about it. Every single one of them, with their own genuine try. She just couldn't. She couldn't talk about what happened. About him. About what she did.

She took another shallow breath and wiped the tears angrily. She felt so weak all of a sudden. So small. She felt weak all the time lately. Simmons said her vaitals were starting to get better, but she still felt as if her whole body wasn't connected well. Like a paper figure that's been expected to act as a marionette. She wasn't whole anymore.

"I just can't believe he's not coming back" She whispered to Coulson's direction, not making eye contact. Almost like telling a shameful secret. The secret of her guilt. For it was her fault he went after Hive himself. Right after she told him what the plan was and how to execute everything, thinking that she was making her peace with it all. After she betrayed them all and tolled that devil every single detail that she ever knew. He switched seats with her. That stupid hero… He knew she was going to die because she had the golden cross necklace and yet… "He shouldn't have sacrifisheced himself". Her voice was nothing more than a breath.

"We were all there, trying to prevent Hive from causing a cataclysm." Colson had to intervene this time. He watched her closely, nothing escaping his notice. He saw how much anger hid under her shallow breathing. He saw her lost eyes and it broke his heart to see her like that. To know that maybe something now was broken inside of her that he couldn't fix. He knew the path of shame and guilt himself, and what it does to a person. But like hell he will let her go through it herself.

"Someone had to go there and make sure that it's taking Hive away for good". He continued firmly. It was important for him to explain so she won't have that look on her face again. The look she had on the plane, and ever since they got back. The look he sees every time he himself stears in the mirror.

"It should have been me" She said. But her shoulders droped in defeat. She was so pale. He was worried that just from this talk she lost all the color she gained to her cheeks the past few days. He was worried about her backing down too. It wasn't like her to not insist even further. Get her point threw until he agreed with some things she said. But he couldn't agree, and she didn't push. And that was the thing that worried him the most. That she was so hopeless she didn't even have the need to say things out loud.

But he saw her stew. He saw her getting more closed up every day. Avoiding everyone. Pretending that she was asleep all the time. He dreaded the things that went inside her mind. Her plans for the future…

He just sat there and watched her us she silently laid down again as if she was overwhelmed with the conversation.

The tears came again he noticed, And also a few fresh bruises on her hands and arms. He wondered if she's having trouble controlling her powers again. He wished she would have talk to him about that. Or maybe she… Well, it was a too frightening thought to consider and he didn't want to go down that train of thoughts.

She will be OK. She was the most resilient, brave, bright young woman he had ever known and he believed that she could survive this.

The question was- at what cost?

Welllllll... What did you think? I would lovvvve to read your reviews!