"The Zen of Jen"

A Star Trek Lower Decks Fanfiction

Friday night on the Cerritos packed the officer's lounge to capacity, some in celebration of the weekend, others taking advantage of the half-replicator rations off special on buffalo wings and synthale pitchers. Loving anything that didn't tax her replicator credits or involved copious amounts meat, Ensign Beckett Marriner sought her usual clique for the Friday Night Wing-Off.

Tendi and Rutherford were crawling through the Jeffries Tubes again. "Ugh... diagnostics." She said, her fingers making air quotes. "No wonder the whole crew kept talking about those two."

Next she sought Boimler, but he too was busy. "Great." He groused. "He's off on his next round of ass-kissery. Like, noooooobody takes a navigational exam on a friday night."

Without her usual companions, Beckett looked for alternatives, and to her surprise Ensign Jennifer sh'Reyan was available. She reasoned, "Why not? She might have been a huge bitch before, but we're cool now. Let's see if she likes the taste of burnt bird meat in tangy sauce that doesn't taste like buffalo."

Unexpectedly, Jennifer was down for wing night.

Hours later, in their own corner of the officer's lounge, the discarded, strewn remains of their gluttony heaped in stripped piles on multiple plates, the two officer celebrating the decimation of the literal equivalent of a well-marinaded flock.

"I have to admit," Marriner clinked her glass together with her new friend, "once I got to know you, turns out you're totally awesome. We should do this more often. Like, every wing night. You and me. Mix it up with some teriyaki wings instead."

Though more relaxed and reserved than her excitable human companion, Jen delivered the banter as well as she received it. "We need to hit calamari night. Back home, not a lot of chickens. But definitely lots of seafood."

"And where was that? Was that like... Earth, and you're an Earth born Andorian? Or are you like an... Andorian Andorian?"

Jen took Marriner's question in stride, though her eyes rolled. "Andorian Andorian, like from the home moon, Andoria. Ugh, I get that question so much."

"Oh, yeah, of course! Sorry!" Marriner backpedaled, until even she saw herself digging a deeper hole, leading to speaking with more alarm. "It's just, you know, you have a human first name and you speak with a human accent and you do human things like yoga and chicken wings and I always had this image of Andorians as big, tough warriors kicking Klingons in their four balls and standing over tundra bears they've slain themselves with a ushaan-tor. You know, badass Andorian stuff."

Were it a few weeks ago, when the rivalry between the two was at its height, Jen wouldn't have tolerated Marriner's ramblings, interpreting them as insults and slights. As she got to know the human officer, she found it was all something else. A front of superiority, of knowing it all, but at her core she was awkward, she was bumbling, she was overconfident, but she was also a lot of fun. And she was genuinely curious, even if her curiousity brought offence from time to time.

Jen let it slide like water off a redbat's back.

"Yeah, I get that a lot. Andorian shen with a human name, right?" She laughed, lighthearted and self-depreciating. "But yeah, totally Andorian. I've never kicked a Klingon in the balls, but I've killed a tundra bear with a ushaan-tor."

"Whoa, seriously?" Marriner almost spat out her beer.

"Yeah, it was part of my coming-of-age ceremony." Jen sighed. "It was totally gross. Still, Andorian cred, am I right?"

"Just badass cred in general. Those things are mean." Marrier clinked their glasses again and took a long quaff. When she finished, she asked, "But seriously, how'd you get a human name? Did you get it from some pinkskin friend of the family who like saved your clan or something?"

Jen giggled. "Where do you come up with this stuff? Anyways, no, that was totally not it."

"Ok, was there a famous Andorian with a coincidentally similar name?"

"Nope?"

"Turned your name into something more human to better assimilate into Starfleet culture?"

"Gods no!"

"Earned it in an honor duel with a human?"

"Nooooooo..." She took a long drink to pause the barrage of half-baked theories. "If you must know my parent's shelthreth all voted on it."

Marriner paused to let her jaw drop. "Yeah, that's what all parents do. They decide on a name. But why did they pick Jennifer?"

"If you must know..." Jennifer took a deep breath and exhaled, exasperated. "...it was because it was popular."

"What?!" Marriner exclaimed, "How is that popular? Even my people haven't used that name since like... the 21st century, and even then it was only because every second woman was named either Jennifer, Britney, or Karen. Trust me, there's a reason why Karens are so rare these days. Ugh!"

Jen explained, "It was trendy at the time. You know that old holoprogram, Starfleet Confidential?"

"Oh yeah! Wasn't that the one with the human security ensign who was raised by Andorians?"

Jen sighed. "Yeah, that's the one. And take a guess what her name was?"

"Ummm... Jennifer?"

"Jennifer. She was huge back home, and that was before everyone thought she was the most offensive portrayal of a Human Andorian wannabe in holoprogramming history, but back then my parents really loved the show. So they named me after her."

"Whoa, that's heavy." Marriner said, in sympathy.

"Yup... a popular name one year becomes the most common name for strippers in eighteen year's time. So now I got that hanging over me. Not to mention everyone asking why I have a human name. I mean, do they do the same thing for every Andorian named Julian or Bashir? There's tonnes of them after he found the cure for Andorian impotence and infertility."

"Big ups for Julian Bashir!" Marriner clinked the glasses again. "No pun intended. But yeah, I totally get it. Weird names seem like a good idea for parents at the time and they treat it like it's some kind of vanity project to give their kids weird names, but all it does is get your ass kicked in the schoolyard."

"I know, right? They kept calling me pinkskin and throwing me into snow drifts. It sucked!"

Marriner looked shocked. "Ohhhh... no they didn't! They called you pinkskin? That's our word! They can't use our word! I mean, you can use our word when describing others using our word, but nobody can use our word to put down another person, not even as a joke. What were they thinking? Here, I want names, addresses, next leave of absence we're going to Andoria for some righteous vengeance."

Jen couldn't help but laugh, which perplexed Marriner further, until Jen explained, "I already took care of it. That's why I can put up with so much."

"What, because you learned to let it go?"

"No, because I know I'm strong enough to do something about it! I kicked them all in the balls, the pouch, the ovipositor, if there was a vulnerable sex organ I kicked it. And I stood over a pile of my vanquished playground bullies and laughed. And when you've proven yourself so many times, you just feel the need to prove yourself less and less, until you don't have to do it at all."

"Really? Damn, shen! That's why you were so cool with me. Way to go!"

"Well, even you tested my limits, especially when you used my full name while you were ranting at your boyfriend Boimler."

"Whoa, no! He's a pet, remember?"

"Besides, it's also why I shortened it to Jen. More ambiguous that way." Jen shrugged. "Seems to work."

Marriner leaned back, casual and relaxed. "That's why I like you. You're badass. And you remind me of me. I mean, I got a lot of flack in my school about my name." Her voice deepened in imitation. "What's a Beckett? Who names their kid Beckett? Isn't that a last name?"

"So what did you do?"

"Same thing you did. Balls, pouches, and ovipositors."

*CLINK!*

Marriner continued, "But it really bugs me, you know? I mean, as adults we're beyond names."

Jen replied, "Yeah, but kids don't have that understanding. I mean, a name should reflect something, like an honored ancestor, or have meaning, or reflect your hopes and dreams for the child. It shouldn't be treated like a vanity registration on a shuttlecraft! After all, they only have to pick the name. The kids are the ones that have to live with it."

"Here here!"

"And people like us, we get grief for weird names, but you know what? We're badass enough to own it!"

"Here here!" Marriner raised her glass. "That's real zen, Jen!"

The lounge doors parted way for Ensign Barnes' arrival. She looked over the room, lighting up with recognition when she found a group of her friends, making a quick and joyous path to her clique.

"Speaking of people with funny names." Marriner pointed out Barnes in the crowd. "You won't believe what I saw Ensign Barnes do with YOU when that crazy drill instructor put me through the Naked Now simulator."

"Really?" Jen laughed. "Funny you mention it because when I took that test Ensign Barnes was doing some crazy stuff with YOU."

"Ugh! The computer's profiling of us is like super creepy." Marriner grimaced. "At least you didn't have to see Boimler's butthole."

"Yeah... I had to see Boimler's butthole too." Jen made a sour face, then shrugged. "But credit where it's due. He's flexible."

"Ugh... stop before I have to order more synthales." Marriner drained the rest of her mug. "Only replace the synth with real and add Romulan to that ale."

"You and me both! And we're gonna need more wings!"

*CLINK!*