Brothers in Arms
"I took the chain between the tips of my fingers, lifted it to the light. Each delicate link sparkled in the sun. It would have been lovely on anyone's wrist. It would have been precious, with or without me. But it was everything I wanted, because I chose it to be mine."
― Nina LaCour, Watch Over Me
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The drive became agonizingly silent as Dean left Lisa's house behind the rearview mirror.
He almost knocked her door, but when he really thought about it, he couldn't dare ruining more innocent lives. His brother was gone, for God's sake, and he was pretending to play having the perfect family he lost not even two days ago.
Sammy was in the pit with Lucifer and Michael, and he was never coming back. The rings, still attached to one another, were a dead weight on his pocket. He had intended to give them away to Bobby; however, they had been the last thing Sam touched before vanishing in front of his own two eyes.
Maybe he could find a way to open the cage and save Sam. They could still be useful.
Bobby called him several times over the next few days after finding out he didn't keep his promise. He never picked up the phone. Not even when he asked him for help during a hunt. The old man could save himself. Dean was sure he would survive. Two days passed, and he listened to the voicemail he had left him. Rufus had gone there to save the day. The older hunter wanted him to go to his place and stay there for a while. Even though it was tempting, he refused to do so.
As long as his brother was still suffering in the depths of hell, he would never have the chance to have an apple pie life with good company and cold beers in the late afternoon.
There was peace in the world once again. There was no more apocalypse to fight against, or any little brother to look after, in case he needed help to keep fighting. Sam was dead.
Castiel did not show up to see him again since the day Sam saved the lives of the ungrateful people that did not know the Winchester brothers existed. They should have let them all die. He and his brother were hunters, but they were humans, too. They deserved to be happy, becoming two grumpy old men, arguing over everything they talked about as time went by. It was not fair.
No other human would have made that sacrifice. They were selfish and filled with sin. He was one of them, but was bold enough to know what being a hero was really like.
Maybe Castiel was trying to find his damn father, or was killed by another angel after becoming the new sheriff in town. Dean should at least be trying to reach him. A past version of him had looked for the angel's support when things were messed up with Sammy. Instead of following what is called 'common sense', Dean chose to avoid everything and everyone he ever cared for. He drew the line there, and was not crossing over it any time soon.
His teary eyes were fixed on the opposite wall of the motel room as he remembered the good old days that now, were nothing but a bittersweet memory. Words he wished he could take back, or hugs that meant the world to him.
Sammy once promised him that he would stick around to be a pain in the ass little brother, so he didn't lose his mind. Well, fuck that. Things had changed. Now he was feeling pity for his own face every time the mirror reflected his image, crying alone in a grieve themed party that never ended.
He didn't think about that too often. It hurt to remember the look on Sam's face when he said he didn't trust his own brother. He should have known that Sam was the one that would eventually save the world.
The worst thing was that he could never say a proper goodbye to his brother. There was no room for last words at the time, or maybe he didn't want to say them. Grieving a person who was alive was not his thing.
In the mornings, he stayed awake in bed, waiting for Sam to come back from his morning run with some coffee and donuts. He never came, no matter how long he was lying in that uncomfortable mattress. The sun went down every day as if he were still alive, but Sam was not there to snap him out of the nightmare he was living.
Starving himself was not a part of the plan, being the only thing that would get him out of bed most times. Some days were bad, and some others were worse than hell itself.
A whole month had passed since the day Sammy left him. Dean was secretly hoping to find a big bad monster or angel coming towards the crappy motel room he was staying in, seeking for revenge. More than that, he imagined himself being killed, not fighting the damn thing when it broke his neck or stabbed him in the heart. A bad drawn smile crossed his face as he thought of the moment he would be in heaven, or a place far away from this Earth. Hell was an option, too.
Earth became a little scarier now. Dean was not afraid of dying. He had never been more careless about rippers and their job. He was afraid of living alone. He had nothing and no one to care for. Not really.
Every single song he listened to reminded him how bad he wanted to hear Sammy telling him to turn down the volume. Every picture he stared at, trying to remember the way Sammy smiled, brought him to his knees.
Dean didn't know how much time had passed. One day, he decided to check out of the motel room that had been his home for a while, and hit the road with no destination planned. He was running from himself. The place where he would arrive at would be good enough, as long as he kept moving. Ghosts seemed to catch up to him faster than he could drive his beloved Impala.
Another meaningless night came around as he tried to sleep in the backseat of the car, when he heard a familiar voice calling his name.
Was it another weird dream of Sam? He had had dreams about him, but nothing like this one. It felt too real. Too comforting to be true.
Opening his eyes, he found himself staring at the figure of his younger brother sitting in the passenger's seat. He looked a little different from the last time he saw him. His hair was shorter and his smile was genuine. The thought of the better times when they actually enjoyed being brothers was depressing, but he was there. Why was he even bitching about it?
"Sammy?" asked the elder hunter, clearly trying to figure out what was going on. He had not spoken in a while, so it was weird to hear himself again, other than the irritant inner voice that haunted him every minute of the day. It almost felt like he was four years old again, when his dad did not push him to say anything if he was not ready to do so. He could only whisper lullabies to his baby brother whenever he would start crying, trying to comfort him.
John didn't hear him speak for weeks, but Sammy always did, even if he was a baby that did not know what was going on.
"Yeah, Dean. I am here. Go to bed, dude. You look like crap", Sam replied as if nothing had happened.
Dean mumbled something and closed his eyes once more. He was exhausted. That night he slept for six hours straight.
From the moment Sam appeared, he never left his side again. Every morning, he was there, doing some research using his laptop; or was sitting in front of him in a restaurant when he ordered a burger and a salad that was never eaten after paying for it.
"You know this is not real, right? I am dead, Dean. You are losing your mind" Sam said with a concerned look on his face.
"I think I know it. I'm not sure yet. Sorry, Sammy. I can't- I can't do this alone. You are here now, and we are hunting monsters again, man. That's the life we were meant to live" Dean responded as he looked at the road ahead of him.
"You promised me something, though" Sam objected, looking at the rings sitting in between their bodies.
Dean fell silent for a moment. He knew he had promised something impossible. Living a normal life, with a normal job and boring nights watching TV with Lisa and Ben by his side. Growing old with a family that didn't deserve him.
"I would have never made it, anyways. It is just you and me against the world, little brother. You know it's always been like that. You're not getting rid of me that easily", Dean said with a cocky smile on his face, while eyeing the empty seat of the Impala beside him.
Sam was back, and that was all that mattered. He was home.
Author's note: Hey guys. I have been thinking if I should share this story for a while now.
If you have minute, please make sure to leave a review. I would really appreciate it!
KW.-