A/N

Most of the story is already written and I plan to update twice a week. Chapter sizes will vary a bit because I divide them by story beats more so than size.
Addiction is a major theme in this story, and while I do not personally struggle with addiction, I have many people very close to me who do. As such, this is drawn largely from real experience and I aim to present this issue with authenticity and care. I always imagined with Remus' struggles with physical pain, trauma, and systemic discrimination that he would be particularly susceptible to these sorts of issues. I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback on the matter!

Remus Lupin had experienced two great loves in his life, and both of them began with a kiss from Sirius Black.

The first was when he was 16. The summer before their final year at Hogwarts Sirius came to stay at Remus' home in lieu of a joining the Potters on their visit to James' Grandfather's estate. Of course, Sirius had been more than welcome to come, as the Potter's had repeatedly insisted. He knew they meant it too, but when Remus extended his alternative offer Sirius couldn't bring himself to pass up the opportunity. He was not at all influenced by the knowledge that Peter was spending the summer abroad with his family and thus had surely turned down the invitation just as James had been forced to do, meaning it would be just Remus and Sirius alone. Alone for a whole week before the two of them both returned to James' for the rest of the summer.

Remus, of course, most certainly did not pick these exact dates specifically for this reason. He just wanted to see his friends. All his friends, equally. So, maybe he hadn't been harboring a massive crush on James and Peter since he was 15, but since Sirius would never go for someone like him anyway it hardly mattered. In fact, Remus wasn't even totally sure Sirius went for boys at all. He'd only had the one girlfriend as far as Remus knew, and a few minor dalliances with some others. He was a massive flirt with damn near everyone, but that didn't necessarily mean much. It didn't matter. They all knew perfectly well that Remus was gay and Sirius had never shown an ounce of interest regardless, so it clearly wasn't an option. No, this was just a nice week between two close friends.

Remus sat anxiously watching the fireplace, awaiting his guest. His father popped his head around the wall from the kitchen, a little flour on his forehead. Lyall Lupin looked ever the picture of the gruff, working class Northerner, even as he asked his son if he thought his friend would prefer the purple or the red buttercream frosting on his cupcakes. Remus hadn't the time to respond before the fireplace lit up with brilliant green flames. He shot up onto his feet, turning around and rifling quickly through the bookshelf to his left, as if he had been merely going about his day and not counting every second past midday that Sirius had been late. He didn't catch his fathers' smirk as he ducked back into the kitchen, leaving the boys alone for their reunion.

The flames died down and Sirius stepped out, brushing soot from his clothes. It seems he'd been able to update his wardrobe since moving in with the Potter's. He wore ripped black jeans and a studded leather jacket, curly dark hair flowing down below his shoulders. Remus looked down at his own ripped jeans, which had gotten to be in such a state through time and wear. Somehow the look didn't feel as chic on him as it was on Sirius. Not that Sirius seemed to notice as he dumped his bag on the floor and walked excitedly over to Remus, pulling him into a bear hug.

"Mate, you have no idea how good it is to see you. You know I love James like a brother but turns out living together without you or Peter means I have to listen to about 3 times as much heartsick pining over Lily. Driving me bloody mental."

Sirius pulled out of the hug and stepped back, surveying his surroundings. Remus shuffled nervously. It was only a small house. More of a cottage really. It was all the space they needed for him and his father, but none of his friends had ever seen it before. It was run down, in need of some repairs. Not the kind of home any of them would have ever lived in themselves. Sirius, however, seemed delighted by it. The smell of cupcakes filled the air. Summer sunshine streamed in through the windows. There was love in this place.

"Moony, your place is brilliant!" Sirius declared loudly. Remus shushed him immediately.

"I told you not to call me Moony here," he whispered urgently. "Dad doesn't know anyone knows about me." Sirius looked sheepish.

"Right, right. I'll keep my big mouth zipped for once hey?" He motioned zipping his lips with a wink. Remus just smiled nervously in response.

"Let me show you around," Remus said, grabbing Sirius's wrist and dragging him towards the kitchen, pointing at things as they walked. "This is the living room, obviously, dining table just there. Backyard through that door. And here's the kitchen," he declared as they rounded the corner.

Lyall turned around from his half-frosted cupcakes. He grabbed a mug off the bench and took a long sip, looking at Sirius. He felt oddly scrutinized as Lyall stared him down, face impassive. After a moment, Lyall extended a calloused hand. Sirius went to offer his own hand before realizing Remus still had a firm grasp on his wrist. Remus quickly let go. He stared anxiously as Sirius extended a hand to his father. Sirius responded to Lyall's firm grip with one of his own, meeting his gaze steadily. If there's one thing Black's know, it's power dynamics. Sirius felt a genuine desire to impress this man, though he couldn't say exactly why. After a moment Lyall seemed satisfied and let the handshake go, turning back to his cupcakes.

"Good to finally meet you son. Been wonderin' when Rey would finally bring one of you lads round."

Sirius shot a look at Remus and mouthed the 'Rey?' Remus rolled his eyes and shook his head. He never liked that nickname. Sirius turned back to Lyall as he finished speaking.

"It's great to be here sir. Thank you for inviting me to your home."

Lyall spun back around at the sound of Sirius' accent.

"Bloody hell, I've been out in the country so long now I forgot it was possible to sound that posh." Sirius blushed. "No offense lad don't mean to make you self-conscious. No need to be putting on airs here though, let's cut that 'sir' shite right out. Lyall's fine."

Remus smirked as Sirius let out a gruff sounding grunt of acknowledgment. He grabbed Sirius' wrist again and dragged him back out of the kitchen, his dad reminding them that cupcakes would be ready in 15 minutes as they left. Remus dragged them both to his room, where his father had transfigured a muggle blow up mattress into a decently comfortable second bed. He grabbed Sirius' bag from the living room as they had passed and dumped it on the spare bed. Remus closed the door and sat on his own bed, watching as Sirius immediately started rummaging through his cupboards and draws.

"So, Rey-"

"Fuck sake you are not calling me that-"

"what the hell is this?" Sirius asked as he pulled a cassette deck out of Remus' cupboard.

"Oh, you'll love this. Hand it over," Remus said, already standing up and swiping it out of Sirius' hand. Remus sat back down on his bed, Sirius sitting beside him. Remus rummaged through the draw of his bedside table and pulled out a series of labelled cassette tapes. It took him a few moments, but he found the one he was looking for and inserted it into the player. Sirius moved in closer, eyes alight as the sound of Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side drifted from the machine. Remus flushed, feeling Sirius pressed against his side.

"Music! Brilliant! How does it work?"

"It's a muggle device, called a cassette player. You can get cassette tapes, just like getting vinyl records. I've never seen another wizard with one though. I only got it last year as Christmas gift."

"Oh, you know I love muggle records. I've been listening to that one you got me for my birthday last year pretty much non-stop."

"The Ramones album? Yeah, I thought you'd like that," Remus said with a hint of pride. "These aren't like proper albums though; those are too expensive. This thing does something a record player can't. Take a look."

Remus stopped the music and replaced the tape with another, unlabelled one. He turned on the wireless, also sat on his bedside table. He knew Sirius listened to muggle radio pretty often. Wizard radio always seemed to be at least a few years behind muggle trends, and never as exciting when they finally caught up. Remus lined everything up as the radio DJ finished making some quip or another. Remus pressed record as the sound of Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac filled the room. The two boys leaned into one another; eyes closed as they took it in.

Music was something the two of them shared. James and Peter had just never had the same interest, especially not in the muggle stuff. The muggle wireless didn't work out at Hogwarts (Remus had brought his first year and been bitterly disappointed) but in sixth year Sirius had brought his brand-new record player and a selection of records with him to school. From that moment on there was almost always music playing in the dorm. They would sit and listen for hours, even after James and Peter had gotten bored and left. Remus left Sirius with a list of records and bands to look into as they parted for the Christmas break. Sirius had come back with every single record on the list, and then some.

As the song finished up, Remus stopped the recording and turned off the radio. Sirius watched curiously as he rewound the tape. Remus pressed play and Sirius gasped as Go Your Own Way played again from the start, though slightly grainier sounding.

"It records. You can wait until they play whatever songs you're looking for on the radio and record it all onto a mix tape. I've made loads of them. Here…" Remus ejected the tape and grabbed a marker. He scribbled something on the front of the tape before handing it to Sirius.

Sirius looked curiously down at the tape and felt his chest flutter as he read Remus' tidy scrawl; 'R+S Summer of 77'

"You can fill it up with whatever songs you like over the next week."

"Oh."

"Oh? I- maybe it's stupid, I know you can just buy records, but you love this muggle stuff so I thought-"

"No, Remi, I think it's amazing. You're amazing."

They both stared for a few moments, suddenly acutely aware of how close they were. Not that it mattered. They were always close. Sirius was a pretty touchy-feely guy, so it was hard to avoid. But this was the first time they'd been so close alone in Remus' bedroom. On his bed, in his home. The moment was cut short as they heard the sound of Lyall's voice, signalling the cupcakes were ready. Both boys bolted upright, heading right for the door.