Summary: Uhura is there to comfort Spock after his ordeal in The Apple.
I'll reach out my hand to you
I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there
~I'll Be There - by The Jackson 5~
I'll Be There
"Mr. Spock," Uhura said to gain his attention. She touched Spock's shoulder briefly before she sat opposite him at the back corner table of the main rec room. It was the table they often shared during evening mealtime and it was the closest table to the area where they often practice their harps. Spock was sitting with his back facing the rest of the room which was a sure sign that something was bothering him. Uhura was beginning to understand the subtle body language of their resident Vulcan. Uhura placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her closed fists.
"So?" she said, looking at Spock.
"So?" He inquired.
"So. What are you doing back here brooding instead of attending the memorial services?"
"Lieutenant, first off; I was not brooding and second I see no need for me to attend a memorial service."
"You don't see a need? Just what makes you exempt?"
"I did not say I was exempt. I am merely stating a fact. I was not acquainted with the deceased other than professionally. I believe the memorial is a time set aside for their friends to grieve for them. I would be out of place."
"True, it is a time for their friends and colleagues to mourn them. But it is also an occasion for us to celebrate the things we will miss and appreciate about them. And the Captain is there."
"So?" Spock said, repeating her previous word.
"So, he's your friend," she said, pointed out as if he were daft. "He's taking the deaths of Mallory, Hendorff, Marple, and Kaplan pretty hard. It is traditional for friends to be there for one another in their times of trouble."
"Lieutenant, are you suggesting that I should attend the memorial services, not to mourn the victims but to 'be there' for the captain?"
She rolled her eyes heavenward. "Yes, mister Spock. It's called moral support. The Captain needs a friend right now. He needs you. You know the captain takes every death personally, and he just lost four crewmen for no logical reason. He's bound to feel guilty over it all."
"Guilt is illogical," Spock said. "The captain did everything in his power to protect the crew. He followed Starfleet protocols and acted in the only logical way afforded to him. Starfleet ordered us to investigate the planet. He was doing his duty."
"Orders? Duty? Who cares why he did what he did? In the captain's mind, four men are dead because of him and he can't just logically deal with it, Mister Spock."
"The captain has lost crewmen before and he has dealt with it."
"Ugh!" She threw up her hands. "Spock, be that as it may, he feels guilty and is probably beating himself up about this. Surely you can understand how he feels, Vulcan or not? You yourself have had missions where you did everything you could, followed every logical course of action, and still lost crewmen. It hurts to be so wrong, doesn't it? You question yourself, your judgment, your logic. Spock whether or not you understand what I am saying, Jim's your friend and now I'm ordering you to go stand by him."
"Indeed? I was not aware you had been promoted, Captain Uhura."
"Don't get smart with me, Mister. I'm ordering you as a friend. And I am your friend, Spock." She places her hand atop his which was resting on the table. "I know you care for the Captain, so why are you here brooding?"
Spock slid his hand away from hers. "I am not brooding."
"Then what are you so dutifully thinking about?"
Spock studied her earnest face for a moment and then he asked, "Lieutenant, do you see me as a negative influence?"
"What?" she asked with a surprised laugh.
"Do you view me as a negative influence, or perhaps as demonic?"
"Spock are you serious? Never mind, of course you are. Why are you thinking about that now?"
"On the planet, we made the conscious decision to contaminate the people of Gamma Trianguli VI. We introduced them to the notion of good and evil, when before they lived idyllic lives. Because of the Enterprise, the people of Vaal learned to kill. Their benevolent benefactor was destroyed, forcing them to fend for themselves for the first time in their lives. We essentially forced them out of paradise."
"So you think the captain made the wrong decisions? If he hadn't destroyed Vaal, we would have been pulled into the planet's atmosphere and burned upon entry. More dead crewmen for the captain to feel guilty about?"
"But we violated the prime directive of non-interference."
"To use one of Dr. McCoy's phrases, poppycock! Non-interference doesn't mean let people die. It doesn't mean sacrifice lives for the sake of a directive. That way lies destruction and true evil. Mr. Spock, do you truly believe it was logical to let a small village of people continue to be slaves to a machine indefinitely? And also in doing so, allow the Enterprise to burn up? All in order to preserve the prime directive? A directive I believe is intended to prevent outsiders from interfering with the normal evolution of society. Not let it rot in stagnation. Could you have really lived with such a decision?"
"Logic is not determined by what one can live with," Spock informed her.
"Well, it should be. If your precious logic forces you to commit an act that you can't live with, I would hope that it makes you think twice about doing it."
Spock was silent while he contemplated that.
"Mr. Spock, what's really bothering you? We've had to make life and death decisions before. We've skated the edges of the prime directive before. You've personally broken the rules to save captain Pike's life, so I don't believe you are bothered by what we did down there."
"McCoy and the Captain insinuated that I resemble the devil," Spock told her.
Uhura raised her brows. "The devil? What?" Uhura couldn't believe her ears.
Spock elaborated, "Satan, Old Nick, Lucifer, Beelzebub-"
"Alright, I get it, Mr. Spock," Uhura cut him off and shook her head with a grin. "Why would something like that bother you? Dr. McCoy is always teasing you about your ears. What's new about that?"
It was Spock's turn to raise a brow. "Why did you mention my ears?"
"Well, I assume he was teasing you about your ears. That's what McCoy does. We tend to think of the devil as having pointed ears or horns, although I don't know why; it's just old stories."
"I see."
"What's really wrong Spock?"
"I mentioned to Dr. McCoy and Jim that the people of Vaal were as inhabitants of Earth's Eden, and that by destroying Vaal and giving the people carnal knowledge we have essentially cast them out of paradise as in the tale of Adam and Eve."
"Oh, I see."
"McCoy intimated that I, in the guise of Satan, fit the description from the ancient tale."
"Mmm-hmm," she nodded. "So what?"
"So... I... it..."
"It bothers you to be compared to Satan? I'm surprised at you, Mr. Spock. You know the doctor was only teasing you good naturedly."
"Indeed? I also recall that you yourself have also made the comparison to my appearance and Satan."
Uhura gestured towards herself incredulously, "I did?"
"Yes, you sang and I quote:"
"On the starship Enterprise'
There's someone who's in Satan's guise,
Whose devil ears and devil eyes
Could rip your heart from you!"
Spock recited the words to the song Uhura made up to entertain the crew back when Janice was still aboard and they had a run-in with a strange boy called Charlie.
"Spock! I was only teasing you! You know that. I was just playing with words. I meant no offense. Please say you forgive me? I didn't mean any harm." Uhura pleaded. The last thing she had meant was to cause her friend any pain.
"I take no offense, Miss Uhura," Spock assured her but she didn't feel any better.
"Spock. You are not the devil. Far from it, you are a good man. A handsome man. That's why I was teasing you, actually. I'd call you a handsome devil if anything."
"You think I am handsome?" Spock asked with some surprise.
"Of course. You know you're attractive, don't you? Why do you think all the women on the ship swoon over you?"
"I was not aware of anyone swooning."
"Mr. Spock, I thought for sure your Vulcan ears and eyes would be keener than that. You've never noticed that you've got women all over the ship in love with you? Especially Nurse Chapel."
"Nurse Chapel is illogically infatuated with me, to an unhealthy degree. I could hardly fail to notice that."
"It's not illogical. She's attracted to you because you are handsome, and kind, and smart, and strong, and funny..." Uhura could go on and on naming all his positive attributes.
"That will do Lieutenant. Miss chapel is not the subject at hand."
"What is the subject at hand? Do you think the Captain blames you for what happened today? Do you think somehow you'll be cast as the role of Satan in the villagers' future myths?"
Spock did not answer, and his silence spoke volumes.
"Spock," Uhura reached out and placed her hand on top of his folded hands on the table again and squeezed them this time. "The captain doesn't blame anyone for today's tragedy except himself. He is the captain. He makes the final decision. And the men who died knew what they were signing up for. When we join the academy, we sign up for danger as well as adventure. We understand someone may have to make a judgment that will forfeit our lives. It is the nature of service and nobody knows that better than you. The last time I've seen you second guess yourself like this before, just after that incident with the quasar formation. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. So buck up, mister."
"You make dozens of command decisions a day, often life or death decisions. It is what it is. It doesn't make you The Devil. Besides, how much do you know about this devil?"
"I know that in Earth lore the devil tempted Adam and Eve with carnal knowledge and they fell from grace and were cast out of paradise."
"But what of the Devil's origin?"
"I am unfamiliar."
"The devil, also known as Son of the Morning, was a fallen angel, cast out of heaven."
"Was he?"
"Yes, he was. And if he's an angel who himself was cast out of paradise, then that means, logically, other angels, pure souls, would also be in the guise of someone with pointed ears and upturned eyes. So you see Mr. Spock if anything, based on the description I gave you earlier, handsome, smart, good, kind, strong... you're an angel.
You've always been a guardian angel to this ship and the crew. You've saved us more times than I can count. And what's more, I think only an angel would feel so much concern over freeing those people and possibly condemning them to a terrible fate. Captain Kirk might grieve the loss of his four crewmen, but you know once a mission is over it's on to the next crisis for him. But I see now that you are grieving the loss of innocence for the people of Vaal. No devil would do that."
"That is not... I am not grieving." Spock protested.
"Mr. Spock, how do Vulcans console someone who has suffered a great loss?"
"We say 'I grieve with thee'." Spock answered.
"Then, I grieve with thee, Mr. Spock. For all the times you were made to feel less than. For all the times you were made to feel like the Devil, for doing the logical thing and it hurt you. I grieve with thee."
Her hands were warm as they rested atop his, and he could feel her grief through the contact bond. "Lieutenant, I believe I will accompany you to the memorial service."
"No need. I think you've done enough memorializing for one day. How about you and I give the crew a little performance tonight to cheer everyone up? Will you play for me if I sing?"
"Certainly. It would be my honor to accompany you this evening, Miss Uhura."
"Great! I'll just go and change and meet you back here at 1700 hours."
"Why must you change?"
"I'm not going to perform in my uniform. This is a special occasion, a tribute to our fallen comrades to celebrate their lives."
"I see. I suppose I should change as well?"
"Well... It wouldn't hurt for you to get out of that uniform and let your hair down, so to speak. It might make you feel more comfortable wearing some familiar clothes from home. And it will give people a chance to see the real you, not just officer Spock."
"I understand and I will acquiesce."
"Thank you." Uhura stood, "C'mon let's go. She held out her elbow as if Spock should hook his arm with hers.
Spock normally would not walk arm and arm with anyone but for Uhura who was always there for him and offering encouraging words when he needed it, he would make an exception.
He stood and joined their arms as he accompanied her out of the rec room and into the hall that led to their quarters.
"Spock, have you ever heard the story of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer?" She asked as they walked.
"I am not familiar with that tale."
"You should look it up later," she suggested.
"Is it like your Kermit the frog?"
"Oh, of course, you remember that." She laughed. "I suppose it is similar. Kermit sang the song 'It's not easy being green'. Rudolph's famous song is about having a bright, shiny red nose. And all of the other reindeer rejected him because he was slightly different even though he was clearly one of them."
"It does have a familiar plot."
"Yes, I thought you could relate. It's a children's story that is supposed to help with bullying and being different. It has a happy ending too. I think you'll like it."
"Why don't you sing the song for me?"
"No, I think I'll let you discover this one on your own. It's not just a song, there are also books and movies based on the story. You should watch it and give me a report when you're done."
"Aye Aye Captain Uhura," Spock teased her.
"I'm sorry for being so bossy, but I simply won't have you brooding and feeling self-conscious about your appearance. You're perfect just the way you were made, Mr. Spock. I wouldn't have you any other way." She said as they arrived at her cabin door.
Spock did not know he had a bemused look on his face as he gazed at Uhura. She reminded him of his mother, who also fiercely defended him against anything or anyone who she thought stood against him. The desire to have someone like that in his life again was overwhelming. That Nyota would indeed have him anyway at all appealed to him. But he knew that was too much to hope for, so he settled for the comfort of her friendship.
"Thank you, Miss Uhura. I will meet you back here in precisely 30 of your earth minutes to escort you."
"Only 30 minutes? I better hurry then. I'll barely have enough time to put on my face."
"Your face is lovely Miss Uhura, I would not have it any other way."
"Oh, go on with you. I know my everyday face is fine, but this is a special occasion. If you're going to be all gussied up in Vulcan attire, I will need to look all the better. I'll be standing next to your handsome face." She grinned at him. "I can't let you have all the shine."
"Nyota," Spock said seriously. "Nothing and no one on this ship are comparable to you. I have never seen a star shine brighter than you."
Uhura blushed and for once was at a loss for words. "Ditto Mr. Spock. Now get going. I need to get ready, and we'll show the crew a good time and help them forget their troubles. Help them to grieve, anyway. Okay?"
"Affirmative," he said, and he released her arm and allowed her to disappear into her quarters.
Spock stood outside her door a moment longer than necessary. He didn't know why be he hesitated to leave Uhura and the quiet peace she offered him, but eventually, he turned to leave towards his own quarters.
Once inside, he went to the computer console and asked the computer for the Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer story Nyota had mentioned. He had plenty of time to spare, as he could change in only a matter of minutes. He watched the children's story unfold and it surprised him to find himself entertained by the simple story of a group of outcasts. How he empathized with the main character's plight. It mirrored his own life. Sarek was as stern and disapproving as Rudolph's father, Donner. His own peer group had singled him out for being different. They never allowed him to join in their excursions to the forge. Spock was often left alone while the other children his age joined together in play.
He wished he could have found a group of like-minded misfits to join forces with as a child. And then Spock thought, he supposed he had. His father would say there was no greater group of miscreants than Starfleet officers. The crew of the Enterprise had become a makeshift family for Spock and many others, especially the alpha bridge crew. Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy were the closest friends he had ever had and Lieutenant Uhura... She was... she was so much more than a friend.
Uhura was someone who he had come to cherish, though he still had not worked up the courage to tell her of the feelings he was developing for her. He allowed her to take liberties he would allow no one else, such as the casual touches they often shared or allowing her to serve him his meals or drinks. She didn't understand that these were acts reserved for the most intimate of acquaintances. For consorts.
Perhaps he was a devil for allowing Uhura to touch him and serve him in public view. If they were on Vulcan, his parents would demand she takes responsibility for her flagrant display. Or her parents would make his family an offer for him. They would be bonded.
Perhaps someday, Spock thought. But for today, they had a show to put on for the crew. So, precisely thirty minutes later, he arrived at Uhura's door and rang the buzzer.
He heard her call out, "I'll be right there!" and Spock fervently hoped Uhura would always be there for him, just as she always had been.
Notes:
I was searching through all the odd chapters and scenes I have written for 'Beyond Antares', and I found this old story. It follows the other hurt/comfort stories I've written where Uhura comforts Spock, like 'Spock's Brain' and 'If I Should Die Before I Wake', and the yet-to-be-written story of how Spock helped Uhura retrieve her memories after Nomad wiped them.
Spock takes a beating in 'The Apple' so I thought, of course, Uhura should be right there to help him get through it. I started this story over a year ago and at the time it was called in 'Satan's Guise'. Then I changed it to 'Handsome Devil'. But since writing it, Uhura and Spock have gone through some turmoil and are now happily married. Uhura is wearing Spock's ring. The whole story hits different for me now. All those stories are the reason why Spock chose Nyota. She's been there for him every step of the way during this journey, and she'll be by his side forever. So new title...
P.S. If you read this before Beyond Antares, then, oops sorry for the spoilers, and go read it now.