Rae Earl let out a contented sigh and relaxed into the threadbare train seat. The train from Bristol to Stamford was a little busier than normal, but for the week before Christmas it was still pretty dead. Pulling out her Walkman and headphones, Rae pressed play and was instantly transported by the sexy tones of the living legend that was Daman Alburn. She cast her mind over her first term at university. Tix would have been so proud of her, not only had she managed not to have a complete mental breakdown, but she had also made friends, like a non-crazy person.

Rae tried to shake the image of Tix sat on the toilet in the hospital out of her mind, it never did her any good. And despite what Kester said, she was not ready to face that fucked-up dark hole of her past. Today, she needed to be strong, she was on her way back to Stamford and would get to see the gang again for the first time in three months. That meant sinking pints of snakebite with Chop, Izzy, Chloe, Archie, Danny and …Finn. She still had to pinch herself that not only was she friends with the sexiest man in her hometown, Mr Finn Nelson, but she had also shagged him on a pretty regular basis until she caught him kissing Katie 'bitch face' Springer. Not that she blamed Finn for it, she'd been a pretty shitty girlfriend. She had lived in denial for a few months, trying to convince herself that she was enough for someone like Finn, but she'd always known deep down that he was way out of her league. It was easier being just friends…wasn't it?

Like the rest of the gang, Finn has kept in touch with Rae through her first semester studying English Literature. He rang her more often than she had ever expected, and he'd even written her the odd letter. Rae was pleased that he held up his end of the bargain from the leaver's ball, that they would stay good friends. She could not envisage her life without Finn in it, even if she was never to be Mrs. Nelson. Despite their regular communication, she had still not seen him in the flesh since September and her lady area went a little moist just thinking about seeing him again. Rae sighed in frustration at herself, she regularly found herself fantasising about Finn and his sex wizard moves, but all it did was make her feel like shit – she would not wallow in the fact that she would never see Finn Nelson naked again. She filed her memories safely in her wank bank and instead took out his letters from the front of her red leather diary.

'Dear Rae,

Hope you're ok and you like it in Bristol. Sorry I didn't get chance to come to the pub last Friday, I just couldn't face it. I didn't want to accept that the gang wouldn't be the same, at least Chop and Danny are still about. We've started playing darts on a Monday, I'm shit at it, but it's a good laugh. Let me know that you're alright, I worry about you mate.

Finn '

The last word of his letter had been the final nail in the coffin – 'mate'. Rae knew that Finn had moved on and that just confirmed it. Still, she was glad to get his letter and the two that followed over the next few weeks.

'Hi Rae,

I'm glad you said that you're ok and that you are enjoying your course. Bristol sounds so much cooler than Stamford, we should come down for a night out. Pete and Sian sound like a laugh too, just don't let them replace the gang! I started a new job at the garage on Green Lane on Monday, its not the best in the world, but it beats scaffolding in Leeds. Danny says hi, he's already creating some new lethal shots for when you and Arch come home for Christmas, you are coming back for the holidays aren't you?

Finn'

'Hi Rae,

Glad that you're coming home in a couple of weeks, I've really missed hanging out with you. I know it'll be weird without your mum and that, but we'll be able to have some mega parties at yours for Christmas and New Year's. Can't wait to see you, life's not the same without you.

Finn x'

Like she did when she first received Finn's last letter, Rae let her eyes hover over the kiss at the end. Did Finn miss her like she missed him? No – surely, he was just bored without someone to talk records with? Rae knew deep down that Finn was just being kind because he is a sweet guy deep down and one of the only people, besides Kester and Tix that really got her. She carefully folded the letters back up and placed them carefully in her diary. She would be pulling into Stamford station in the next few minutes, so she double checked that she had her house keys. Her mum, Karim and baby sister were still in Tunisia, so she would have the house to herself. Was that a good or a bad thing? She wasn't yet sure, but the fact that she had successfully navigated her way through living in a new city and starting university without anyone working out that she was a full-on lunatic, told Rae that somehow, she would manage a Christmas without her mother and step-father.

As she stepped onto the platform of the station, Rae instantly saw a familiar face. Holding his arms open for a hug was Archie. Her eyes welled with tears as she realised how much she had missed him, she chucked herself in for a hug.

"Hello Rae," he muffled into her hair.

"Hey Arch, grabbed yourself any more bum fun in Durham?"

"3 seconds Rae," he chuckled, "new record! God, I've missed you. I'll explain all over a pint." Archie gave her a knowing wink and took her hand as he led her out of the station.