*So I haven't written any fanfiction in about 10 years, so I am definitely very rusty. However I was inspired to write this fic after my friend wrote a DAO retelling in which Alistair takes Cailan's place in the battle of Ostagar and Cailan survives the ordeal. In her fic both Warden Brosca (my O.C.) and Warden Tabris (her O.C.) are alive. Also since I don't want to take credit for the branding thing that will be briefly mentioned here, this is where the idea for that came from post/141403777433/dragon-age-on-dwarven-tattooing?fbclid=IwAR0pke28ljfy5xCw31U8t9dPgv9ev2rLWhTRcJBeDB_QGCaFmHVuqiCtPvs
I might rewrite this when my friend posts her fic, since she hasn't gotten to Orzammar yet and things may change. I apologize in advance for how scattered this fic may feel, I just wanted to explore how Warden Brosca would feel after having to kill her friend. but without further ado, I do hope you enjoy this little snippet. *
Amber liquid spilled out as Drina slowly emptied her flask of ale on the ground as soon as she stepped out of Oghren's tent. She had been unable to sleep as of late and had taken to conversing with Oghren every night, as he tended to be up later than everyone else in the camp. Of course, usually he was drinking himself into a stupor, but his company was better than the thoughts that constantly raced in her head at night, or the nightmares that she had been recently experiencing for the first time, both blight related and otherwise. Besides, he was the only link she had to her home, as unfortunate as that was.
She quietly made her way over to the stream they had camped by, slowly undoing the dark braids that framed her face. Her hair felt crisp and stiff, still caked with the day's filth. I should probably wash my hair too. Kneeling down at the stream's edge, she thoroughly washed out her flask and filled it with fresh water. Then wetting her fingers, she combed through her hair attempting to remove as much dried blood and mud as possible.
It was not too long ago when she would have had to choose between using the fresh water she had to drink or to wash herself. Living in the slums in Orzammar, you really had to learn what to prioritize. It had gotten better once she and her sister had started working for Berhat-
Her thoughts jerked to a stop as Leske's face took over every thought. She shut her eyes tightly and clutched her hair. No no no. Stop. It wasn't your fault. Stop. Drina had stopped breathing. Realizing this, she attempted to take a deep breath, but her whole body shuddered as she inhaled and as much as she tried to stop it, she let out a strained and quiet sob.
"Drina? Are you alright?" A soft voice spoke from behind.
Drina's heart leapt to her throat. Ancestors, I didn't even realize someone was behind me. She turned to face Leliana. Despite the late hour, she looked wide awake and alert. Drina chastised herself for letting her guard down. Leiliana was quiet, but there are always ways to tell if someone is watching. Drina took another breath to try to steady her next words and tried for a small smile, "Good evening, Leliana,"
Leliana took a few steps forward and gracefully sat down beside the dwarf. Drina was always awed by how Leiliana always managed to make everything look like a dance. From years of training as a bard I suppose. Leiliana's face still showed a stubborn concern, "Drina?"
Drina looked away, "I'm just tired," That wasn't a lie. The months since her joining had been grueling, and though she wasn't a lone warden, both she and As'lana felt like they were making things up as they went along. Nothing ever went smoothly, and sometimes she wished Duncan, or Ancestors, even Alistair were still around to just tell her what to do. Then there was the fact that everyone had started to look to her for guidance, for plans. It was already hard enough trying to get everyone to fight together, listen to each other, and in some cases (thinking mostly of Morrigan) try to get them to not purposefully kill each other.
She had always prided herself on her ability to read people and sway them to her way of thinking. She could find weaknesses to exploit, emotions to tug at, pride to prod or boost. She could turn herself into whatever someone needed or wanted, but she wasn't made of stone. Drina knew she could just as easily be exploited or taken advantage of. As much as she would try not to, eventually those people she would manipulate, could become people she cared about or even hated. Eventually when you know enough about a person, it was difficult not to form some sort of attachment, and eventually it just became exhausting trying to find the advantage in every conversation, every interaction.
Keeping everyone together, everyone in line... It was exhausting.
Leske...
Leiliana put a gentle hand on Drina's shoulder. The dwarf looked up to meet the bard's eyes. "I heard about your friend, Drina. I know you try to put on a brave face for everyone, but I understand how much a betrayal like that hurts. How much a- a loss like that hurts,"
Drina cringed at the word. Loss? She had put a dagger through his heart. She could still feel the warm blood on her hands sometimes. Hear his last words. "I'm sorry, salroka" The air around her felt heavy, crushing. Salroka... His eyes bearing into her own, the scream she managed to stifle, the clanging of the dagger as she pulled it out and dropped it on the ground... It replayed over and over again, every night. All the while, the thought that it could have been her. Could she really be upset with him for what he had done? Still, she thought he was one of the few in the whole world she could trust, a brother, someone she had shared so much with... A sickening mixture of anger, sadness, despair, and empathy morphing into something that she couldn't really control anymore.
She hesitated before she managed to whisper, "He was my best friend and I killed him," Drina's whole body shook and Leiliana pulled her into an embrace.
After what felt like an eternity, Drina managed to calm herself. She wiped the streaks that the tears had left on her face. Leiliana cupped her face and helped wipe her tears as well.
"Tell me about him," Leliana's voice was soft and soothing, her eyes seemed to penetrate right into Drina's own.
A small smile played across Drina's lips, "I thought you were the one who liked to tell stories," she replied hoarsely, "I'm not much of a storyteller,"
Leliana sat up straight, focusing all her attention on her friend, "Well, it's hardly fair that I should tell them all the time. Drina, you know everything about my life. I just- I want to be the person you-" she paused unsure of how to continue her thought, "You are my dear friend, and I want to be there for you to listen if you would allow me to,"
Drina felt her face warm. She wanted to believe so badly that people could truly care about each other past what they could offer them in return. In her time on the surface, she was sure she had started to feel it with her companions. It was possible, wasn't it?
She took a deep breath. There was only one way to find out.
For a moment, only the trickling sounds of the stream and rustling trees could be heard. Drina was not quite sure where to start. What did Leliana want to know? Then, she settled on a spot.
"I'm sure you noticed that my sister and I are not full sisters," Drina began. She gestured toward her face, light brown with dark brown eyes. "My sister's father was a merchant who... well he decided he wanted to slum it for a bit of fun. My mother, eager to find a way out of Dust Town, welcomed the attention. If she could give birth to a son, he would be raised to a merchant caste. If the man had been kind, he could have brought my mother to live with him as well," Drina paused, hoping it was making sense to Leliana. "Children's caste is tied to the parent that shares their birth sex," Leliana nodded. "Well, my sister was not a boy. The merchant left her without a second thought. To add insult to injury, not only was my sister a girl but she looked exactly like my mother, as if to say she could never escape who and what she was and her daughter, my sister, would share her fate,"
Drina paused again. She hoped she had not started too far back, but she felt it was relevant, but maybe it wasn't, "I'm sorry. I'll get to Leske soon,"
Leliana chuckled, "No, no continue. I want to hear all of it. I like listening to you speak," She smiled encouragingly.
Drina's heart caught in her throat. It was strange feeling so vulnerable. It was something she was unaccustomed to. She wasn't in command of the situation and her words felt clumsy in her mouth. Still, she continued, "My mother soon met a casteless man. I- I think she loved him. I was born soon after. I don't remember him too well, but I remember all four of us being happy for a time. We had enough to eat, and I remember my mother laughing sometimes," Those memories seemed so distant and unreal as if someone else had lived them. "It turns out, my father worked for the Carta. One day he told us he had to go above ground, that when he came back he would bring us treasures from the surface. My mother pleaded for him not to go, but he assured her that it was best for all of us. That we would be kings among the dust," Drina didn't recall her father ever saying it, she had been so young when he had left, but her mother had told her this story ad nauseam ever since he had departed. At first she recounted it with hope, but as the years passed her hope turned bitter and angry. Her mother became self destructive. "My father never came back. My mother took to drinking her pain away, and Rica essentially became my mother"
Leliana's eyes shifted towards Oghren's tent, and Drina saw the realization dawning on her. Drina followed her gaze, then both women exchanged glances. Without speaking another word, it seemed that Leliana understood why Drina hung around Oghren so much, while everyone else seemed to steer clear. He was just like her mother.
"My mother worked for a merchant woman named Colsi, who paid her half a copper a day to sweep her store, but eventually my mother started sending Rica and I instead. That's where I met Leske," Drina brought her knees towards her chest and held them tightly. "He was slightly older than Rica, maybe twelve years old to her ten and my eight. He had been employed by Colsi's supplier to help unload supplies to her store," Drina gave a wry smile, "he also had a small flirtation going on with her daughter Olinda, which you know, Colsi didn't appreciate,"
"How scandalous," Leliana giggled, "To flirt with a casteless dwarf,"
"Always exciting to go for someone roguish I suppose," Drina replied coyly, "Well Leske was a charmer, and loved getting into trouble. You see, we worked at a weapons seller. Occasionally, Leske would sneak us dulled training blades and we would find secluded places to play. My sister didn't really approve and wouldn't join in herself but she worried we would get caught so she always kept watch for us. Leske and I would play imagining ourselves as Legion of the Dead members fighting off darkspawn in the deep roads and having wild adventures," It was strange looking back on that now. In a way, their play turned into reality. Drina was fighting darkspawn, and Leske... Leske was dead.
A cool breeze began to blow, carrying with it a damp smell Drina had grown accustomed to now on the surface. It was such a small thing, but something so novel the first time she experienced it. It was hard not to think about how Leske would never know this smell. She looked off in the distance, taking a moment to try to contain her grief again. Stone preserve me, I'm so full of sod.
Leliana sensed Drina's straying thoughts and put a comforting hand on the dwarf's, "Sounds like you two became close," Drina was startled by the touch, part of her wanting to pull away quickly, but the other part, welcomed the warmth that promised friendship and understanding. Still, her initial instinct won out, as she wiped away the tears that had begun to form again before they had a chance to fall. Leliana jerked her hand away embarrassed and tucked a loose strand of hair that had conveniently fallen to her face.
"We were. We had even hoped that when we were old enough we would join the Legion together — provide for our families. Leske lived with his grandfather. For a while the only time I saw him be warm and kind was when he was around his grandfather. The love he had for him, I don't think he ever loved anyone more and with good reason. After Leske's parents passed, his grandfather took him in and raised him as his own, even though he could barely manage to make a living enough for himself. He was a very sweet and loving old man, but his age didn't allow him to work the usual jobs given to dwarves like us. He had taken to begging on the street, and the streets weren't always kind," Her mind recalled the times his grandfather would return home roughed-up and bruised with sometimes nothing to show for it. "I mean Dust Town wasn't really kind to anyone, and when you're a brand no one really cares what happens to you, but it never broke him. We would spend many hours in his grandfather's home, listening to stories of his youth and eating whatever he could scrounge together for us..." Drina looked down remembering the kind old man, "When he got really sick, Leske would sit by his bed, and tell him about our afternoons in our sparring matches, wiping his brow with so much tenderness, it hurt to watch. Something in him changed the day his grandfather fell ill, he became even more determined to make something of himself,"
Drina folded her arms towards her chest, almost as if she was clinging to that memory of her friend, not wanting it to leave.
"Eventually our play became more serious. In actuality neither of us knew what we were sodding doing. Just swinging at each other wildly, desperately hoping that we could find a way out, help those we loved. Our sessions would end with the three of us talking about everything, cracking jokes, talking about our hopes for the future, anything to distract us from the very real possibility that we could end up just like his grandfather or my mother,"
Leliana looked at her thoughtfully, "Did you really believe you would turn out to be like her? I think you should have given yourself a bit more credit,"
Drina let out a soft chuckle, "Well I guess it was either that or turn to a life of crime,"
Leliana's eyes sparkled with curiosity. It was a subject that Drina had not spoken a lot about and Drina could feel the bard's eagerness to hear about her time in Orzammar's infamous crime syndicate, "The Carta?"
"The Carta," Drina let out a long sigh. She had avoided talking much about it since coming to the surface, it wasn't something she was particularly proud of. Everything she did now was to erase the terrible things she had done in the past, desperately trying to prove to herself that she was more than what Dust Town made her, and yet if it wasn't for experience in it, she would have never become a Warden, "The Carta. You know, I never thought I could simultaneously love and hate something so much," Drina bit her lips forming a pensive line, as she considered asking the question that popped into her brain, about Marjolaine. Did Leliana feel that way about her former mentor? There had seemed to be something more going on there than an average mentor and mentee relationship. She quickly decided against it. Leliana had told her she needed time before talking about it again, and she didn't want to push the issue now. Drina chastised her mind for being so scattered.
Leliana looked at her expectantly, and Drina couldn't help but shake her and smile, "Yes, well, it began on a normal day at the shop. My sister Rica and I were sweeping the store front when we noticed some noble quickly shuffling away from an alley nearby. If he was trying to be stealthy, he was failing miserably because I think three other dwarves saw him scurry away," Leilina snickered. "A few moments later some Carta members stepped out of the alley carrying a large purse of coin, and then they spotted my sister," Drina could feel the rage she had felt that day bubble up again. If anything could encapsulate her life in the Carta it was the mixed feelings that were conjured up from this memory. "My sister, well, Rica was always very beautiful. As soon as she turned 16, lots of boys in Dust Town had taken a shine to her, including Leske, but I think his was mostly good natured teasing. These men, though, saw a beautiful and easy target. She was still a kid, we didn't even have our permanent brands yet,"
Leliana tilted her head in confusion, "Your permanent brands? I thought casteless dwarves were branded from birth,"
Drina nodded slowly, "Well yes... and no. We all get marked with a small rectangle on our cheek, just so no one could ever pretend to be anything other than what they are, but those aren't the ones adults have. You see babies grow up, and the mark stretches out and fades. Once a year soldiers come and round up those who look of age, and rebrand us with our permanent mark," Drina pointed to the tattoo that was on her right cheek. Leliana looked at her in horror, " It's not as scary as it sounds. It's kind of like a right of passage down in Dust Town. All us dusters come out and support our friends and family through the process. Actually the day Leske got his permanent mark, Rica and I held his hands while the soldiers held him down. Leske tried really hard not to cry out. It doesn't feel fun to get your face carved into. Anyway Leske did the same for us when our time came,
"Sorry I got off track,"
"Don't be sorry! Please, continue, what happened, to your sister," Leliana seemed to have an idea as to where this was going, but she had a tinge of hope in her voice that nothing truly awful had happened to Rica.
"Well they came up to us and started harassing my sister, asking her to come with them, making crude jokes. She politely declined, and I remember standing there, watching this and seething, but afraid. We knew who they were, and we were only children. They kept pestering her, not taking no for an answer, until finally they got impatient and one of them aggressively grabbed her wrist. I remember everything slowed down for me at that moment, I could feel my heart beating so hard that my head was pounding and my ears were ringing. The other Carta member reached toward her blouse, and I snapped. I took the broom I had in my hand and hit that nug sucking son of a bitch so hard on his back that the handle broke and splinters flew everywhere,"
Leliana's eyes widened, "Wha-what did he do then?"
"Oh you know, he turned around and punched me in the gut, while the other tried to drag my sister away. I fell to the ground, but I kicked and swung the broken handle hysterically while I was down and he tried to beat me until I submitted. Everything hurt, but my adrenaline and fear for my sister's safety kept me going and eventually, I actually managed to jam the broken broom stick into my attacker's eye socket. He screamed and fell back. That's when Leske ran out of the store and helped me up. He had one of the smaller blunted blades on him and he was able to catch up with the one who had Rica. He had been caught off guard by his friend being taken down by a 14 year old girl, and was just frozen in his astonishment and rage. Before he could snap out of it, Leske slammed the blunted blade into his arm, and he let go of my sister. He did come out of his shock though, and before Leske could swing again, the man pulled out a hidden dagger and swiped at Leske, missing his face by an inch. I forced myself up to one knee at that point, everything was throbbing, but I grabbed at some stones that were scattered nearby and started pelting the man. I mean I think I missed far more time than I hit, but it was enough to distract him from Leske as he turned to me and roared in fury. Leske took advantage of the momentary distraction and hit him over the head, with as much might as he could muster, and then man fell. Leske was about to hit him again when we heard a voice call out to us, telling us to stop," Drina narrowed her eyes as she attempted to deepen her voice to imitate that of the voice they heard that fateful afternoon, "'Whoa, whoa, there friends, let's put that down before anyone else gets hurt,'"
Leliana, just continued to stare at her wide-eyed, "Maker," was all she whispered. She swallowed hard before she went on, "Who was it?"
"It was Berhat. He said he was on his way to pick up the money the noblemen had given in return for his services for something or other, I don't know, but he watched the whole thing unfold. At first he thought it would be something entertaining to watch before he got his money," Drina spit at the memory, "But then he kept on watching because he was impressed by our tenacity. He admitted those Carta members weren't exactly his best, but the fact that two cradle branded kids were able to take down two fully fledged Carta members was still remarkable to him. He offered us training to become Carta members ourselves right there on the spot. Both Leske and I were stunned. I remember wanting to decline, but as I looked around at the gory mess that was set before us, and at Colsi who had finally come out of her store and just had a look of pure fear and anger, I knew that my options now were limited. Leske answered yes almost immediately, and well, that was that. Behrat took us all in. Leske and I trained to be lyrium dealers and hired muscle, while my sister trained to be a courtesan in the hopes of catching some rich noble and bearing a son for him, setting up Berhat to live a very comfortable life,
"We spent five years under Berhat's thumb, and Leske and I did all of our jobs together, even when we were told not to. Eventually Berhat gave up trying to split us up,"
The small stream continued to trickle during their small silence and the damp breeze caressed Drina's face as she closed her eyes and pictured her friend again. This time it wasn't the man who betrayed her, his blood covering her hands, his eyes full of regret and sorrow, but it was the young man she remembered helped defend her sister. It was the boy who played with dulled blades, the young boy who loved his grandfather and who loved her sister and her... He was so much more than his final moments and it was nice to be reminded of that. He was just stuck in an unforgiving system that couldn't forgive any weakness. Maybe things could be different now that Bhelen was on the throne, but she shook those thoughts away. That was a deep road she didn't want to venture down tonight. It still hurt, to think about him, but maybe one day, she would only remember the good. Drina stood and stretched, and Leliana did the same. The dwarf could see the vague glimmer of purple and orange begin to tinge the sky.
"Shit. It's about to be dawn," Drina guiltily glanced at Leliana, "Sorry for keeping you up so long,"
Leliana rolled her eyes and shook her head,"You need to stop apologizing. I was happy to spend this time with you," she looked away sheepishly and whispered, "I always love spending time with you,"
Drina flushed, "I- thanks..." she answered pathetically, then quickly got herself together. Another stray thought sprung to mind, "What were you doing up so late anyway?"
Leliana blushed and stammered out her answer, "I- I had to relieve myself. I drank a bit too much water before I went to bed,"
Drina tried hard to contain her laughter, she didn't want anyone else to be sleep deprived — two of them was enough, "Oh no! Were you holding it this whole time?" She asked quietly.
"Maker no!" she waved her hands frantically, "I snuck off to the woods and I was coming back when I saw you leave Oghren's tent. I also ran into Shale hiding out in the woods as she tried on different crystals on her body, and we startled each other, so the sleep was pretty much spooked out of me anyway,"
Drina snorted, unable to help herself, "Well, I guess I feel slightly less guilty. Thank you, Leliana, for everything. I am so glad we found you in Lothering. I don't know if I would be able to survive this without you,"
Leliana bit her lip and opened her mouth to reply, but stopped short, as if she thought better of it, "Do you think the darkspawn will be willing to give us a day off to sleep in a bit?" she said instead, as the sun began to peek out above the horizon.
Drina stroked her chin in mock thought, "Pillaging, raiding, and spreading disease does sound exhausting, maybe we can come to a compromise and give each other a day off," and as if on cue, while Drina looked out in the distance, she thought she could spot a mass of ominous shapes moving through the trees, and then a shrill shriek filled the air. She groaned, "But knowing our luck, probably not. WAKE UP! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!"