Patching together, patching together, continuing to form its shape.
Patching together, patching together, continuing to mould its shape.
Patching together, patching together, continuing to fill in the colours.
Patching together, patching together, patching together, and continuing towards bringing himself closer to completion.
Patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together, patching together.
Patching together, patching together, patching together, and even when he found himself, he was still incomplete-
A boy in his youth woke up from a dream. A dream that felt too real. He felt like he just lived through his own life again. A life he had no memory of. He was in search of his true self, he was so close to finding him. Once he does, the mess that is his life will be fixed yet again.
The boy grabbed his head in agony as he woke up. The dream gave him a severe headache and made him nauseous. No matter how many times he has dreams like this, he will never get used to feeling like this. As he stood up, the black book on his lap fell onto a pile of books on the ground. These books next to him all had the same title. His own name.
"Come on, Natsuki Subaru. What are you hiding? How can I fix this? Come back already and fix this mess!" he exclaimed as he searched the nearby shelves for another book that held his name. Eventually, he found one and sat down to read it. He began to brace himself for another vivid dream of his life.
"Natsuki Subaru, where are you?" he asked out to his true self as he opened the book.
He should've been living his life all over again, seeing everything that Natsuki Subaru has done in this world. He was supposed to live as Natsuki Subaru to search for a way to fix the situation he found himself in. Collecting bits of himself and patching it together to save all his friends. He should've seen the steps Natsuki Subaru took to get to this point all over again. But…
"I am here." said a voice familiar to the boy.
The boy was sitting in a white space. An endless corridor of white. The boy's eyes widened as he looked towards the voice. There stood another young boy wearing the same clothes. He found himself. He finally found Natsuki Subaru.
"Hey. What the hell happened to you? You look like a mess." Natsuki Subaru asked the boy with a disgruntled face. The boy wore the same outfit and had the same body as Natsuki Subaru. However, his white hair, his blind left eye and the blood stains on his clothes stood out to Natsuki Subaru. Natsuki Subaru pitied the boy seeing him in such a state.
"N-Natsuki Subaru?" the boy asked.
"Yeah?"
The boy took a few more moments to let the fact that he was sitting before himself sink in. He blinked a few times and cleared his head. Then tears of relief started streaming down his face. He jumped up and rushed over to Natsuki Subaru.
"Natsuki Subaru!"
"Woah"
The boy was full of relief and was ecstatic. He grabbed onto Natsuki Subaru's shirt and inspected him to see if he was real. He looked over his features, clothes and hair. His eyes lit up once he confirmed that Natsuki Subaru was really with him.
"It is you! I've finally found the real Natsuki Subaru! Please, you absolutely need to come back for everyone."
Natsuki Subaru pushed the boy back a bit. "W-Wait, hold on. Back up. Why do you look like that? What's going on at the tower? It took you so long to get here."
"That is unimportant right now. All that matters is that you come back and fix this mess we're all in. Emilia-tan and the others absolutely need you."
"Emilia? What the hell is going on outside? Is she safe?"
"She will be once you save her and all the others."
"Cut the bullshit and answer the question! Is! She! Safe!?"
The boy was startled by Natsuki Subaru's tone. However, with the power they both shared, she will be safe again. Once Natsuki Subaru uses whatever power he is hiding and saves her, the boy knows that all his friends will be safe yet again. Only Natsuki Subaru can save everybody in the watchtower.
"Emilia and everyone at the tower are in danger. I thought that only you could save them all so I've been trying to patch together a new Natsuki Subaru with the memories from the books of the dead. Though, I've found you so that's useless now."
"Wait a second. The books? How are you piecing a new us together with them?"
"I try to find anyone that has any information about what Natsuki Subaru was like. Then I read their books to extract that information. Sometimes I even got to see you in action firsthand. You are really amazing at what you do, you know? That's why I know that you can for sure save everybody."
Natsuki Subaru looked disgusted and was silent. He only stared at the boy, making no movements or sounds. The boy started to feel uncomfortable under Natsuki Subaru's cold gaze.
"Natsuki Subaru?"
"These people... The people whose books you read... They were already dead, right?"
"Nope. I killed them."
"..."
Natsuki Subaru's face started to turn dark. He unsteadily breathed in and asked…
"W-Where's Emilia? B-Beako? Where are they all?!"
"Dead, I suppose."
"..."
"Though, I do have a plan to-"
"YOU FUCKING MURDERER!"
Natsuki Subaru grabbed the boy's clothes and punched his face as hard as he could. The boy fell onto the ground and grabbed his cheek. A sharp sting assaulted his face. The boy looked up at Natsuki Subaru. He was full of rage directed towards the boy on the ground. The boy felt that this rage was similar to something he felt from a dream.
It was like Natsuki Subaru's wrath for the stains on this world known as sin archbishops and the witch cult. Natsuki Subaru's rage towards the ones who killed all of his friends and who left Rem in a comatose state with no one to remember her.
Only, Natsuki Subaru's rage was directed at the boy this time.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! YOU KILLED THEM?! ARE YOU AN IDIOT?!"
"N-no. Hear me out! I had a plan! A plan to save everyone!"
"AND THAT PLAN WAS TO KILL EVERYONE?!"
"No! I was going to read the books and rebuild you from the ground up! Then once that's all done and I've got your power, I'd use Return by Death to go back and save everyone in the tower! But that's useless now! Now, you can come back and fix everything!"
"YOU ARE AN IDIOT! LET ME SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU! WE! ARE! THE! SAME! PERSON!"
The boy was surprised upon hearing this. "Wait! That's impossible! Natsuki Subaru always saves everyone with his power! It's hidden or something, right?!"
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?! YOU LITERALLY WERE IN MY BODY! ALL I'VE GOT TO SAVE EVERYONE IS THIS GOD AWFUL CURSE CALLED [RETURN BY DEATH]! YOU AND I ARE THE SAME PERSON! THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT YOU ARE A GENOCIDAL MANIAC NO BETTER THAN A SIN ARCHBISHOP!"
"I-I… I do regret killing everyone. But, we can just return back! We can go back and save them, right?!"
"THE WITCH PROBABLY ALREADY UPDATED THE CHECKPOINT, IDIOT! IT'S NOT LIKE SHE CARES WHAT HAPPENS TO ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT US!"
The boy started to feel nauseous. At the time when he made his plan, he wasn't aware that the Witch of Envy updates his checkpoints to suit himself only.
The boy finally realized. This was wrong. This was all wrong. Natsuki Subaru fought to protect those he loved. He fought to keep all of his friends safe and sound. The boy however disregarded all that and trampled on his hard work. He destroyed what Natsuki Subaru fought to protect.
The boy indeed was an idiot. He deserved all the hate in the world and deserved to burn in hell. He was merely a crazed murderer failing to pretend to be Natsuki Subaru. A cheap imitation of the real hero. The boy began to break down.
"I-I'm sorry! Natsuki Subaru, I'm so sorry!"
Natsuki Subaru looked down at the mess of a human. He kicked him over and grabbed his neck.
"That doesn't cut it, you freak! I'm taking over and seeing what is salvageable! Kindly stop breathing!"
Natsuki Subaru started strangling the boy, aiming to leave him unconscious in this white world to atone for his sins alone forever. The broken boy made little effort to fight back. He merely accepted his fate and decided it was best if he died here. Finally, he fell unconscious. The white world around them began to collapse and get blurry. Natsuki Subaru was waking up. Subaru was returning to the world once again.
"Leave it to a copy of me to kill all my friends. Tch. I don't deserve Emilia and everyone else. To think I wanted to save you as well. Die here alone with that girl. Oh that's right. There's one of her in you somewhere. Maybe you two will hit it off, murderer."
With that, the world finally collapsed and Subaru woke up, leaving the unconscious broken boy in the endless white. Alone in a world of white to suffer for his sins for all of eternity.
Subaru opened his eyes. He remembered this place. It was from before he got lost. Subaru was sitting in Taygeta Library at the Pleiades Watchtower. It had been a while since he was able to walk around in this world.
He had no memories of what happened after he got lost. He felt like that was for the better and was glad their memories didn't merge or anything. Memories are what make a person and Subaru was not a murderer. The real murderer was merely a doppelganger. A different person merely used Subaru's flesh body to carry out their murders. It wasn't Subaru. It wasn't.
Subaru got up and started to look for the exit. While he was searching, he came across a paper that had a list of names on it. Some of them were crossed out. Was this his kill list? Subaru didn't even recognize some of these names. Which means...
"He's been killing innocent strangers, too? Damn it. There's really no saving you at all."
"There's no saving what now, Master? I couldn't hear what you said." said a voice around the corner. Subaru turned around and saw a familiar girl walking towards him carrying a few books.
"Shaula! You're ok!"
"Eh? I was only over there searching for the rest of the books on the list. Wait, was Master worried about me? Ahh~ that makes me veery happy ehe. Anyways, here are all the books that I could find." said Shaula as she pushed the books into Subaru's arms. Subaru felt sick as he held them. He apologized to these people whose names he didn't even recognize and put the books down.
"It's fine, Shaula. We can stop with this plan now. I've realized that I am a moron and should've done things a different way."
"Is that so? Even though Master hasn't killed me and read my book yet?"
"Wait, what? I'm really sorry if I said anything like that. It's fine, let's stop now."
"Well I'm relieved. It took me hours just to find these few books alone. And I still had more on the list to search for. So, what will we do now? Did Master come up with a new plan?"
Subaru thought about how to salvage this situation. If possible, he'd love to save Emilia. Should he test how far he'd go back if he took his own life? It's not like Emilia will be there to be sad if he died. He walked toward the exit and turned to Shaula.
"I need to think about what to do next. Why don't you hang around a bit and I'll come tell you when I think of something?"
"Alright, Master. If you need me, just yell 'come to me, my one and only love.'"
"I'll just call your name! Jeez."
Subaru left Taygeta and started walking down the hall. He decided to confirm where his save point was and make a plan from there. Hopefully, it takes him back far enough. He'd rather not bleed out since it's a painful way to go. So, he is going to a place where he can die somewhat more quickly.
While he is walking, he finds a dirty knife on the floor. He picked it up and looked at it. Subaru remembered that Echidna had this knife with her. It was stained with dry blood. While inspecting it, he catches a glimpse of his hair. His hair was white. He instinctively drops the knife and jumps back.
"I look just like that murderer. Or does he look like me?"
Subaru picks the knife back up again to take a closer look at himself. He had white hair and a scar above his left eye. In fact, his left eye was completely blind. He hadn't realized it up until now. He moved his hand in front of his left eye and realized he couldn't see anything with it. The image of the boy holding the knife was enough to make Subaru want to vomit.
Subaru threw the knife away and continued to make his way to his destination. A place where Subaru can hopefully die quickly. It was a hidden balcony on the side of the tower. He'd been there with Echidna the night before getting stuck in the Corridor of Memories. It was most likely used as a place where Shaula could snipe anybody who approached the tower.
Once he made it, he crawled underneath the hidden door and looked at the desert's horizon. He took a peak straight down off the edge of the balcony. It looked like a long fall. If he jumped headfirst, surely it would be quick and painless. Emilia would be sad if she saw him in such a state. Subaru wished he could hear her voice once more.
"It's a long way down, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"..."
"..."
"Wait, what?"
Subaru turned his head towards the voice like a silver bell. Standing beside him was the half elf that he was in love with. Has God heard his prayers? Was she really back? Was Emilia saved?
"EMILIA! THANK GOD!" he yells. He runs to give her a hug and never let go of her again. She'll never have to go through something like that again. But-
"Silly. We can't interact anymore. Have you forgotten?" Emilia said with a bittersweet tone.
When Subaru tried to hug her, his arms wouldn't grab her. They couldn't grab her. His arms simply phased through her figure. Subaru was confused and defeated. Why? Was he hallucinating? Has he finally gone crazy? Did this cruel reality exist to punish him for his sins?
"Hey Subaru. What's wrong?"
His mind was cruel. Why is it punishing him like this? Emilia's dead. All he could do right now was jump and hope to have a chance to save her. Would she even want to see Subaru anymore after what happened? Because of his incompetence, she died along with all of his friends. Why would anyone want to see such a worthless being? Even burning in hell wasn't punishment enough for Subaru who let Emilia die. Subaru's punishment was to exist in a world without her with no easy way out of it. An infinite loop of a dark reality. That's all that awaited Subaru.
"Subaru."
Subaru stopped cursing himself and looked at Emilia. She gave him a soft smile and repeated herself.
"What's wrong, Subaru? You can tell me."
Subaru started feeling overwhelmed with guilt. His eyes started leaking tears as he stared at her face. Her face that wasn't really there.
"I'm sorry, Emilia! I'm so sorry! It's all because of me! Because I got lost, that bloody fake killed you and everybody else! If only I wasn't such an idiot and took better precautions, I'd have never met that girl and got stuck! I'm so sorry for being such an idiotic loser that got my friends killed! I'm sorry!"
Emilia watched as he cried on the ground. She knelt down next to Subaru. Her mannerisms were just like Emilia. It made it way more painful for Subaru.
"It's ok, Subaru. I forgive you. We all do. We get to always be with you now. That's really all I need, Subaru. So it's fine."
Impossible. Who'd forgive a guy like me? This is not Emilia. She is gone. I have just gone crazy.
"I know you won't believe me but I forgive you. So don't be sad. You can trust me since-"
Subaru knew this was not Emilia. However, would she say something like this if she did see him in such a state? This hallucination has her figure, her voice, her mannerisms. It's essentially Emilia. Is it wrong to try to talk to her like this? Is this just how Subaru sees her?
"-I love you."
Subaru was surprised to hear that from Emilia's face. How could she love him? He got her killed. Maybe it's only because he wants her to love him?
"Yep. I'm pretty sure I love you, though I barely understand anything about that. Because I love you, I don't want you to feel hurt. When you are hurting, I feel sad thinking about what you must be going through. So you can trust me when I say I forgive you.
Subaru couldn't take it anymore. He had to hug Emilia. He couldn't live without her. Even if she never wants to see his face again, he had to hug her again. He stood up and took a deep breath.
"Emilia."
"Yes?"
"I love you too. But I can't respond to your feelings in this situation. I'm not even sure if you are an Emilia my mind created or the real Emilia. So I've decided. I'm keeping our promise."
Subaru's first promise to anybody in this world and a promise he will definitely keep no matter what.
"I'm going to save you. And then I'm going to save everyone else. I'll get you to fall in love with me for real and we'll all live happily for the rest of our days. So hang in there. I'm coming for you all."
Emilia started to form tears at the corners of her eyes. She smiled and said "I'll be waiting." With that, she froze in place and began to disappear. Subaru wiped away his remaining tears. He walked away from the edge of the balcony and went back inside the tower.
He quickly returned to Shaula to tell her something. Something that might give him an opportunity to save everyone. He walked back into Taygeta and looked around for her.
"Shaula! Are you here?!"
"Yes, Master! Hold on, I'm coming!"
Shaula ran to Subaru with a big smile on her face. She was excited to hear what her master had decided to do next. Would they be going on a trip? Maybe slow down, buy a farm and start a family?
"Uwa~ I'm getting excited thinking about it!"
"I'm not even going to ask what you're thinking about. I have something to tell you. First, I'm sorry for being a moron and for if anything happens after what I say. But I promise to save you as well."
Shaula was dumbfounded at Subaru's statements. She laughed and said "You are indeed a moron, Master."
"With what I am going to say next, I can't refute that. So whatever happens, know I will save you too. Shaula..."
Subaru braced himself.
"I can Return by De-"
Pain. That's all there was at that moment. Immense pain. Punishment for trying to reveal the taboo. The world had stopped but he still felt great pain. Who knows how long the world had stopped. All Subaru knew at that moment was pain. How much longer does he have to endure it? Surely not much longer.
"GAH!"
"Master!"
Subaru was grasping his chest and trying to breathe. He took a second to calm down and said "Emilia's gone so I have no intention on living anymore. I'm gonna keep trying even if I die. I'm only asking you to hear me out. Shaula, I can Return by De-"
More pain. As if all his organs were being crushed at once. This time, Subaru didn't only feel pain. He also felt fear. Fear for the shadow that stood ahead of him.
"AGH! Shaula, I Return by De-"
Subaru was on the ground. He hasn't challenged Envy like this before. The only reason he could right now was because without Emilia, he didn't want to live. "Hear me out, dammit! I Return by De-"
"-ath. Huh? The world stopped. But I can move. I don't feel the pain either."
He looked to the side and felt the immense fear return. Envy was standing ahead of him again. He was afraid but tried to act strong. At least for a few more moments.
"H-Hey you. You're s-supposedly the strongest in this world, right? Only Reinhard c-could match you. I demand that you save Emilia."
"..."
"W-While you're at it, s-save everyone else. It's my fault that they're all dead s-since I got lost in a place like that. All I'm asking is that you save them."
"..."
"I'd use Return by Death to do it m-myself but you've probably already moved the checkpoint, r-right? It's not like you give a c-crap about anyone else but me."
"..."
Envy was unresponsive to anything he had to say. Subaru was scared that she would try something. He was almost swallowed by her shadows once. What if she did that again? Whatever she decided to do, Subaru had to make his demands clear. He swallowed his fear and bit his lip to try to stop it from returning.
"I demand that you either save Emilia or let me die alone. I'll keep taking my own life until you choose, even if you surround me with shadows. You know about Invisible Providence? I'm pretty sure if I crush my own heart, it'd be painful. So choose or watch me suffer."
Envy looked startled by this. She starts to move closer to Subaru.
"It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's impossible. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. I'm all you need. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me."
Subaru was saddened when he heard her. She's gone. Her soul has probably already left the body. All he's got are memories of her now. But maybe…
"At least send me back far enough then. I made a promise to her and I want to keep it. I don't want to be without her. She means a lot to me. She's everything to me. I really love her."
Envy stopped moving after Subaru spoke. Slowly, Subaru noticed her figure getting more visible. The shadows around her were thinning out a bit. Envy then said… No. Satella then said…
"Alright."
Subaru was less fearful upon Satella's arrival. In fact, his heart started to pound for reasons he didn't know. A single tear fell down her cheek.
A hand made of shadows started to make its way to Subaru. It passed through his chest and lightly grasped his heart. Satella's mouth opened in surprise a bit. Did she find something? Subaru could feel something squirming in his soul for a few seconds until something within his soul was destroyed. Whatever was squirming then settled back into his soul.
"Thank you, Satella. I haven't forgotten my promise to you either. I'll come to save you along with everyone else.."
"I won't be able to speak with you for a while after you return, so I'll say this now. As you save everyone, remember to save yourselves too. He'll also need saving."
With that said, Subaru coughed up blood. A lot of it. His heart had been crushed. He fell over to his side. His life was flashing before his eyes. As if it was rewinding. What was it that Satella said? Save himself too? She said something similar back then too. Subaru couldn't think anymore. He was close to death.
Subaru looked up at Satella with his last ounce of strength. She had a pained face after killing Subaru. She's kind. Subaru had strong emotions for her that he didn't understand at all and that was scary. But, she's really kind for a supposed witch. And then finally, Subaru's eyes lost their light.
Natsuki Subaru has died once more.
hurrhurr get from zero'd bitch
Howdy. So this is a story idea I had for a while now. I haven't written a multiple chapter story before so tell me if anything can be improved. Also, Gluttonybaru will eventually get a proper name instead of "the boy with white hair" so stick around for that. I will update this story when I can and if I don't procrastinate or anything. So see ya later then.