"Angry, Pregnant and Scottish it's a tricky combo."
He is standing behind her when she says this he cant help but smirk she's defiantly become more feisty lately not that he's complaining he likes her like this but he also does worry that she's going to make herself and the twins poorly again,Theres no point sometimes trying to argue with her cause he knows he wont win the conversation or she'll say say she won't do anything and then she goes behind his back and does it anyway.
"Josh for the last time were fine, look i just want to get the ward back up and running.' she replies sighing.
"Sorry for caring i won't bother next time.' he replies walking out of the office leaving Ange to put her hands in her hands and exclaim "Fuck.' Damm Hormones.
.
It's around half and hour before he comes back on to the ward she isn't sure what to do or really what to say all she can think of is being honest something she wasn't really good at but she tried her hardest at. "Josh have you got a minute?'
"Look i wanted to say i'm sorry for how i reacted earlier, can i blame it on the hormones?' She replies chuckling, Not being able to gauge his reaction she pauses before taking a breath before speaking, "Ok I'm going to be honest something I'm not good at, I'm scared really seeing how its been lately AAU being picked apart and then being told were shutting down what am i meant to do now this is all I've got its what keeps me going first the Yau then here, it just feels like when I'm finally happy the rugs gets pulled beneath me and I'm left with nothing. Suppose thats why I'm fighting so hard,' she's takes a pause.
"I want to fight for this i mean we've got the twins to think about and the thought of losing my job is a scary thought, i want to be able to say one day this is where your mum and dad met this is where it all began where i saved people but how can i do that when my job is on the line?' she starts getting upset she hates feeling like this don't get me wrong she loves her children already but she curses them for making her feel like this.
"Come here.' Josh speaks softly opening his arms out for a hug, 'Its going to be ok we're going to fight this,' he kisses her head. "Come on.' he replies taking her hand 'We've got a fight to win.'
She wonders what she did to deserve him she's never really felt the way she does with Josh even with fletch i mean fletch and her were great and that but With josh it felt so different there wasn't a day when he didn't make her laugh or make her feel giddy with love as cliché as that may sound.
the rest of the day had it ups and downs but it ended with AAU coming back Jac had seemed to have change of heart of course it was still under special measures but she didn't care she had her ward back and it felt good, Josh wasn't around when the news had been announced he was meant to be going out to celebrate Kylie's birthday but he had texted to say he was coming back early Kylie hadn't come in the end and he felt like a third wheel with Louis and his girlfriend so he came home to be greeted with an ecstatic Ange with the good news that AAU was to remain open.
"So what she just came down with Hansen and they both agreed to keep it open even though this week she wasn't having it, like that?"
"Yup, I was just as shocked as you and even how she said she had seen good leadership today from me.'
'Well we know your a good leader for sure.' he replied laughing 'as Hansen likes to put it you led me on,'
"I'm hungry, Chinese?'
"Again? I don't know how much sweet and sour i can take… Chinese then." he replied after gaining a glare from Ange who was obviously hungry, Sweet and sour had been her thing at the moment but it had to be from the Chinese and not the store brought stuff he had tried that and it had been a no go when she practically cried that it wasn't the same.
"So you wanted out then?"
"Yeah for some reason Kylie said Madge needed her help? And then we got there it was just Louis and Mel being all in each others faces i felt like a third wheel don't think they even noticed when i had gone.'
"You left without telling them?' Ange replies laughing. "Naughty."
"Any way i'd rather spend time with my hot pregnant girlfriend.'
"Really? less of the hot i don't feel it.' she replies giving him another glare before laughing "Hot me hahahahaha…'
"Anyway hows Dom holding up?" he spoke concern written all over his face and in his voice.
"As well as expected really, he's adamant that she is going to have the surgery i mean not much is known about it but he thinks its going to work and if there is one thing I've learnt about him is that standing in his way only makes him worse, I've told you bits about Issac right?" He nods. "Well when his dad got admitted he wanted to fix him and send him on his way his way of dealing with it Sasha and Henrik wasn't to sure on the idea no-one knew i was his mum at this point either the scumbag worked it out though, Dom got so pent up about wanting to fix him i knew it was the only way and his way of dealing with it, it's the same with Carole its his way of dealing with it medically.'
"I hope it works..' he replies sighing "At least they've both got the hospital behind them, You and Chloe,'
"Me to, but either way its going to destroy him, why him? Why her? it's not like they have had the easiest of lives.'
"Hey, come here.' he replies motioning for her to move up on the sofa so he could cuddle her sensing she was upset it wasn't long before the tears started to fall and the sobs were heard, he was rubbing her back in circles and offering his reassurance. Her hands were rested firming on her bump it didn't help that she was thinking of the twins and how she was worried incase she ever got like Carole at such a young age there were many thoughts going though her head at the moment and she didn't know what to say or do.
"I know your scared, but I'm here Ange your not alone anymore.'
"We will fight this fight together cause with you I feel like I can do anything, see i can be serious when i need to be.' he replies chuckling trying to lighten the mood.
"Not an immature joint now are you?" Ange is laughing at this point, He always had a way of cheering her up.
They spent most of the evening curled up on the sofa watching Netflix the meaning 'Netflix and chill.' was a whole different meaning now for the pair, both of them had eaten probably enough to feed an army but Ange still managed to reach for the Ben and Jerry's "Phish Food."
"How are we going to cope?"
"How do we cope with AAU? we deal with major things day in and day out, i'm sure we will be able to cope its not like its your first rodeo me on the other hand i haven't really got a clue but I'm sure we will manage,'
"I haven't done this for quite a few years and with Chloe my mum had her really for the first few years of her life whilst i was at uni., i know i seem quite confident but deep down I'm bricking it. what if i mess up?'
"We will probably mess it up I'm sure we will forget things along the way but between us I sure we will do a dam good job at being parents contrary to what you may think your already an amazing mother so why would anything change? And don't even think of going into the I abandoned Don and let Chloe get in danger situation cause it's all bullshit you did what was best for you and what was best for Dom at the time your weren't to know how his life would turn out the way it did and as for Chloe yes she was in danger but you can't spot everything in life and Chloe didn't even realise at first so how was you meant to know huh?' He spoke with his tone soft and calm even though secretly he had Pregnancy and Baby 101 shoved in his locker.
"Remind where i found you? Though isn't it meant to the other way round me Comforting/Reassuring you.'
It wasn't till a few weeks late that things had taken a turn for the worse and her doctor had decided it was best they did the utero blood infusion, leading up to this there had been Cameron on the loose and when he finally came back he wanted Chloe and this was a tough time for all involved so this didn't help her stress levels.
"Mum it's going to be alright, try not to get to worked up it's not going to be any good for you three is it?" Spoke Chloe watching her mother pace up and down the hospital side room for what felt like the umpteenth time.
"You know the risk's as much as I do and your telling me it's going to be ok?" There's a big chance I could loose both of my babies and all I get from the pair of you is that it will be ok? Is that what the patients hear when their on deaths door? Or going in for risky surgery?" She's rambling at this point she's very anxious not that she would admit that, She's so scared of losing the two new found loves of her life.
"Mum…" Spoke Chloe shocked at the state her mum was getting her self in she had never seen her like this before Ange had al sways been the strong one of the pair growing up helping Chloe when her panic attacks got bad now it was the other way round she wasn't exactly sure what to do.
"Sorry. I'm just scared." The door swung open to reveal josh carrying the overnight bag that had been packed, she's never really let herself go not really to anyone but as soon as she sees him walk in the tears start to form the next thing she knows he has her wrapped into a hug and she sobs like she's never before, It took a while before she calmed down and her sobs had now eased and she was able to get her words out. "Scared."
Josh had now guided her over to the bed to sit her down like Chloe he didn't really know what to say because he knew deep down that reassurance when you were a doctor yourself didn't really help especially when you have dealt with similar things or knew the risk of a certain procedure etc, and yeah he would admit he was scared too ok at first he had been shocked that he was to become a dad and then they found out it was twins but since then he had felt nothing but happiness and love for the them and they weren't even here yet it was something he'd never thought he would ever feel. "Look I get it we know the risks. Ok and I get it's hard to try and be positive I'm scared too Ange."
It was was then when Chloe walked over to the bed to sit beside her mum "We'll be there mum your not alone, I know how hard it is to be positive trust me I remember when I was a team and you used to say there's a positive in everything and I could never understand or see why or how? But over time I got the hang of it and that's because of you,
Honestly if it wasn't for you and what you did for me I wouldn't be where I am today you know that right?" "I love you Mum. I'll be here when you come back."
Once Chloe had left to go check back up on the ward it left just Ange and Josh waiting anxiously for the surgery to come around. It wasn't long after that Ange was wheeled into theatre but for them it felt hours, It felt really strange and weird being on the other side and having no control of what was happening, she tries to think that maybe the next time they're here is for the arrival of the twins it's highly likely that she will need to have a C-Section cause twins like to be difficult
From then start, of course they bloody do.
Ange couldn't settle as much as she loved Josh for all he was trying to do they both needed someone to lean on and his singing was starting to annoy her a little bit there was so much Marvin Gaye she could take, so Chloe was called back and Ange began to feel more at ease plus she knew where Chloe was then as-well with Cameron being in the hospital still hanging over the pair.
"Are you ready now Ange?" Spoke Mr Forbes
Ange nodded about as ready as she could ever be she looked over at Josh who gave her a reassuring smile but she could see behind his eyes that he was a nervous as she was they were his children too.
It wasn't long before Ange was sedated and the procedure was started that it self was going ok until they had hit complication a placenta abruption to be exact this wasn't good and it meant that in order for the twins to survive they would have to be delivered now as if that wasn't bad enough the news came that there was a bomb that could go off very soon this added to everyone's panic they were unsure what to do and how to handle the situation.
"We can't move her." Spoke Dr Forbes.
"But if we don't she could die? I don't get why you want to operate surely waiting for a day or two won't hurt? This is my mum we're talking about, his partner and the father of the children.."
"Chloe you know I wouldn't do this if I didn't have to, But the twins and your mother are my priority right now… Right let's do this."
The pair looked on helplessly and both scared for what was going to happen next.
Dr Forbes began the procedure after looking over to the anxious Josh who was pacing around and Chloe who was muttering under hear breath at how she wished Cameron was dead, it wasn't long before Dr Forbes was telling Josh to stop pacing and Chloe to be quiet. Waiting for any news regarding the bomb felt like they had been waiting for days when in reality it had been around an hour.
"Pass me the clamps she's loosing blood fast."
"Come on Ange don't do this to me, You can fight this.' Spoke Josh in the mist of all the pointers going off in the background drowning out his voice, He doesn't ever think he has felt this scared even when it came to his mum and her trips in and out of hospital the anxiety he is feeling is unreal its almost like he is mirroring Chloe who is stood next to him looking pale and shaking, he takes her hand as sign of comfort and gives her a reassuring smile. The rest of the time felt like a blur he stares at Ange's lifeless body on the table watching as they try to get the bleeding in control soon the sounds of the monitors die down and normal rhythm is resumed as much as it can they both look at each other breathing a sigh of relief.
"Now we have the bleeding under control we're going to deliver the babies ok?' Spoke Dr Forbes.
Both Chloe and Josh anxiously glanced at each other they had crossed one hurdle and the next one was already there waiting Chloe didn't know how many hurdles she would be able to face in one day she new she had to be strong for her mum, she couldn't let Cameron win. Josh didn't really know what to say or even do it was only matter of time before he was going to meet his children for the first time and possibly the last how was he meant to feel? He was angry for Ange that things had to turn out this way for her and that it couldn't have just been simple for them she was meant to have just the transfusion and regular check ups after not be put through major surgery especially with a bomb threat going off, he hated feeling like he couldn't do anything for them.
It wasn't how it was meant to be the sound of silence was heard instead of the cries of a newborn when twin A made their appearance, he's lost for words when he he lays eyes on the very petite baby in the nurse's arms, He's to focused on the baby that he's in his own bubble to hear that baby A is in fact a boy It isn't till Chloe practically shouts "BROTHER..' that he is knocked back down to reality realising he has a son, He looks at the clock mentally noting the time down he knew Ange would hang him out to dry if he didn't remember the time their kids had been born, "5. ." His Sister followed 2 minuets later, Josh walked over to the incubator where they had been placed ready to be transferred up to NICU he is crying at this point the emotions are running high he knows it not over yet but they're out and alive and it all he can hope for at the moment.
The nurse nods her head as she gets of the phone all they're able to say is that they have managed to stop the device that cameron had created, The whole room is soon filled with relief the pair of them looking less anxious.
"Want to come with us Dad?" he stands still for a minute taking a moment to actually realise he is now a "Dad.." He cant quite believe it.
"Go..' Spoke Chloe "I'll stay with Mum, She'd want someone with them go be with your kids Josh."
Whilst Ange was getting stitched back up the twins were getting a health check of their own and being hooked to various machines to help with their breathing, checking their oxygen and heart rate levels he is in awe staring at them they look so fragile and delicate you can just about make out their little features, he wonders if they will have their mums big blue eyes? the ones that look at you and suck you in to this magical world cliché as that sounded, it was while before they were settled and the poking and prodding was over for the siblings he stands over the incubator they had been placed together studies had suggested that twins being together could help there chances of getting better stronger it was something he hadn't really heard of called "Co-Bedding.'. They looked at peace considering the wires that surrounded them the love he felt was something again he couldn't really explain he supposed it was how he felt for Ange times a hundred? he felt this protectiveness he'd never really felt before this overwhelming feeling that he wanted to do everything right for them to be the best dad he could be.
Meanwhile Ange was in recovery Chloe sitting vigil by her bedside holding her hand it was another hurdle until Age woke up they hoped it wouldn't be long before she woke, Chloe had decided in the mean time text Dom to let him know what had gone on they hadn't really talked much lately as she had been concerned and had bigger priorities to sort out in the form of his other mother Carole who had dementia but she didn't want him to feel left out or find out from anyone else. Around a hour later a very groggy Ange had come around one of the first things she noticed was the pain the was coming from her tummy it felt like her insides had been ripped out she then realised where she was was something felt different.
"Hey.. Don't try to speak..'
" s…" Spoke Ange not really being able to get her words out properly.
"You gave us a scare the surgery was going well till your placenta decided to erupt and you had to have a C-Section don't worry the twins are ok they went to NICU straight away Josh is with them, I thought i'd lost you mum.' she replies planting a kiss to her mums head "Get some more rest and when you wake up me and Josh will be here,'
it wasn't long before she was bak off she couldn't fight the remaining anaesthetic that was lingering in her body she was sure she had heard right though her twins were fighting to be strong.
Josh came up to recovery an hour or so later after prizing himself from the twins it was times like these he wished he could split himself into two, Much like the twins she looked peaceful sleeping she still had that glow about her her rosy cheeks, it was a few more hours before she properly awoke from her slumber feeling slightly more rested she looked up to see josh sat to the right of her she smiled at him "Hey dad.' she croaked out throat dry.
"Here mum have some water," Chloe spoke helping her mum take a few sips from he cup, "I'm going to leave you too for a while go check out my new siblings, You'll page me if anything is wrong right? She replied looking serious at Josh.
"Course, She'll be ok Chloe.'
"Love you mum i'll be back soon.' Chloe spoke blowing a kiss before heading out of the door to the NICU.
Josh stares at Ange smiling bringing her hand up to his face kissing it 'It was touch and go but you made it Ange we thought we was going to loose you, we're going to fight this Ange the four of us.' He replies pulling his phone out of his pocket "You want to see them?"
She nods emotions running high happy tears escaping her eyes.
"This is twin A our boy,' She's smiling even more at this point 'A boy..' She croaks out 'He's so tiny.'
"Wait till you see his sister all 2 pounds 4 ounces of her,' 'I've got one of each? Spoke Ange still in her happy tearful bubble.
"Here look, They've put them in together to see if it helps they said they've been together for so long they'll probably get better together, I had to practically prize myself away from staring at them to come and see you.'
"I cant wait to see them, Promise me you wont sing anymore though?'
"I thought you liked my singing.' He replied fake pouting being upset.
'Theres only so much a girl can take.' she replies trying not to laugh knowing it would hurt like hell.
Three days later and she was feeling better and the catheter that had been put in place was being removed, and it wouldn't be long before she could be taken up to see them the only thing that had really kept her going kept her being strong.
"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice." Bob Marley
She'd also been expressing her milk for them the colostrum she had been producing was good for them and it could help them become stronger and fight any infections She'd been getting daily picture updates from Josh, Plus Dom had been to visit which had been nice since they had really spoken much he seemed happy for his mum and Josh despite his own struggles and she saw the old side of Dom the side of her son she hadn't seen in a while.
Chloe had took a weeks leave from work to recover from the previous weeks Eli had apologised stating that he hadn't realised what Cameron was actually like and how it would cause so much distress to so many people, Not that Chloe was that interested she wanted to get it al behind her now he was back locked up.
"One wheelchair ready and waiting." Josh helped Ange from the bed to the chair she was still a little wobbly on her legs and still sore even with mediation she doesn't remember it being like this when Chloe and Dom had been born even thought their births hadn't been as traumatic she remembers being able to get up pretty soon after almost act as if she hadn't just had a baby, the ride to the NICU was short and sweet but it felt like a lifetime to her its was all she had longed for since coming around from surgery, it wasn't long before the were gowned and masked up and she was took over to the incubator where lied two small babies her babies it wasn't like she hadn't felt it but seeing them for the first time she felt this overpowering sensation of love and protection much like she felt for Chloe and Dom.
amongst all of the wires keeping them strong were her babies you could even really describe how tiny they were, although Josh had been right and you tell the brother of the pair was slightly bigger and his sister was definitely smaller the did look in-fact at 'peace -'contended.' She reaches her hand into the box rubbing her finger up against their petite frames, "Mummy's here now.' Ange sat talking to them josh stood behind her rubbing her shoulder in reassurance, "You've got a fight ahead of you but i know you can both do it, Small but mighty hey." She speaks in a hushed soothing tone, 'We need to pick their names, they cant be nameless for ever." She speaks looking up at Josh.
"What about Leo?" He speaks after they had been googling names for the last half an hour "It means strength, brave.' She smiles tears forming 'Leo Hudson, I love it Josh do you?'
'Leo it is." he replies placing a kiss to her forehead.
"I'm not to keen on Charlotte Or Emily, I mean his name is more modern we need something to go with that right? I know it sounds funny especially with two kids already a Darren "Dominic.' and a Chloe what else is there?
"Gia. means god's gracious gift, blessed, i know your not really religious.'
"But she butted in you and your mum are and i know how much it would mean to you both, It's different but i think it suits her.'
"You'd do that?"
"Course she's as much as mine as she is yours it's only fair you get to help choose."
"They'll fight this."
"Of course they will their part Hudson Part Goddard they have no choice but to fight it we're made of tough stuff.'
"Have i ever told you i love you Ange Goddard.'
"Once or twice Dr Hudson,'
It wasn't going to be easy but they had each other and they had Chloe and Dom and their Holby family to help them through it if anyone could fight this it was them.
14.09.2021