"Eight thousand four hundred ninety six…eight thousand four hundred ninety seven…eight thousand four hundred ninety eight…eight thousand four hundred ninety nine…"

I make one last stroke and then sigh while leaning on my greatsword. I don't think I'm ready to become a Knight of Favonius. I've worked so hard, became adept in so many practices…yet I don't think it'll mean anything this year either.

I grind my teeth in frustration and sheath the sword. With that I look up at the landscape.

I'm looking at a pretty area. It's open, has a lot of grass, and a nice pool that's sequestered enough from the rest of the area that it isn't muddy. The only thing marring the view are the thousands of training dummies littering the ground.

I told myself almost four hours ago, I would take down at least one per strike. I held myself to that standard thoroughly. When I felt tired, I would resolve myself and feel power coursing through my veins. I'd borrow strength from the geo lord and knock down ten at once.

But it still wasn't enough. I failed. I know I'll break or twist something if I go on any further. Right now I'm on the cusp of falling over. My arms and legs feel as if they're on fire.

Slowly, I take the thermos from my hip and drink a small bit. Mmm. The only satisfactory part of physical training is tasting the water afterwards.

I think onto my schedule for the rest of the day. I promised to eat lunch with Barbara today, which'll cramp the rest of my schedule. I know the church usually has a break of service between 11:30 and 12, so I should aim to meet her then.

Until then, I'll clean up the training dummies. Running back will take me fifteen minutes at the absolute least. I glance at the clock tower that rises up from Mondstadt. Almost 10:30 now. If I time this right, I should be able to sneak in about twenty minutes of reading.

With that, I spring to work eagerly. I can easily cover huge swaths of space from practicing this before. Going from dummy to dummy and righting them all exactly so I can knock them over tomorrow. Doing this is refreshing in a sense since I'm not forced to swing that heavy sword about. Despite this, I still feel a pang of unease that I'm not increasing my physical or mental capabilities. Wish I could practice on targets that decomposed more often...

It looks like I overestimated how much time I had. With renewed panic, I attempt to clean up the few remaining training dummies. I look at the clock tower. Ten minutes left. This would be so much easier if I had anemo power. I'd be able to scoop them all up instead of knocking them all over. Ugh. I'll just set them upright tomorrow when I come here.

I break out in a sprint and run towards Mondstadt. If I take a shortcut and scale the wall, I should be just in time for Barbara. However, when I have just finished scaling the wall and bend over to catch my breath, I hear a voice. "Noellleeeeee!"

I look up surprised and head towards the voice. Timmie! I reach him and squat down so I can look him in the eyes while trying to measure my breath so he can't see how tired I am. "What's wrong Timmie?"

"T-the honorary knight scared m-m-my friends away again!" he stutters. His eyes are red and voice is coming in hitches. I frown a little. I thought I told Aether to stop irritating the poor kid.

"That's awful Timmie. I'll give him a very stern talking to and make sure he stops attacking them." I pat him on the back awkwardly and attempt to comfort him.

Timmie seems to have recovered somewhat and just nods, lets out another sob, and runs away. I sigh. Feel bad for the kid, but there's nothing I can do about him. I've recommended he hang out with other kids his age instead of pigeons, but he's obstinate to not listen to my advice.

I stand up and break out into a run again. Fuck. Looks like I'm ten minutes late. I see Barbara sitting behind the church sitting on a picnic blanket with some snacks, looking forlorn. I slow down to a trot, slow enough that I don't seem uncomposed, fast enough that I don't seem unconcerned with my lateness. She looks up at me with joy. "Noelle!"

I smile and immediately sit myself next to her. "Hey Barbs! Sorry I'm late, training ran a little late." I silently curse. That just sounds like I'm making an excuse for myself. Barbara doesn't seem to know or care about my selfishness though. She just smiles again. "You're so hardworking Noelle!" Hardworking, or hardly working? I sardonically think. I shake my head. I promised Barbara I'd be here. I've already disappointed her by showing up ten minutes late. I should do something decent today by making the remaining twenty minutes worthwhile. Archons above, I'm a mess.

I laugh a bit, although I'm not quite sure if it's the correct response to her statement. "Well, its not as if you're slacking off either. The sisters work very hard!"

Barbara's face falls a little. Shit. Shouldn't have reminded her of her heavy workload on her time off. She'll be working in service of Barbatos most of today, and once she's done with that, she'll have to cure patients at the hospital. What an idiot. Of course Barbara knows she works hard. Much harder than me.

Barbara still seems to constrain herself and giggles a bit. "Well, its not as if my work is that important anyway. But Noelle, you're so strong. I know you'll pass the knight exam this year!" I cringe a little inside. Ouch.

I shove a sandwich in my mouth to buy myself a few seconds to think of something to reply to that with. "The Knights of Favonius are so amazing, I can only hope to join their ranks someday." Perfect.

Barbara looks a bit confused. "But you work harder than most of the knights Noelle. You have a perfect personality to become a knight and you excel at every art they practice!"

I shrug noncommittally and fiddle with an apple in my hands. "It may be true that I'm physically strong, but much of that comes from the geo archon. I'm not strong on my own. Plus, there are so many other things to do, such as learn their code of conduct perfectly, become adept at adventuring if I get sent on a reconnaissance mission, and so much more. I've still got a lot to learn."

Barbara looks even more confused now. "But Noelle-"

I suddenly cut her off. "I don't have any of those skills either. There isn't a single knight who I come close to in terms of abilities."

"But-"

I cut her off again "Well, enough about me. Tell me more about you Barbara! How're things with Jean?"

Barbara beams and starts talking about how she and her sister were planning on taking a small trip to the beach in a few days. I feel glad for the change in subject. How did Barbara grow to have such trust in me? Or was she just saying that stuff to make me feel better? I'm not sure.

Part of what she said was true. I know I have what it takes. I'm incredibly physically strong, even without the geo god's power. I know I'd have the energy to help the people of Mondstadt every day as well. The only problem is that I'm a failure when it comes to everything else. Whenever I try the yearly Knights of Favonius exam, I fail. Again, and again, and again. This'll be the fourth year. If I study hard enough, train long enough, maybe I can do it this year.

Barbara suddenly stands up. "Oh dear! Service is about to start again! I have to get ready!"

"I'll help you clean up," I offer. Barbara shakes her head and quickly gathers the picnic materials in the blanket. "I know the rest of your day is busy, take a break for a few minutes before church starts."

I'm about to go after her carrying the picnic materials, but suddenly stop. I feel tired. I sit down by the pillar and sprawl. Why am I doing this? What can I be doing to improve myself right now? I don't know.

I stare up at the sky. I wish I was stronger. Not just stronger, but smarter, kinder, better. I'll need to work harder.

I lay on the ground. Feels nice, although a bit wet. Wish I could remain like this forever.

I rouse myself from the ground. No wishing. Only working. I walk around to the front of the church and enter. The ceremony hasn't quite began, but the rows are still packed. I find a nice seat near the back where I won't be forced to look Barbara in the face.

I kneel and look towards the ground. Church is a nice break, although I know I shouldn't be thinking like that. I should be wholly devoting my mind to Barbatos in this holy ground.

Barbara is dressed in her habit now. "Let us pray," she says. I squeeze my eyes shut. "Lord Barbatos, we aim to create a world like the one you envisioned, one where freedom reigned and every man was happy. We hope you look down upon us and aid us in our task."

The rest of mass passes by in a blur. I pray, over and over again. Please Barbatos, help me become stronger. Please Barbatos, give me an Anemo vision. Please Barbatos, I want to become a Knight. Help me Barbatos. Grant me a miracle. Help me protect Mondstadt for you.

As soon as Barbara announces that mass has ended, I leave the church. She'll be going on to her other job, and talking to her now would just disturb her. Plus, I want to actually be early for this.

As I leave the church, I hear someone call out to me again. "NOELLLLLLLLE!" I reluctantly turn around. It's Alfred. I try to hide the irritation in my voice. "Is there anything you need?"

He nods. "Do you know where I can find cecilias?"

I sigh a little internally. "Well, the kid at the front of Mondstadt sells some, but you can also harvest them on Starsnatch Cliff. Does that help?"

"Yeah. I'll buy them." he walks away.

I feel a little irked at the lack of a thank you but I quickly put it out of my mind. I have another more important project. I quickly trot to the alchemy station and see that my material has arrived. Perfect.

I pick it up. It's another geo vision, similar to my own. Thank you Albedo. I'm going to need to find some targets for this...

I leave Mondstadt and wander around aimlessly until I find a hilichurl camp. Perfect.

I use my own vision to encase myself in a stone shield. It's technically perfect in almost every way, has enough sides to prevent pressure from hitting it on one direction and instantly shattering it, not round enough to cause me to roll if I fell over, and is tough as hell. It doesn't ward the hilichurls off, but it serves its purpose in protecting me from home. While keeping the shield up, I fiddle with the other geo vision. I'm not entirely sure how I should work this work. I've seen how Albedo used it, either creating an area that deals widespread damage with a focal point of a flower, or by causing several rocks to sprout from the ground, wiping out everything within a large radius. I attempt to feel energy surge through it in the same way I feel it surge through mine. I don't feel a reaction.

My shield bursts suddenly and I realize I'm surrounded by hilichurls. I have no choice then. I use the geo god's power to elongate and strengthen my own greatsword by tenfold. I make a large sweeping gesture and they fall like toys. The geo god's power truly does seem to make up most of my strength.

I create another shield and try one last time to attempt to get Albedo's vision to work. Nothing. It might as well be another rock.

No. No. No! I can't believe this. I need to be able to harness the power of another. I need anemo power!

I let my shield fade on purpose. I don't need Morax. I don't need anyone. I'm strong enough. I take my sword and start swinging wildly, twirling it to maim as many hilichurls as possible. They keep coming, just as I hope. I growl. "Come here you fucking bastards," I whisper under my breath. I swing my sword, right, left, left, and smash the dull side on one of their heads. I'll hurt as many of these fuckers as possible. I swing again and hear a satisfying crunch from the skull of one. I smirk. They're still stupid enough to come. I can't believe how physically strong I am. I wait until they're surrounding me, and then use both my arms to swing the sword around. This is better than the average Favonius grunt. I know it. I smash right through the mask of a samachurl before it has the opportunity to cast a spell. They even invited a fucking four year old to be a knight, but not me. I nearly sever the arm of a mitachurl before knocking it out with the hilt of my blade. An abyss mage teleports near me. I break through its shield easily and lop off its head. Almost anyone else here would be pissing themselves. What more do I need to do? I'm there physically!

I kill them all. If monsters threaten the people of Mondstadt, they will die. That's what a proper Knight would do. I look down upon the field with satisfaction.

Suddenly, I convulse, but not due to overexertion or shame. I see a hallucination in front of my eyes. An amber dragon appears. Dvalin?

The dragon picks up my vision in its mouth. It glows, at first weakly, but then stronger and stronger. The vision suddenly expels a bright light in every direction and the dragon disappears.

I pick up the vision gingerly. Still looks like it has the mark of the geo god. I attempt to summon a shield. Still works. I inspect it. Still made of geo. What was that about then?

A hilichurl archer that managed to escape the bloodbath takes an aim at me. I don't move. Its arrow is shaky and I can easily catch it in my hand.

The arrow hits my shield. It doesn't even budge.

I suddenly realize what happen. The geo power has been enhanced. I pick up the geo vision again. It blurs in front of my eyes. I can see my hands shaking.

I run. Run all the way back to my small home in the corner of Mondstadt. I almost tear the door off the hinges and slam it shut. Once in the safety of my home, I start heaving.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I so fucked up? I'm such an ungrateful brat. I rejected the Geo Lord's power. I killed so many for no reason. I'm such a piece of shit. I lay down and start rocking back and forth. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I hate you. You'll never become a Knight of Favonius. You're lucky to even be a lowly maid of the Knights. It's more than you deserve you disgusting animal. Barbatos above, you're sick. You're disgusting. You didn't do a single thing right today. Barbara would be much happier if she didn't have to put up with you. You're the lowest of the low.

I hear someone knocking on my door. I know who it is. Jean. We had Knights etiquette training today, I remember. Why's she an hour early though?

"Noelle? Are you in there?" I wince a little hearing my own name.

"Noelle. I saw you run here. Can you tell me what's wrong?" I don't answer. Maybe she'll go away if I ignore her long enough.

"Noelle, please, I just want to help. Please just talk to me." Please just fucking stop Jean it's not worth it I promise I don't want help you don't want me

She stays there for a few more minutes, and then eventually leaves. Good. I'm such a worthless piece of trash, making Jean worry about me.

I sink to the ground and wrap my arms around my legs. Jean'll try to help me if I show up today. I don't want help. I don't need help. I need to get stronger. Talking about "help" will slow me down.

I know what I'll do. I'll cry myself out for five more minutes. After that round of self pity, I'll go out, clear up the rest of the training dummies, and do more physical training. After that, to make up for today, I'll wander around Mondstadt, helping anyone who needs me.

I make my face into a smile. Whenever someone needs me, I'll be there. No matter what.