This is a swearing story I am swearing now. Moderately. Why am I swearing now? Because I am an adult and in this story, HDLW are ALSO adults. Yup, that's right baby, College Ducks AU is BACK! And just in time for the end of the year! It's actually been like almost a year since I started a College Ducks Story! I mean, Huey is in Grad school in Group Chat, and they're adults in Fall From Grace, and I finished writing Road Trip this year... This story actually lowkey references Road Trip, which is nice because after writing story after story that references Louie Listens, which is a story I love but also the dumbest thing I've ever made Louie do, it's nice to finally have a story that references a story where Louie was not actually an idiot.

Also, go read Emotional Support Pilot! It's my newest story and I'm proud of it!

Uh, this story deals with mental health issues, depression, panic attacks, the mention of drugs, possibly suicidal ideation (none in the first chapter), and LGBTQ stuff (none in the first chapter) among other things. I will probably use the Q word as I do not view it as a slur, I will note the chapters that I do. Also, I will be using swears and for all of those reasons I'll be marking it M but I'm not going to blindside you with anything violent, derogatory, or sexual. If you think I'm portraying something incorrectly, please fill me in, you can message me or comment, I appreciate the feedback.

And, since I haven't mentioned it yet, this is a Louie Angst story. Enjoy!

Dewey walked into their shared dorm room, having just gotten back from Thursday's Ultimate Frisbee practice, and was immediately grabbed by his older brother and pulled into the bathroom.

"Emergency meeting," Huey hissed.

"Oh, okay. When is Louie getting here?" Dewet asked.

"Shh! He's in the other room. This is about him."

"Oh. Oh! Are we like, gonna, surprise him? He's been pretty down lately."

"He's been in a waking coma lately. He's consumed nothing but Pep! Energy drinks and microwave popcorn plus he's been staying up late every night. He hasn't been showering and only goes outside for classes and sometimes he sleeps through the classes he's in. I don't know about you, but I'm worried about him."

Dewey nodded, looking somber, "Me too. What do you think we should do about it? How do we cheer him up?"

"I think we need to stage an intervention. Get him to eat real food and go to bed before three in the morning."

Dewey nodded, "Good, good, but how do we make him happier?"

Huey paused, "I uh. I don't know. We don't know what he's going through right now. Maybe we should call mom…"

Dewey nodded and dialed her up, but he canceled the call before it dialed when Louie began knocking on the door.

"Are you done in there?" Louie demanded.

Huey and Dewey shared a panicked look and Huey put a finger to his lips.

"Yeah, we're done," Huey said, adding in a whisper, "we'll figure out the rest of this later."

Louie had his arms crossed when they came out of the bathroom, glowering. There were bags under his eyes and he was practically swimming in his hoodie. He'd started wearing bigger hoodies lately, said they were more comfortable but he was just hiding how skinny he'd gotten.

"I'm going home this weekend," Louie informed them, running a hand through his shaggy hair.

"Oh, cool, it'll be nice to see everyone," Huey tried to sound positive.

Louie bit his lip, "You're not coming. I'll leave you the car, I'll take the bus."

"Are you sure that's safe? We'd be happy to drive there with you. It's been a while since we had a road trip." Huey was very concerned by the idea of Louie taking a trip by himself in this state. There was no way he'd be going alone if Huey had a say.

"No, no, you guys have to stay here. This isn't a road trip. I'm going home and I'm not coming back. I'm done." Louie threw his hands in his pocket and eyed the tile floor.

"Wait, what?!" Dewey exploded, "You're dropping out of school? I was supposed to be the one to drop out of school!"

Huey and Louie looked at Dewey in disbelief for a moment but it wasn't long before all the attention was back on Louie.

Louie shrugged, "Yeah. I'm dropping out. It's better than flunking out. I'm one screwed test from being put on Academic Probation. Doesn't matter how hard I study, the information keeps melting out of my brain. I've been trying so hard for too long. I can't do it anymore." Louie sounded so tired, so broken.

Dewey was quick to react, pulling Louie into a hug. He really was so thin now. It made Dewey feel sick with worry.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay to stop. It's okay to rest. You've been so strong, Louie, and we're proud of you." Dewey ran his hand through Louie's greasy hair and Louie shuddered.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Louie mumbled. It had been a while since he did that.

"Louie," Huey said gently, "We should talk."

"After I shower."

"Okay," Huey sighed, wondering what he could say to help his brother.

"You guys can keep talking about me while I'm in the shower. I don't care." Now it was Huey's turn to stare at the floor, while Louie grabbed a clean set of clothes and his phone, and soon Huey and Dewey heard the sound of the water and My Chemical Romance blasting as hot as Louie could stand.

"This is a disaster," Huey murmured, sitting on his bed.

"What do you mean it's a disaster? This is great, Hubert. Louie is going home, mom and Uncle Donald can help him! He's probably just been stressed because of school stuff, this year has been pretty hard, if we take away the stressor won't it get better?"

"While I love the sentiment, Dewey, you know that when Louie leaves he'll be gone? We won't be able to check on him, we won't be able to be there for him. Plus he's a good student who could really use this education!"

"But Huey, he can't use it if he's depressed."

"I just don't think giving up is the right choice. He always does this he always gives up on things that are good for him."

"Huey, he's literally depressed. But the idea of quitting school gave him enough motivation to take a shower. I know you want what's best for him and I know you want to help him and I know you don't want to lose control over things but I think the best thing we can do right now is support him."

"What if it's the wrong decision, though? Louie is smart, I think he just needs structure."

"Structure is literally killing him! He needs acceptance. He needs to know his brothers have his back and that he can come back to school when he's ready if he wants to. And yeah. He is smart. Which is why he doesn't necessarily need school right now. Listen to yourself, Huey. You have to trust that maybe Louie knows what's best for himself right now, because like you said, we don't know what he's going through."

Huey sighed, "You're right. Maybe now we should call mom."

Dewey shook his head, "Not until we talk to Louie. He should be the one to tell our family."

Huey felt a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He felt queasy but he knew he needed to eat because Louie needed to eat. So he busied himself with packing a bag for the weekend.

Dewey saw what Huey was doing and took a different route, disappearing into the hall with Louie's growing stack of dirty laundry, including the hoodie on the bathroom floor, ignoring Louie singing, "And bury me in all my favorite colors." The thought of losing his brother just made him more determined to help, so he started a load of laundry for Louie, dousing the clothes in detergent to get out the stink of sadness.

Louie was in the shower for a really long time. Well, he was in the bathroom for a really long time. MCR was playing the whole time but eventually, the water stopped. Huey and Dewey had both packed their bags and let Webby know that they were going home that weekend and that it might be in her best interest to come. Dewey had moved the hoodies to the dryer. And Louie…

Louie had given himself a haircut. It had been getting longish but now it was shaved on the sides. It was FAR from perfect but it didn't exactly look like a breakup cut either. It was safe to assume that Louie at the very least hadn't been crying while he cut his hair.

"What did you do?" Huey asked.

"Haircut. I'd been putting it off."

"I like it," Dewey encouraged, "though you might wanna let us get the bits you missed."

Louie nodded, managing a smile. Huey smiled back.

"We're packed for the weekend. Oh and Dewey put a load of hoodies in the wash."

"Don't worry! I emptied the pockets. Did you know you had a doctor's appointment last week? Because this piece of paper says you did and I don't think you went." Dewey held up a piece of paper. It had been folded several times and it was marked up in urgent neon sharpie.

"I lost the paper and forgot," Louie shrugged.

Huey looked horrified, "Why did you have a doctors appointment scheduled? And why didn't I know about it? And why didn't you go?"

Now Louie looked frustrated and fidgety and he began to pick at some of the neck hair the razor had missed.

"Louie?" Huey prodded.

"It was therapy, okay?! My accounting professor recommended a therapist because-" Louie stopped, looking embarrassed, "-just because, and so I scheduled it but I couldn't go, are you happy?"

"No," Huey said softly, putting his hand on Louie's shoulder, "I wish you had told me. There's no shame in therapy, no shame in asking for help. I wish we could've helped you see that."

Louie sighed, "It doesn't matter now."

"That's not true," Dewey protested, "Your mental health is really important to us. Why… Why'd your accounting teacher think you needed therapy?"

"Dunno. I guess he just saw how much of a hot mess I am."

"I know that's not true. You can tell us, Lou, we won't judge you," Huey promised.

"Yeah, you will. It's super embarrassing."

"Dude I called a professor mom once. He wasn't pleased. It can't be worse than that," Dewey said.

Louie sighed, sitting down in his desk chair and spinning it for a moment before coming clean.

"I had a panic attack in class. But I'm fine. It rarely ever happens."

"Rarely ever?" Dewey asked, frowning.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Huey looked even queasier.

"Because you freak out and then I freak out even more! This is why I've got to go home…"

"We're not going to try to stop you from going home," Huey said softly, "We just hope you consider coming back to school when you feel more in control."

Louie laughed, sounding pained, "Sure. That's gonna happen."

"Never say never. Things will get better, Louie. I just know it." Dewey tried to sound confident but it was hard when his younger brother was crumbling before him.

"Okay…" Louie didn't make eye contact with either of his brothers.

"After your laundry is done we should get dinner," Huey suggested.

"I'm not hungry." Louie hugged himself.

"You need to eat. And we need to tell someone that we're coming home for the weekend," Huey said.

"I invited Webby," Dewey added, "she's part of this family too."

Louie shuddered suddenly, his whole body trembling, catching Dewey and Huey's attention.

"Hey, are you okay?" Huey asked, and Dewey pulled Louie into another hug, not letting go as Louie squirmed, fell still, and then began to cry.

"Louie?!" Huey dropped to his knees in front of Louie and looked up at Louie as tears streamed down his face.

"They're going to be so disappointed in me," Louie mumbled, swiping at his eyes. Dewey hugged his brother even tighter and Huey grabbed him some tissues.

"No they won't, they'll be proud of you for trying. Louie, you've done so many incredible things. Having a perfect semester doesn't have to be one of them."

"Thanks, Huey… I'm just… I'm scared to tell them."

"I understand. But we'll be there with you. You don't have to do it alone."

"Do you think I can do it over the phone? Tell them today so I don't have to tomorrow?"

"I don't see why not. We can call mom before dinner."

"You're not gonna let dinner go, are you?" Louie laughed.

"Of course not. You need to eat, man. You're skin and bones," Huey said.

Louie opened his mouth to protest but reconsidered as Dewey poked his ribs, "Fine. I'll go to the caf with you but I can't promise much."

"Thank you."

"I gotta get your clothes out of the dryer, don't call mom without me," Dewey said, dashing out of the room and returning a few minutes later with a pile of warm hoodies. Louie reached out and grabbed one, wrapping it around himself, and Huey instinctively started folding the rest.

"Do you need help packing the rest of your stuff?" Huey asked.

Louie nodded, "If you guys don't mind."

"Of course we don't mind! We'll play some music and have some kind of packing party. It's gonna be a bummer not having you around but we're going to do everything to make your homecoming good. We love you, Louie."

Huey nodded, "We love you more than you know."

"I love you guys too. I'm sorry about all the changes. I just. I can't… I'm trying."

"We know, Louie, it's okay." Dewey put a hand on his leg and then offered his phone, "Let's call mom."

"Right. Mom…" Louie looked nervous, running his fingers through his hair.

"It's going to be okay. She's going to support you as well."

Louie clicked her phone number and turned on the speakerphone.

"Hey! How many of my boys are calling?" Della was always super excited to hear from her kids so it wasn't uncommon for them to crowd around one phone and talk to her. Well, it had been less common as of late, since everything had been so hard lately.

"Let's see," Dewey said dramatically, "I'm here, and Huey is here, and, oh look, Louie decided to pop in as well."

"Oh, good! It's all of you. I've missed my little boys."

"Mom, we're twenty-one," Dewey complained.

"Still my little boys. And I still miss you a lot."

"Well, we're coming home this weekend," Louie said shakily, and Della cheered loudly on the other side.

"Louie actually has something to tell you," Huey said, giving Louie a nudge since he was clearly ready to nope out of this as soon as he could.

"Oh? Is something the matter, sweetie?"

Louie groaned, slipping onto the ground, head between his knees. Her kindness now made him realize how much her disappointment was going to hurt.

"Louie? Louie?" His breathing was fast and he was shaking. Huey knelt beside him, eyes wide with terror.

"What's going on?" Della asked over the phone.

"Louie's having a panic attack," Dewey explained, also terrified, "Huey, should I get the dorm mom? What should I do? Huey? Huey?"

"Calm down!" Huey snapped, not calm, "Louie, I'm gonna need you to focus on your breathing…" He knew that helped. That was the only thing he knew. Why was that the only thing he knew? He was a Senior Woodchuck! He should have more training, he should be able to help.

Louie wasn't focusing on his breathing. Louie was hugging himself, choking on his breath.

"Louie, I'm gonna count. We're going to breathe and count," Huey said, staying with Louie while Dewey disappeared with the direct line to Della.

Louie nodded, looking terrified.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten," Huey counted, breathing in and out as if to demonstrate how breathing was supposed to work. And Louie, well he tried to follow along.

"You're doing good. Keep breathing. And…" Huey grabbed one of the clean hoodies and put it in Louie's hands, "Focus on this. Focus on how it looks and feels and smells. It'll be okay."

Louie rubbed his fingers over the fabric, which helped him a bit. They seemed to sit there for hours, but it was over eight minutes after it began.

"I'm sorry," Louie muttered, standing long enough to collapse on his bed, "I'm sorry, it keeps happening."

"Louie, how many times has this happened?"

"This semester? Um…" Louie hesitated. He looked dead tired, "Hey, where's Dewey?"

"He left, I don't know where he went or what he's up to. You're avoiding the question, Louie. Please. I just want to help."

"I think I've had seven, this semester. A few at night, when I was studying. One in class. This one…"

"And?" Huey guessed there was more to his story.

"One happened off-campus. The first one. The worst one. It was at the start of the semester and I didn't know what was going on, so I thought I was dying. And then I didn't die, so I didn't want to tell you guys about it." Huey almost lost it.

"What the hell? You've had seven panic attacks in the last two months and you didn't think to tell any of us?"

Louie flinched, "I know you're scared, I was more scared. I can't explain what's been going on, Huey… I just…"

"I'm sorry. I know you must have been terrified, I really don't know what that must have been like for you. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't come to us. But you can. Every time."

There was a warning knock on the door, and then Dewey unlocked it. He had something under his arm and looked smug.

"Where have you been?" Huey asked, sitting next to Louie on the bed and crossing his arms.

"I know I should've stayed to weather the storm with you guys, I'm sorry, Louie, really. But you were so scared and I… I wanted to make that fear a bit more manageable. So I told mom your real reason for coming home. She's not mad. She does want to talk to you tomorrow, but that can be sorted out tomorrow. Oh, and I got sandwiches." Dewey revealed a Subway bag with some gusto.

"Thanks, Dewey. That was a really good idea. I don't think either of us is really up for an outing tonight," Huey admitted.

Louie was quiet, picking at a loose thread on his pillow until Dewey set a sandwich next to him and he forced himself to sit up.

"She really wasn't mad?"

"Of course not. She wants to hear it in your words, but no, she wasn't mad. Or disappointed, or any of it."

"I'm gonna pack in the morning," Louie said quietly, "I'll try to eat but then I'm going to bed."

"That's a good idea," Huey agreed, "it's been a long day. We'll leave after classes tomorrow."

"Sounds good," Louie gave them a thumbs up and began to take a few bites of the sandwich.

"Got you a drink, too," Dewey said, tossing Louie a water bottle. Louie gave him a look.

"What? You've had so many energy drinks it's probably in your veins at this point. And I can't imagine they help with the panic attacks. So you should probably drink water for a while."

"How'd you get so smart?" Louie asked.

"I've been cramming while you and Huey were busy being the smart ones."

"I'm not smart anymore," Louie said, "I've been failing everything that comes my way… I can't even see the angles anymore."

"Louie, you're going through a mental health crisis. You need to cut yourself some slack. And you really do need to see a professional. Panic attacks aren't uncommon but it really seems like you have panic disorder. Which can be helped," Huey said.

Louie nodded, setting down his sandwich, done for the day.

"You should rest now. Tomorrow will be better," Dewey promised.

"Yeah. Sure." It didn't take Louie long to knock off, much earlier tonight than he had in a while. Dewey stayed up a little longer working on Chemistry homework and then headed to bed. Huey was still up.

"Hey, you're probably driving tomorrow, you should get some rest," Dewey suggested in a whisper, glancing at the computer screen Huey was staring at and feeling his heart sink. Huey was researching panic attacks.

"We're going to do everything we can to help him, Huey. But it wasn't your fault. You didn't know. Don't put this all on yourself."

"I just wish I could've helped him more."

"Uh…" Dewey scrambled, trying to think of something Louie had said, "The past is detrimental."

Huey was caught off guard and laughed a little, "We don't dwell on the past at Louie Inc." They both glanced at the dimly lit blob of brother sleeping peacefully for once in his own bed.

"I really hope you're right," Huey said as he shut his laptop, casting them both into darkness.

"About what?"

"About tomorrow being better. We all need something better right now."

The next chapter will be up when I edit it which could be today but will probably at least be before Christmas. I'm kinda procrastinating homework rn and I need to get on it so it probably won't be today.