A/N: When I started to work on my ongoing fic "Now or never" (please check that out if you haven't), I came up with 2 scenarios what could have happened after the Reunion. Ultimately, I decided to turn the other one into the longer story for various reasons, but this still kept playing on my mind. So I wrote a two-shot of it.

This one is a little bit rawer and much more physical than "Now or never". Even if I still was very careful with my choice of words, the rating will change to M when the second chapter goes up, to have you warned ;-)

...

Wow, what a ride. She had excepted the two days to be a rollercoaster ride of emotions, but it had been so much more than what she had thought it would be.

Reading all those lovely ideas on paper had been one thing, but to really see them come alive was a whole different story.

But stepping onto the set again, and seeing everybody THERE... she could not even put into words what that did to her.

She had been a mess during the whole first day, really. That was kind of to be expected with her, though.

What she had definitely not expected was the physical sensation she had experienced when HE hugged her, like in the old days, burrying his face in her hair, holding her close.

They had seen each other through the years, even if not regularly and not as often as the rest of the gang. And while it had always been bittersweet, given their history, this had not happened in the past.

She was unable to tell why, maybe it was being back in the place where she fell for him in the first place, because they both had reminisced part of their past with Ben, still unsure if they wanted to bring it up during the show, or the fact that this was indeed the first time that there would be no strings attached, when...

They quickly were drawn to each other like magnets, always looking at the other and being lost in each other in direct interactions. Small touches that randomly (really?) occured send electric shocks down her spine.

For the table read, they had agreed on the scenes in advance, and it was really so great. Everybody slipped right back into character.

The last of these scenes to be shot was the Ross/Rachel coffeehouse kiss. The only thing really that came from the writers where the lines they were saying. The rest had really, if she was being honest, been her and David.

And somehow, this all was back. It was really good that they had the table between them, because if she could have, she would have kissed him again. Looking into his eyes, she knew it was the same for him.

After they emotionally recovered, they were first asked to the coffee house set to dwelve into some memories, and all the while, Ben would come in and bring up a topic for them to discuss spontaneously, him keeping track they had everything that they needed.

That was then switched to the living room set, where they were shown different scenes, bloopers or bts stuff to remenisce in.

The material from them on the set had led to finally discuss the fact that the others had very well been aware of the crush the two of them had on each other. Wow.

They all went their seperate ways after taping to regain strength and composure for the second day, when there would be an audience.

They did the trivia quiz, Lisa and Gaga singing together and then, the big talk segment with James.

Right before that, she had exchanged a few words with David, and as they were very well aware of their chemistry in the table read and of the other stuff that had been said, they agreed to talk about what they had experienced, in case that question occured.

When James finally asked the question, she was at a loss of words at first, and all she could do, was deter the question to him. And somehow, they maneuvered themselves through that just fine.

After the final huddle, even if it was already late evening, she could not let them go and invited all 5 over to her house to a private after party. Since everybody seemed to have felt the same, they all gladly accepted.

They had been situated around the table on her terrace by her pool on this nice and warm April evening, drinks in their hands and talking about everything that came to their mind.

It seemed to her, as if everybody bit their tongues when it came to David and her.

She knew that that would of course be something to stick with all of them, as this was perhaps the hugest reveal of the whole thing and would for sure cause a frenzy.

It seemed like the others were aware of the fact that this was something that should be left for the two of them to discuss. But she was not sure that this was ever going to happen.

There were so many things left unsaid, so many things undone and yet so much heartbreak between the two of them, that she would not count on it.

First one to leave was Matthew, who still was not feeling well after his dental procedure the other day, followed by Lisa. Matt and Courteney stuck around for a little while longer, before Matt decided to go home as well.

David, Courteney and she sat there for a little while longer, David on a bench next to Courteney, keeping his safe distance to her. Somehow she had the feeling he still had stuck around to give them a chance to talk.

When she accompanied Courteney to the door and hugged her goodbye, her friend whispered to her ear "At least TRY to talk to him. Good night!"

When she returned to the garden, she switched off most the lights in the terrace off except for one, so that no one would fall on the way back to the house, and the tealights in the colourful glasses on the table.

Maybe this would be easier to discuss when they did not see every blink of the eye of the other. Plus, she was slightly afraid this could end in her crying. Yet again.

Now, she sat down on the bench beside him where Courteney had sat, his arm still on the backrest, but she was careful not to make body contact. Simply because she was not sure if that would have been something he wanted.

They both were unable to look at each other in the remaining light, choosing to look out on the reflection of the moon on the pool water infront of them.

"So... that really was a rollercoaster..." She started.

"You bet" he chuckled.

"It's out there now" she stated.

"Do you regret saying it?" He asked. "If you did, we could tell Ben to cut it out. Everybody who was there signed NDAs... so..."

"No. I think it is beautiful." She said, after taking a second to think about it. "Do you?"

"No, I think what we said is something everybody can know and that makes things more meaningful and personal."

"Yeah."

"And the rest..."

"What do you mean by that?" She asked.

"Well, for example that, at least from my side, this did not end with season 2. That I got drunk after you announced your engagement to Brad and that I called you MY wife then? That this resulted in Ross and Rachel getting drunk and then marry in Vegas? That it was so damn hard for me to let go of this fictional relationship that I moved to the other side of the country to put some distance between us?"

"I did not know that. I suspected about the drunk part, I am not stupid. I take it that this was the real reason you did not attend the wedding and not "having to shoot a thing"?"

"Well I had to, but I must admit it came handy. If I had insisted, they would probably not have physically forced me to stay on set that weekend." He admitted, smiling slightly, but still looking out on the water.

"And the moving away thing? Are you really blaming me for that?"

"No, that was a bit exaggarated. There were various reasons. Most importantly I was unhappy that all roles that I was offered really were slight variations of Ross. As much as I loved that character, I wanted to do something different. And that was easier to achieve elsewhere. But with that near-slip after that wrap party... I did not want to interfere with your marriage."

While they were quiet for a while, they both remembered that impromptu party they had when the sets were taken down. They had a few drinks, she was emotional and sad that, at this very day when she really would have needed him the most, her husband was absent again. They had shot that final scene with her getting off the plane, which stuck to her emotionally.

After the party, she came to her empty house, and in a spur of the moment decision, decided to pay him a visit. When he opened the door she flew in his arms and began to kiss him. After following her lead for a short moment, he had taken the high road, stopped what sure would have happened and called her a cab to take her home.

"Well someone else sure took care of that shortly after..." She said, referring to a certain brunette bombshell.

"If only I knew..." he said, implying that he definitely would have wanted more that night.

"Yeah..." She sighed. "Took a while for me to recover from that."

"I thought about reaching out to you, but I did not know what to say..."he said.

"Totally ok, I get it. I could have reached out to you as well, but I did not want that to come across the wrong way. And by the time I felt I was healed, you had Zoe. And when I the two of you met at that gala in NYC, you were so cute together, that I was just happy for you."

"Yeah..."

The first of the two remaining tealights flickered off, leaving them nearly in the dark now.

"And then I met Justin, and he was this great guy, and everything was just so easy, but still... And even if there was nobody else involved, that ended as well." She sighed. By now, she knew that she simply was missing something. Or maybe someone?

He continued to speak "I was devastated when she moved out on me. I cannot even pinpoint what it was. Sometimes I think I am not capable of maintaining a lifelong relationship, but other times I think that..."

"What?"

The last tea light flickered off.

"Jen... I think you and I both know by now why all of this happened. But it am not going to say anything. So much has happened already. I think for my own sanity, it is better to leave things unsaid, so that we can remain friends. At least that...

Anyway, it must be late already, I am going home now... good night, Jen. Thanks for having us."

When he got up, she realized: she had played with his feelings for a long time. He had given her the chance to finally confess she was feeling the same, and had realized she would probably never be able to do so.

Which she didn't, hoping to hear him say it.

Which he could not, to shield himself from further heartbreak.

She turned around and saw his tall figure walking towards the house.