[An:
Bold = Echo
Italics = thoughts
"Joe mama gæ" = speech
Joe mama gæ* = Sound effects
*Joe mama bold* = Loud sound effects
Center alligned bold text = author narration]
Subaru and co. were coming back from Priestella to the mansion to take Ram and Rem in the team before going to the Pleiades watchtower.
They were all riding a dragon carriage to their destination.
"It's not just a simple stop, okay." murmured Subaru as he squinted at the direction of the mansion.
He recieved four glances from his companions all eyes filled with emotions.
Noticing how they are staring at him, he asks, "Why are you all staring at me like that? Surely I am not that handsome right?"
...
"What happened?" Worriedly asks Subaru in a panicked voice directing that question especially to Emilia because unlike the other passengers who were drooling just a bit, she was drooling a bit more than just a bit.
Still having saliva pour down from her mouth, Emilia says, "O-One strand of your-your..." Emilia stutters and is hardly able to speak while rubbing her thighs against each other.
"Uh-huh." Urges Subaru cautiously and gently giving her enough time to properly say what she wants to.
"A strand of your hair is down."
Subaru's worry turned into exasperation along with Beatrice's expression.
Subaru sighs and mutters, "Of course, that's what it was." He settles that strand of hair back on his head. A purple haired rando and Eridna wipe their face with the sleeve of their garbs and turn around to pretend that nothing happened.
"Wait! Why don't you keep your hair down!? It looks so cool and handsome on you!" Exclaims Emilia at the boy's stupidity. 'And irresistible too' goes unsaid.
"Oh for fu-NO! I am not keeping my hair down!" He mercilessly crushes Emilia's hope as if he let a wrecking ball fall down from a crane.
Emilia just accepts her cruel fate and sits back down.
• • •
After the group reaches their destination, they are met by a certain clown.
"We are back Roz-Chi." Says Subaru as everyone gets down from the carriage.
"It's goooood to see you Subaru-kuuun! Anastaaasia-Sama. Oh, and the two gueeests here" Roswaal greets them with his usual accent and make-up.
But there was something off about his sentence.
"Wait do you not remember me, Roswaal!?" Asks Emilia in a panic, wondering if she got her name eaten and didn't even realise it.
"I doooo, It was juuuust a prank." Says Roswaal with his same ever present smile.
"Wait, halt for a damn second, Roz-Chi!"
"Yes?"
"Weren't you supposed to do this prank in the 'Lost Child Search Chronicles - II' Side-Story featuring in Volume 27 of 'Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu' rather than the beginning of Arc 6? Petra and Ram are supposed to be greeting us right now."
"Oh shit! Cut it out! Cut it out!!" Roswaal loses his accent in pure panic at his error as he demands a retry.
Retake!!
The team rode the Earth dragons towards Roswaal mansion, gave their thanks to the driver, and then got off.
Just then a petite maid jump towards Subaru with unrestrained force, "Subaru!"
"Oh Petra-"
"You've been hit by,
You've been struck by,
PETRA!"
Giga Petra slammed her entire body on him shattering his ribcage and breaking his backbone. Subaru was hit with so much force he puked out his lungs and fucking died.
• • •
"I am a nameless man in the quest of becoming not nameless anymore, so could you help this nameless man in his quest of being not nameless anymore?" Asks a purple haired knight to the eccentric man with clown make-up.
"No. Also you are selfiiiish because you want to geeeet your name baack."
"With all due respect, Mathers-Sama. If you were to lose your memories wouldn't you want to receive it back?"
"But I will never put myseeeelf in risk anywaaay. Caaan't be selfish when you don't lose your naaame in the fiiirst place."
"Fair. But why would you insult me?"
"Your handsome makes me want to punch you. That's why." He didn't even use his accent, showing how serious that sentence was.
"The clown preaches the truth for once." Agrees Subaru from the side.
"I am all sad now..." Whines the purple haired rando
"Always have been" Subaru pulls out a glock and ends this farce.
*BANG*
• • •
"I am bored of sitting in my house, onii~san. I want to go with you to the world outside, youu know~." Exclaims a blue-haired child to Subaru.
"Alright, let's take the knock-off Rapunzel who is a murderer and will probably murder us with us to the Sage's watchtower." Says Subaru to his companions.
"Are you really fine with taking a murderer with us who has tried to murder you all before? Also why did you not take revenge from her?" Interrogates Eridna.
"Even if the murderer tries to murder someone, the one being murdered would be me, multiple times even but it wouldn't matter because I get un-murdered whenever I get murdered." Subaru uses complete facts and reasoning to assauge her worries. "And for the latter half of your question, I have the smell of a witch cultist and people get suspicious of me all the time, so if I took revenge from everyone who has attempted to murder me or has murdered me, this world's already low population will drastically decrease."
"I didn't get the reasoning for either part of your answer but I will just keep a knife in my pocket and the morbid words you spoke will conveniently go unnoticed by my smooth brain along with all your other friends."
"Great! Now let's go knock-off murderer Rapunzel and friends."
All of them walk out of the basement to have one final chat with Roswaal and leave.
• • •
"And so you seem to have a younger brother, brinjal man." Says Subaru to Brinjal man.
"It's julius."
"yeah, that."
"Well anyways, I am not the original eldest son of the Juukulius family. To put it more accurately, I should say that I am not the official eldest son. Alviero Juukulius—" As Julius was incessantly assaulting Subaru with an info dump, Subaru interjects, "Hold on."
Subaru pulls out a small diary from his pocket and starts flipping it's pages.
"What are you doing with that diary?" Asks Julius to sate his curiousity.
After flipping through all the pages, Subaru closes the book looks up at Julius and replies, "I was looking through my gospel to find who asked. HA-HA!!"
Subaru was expecting Julius to go catatonic and the entire carriage to cheer for him as things normally go in parodies but—
"Subaru(Barusu){Natsuki-Kun}, you have a gospel?" Everyone unanimously asked him as he realized his mistake
Natsuki Subaru died... offscreen.
• • •
Subaru and Emilia go into a bar to ask the shopkeeper how to enter the Pleiades watchtower as a random citizen would of course know more about the tower than the Sword Saint himself.
They get themselves a glass of milk each and commence their interrogation.
"Hey bartender. How do we enter the Pleiades watchtower?" Asks Subaru
"Don't go there."
"Why not?"
"Look at my leg. I am a survivor and I have experienced a lot of trauma after going in there."
"Cry to your mama about your trauma, not me— Ow!" As Subaru was roasting the bartender to ashes, Emilia came to the rescue by slamming her palm on his scalp.
"If bartender-San don't want to tell us, we shouldn't pry it off of him, Subaruu." Admonished Emilia with a motherly tone. "Anyways, how do we enter the tower?"
"Yeah, just follow the birds"
"Thanks." Emilia pays for the two glasses of milk and drags the black haired boy who was cursing this unfair and cruel world up from his seat and goes back to meet the others.
• • •
As you all know, arc 6 is packed with content. So we will now see what's the stuff we have here~
We got a desert here~
"F#CK SH!T! THE SAND IS IN MY EYES!!"
We got a TSUNdere lady here~
"OUCH!"
"Forgive me, Barusu but your defenseless butt was irresistible for my boots."
We got a TsunDERE loli here~
"So you love me Beako?"
"Yeah, of course— Wait what are you trying to make me say, you ill-natured man!?"
We got an angel here~
"LET YOU HAIR DOWN ALREADY!" Requests Emilia patiently
"N O!!" replies Subaru calmly.
We got a depressed knight here~
"Why do you keep dumping info about your background on me!? What did I ever do to you!? Why do you hate me so much!? Why are you tormenting me with the knowledge, I oh-so desperately want to discard!?"
"Because you are the only one who remembers me."
"What are you even talking about!? I've never met you before!"
Le sad music*
We got a dog with a bit too much of woman power in here~
"Woof" Requests Patrasche
"Woof" Imitates a certain silver haired half elf trying to petition Patrasche's idea.
"STOOOP! STOP REQUESTING ME TO BE FASHIONABLE YOU TWO PAIN IN THE ASS WOMEN! I AM NOT WEARING JOHN WICK'S CLOTHES!"
We got Giant Earthworms in here~
"Ueeeegh"
"HOW DARE YOU VOMIT ON BETTY'S HEAD!?"
We got bears in here~
The sounds of a lullaby sung by a kid and the snorings of 1,000 of bears along with a brinjal's fill the air.
We got lasers in here~
Pew*; *Thud*
The head of a boy falls down on the ground and makes a dull thud which is followed by the sounds of distant sobbing.
We got action in here~
"Take this!" Emilia throws a sharp boomerang made out of ice... Which loops back to Subaru's head instead of Emilia's hand because the carriage was moving.
We got a loli that makes the giga-est of Chads cry here~
"Dont die! Please don't die! Please don't leave Betty alone again! You can vomit on my head again if you want to but please don't leave me!!!"
:pain:
*Sounds of sobbing penetrates through the fourth wall*
We got a Centaur on fire here~
The cries of a thousand babies fill the air which is actually the screech of the Centaur on fire... A black haired boy in the process of having his body be the same colour as his hair.
"What a disgusting creature! Doing my job without my consent!"
"What do you mean doing your job!? He killed Natsuki-Kun!"
"Zoom in the picture, Anastasia-Sama. It's my job to roast Barusu."
We've got 4 friends having a friendly duel in good faith here~
"You don't love Rem."
"DIE BITCH! I WILL SHUT YOU UP, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! COME DOWN TO MY LEVEL!" Subaru uses Invisible Providence and grabs each of Ram's limbs. He brings her down from Patrasche and begins strangling her.
"Ueeeeegh. Ueeeegh"
"YEAH HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!"
Ram somehow frees herself, "Time to die, Barusu!" Then she feels a knife in her chest and falls down on the ground.
"Can't have you both kill each other, I atleast need one to get out of here. So what do you say Natsuki-Kun? Wanna team up?" She says while holding a knife in her hand.
"Yeah." Subaru uses Invisible Providence and brings the hand to her neck.
"I figured you would do that." She plunges the knife on his shoulder.
"I sleep" Subaru goes unconscious.
Ram from behind bisects Eridna by the middle of her torso.
Patrasche gets hungry and grabs a snicker to calm everyone down... Ram uses fula on the Snickers. It's super effective!
"Woof!" Patrasche crunches her head as if munching on a watermelon.
Subaru on the side wakes up and calls Patrasche.
"Woof."
"Oi. Oi. Don't threaten me, I don't have any Snickers on me."
Patrasche crunches his head as if munching on a pumpkin.
We got a TsunDERE lady here~
"Ueeeeegh" Subaru vomits the instant he wakes up.
"There, there." Ram pats his back as he's doing his job.
Subaru still affected by the previous event was about to try and strangle her again when Patrasche shoves a snicker in his mouth.
"Woof." 'People become a monster when they are hungry. Grab a snickers.'
We got a half-naked big booba scorpion Waifu here~
Subaru was trying to shield Ram from the Centaur on fire by hugging her body and then—
Pew*; *Pew*; *Pew*; *Pew*; *Pew*; *Pew*
The Centaur on fire gets annihilated and comes forth a Waifu.
*Le gasp of awe and wonder*
"A half-naked big booba scorpion Waifu! GOD IS REAL!"