Barson 2020

Chapter One

March 6th 2020

"Hey Liv, we are going for drinks. You want to join us for one?" Amanda asked from the door of Liv's office.

Olivia looked down at her watch it was almost six o'clock on Friday night. Noah was spending the night at his best friend Ryan's house, so he did not need to get home to him. The thought of going home to an empty apartment was equal parts enticing and depressing. She could not remember the last time she had been home alone, yet at the same time it served as a reminder that other than her son there was nobody waiting for her.

"Come on Liv, you said Noah was staying with a friend tonight." Amanda urged.

Liv smiled at her. "All right. Give me thirty minutes and I will meet you guys. Where are we going?"

"Forlini's." Amanda answered and then read the expression on Liv's face. "Or I can text Carisi and we can go somewhere else."

Liv waved her hand and shook her head. "Florini's is fine. I'll be right behind you guys."

"Don't stand us up Liv." Amanda warned.

Liv smiled, "I won't. Let me just finish these reports."

Thirty minutes later true to her words Liv was standing outside the door to Forlini's, she took a deep breath working up the nerve to enter. This was their place, hers and Rafael's. How many nights had they spent sitting at the bar or when they needed privacy tucked away in their corner booth? Just standing outside the door she could feel the wave of memories threatening to pull her under. It had been a month since her day early birthday call and she had hardly heard from him since. He went were the primaries went as legal counsel for the Democratic National Committee.

She took another deep breath and pushed the door open. The bar was crowded and loud. If she had been meeting him, she would know to turn left and head to their booth. She was not meeting him though so searched until she spotted Carisi at the bar, Amanda was next to him. She pushed her way through the crowd when a sound caught her ears. She shook her head, this place, the memories were getting to her, but there it was again. A sound she knew anywhere, his voice rising above the crowd. It couldn't be, she stopped and took in the back of the person standing with Carisi and Amanda. Amanda caught her eyes and a grin spread across her face. Carisi was next. Their conversation paused. The person turned to face her, khaki pants, a blue button-down shirt, his sleeves were rolled up. He still had the ridiculous beard he had grown, his eyes looked tired, but when they met hers, she did not miss how they sparkled or the smile that spread across his face.

"Hi Liv." He said casually as if he was standing exactly where he was supposed to.

"You…It's really you… you're really here…" She stammered frozen in place.

His smile widened, "It is and I am." He answered.

Liv bit her lip and forced back the tears she felt coming back to her eyes. She took one step towards him and then could not stop herself as she launched into his arms. He was ready for her and as always, he held her steady. He stroked her head and made no effort to release her, giving her as long as she needed. When she had finally composed herself, she stepped back still not releasing him.

"How? Why?' She asked.

Rafael laughed, "An airplane, and because I owe you dinner."

She hugged him again and then finally let go of him and turned her attention to her friends standing grinning against the bar.

"You two knew about this?" She asked.

Carisi smiled as he nodded, "Just since yesterday and I didn't tell Amanda until this morning." He admitted.

"And we should actually get going." Amanda said taking Carisi's hand. "See you Monday Liv. It was good to see you Barba."

Barba shook Carisi's hand and hugged Amanda thanking them both then turned back to Liv who was still standing there with a look of disbelief on her face.

"So, are we eating here?" He asked her with a smile.

Liv shook her head and returned his smile. "I have a better idea." She told him linking her arm in his as she led him out the door.

The cold early March night air hit them as they walked outside. Rafael wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her closer to himself. She leaned into him as if it were the most natural thing in the world and smiled when she felt his lips press against her temple.

"Lead the way." He whispered and she heard the catch in his voice and that was when she knew he had missed her as much as she had missed him.

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"You know I would have taken you to a restaurant, right?" Rafael asked her as he rest his head against the back of her couch.

Liv finished cleaning up the rest of the takeout Cuban food they had brought back to her apartment. She joined him on the couch picking up her glass of wine as he sipped on his scotch.

"But then we couldn't talk as well and I wanted you to see the new place." She told him. She and Noah had moved into a new apartment at the first of the year and he had not been back to see it yet.

"I like it, Liv, gives you and Noah a little more space." He told her.

"Yes, and there's guest bed in the office so next time you decided to pop in you can stay with us." She said.

He smiled at her again, "I would really like that, Liv."

"So, what's really going on, Rafa? Why are you here tonight?" She asked.

Rafael shrugged, "Can't I just want to spend an evening with my best friend?"

Liv raised an eyebrow at him, "Now, I know something is up."

Rafael laughed and held up his hands, "All right, I have had a job offer."

Liv looked at him in surprise, "What happened to the DNC?"

Rafael shook his head, "That was just temporary they called me in after the mess in Iowa and I helped a little in the next few primaries, but it did lead to another offer."

Liv was intrigued, "What is that?"

"Chief legal counsel for the Biden campaign." He told her letting out a breath as if he did not believe it himself.

"Rafa! That is fantastic!" She said throwing her arms around him.

He hugged her back smiling at the feel of her in his arms. "So, you think I should take it?" He laughed.

Liv pulled back from him. "What would keep you from taking it? We both know him; we know he is a good man who would make a great President."

"Absolutely, and a big part of me feels if I can help get him elected, help get our country out of this mess then I need to do it." He said.

Liv nodded in agreement, "Then what is stopping you?"

Rafael shrugged, "It would mean being on the road until the election." He said and paused.

"That's only a few months Rafa and it's important work. Maybe the most important you've ever done." She told him.

He laced his fingers with hers, "We did some pretty important work."

Liv smiled, "We did. Are you saying you think you might want to go back to the DA's office?"

Rafael shook his head, "No, that part of my life is over."

Liv could not hide her disappointment and she looked away from him. She felt him squeeze her hand. When she still did not look at him, he gently turned her face with his free hand.

"That part of my life is over, not this part Liv." He said quietly but firmly. "That is why I am here."

Liv swallowed, "Why are you here?" She asked quietly.

"Because, I miss you. I miss take out Cuban food in your apartment. I miss Saturdays with Noah. I miss fighting with you. I miss sitting close to you. I miss being the first person you call. I miss being there for you. I am tired of wondering what might have been and I would like to see what could be." He told her rubbing his thumb on along the side of her face.

"Rafa." She whispered.

"I need to know, if you want me to stay in New York, because it you want me to I will. I need to know if you want to see what could be." He said.

Liv took a deep breath and closed her eyes before speaking, "No." She finally said.

His hand dropped from his face and his other hand untangled from hers. "Oh, ok..." He stammered.

She grabbed both of his hands in his, "I mean yes, Rafa, I want you here. I miss those things too. I have needed you so many times recently." Her voice caught for a minute before she continued.

He shook his head in confusion, "Then what?" He asked.

"This is too important Rafa. You need to do this." She raised his hand to her mouth and kissed it. "I will be here in November. Saturdays with Noah will be here in November." She told him.

He moved one hand back to the side of her face, "Are you saying what I think you are saying?"

"I am saying that whatever is between us has not gone away after everything we have been through; I think it can stand through a few more months." She said firmly. "Yes Rafa, I want a chance to see what could be, but I am willing to wait until November."

"Liv." He whispered before brushing his lips against hers. He kissed he slowly wanting to savor every part of it. He pulled back when he felt tears on his face a realized she was crying.

"What's wrong?" He asked. "Should I not have?"

Liv smiled and wiped her tears, "No, you definitely should have. I just can't believe you did. I can't believe any of this is happening."

"And you are sure you are all right with me leaving again? I really don't know how often I will get back between now and November." He said looking into her eyes.

Liv kissed him softly, "Maybe you could be a little better about calling?" She teased.

Rafael pulled her into in his arms and settled them both back against the couch. "I will. Now tell me everything that I have missed the last few months." They talked until she could barely hold her eyes open. "I should go and let you sleep." He finally said.

Liv just pulled a blanket up around them and snuggled closer to him. "I can sleep fine right here."

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Liv woke on an empty couch but to the smell of coffee the next morning. She slowly stretched and opened her eyes. She could see him at her breakfast bar in his now wrinkled khakis and undershirt. He was drinking coffee and doing something, work no doubt, on his phone.

She made her way quietly over to him and hesitated briefly before wrapping her arms around him and leaning her head on his shoulder. This was so new, the feel of each other beyond the occasional hug or hand on the back. She wondered how he would react. Part of her worried he had changed his mind. He set down his phone, placed one of is hands on her arms. He turned his face towards hers and pulled her head slightly to himself and kissed her lips.

"Good morning." He said smiling into her eyes.

"Good morning." She answered him kissing him back before going pour herself a cup of coffee. "What are you doing?" She asked sitting down next to him pointing to his phone.

"Accepting the position." He answered.

Liv nodded and smiled. "I am proud of you Rafa." She told him sincerely but could not hide the slight sadness in her voice when she asked her next question. "When do you have to leave?"

He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, "I need to meet the campaign in Michigan first thing Monday morning." He answered. "So, we have the weekend."

Olivia smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "What should we do?"

Rafael kissed her back with a little more longing than he had allowed himself before. She returned his kiss and he had to fight the urge to move them both back to her couch where they could continue it and see where else it led. He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers.

"What time do you have to pick Noah up?" He asked.

"Not until 10:00." She answered knowing it was only a little past seven.

He knew exactly what she was saying and he was more than a little tempted to skip the couch entirely and take her to her bedroom and show her exactly how much he had missed her, exactly how much he would miss her the next several months. He also knew that what was between them was not something he wanted to rush. He kissed her again and slowly released her.

She smiled at him, "Not yet?" She asked seeming to understand.

He let out a breath, "Not yet." He agreed and then kissed her forehead again. "Why don't you shower, and I will go to my hotel and change. Then we can pick up Noah and spend the day together."

Liv nodded, "Only if you check out of that hotel while you are there and bring your stuff back here until Monday morning." She told him then added, "Might as well use that guest bed at least once." She teased.

Rafael leaned in and kissed her again this time even longer. "I can't promise it will be more than once." He told her.

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Rafael stood nervously at the bottom of the stairs where Liv had left him while she picked up Noah. Liv said he was going to be thrilled and that it would be a great surprise but still he was nervous. He had missed out on so much and he knew he would miss out on even more the next several months. It was one thing for he and Liv to understand why he had to do this job but a seven-year-old could not be expected to do the same.

"Look down there." He heard Liv's voice come from the stop if the stairs. There was a moment of quiet as Noah looked down and he realized who he was seeing.

"RAFA!" He yelled running down the stairs and throwing himself into a hug.

Rafael held onto him, "Noah, mi amigo, I missed you so much." He said.

"How long are you here?" Noah asked.

"Until Monday morning and your mom said I can stay with you guys." Rafael told him.

Noah smiled, "I have practice this morning. Will you come watch?"

Rafael smiled back at him, "I would love to, then we can spend the rest of the day however you want."

Noah looked back at his mother, "Really?"

Olivia nodded and smiled, "Really, now let's go before you are late to practice."

Noah slipped his hand into Rafael's as they walked to the short distance to the dance studio. Noah talked the entire way telling him about his friends and school. They entered the studio and Noah rushed to join his class and warm up. Several of the moms took notice of the fact that Olivia was not alone. There was no missing the looks or whispers as they made their way to two empty chairs. As they sat down Rafael put his arm around Olivia's shoulder and pulled her closer and a silence fell over the watching mothers.

Olivia leaned in closer and whispered to him. "He's never asked anyone else to come and watch him practice. He's still a little worried about what people will say."

Rafael smiled, "Then I am going to do my best to get back as many Saturdays as I can." They turned their attention to Noah and his class. When the class was finished Rafael met Noah at the door. He knelt in front of the boy and looked him in the eyes.

"Noah, you were amazing. You are so strong and so graceful. I cannot wait to see you dance again." He told him.

"You really think so Rafa? You liked it?" Noah asked still unsure.

"I loved it Noah. My favorite part was how happy you looked." Rafael told him pulling him into a tight hug. "Now you have to be hungry. How about some pizza.?"

"Yes, then can we go to the history museum?" Noah asked.

"Absolutely." Rafael told him.

They spent the afternoon together exploring the history museum. As they walked behind Noah who happily went from exhibit to exhibit Rafael reached over and took Olivia's hand. She smiled at him it felt so new yet so natural all at the same time.

"Can we all camp out in the living room tonight?" Noah asked after they had finished dinner that night. "We could watch a movie and stay here like we do sometimes Mom?"

"I don't know that Rafa wants to…" Liv started

"I'd love too." Rafael interrupted.

"Yes!" Noah exclaimed.

Noah spread his sleeping bag out on the floor. "Mom usually sleeps on the couch so you can lay down here with me Rafa."

Rafael smiled at Noah, "I think I'm going to take the couch with your mom for right now." He told him.

Noah shrugged, "I don't know that you will both fit, but ok."

It was not long before Noah was asleep, and Rafael was pulling Olivia into his arms and kissing her for the first time since that morning. Mindful of the sleeping child on the floor he reluctantly let her go settling them both on the couch for the second night in a row.

"We might be getting a little old to keep sleeping on the couch." Olivia laughed.

Rafael pulled her closer. "If it means getting to be this close to you, I can manage."

"Rafa. Rafa" Rafael heard Noah's voice as he slowly opened his eyes. He realized his arms were still wrapped around Liv who was curled up as close to him as she could.

"What's up amigo?" Rafael asked him worried the boy would ask him why he and his mother were laying the way they were.

"Can we go get bagels?" Noah asked unfazed by the sight of the two adults on the couch.

Rafael blinked a few more time and rubbed his face. "Bagels?" He asked.

"Bagels from the place we use to get them from before you left." Noah reminded him.

Rafael smiled remembering how he use to bring bagels over on Saturdays. "Sure Noah, we can go get bagels. Go get dressed." He told him.

The boy ran off to his room and Olivia rolled over in Rafael's arms placing a sleepy kiss on his lips.

"You know it's all right to tell him no, right?" She asked.

Rafael shrugged, "I have time to make up for and it's not like he's asked for anything big. You get some more sleep. I'll bring coffee back too." He told her.

When Rafa and Noah returned with the bagels and coffee Liv had showered and was watching a Sunday morning news program.

"Rafa said we could go to the park after breakfast." Noah announced happily.

"Oh, he did. Did he?'" Olivia asked with a grin.

Rafael just shrugged and handed Olivia her coffee. "It's a nice day out. What's going on?" He asked pointing to the TV.

"It's the virus that they've been talking about." She said with concern in her voice. "They say it has the potential to be pretty bad. The numbers of cases here are already really high."

Rafael nodded his head, "I know, we have a strategy meeting Monday morning about what we will do if we can't travel."

"Do you think it will come to that?" She asked him.

"I really don't, but the campaign has to be prepared." He told her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, "Hey, let's not worry about viruses, or campaigns, or anything else today. Let's eat our bagels, take Noah to the park, then come back here and try to sneak in a few minutes to ourselves."

It was after the park, after several board games, dinner, and a protested bedtime from Noah before they found themselves alone again. Noah had done his best to convince him they should campout in the living room again, but Olivia held firm reminding him he had school the next day.

"I'm not sure who is going to miss you more me or him." Olivia said later that night when they were back once again on her couch.

Rafael laughed, "I'm exhausted Liv. I really don't know how you do this by yourself."

"Well I do have Lucy to help." She reminded him.

"Yeah, but still you are amazing. I love watching you with him. I love being with the two of you." He said and then grew quiet.

"What's wrong?" She asked running her fingers through his hair.

He took hold of her hand and kissed it. "I had no idea what to expect when I came here on Friday night. I honestly had no idea what you would say. There was a large part of me that thought you would just send me packing but you didn't and now I still have to leave you again."

Olivia smiled at him, "It's different this time Rafa, very different."

Rafael sighed, "I know but I am still going to miss you."

Olivia kissed him softly, "Well you are still here tonight." She reminded him.

They stayed up late into the night talking. Rafael told her things he had seen around the primaries. They both talked about the importance of the election.

"I do get two weeks of vacation in June before we gear up for the convention." He told her. "We could go somewhere. The three of us could go on vacation."

Olivia smiled at him, "You could take us for real Cuban food."

"You mean it? You and Noah would want to go to Cuba?" He asked his eyes shining.

"Maybe a few days in the Keys and a few days in Cuba?" She suggested.

He kissed her. "Olivia Benson, you have just given me the thought that's going to keep me going the next few months."

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Liv stood sleepily at the breakfast bar with her coffee watching Rafael pack the last of his things.

"You couldn't have gotten a flight that left after the sun came up?" She asked him.

Rafael walked over and pulled her into his arms one last time. "I could have if I left yesterday."

"Well, then I guess the early morning is worth it then." She said leaning into his kiss.

His phone buzzed on the counter. "My ride is here." He said kissing her on the forehead. "I don't think I will be able to get back next weekend, but I will do my best to be back the next weekend."

"Focus on the campaign Rafa. We will be fine. We will miss you, but we will be all right." She told him. "Go help save our country."

Rafael smiled as he grabbed his bags, he paused at the door and looked back at her. "I love you Liv." He closed the door behind him leaving Liv momentarily stunned.

"Damn you Rafael Barba." She mumbled as she chased him out the door. He was just at the reaching the car waiting for him when she reached the steps. "Wait Rafa!"

He turned back to her, "Liv, you are going to freeze." He said looking down at her bare feet.

"I love you too." She said kissing him one more time.

TBC

A/N I really wanted this chapter to capture how many of us were that first week of March. We were focused on the primary election. We were making plans for the rest of the year. We knew Covid was out there, but it still felt like something that would not really affect us.