Sundays were made for relaxing and doing nothing. Of course Eddie Brock enjoyed being employed again after months of being blacklisted by every newspaper and broadcasting station in the city, but he had also gotten used to just sitting around in his underwear and watching Netflix while he moped over his ex fiancee, Annie and dealt with his new found symbiote life partner. And the truth was that Venom was with him for life now. There wasn't a chance in hell, Eddie could ever imagine his life without that parasite now.
"Not a parasite."
"I mean it in a nice way, bud," Eddie patted Venom's cheek affectionately causing the symbiote to nuzzle happily against his host's neck. "But just to make it up to you how about I let you watch whatever you want on our next movie night, huh?"
"The next three movie nights and however many packets of oreos as we want then it's a deal,"Venom agreed.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
"Jesus fucking Christ on a bike you absolute son of a fucking stupid bitch!"
Eddie frowned at the distinctly female voice using language that a sailor would have blushed at and was opening his door before he even realised it. What he didn't expect to see was a woman who was small enough to pass for a small child if she dressed up as something at Halloween and went door to door for candy.
"Uh, is everything ok?" he asked hesitantly.
The woman turned around and Eddie found himself staring into a pair of blazing green eyes as well as the most adorable freckled nose scrunched up with annoyance.
"Well, first of all, I just found out my boyfriend of three years was actually a cheating scumbag so I've had to leave my home and move into this shit heap of an apartment. Then I get a phone call to tell me that I didn't get the promotion I applied for at work despite working my absolute fucking ass of, and instead it's gone to some absolute bimbo who doesn't possess a brain cell of her own and quite clearly only got the promotion because she makes a point of leaning over my boss' desk in her tight skirts and boob showing blouses. Then to top it all off, I've just stubbed my toe on the fucking door. So no, everything's not really ok."
Eddie blinked rapidly, having not expected such an angry tirade from a person he had just met and he glanced down to see her small hands clenched into tight fists. He wondered for a moment if she was planning on punching him but then she suddenly let out a long huff of breath and her entire body relaxed.
"Sorry," she grimaced. "I'm Ivy; your new neighbour."
"Eddie," he nodded, taking the hand she held out warily. "Eddie Brock."
"Oh the news guy, right?" her head tilted to the side with vague recognition.
"That's me," Eddie pulled a face, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Anyway, uh, welcome to the building."
He stepped back inside with a polite smile before closing the door and letting out a sigh as Venom's head appeared beside him.
"We used to think Anne was scary when she's mad but that woman is far scarier."
"You're telling me," Eddie scoffed. "What a way to introduce yourself to someone. And there was me hoping our new neighbour was gonna be a whole lot better than our old one."
"She's better to look at,"Venom commented, drawing a chuckle from Eddie who most definitely could not disagree.
Even with her auburn brown hair shoved up on top of her head and a pair of faded pyjamas, she was certainly something to look at. She wasn't pretty in the way Anne was. After all, Anne was always well dressed and groomed and would have rather died than be seen by a neighbour in her pyjamas, but it seemed Ivy had no such qualms. If her little rant was anything to go, she didn't exactly care about what a total stranger thought about her and he couldn't decide if it was refreshing or slightly nuts. He frowned briefly as a note was slipped under the door. The neat little swirling letters were written on pink lined paper and smelt of lavender.
Dear Eddie,
Apologies for my giant rant just a moment ago. I promise that I'm actually really normal and not a total and utter psychopath. I realise that a psychopath would say something like that and I also realise that I can't prove it to you because you can't see inside of my head to know that I'm telling the truth.
Anyhoo, it was nice to meet you; I actually really enjoyed the article you wrote in the paper the other day about the dog shelter downtown. If I could, I would adopt all of those dogs, even the ugly ones; but then again is any dog an ugly dog? Yeah, ok I'm a dog lover, so sue me?!
See you soon, Eddie.
Ivy.
P.S. I don't mean 'see you soon' in like a stalker way; just in a 'I live opposite you so it's likely I'll see you soon sort of way'.
"Nuts," Eddie muttered to himself, albeit with a slight smile. "Definitely nuts."
…
Five days later
Ivy leaned back in her chair and sighed. She rolled her head like the occupational therapist had shown her and made sure her back was in the correct position, before hunching back over to a completely more comfortable one. She heard a fake flirty laugh come from the other side of the office and rolled her eyes as she lifted her coffee mug to her lips.
"You couldn't make it any more obvious you hate her if you tried," Louise, her co worker and friend commented with a smirk. "And if it makes you feel better, I think most of us in the office feel the same. Although what I wouldn't give for a pair of boobs like hers. God, two kids have drank from these fountains of milk and now they're drooping down by my ankles."
Ivy spat out her coffee and chuckled. "God Lou, you really paint a lovely image."
"Right?" Louise grinned. "I mean on the one night a month when Glen and I schedule sex in, I have to wear my bra otherwise my tits just get tangled up around his balls and it all becomes very confusing."
"Stop right now before I pee myself," Ivy's face was red with laughter. "You're like a walking advertisement to never have children."
"Aw yeah but saggy boobs and bucket vagina aside, it's the best thing I've ever done," Louise tried to sound convincing.
"At least your kiddos are cute as well," Ivy agreed. "When I have kids one day I'm terrified they're gonna look like my great aunt Maud."
"Oh yeah, I remember her from your sister's wedding," Louise pulled a face. "That would be a bummer; you'd have to hide them away from civilisation."
"Who are we hiding?"
Ivy's face met with a pair of expensive boobs encased in an almost see through, very low cut white blouse, and she didn't need to look up to know that Amanda's botox filled face would be staring down condescendingly at her.
"Ivy's imaginary children," Louise answered, spinning back around in her chair to face her computer and pretend to be working.
"Well seeing as you no longer have a boyfriend, I hardly think you need to be worrying about children right now," Amanda commented, her blue eyes ice cold upon Ivy. "And I don't think that you're being paid to talk about your private life right now, hmm?"
"Just like you're not being paid to flirt with Kevin in accounts," Ivy retorted. "I wonder how Mr Howes would feel about that? After all, just because he likes to eye fuck you doesn't mean he wants you to let everyone else do it."
"You're obviously upset, Ivy, so I'll let that one go," Amanda clenched her jaw.
"Yeah I am upset," Ivy stood up, grabbing her bag and jacket while everyone in the office stopped to see what all the raised voices were about. "I'm upset that a stuck up little bitch like you got the promotion I've worked two years for just because you open your legs without even being asked to."
"You cannot talk to a superior like that," Amanda said aghast, although her face struggled to convey her reaction because it couldn't really move. "I'll have you fired for that."
"Don't need to," Ivy announced. "Because I quit. Fuck you and fuck this job."
Louise was open mouthed as she watched Ivy flounce off before she quickly turned back around, eyeballing Amanda as she reached over to grab her goggly eyed Scooby Doo butt shaking ornament off of her desk; the one that she had gotten in the office secret santa last year.
"And now I'm really going," she huffed, walking out with as much dignity as she could muster.
She fumed her entire way out of the building, gripping poor Scooby Doo until one of his eyes popped out, but it wasn't until she got halfway around the block that her rash decision hit her.
"What the fuck have I just done?" she whispered to herself, but loudly enough for passers by to hear and look at her strangely. "Fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck. Great move you fucking dumbass."
So now not only was she single and living in a shitty apartment, but now she was also apparently jobless too. Way to go, Ivy. Way to fucking go.
…
Eddie's keys swung around his index finger as he climbed the steps to his apartment. Venom was blissfully quiet after having sated his hunger by devouring not one but three criminals that night. Now all Eddie wanted to do was crawl into bed and pretend that it was not almost two in the morning and that he didn't have to be up in five hours for an interview at the local homeless shelter. Climbing the final few steps, he turned the corner and his forehead furrowed when he saw Ivy lying flat out in the hallway between their two front doors.
"Ivy," he dropped down beside her. "Ivy, are you ok?"
"Leave me alone," she mumbled almost incoherently, throwing an arm over her head. "I'm trying to sleep."
"In the hallway?" Eddie frowned, taking her arm and using it to force into an upright position. "What's wrong with your bed?"
"I can't get to it," she sighed. "Just like everything else in my life, I've managed to fuck this up and I can't even get into my own apartment."
"You can't?"
She is drunk, yes?
Eddie nodded. It seemed that his new neighbour was absolutely drunk as a skunk. Her eye make up was in black streaks down her cheeks and her green eyes, now seemingly wide awake, were struggling to focus on him properly and her body was swaying slightly.
"No," she shook her head before suddenly bursting into gut wrenching sobs that made Eddie grimace internally.
"Don't cry," he murmured, patting her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting manner but just made her cry all the more.
"My life is a mess," she sobbed. "My ex boyfriend's a jerk, I hate this shitty neighbourhood, I lost my job and-"
"-The boyfriend and the neighbourhood I knew about, but what happened with your job?" Eddie asked. "Something to do with the bimbo with the big boobs?"
"She was an absolute cow bag and I just lost my temper- that good old Scottish temper my mom used to say was the only thing I inherited from her side of the family- and like an absolute fucking idiot I quit my job and now I'm locked out of my fucking apartment."
"You're not locked out," Eddie pointed to the silver key in her scrunched up hand.
"See what I mean?" she burst into more dramatic sobs. "I'm such a fuck up. I'm a stupid drunken idiot who's so drunk and stupid that she's been sat out here for like two hours because she couldn't find the apartment key she had in her own hand."
Why is she referring to herself in third person? Also why does she keep crying? She should be happy she is not longer locked out, no?
"Come on, let's get you inside," Eddie put his arms underneath her arms and helped her to her very unsteady feet.
For his own amusement more than anything else, he let her fiddle around with the key for a couple of minutes until he finally took pity and opened the front door for her before helping her inside.
"Sit," he ordered, pointing to the breakfast bar while he went to fetch her a glass of water.
Luckily their apartments were identical in layout, although most definitely not in cleanliness and decor, so he was able to find a glass with no problem. He slid the water across the counter top and Ivy pulled a face of disgust before downing it all in one go. With her head tipped back, swallowing the last of the water she almost toppled over and it was only because of Venom reaching out a tendril as fast as lightening to catch her that she didn't fall to the ground and crack her head open.
"I'm so drunk," she muttered to herself as she thought she imagined the flash of black diving back into Eddie's body. "Eddie?"
"Uh huh?"
"You're a fuck up too, right?" she looked at him through eyelashes that were stuck together with mascara. "Well I mean you were before you stopped being a fuck up again."
"Right," he didn't quite understand where she was going with this.
"Well, how did you stop being such a fuck up? And how did you stop it from feeling like life is never going to be as fucked up as it is in this moment?"
"Er," Eddie scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably as she watched him expectantly. "I just… Well, I don't know exactly…"
Yes you do.
Yes. Yes, he did know, but he couldn't very well tell her. Eddie could feel Venom getting into a sulk inside of him, but he didn't know how many times he had to explain that people couldn't know about the symbiote for his own safety, not because Eddie was ashamed of him.
"Listen, why don't you get yourself to bed? Hmm?" Eddie suggested, putting his hand on her lower back as he got ready to help her off of the stool. "You'll feel much better after a good sleep."
"Oh I see what's happening here," Ivy raised her eyebrows at him, her eyes squinting slightly as she tried to focus on him. "You, Eddie Brock, are despicable. You think you can take advantage of a woman in a state like this, huh?"
"Whoa whoa," Eddie help his hands up defensively, his eyes wide with horror. "That's not what's happening here."
"Too right it's not," Ivy scoffed, poking him in the chest as she got to her feet, and barely even reached the base of his throat despite standing up straight. "I don't know what kind of shit you're trying to pull here but I'm a black belt in six different martial arts and I have no qualms about hurting you if you so much as try anything."
Eddie had a hard time believing this small human was black belt in anything but he'd roll with it if it made her feel better. He also could not believe that she was basically accusing him of being some sort of sex pest. Un-fucking-believable.
"Ivy, I promise you I'm not trying anything on with you," he kept his hands up where she could see them. "I'm gonna go now and I'm gonna lock the door for you and post the key back under it, ok?"
She eyed him warily and he walked out of the apartment backwards, keeping an eye on her in case she tried to karate chop him or something. He wasn't scared for himself, of course; he was just scared that she would try to hurt him and Venom would lash out without being able to stop himself.
Locking the door, he slid the key back under the door and put his ear to it for a moment listening as Ivy shuffled around. At one point he heard a bang and he was worried she had hurt herself, but then she started swearing to herself and he figured he could nothing more for her tonight.
"Our new neighbour is most definitely nuts,"Venom echoed Eddie's words from the week before.
"Yep," Eddie let out a sigh, grabbing himself a beer from the fridge. "Why couldn't we just get a nice normal neighbour?"