Delilah and Amelia were twins, and Sam hated them because where she and Melanie had developed, to say the least, distinct personalities, these two had really leaned into being identical: They had certain things they would always say in unison, knowing the effect they would get, they often dressed alike and were, basically, the Doublemint Twins.

Those were the reasons Sam hated them. Not the fact that almost since the moment they arrived it had immediately become clear they were the two biggest flirts Ridgeway had ever seen. And in a disgustingly short amount of time they had 90% of the boys wrapped around their fingers (and the other 10% were holding each other's hands).

And she didn't like how they played dumb in front of the guys sometimes, too...though they only did that, she had to admit, with the ones who were stupid enough to believe it (or smart enough not to but still reward it with their attention).

Still, she found it degrading, to her sex, seeing them at The Groovy Smoothie on dates (double, of course) demurely begging off from even choosing flavors.

"You pick for me, Alan." Vapid giggle.

Sam Puckett had never set foot into the smoothie shop without knowing exactly what she wanted and prepared to break limbs (at least) if she didn't get it.

...

"God, I just want to kill them!"

"Sam, that's not nice."

Sam was pacing around the iCarly studio, while Carly sat trying to fix a problem on their show's website, and wishing Freddie were there.

"C'mon, Carls, admit it: Wouldn't it be nice to see me take them down with my buttersock?"

Carly started to smile but then tamped it down. She made a yowling noise and scratched her fingernails down a non – existent wall. "I think someone's jealous."

"Watch it, Shay, I'm not above taking my sock to you, too. I have no one to feel jealous over."

"What about Fre-"

"Don't say that dork's name." She scowled. "Anyway, we broke up weeks ago."

"Yeah, but you guys were getting pretty tight before that. I don't think anyone would blame you if -"

"I'm not. Jealous. About Freddie." she said with a dangerous edge to her voice.

So what if he was one of the 90%? So what if she saw the "appreciation' in his eyes, when one of the new twins bent over wearing shorts (and always "forgetting" there was a crowd of boys nearby)?

So what?

...

So it was lunchtime at school one day and the twins were acting more like bitches in heat than usual. That day they were not dressed alike, Amelia was wearing jeans that hugged her body so tightly they had to be cutting off circulation, Delilah a scoop neck tee cut as low as their high school would allow.

At a table near the parking lot, Sam looked at them askance.

What, do they take turns? she wondered. "OK, today I 'll present the ass, you break out the boobs!"

She smiled at the thought, then looked for Freddie, hoping to say as much and see him smile too.

See, get real, Carly. Even if I was still attracted to Fredweird, it's not like mama's got any serious comp-

Then she heard a familiar laugh, shortly joined by one that was newer but she still recognized. She reluctantly turned in its direction.

Delilah was laughing, that little bit too hard and loud that told Sam it was for effect. She was even more sure of that because the girl was talking to Freddie. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but he had never said anything that funny in his life.

(Well, unless it was "So I guess we're both insane," making her believe for just a split – second beat of her heart he could ever be as crazy about her as she'd begun to suspect she was about him.

That was funny. If they shared the same delusion, his had cleared up a lot quicker.)

He must've gone off – campus for lunch because he was sitting in the passenger seat of a friends car, talking to Delilah through the open window. She was leaned over with her hands on her knees, and judging from the expression on Freddie's stupid face – That reminds me, I must play another game of poker with the nub soon.-he was getting a pretty good look at her cleavage.

Such as it was.

Sam stuffed an apple core into her brown bag and headed for the trash can, which as luck would have it brought her closer to the car. She was going to bust him for creeping. Just to be funny. If it embarrassed him or made him look bad in front of the new girl, that was the furthest thing from her mind.

As she approached, she caught a snatch of a sweet country song playing in the car -

Are you glad to be free?
Are you feeling lost just like me?
Longing for company

She wondered idly about it. The voice sounded familiar, like the music her mother put on when she was drunk and nostalgic for her own teen years, but Sam didn't recognize the song.

Delilah straightened up, looking vaguely affronted, and said something to Freddie Sam wasn't close enough to hear the beginning of, but ending with:

"...you were staring at my boobs."

Sam stopped almost as quickly as Freddie said "I wasn't!"

Amelia gave a sharp laugh, seeming to come out of nowhere, and approaching from the opposite side as Sam, her heels clicking.

"Lemme tell you a little secret, baby."

Anyone standing with Sam would've felt her stiffen. But no one was standing with Sam.

"Girls can always tell," Amelia went on. "We can feel your eyes on us even when we can't see them."

"And in this case you were looking at me like Sylvester looks at Tweetie Bird."

They laughed together; Sam hated them for it.

"Well, I-" Freddie began.

"It's okay, baby," Delilah said.

"Boys will be boys." Amelia leaned against the car.

"You can't help it."

He turned up the music, and Sam knew he was doing it to hide his embarrassment.

I find the days hard to face now

Empty rooms

There's much too much space now

"We just wanted you to know, subtle, you ain't." Delilah smiled a smile that was both victorious and flirty, and the two girls walked away from him; toward the ladies bathroom.

Sam passed Freddie without saying anything, dropped her bag in the can and followed them in.

No one walking by the girls room could quite identify the noises they heard coming from inside, but Delilah and Amelia came out with haunted looks on their faces. They walked quickly to a spot away from the group of kids and spoke to each other in near whispers, looking over at Freddie in the car and then back to the girls bathroom doorway.

Sam emerged a few seconds later with a satisfied; triumphant look on her face.

...

For the rest of the school year, the twins hardly spoke to Freddie at all unless it was about class assignments. If they ever thought of it, they remembered being backed against the bathroom wall by a blonde with fierce blue eyes who was somehow managing to pin them both by one shoulder each. Her last words to them were, in a voice hardly louder than her breath:

"And don't call him baby again. Ever."

They never did.

END

AN: The song is sung by Olivia Newton-John and is called..."Sam."

Do you suppose Freddie was listening to it by chance?