I don't have enough money for a summer trip, so I thought I'd travel vicariously through the cast of Naruto.
Also, I just wanted to throw them into the desert to suffer and show off all the weirdness of this wasteland environment.
Delirium
A bunch of teenagers end up wandering around the Sunagakure Desert, where various shenanigans and conspiracies are afoot. Also, Kakashi got kidnapped or something.
Chapter 1: The Road To Sunagakure
A heavy sigh hung in the air of the car's cramped interior.
White knuckles gripped the hard leather steering wheel, the face of the young driver scrunched into determination and beaded with sweat.
"Relax, Naruto," A languid, resigned voice drawled.
The gray-haired man in the passenger's seat propped his elbow against his window ledge and idly gazed through the payne.
"Just… pull over here."
Blue eyes glided to the right side of the street, where white paint marked out a parking spot on the asphalt.
The blond's lips pressed narrowly together, his eyes squinting as he zeroed in on the spot.
Frowning, he turned the steering wheel to the right, jerking the vehicle toward the unoccupied space.
"Watch your hand position," Kakashi tiredly warned, eying the parking spot.
The blond muffled a groan as he glared at the 20x9 stretch of pavement in concentration.
Sucking his lips, he roughly placed hand over hand, turning the wheel left in an effort to avoid hitting the curb.
"Oof!"
The two men grunted as the vehicle did indeed meet the sidewalk.
This time Naruto did groan.
Kakashi failed to stifle another exasperated sigh.
Naruto frowned as he slowly, shakily straightened out the vehicle and pulled into the parking space.
Approaching the front mark, he stepped on the brakes — albeit a bit too roughly, as again, the car jerked to a stop.
The click of a seatbelt dislodging piqued Naruto's ear, and the teen turned right to see Kakashi immediately exiting the vehicle.
"Hey! Kakashi-sensei! Where are you going?" The teen demanded as the man moved to shut the door from his place on the sidewalk.
"Let's take a break," He suggested in a tone Naruto perceived as mocking.
"I can do it, I swear!" Naruto exclaimed. "I can drive — I'll prove it, 'tebayo!"
His passion was greeted with yet another lukewarm sigh.
"Look, Naruto. We've been practicing for months now. You're the only student in your class who hasn't passed yet."
Naruto's brow knit together in frustration.
"I'll be referring you to Ebisu-sensei —"
"What?"
"— because I'm sure you'll do better in his hands than mine."
Naruto growled.
"I can't stand that Pervy Glasses-sensei!"
Kakashi's rebuttal of, "Now, now, Naruto" was trampled by the teen's anger.
"He's useless! You're just trying to pass me off!"
Another heavy sigh, punctuated by the slamming of a car door.
Naruto flinched, his anger dissipating into frustration as he stared at his instructor through the window.
"Call Iruka and tell him our plans," The muffled voice of Kakashi said. "I'm sure he can talk more sense into you," He added to himself.
Kakashi then turned on his heels and headed down the sidewalk. Naruto watched as he strode for a while before turning toward a vending machine sheltered in a building's covered corridor.
The teen groaned and slumped in his seat.
The hum of the motor purred in his ears, and he turned the key in the ignition, ceasing its song.
Inhale, exhale.
He slipped his left hand into his pants pocket and retrieved a scraped orange flip phone. Flicking the screen open with his thumb, he pressed 1 and hit call.
Brrring. Brrring. Brrring.
He watched with disinterest as Kakashi bent at the mouth of the far-off vending machine, claiming whatever item he had purchased.
"Naruto! How are lessons?" A cheerful voice chimed in his ear.
Naruto's gaze fell to the steering wheel.
"Kakashi-sensei says he's referring me to Ebisu-sensei."
"Oh, I see…"
The measured reply indicated that Iruka was attuned to his dependent's grievances.
"Well, that could be for the best."
Ah, there it was.
Naruto frowned, narrowed eyes following the miniscule treads of the wheel's cracked leather.
"Kakashi-sensei is just blowing me off! He never wants to train me!" Naruto spat into the phone. "He always taught Sasuke, but never me!"
"Naruto…"
Iruka's tone was gentle, reassuring, but it fell on deaf ears.
Naruto blew air.
"I'll be home later."
"Naruto, wai —"
The call ended with a beep as Naruto pressed a button. He flipped the phone shut with a satisfying snap, and turned his eyes back toward the sidewalk, where he saw Kakashi returning.
As the man approached, his student made out a small novel clutched by his left hand.
Kakashi's entry into the vehicle was punctuated by clunks of the door opening and closing. The click of his seat belt locking into place showed he had not yet given up on Naruto.
"Alright, Naruto, let's try some rural driving this time."
Failing to receive an immediate response, Kakashi turned toward his student, who was eying him warily.
"You had me pull over here because you saw that Icha Icha vending machine, didn't you?"
The usually stoic Kakashi's facade became animated, his eyes wide and a faint flush appearing to tint what skin was visible from behind his face mask.
"No, no, that's not why at all. But they're rare! It's part of a limited edition campaign by — oof!"
The beginning of Kakashi's impassioned speech was cut short by an annoyed blond starting the vehicle, kicking it into drive, and roughly maneuvering back onto the road.
"Don't forget to use your blinker."
Naruto screamed internally.
The blacktop streets and crowded skyscrapers of Konohagakure eventually gave way to rough, grayed roads lined by green-leafed trees and vivid foliage.
Few cars travelled this way, opting for the sights of the city or the convenience of a relatively new freeway connecting the area to the border.
The duo drove on in silence sans Kakashi's occasional suggestions, an unsociable mood hanging in the air.
Kakashi glanced in the rearview mirror, his visible eye narrowing.
Naruto frowned.
"Sensei, you keep doing that."
The teen also checked the rearview mirror, where he saw the same vehicle he had 10 minutes earlier, when Kakashi was doing the same, seemingly paranoid ritual as he was now.
"If he wanted to pass me, he could just go around," Naruto observed. "Not like there's anyone out here."
Kakashi's gaze remained locked to the mirror.
"That's exactly it."
Naruto arched an eyebrow in confusion as he continued hunching over the steering wheel.
"There isn't anything out here. But they've been following us for quite some time… Since we left the city."
Naruto failed to see the issue.
"Huh? They're probably just headed the same way."
Kakashi's watchful stare edged more toward a glare at the car behind them.
"Going back to our original point, that's quite unlikely."
The conversation ended there, and the unsociable atmosphere morphed into an awkward vigil on their uninvited traveling companion.
After 10 more minutes, the duo's jaws were noticeably more clenched, their fingers tightly balled into fists.
Despite passing numerous side roads and properties, the vehicle remained behind them.
Kakashi eyed an upcoming intersection.
"Naruto, there's a turn coming up on your right. Take it."
Naruto nodded and did as instructed.
He checked his rearview mirror.
"Geh… They're still here!"
A dark expression covered Kakashi's face.
"This road leads back to Konohagakure. It's incredibly unlikely that they came out here for no reason."
"Maybe… they mistook us for someone?" Naruto pondered.
Kakashi shook his head.
"That would be more plausible if there were actually any other cars on the road."
Ah.
Naruto realized he had a point.
A revelation swept over the teen.
With his right hand, he reached for a dial in the middle of the vehicle's dashboard … only for the car to swerve right.
"Naruto! Both hands on the wheel!"
The blond's right hand instantly resumed its 1 o'clock position on the wheel and corrected the vehicle's position.
Kakashi sighed.
"As before, the radio still doesn't work. Not that it would help our situation," He added in a mumble.
More time passed, and soon the teacher-student duo saw the faint outline of skyscrapers and high-rise apartments so synonymous with Konohagakure.
Naruto repeated his periodic check of his rearview mirror and the stalker they had apparently acquired.
His blue eyes widened and teeth clenched together.
"Uh, sensei!"
"What is it, Naruto?"
Kakashi mimicked Naruto's action of checking the mirror, and his eye, too, widened.
The headlights and hood of the car behind them had disappeared from their perception, but the car was all but gone.
The vehicle drafted them, its tinted windshield all too close for comfort.
"Speed up," Kakashi swiftly instructed, eyes still glued to the mirror.
The student obeyed, only for their companion to do likewise.
"I'll pull over. If I slow down, he'll definitely hit me, right?" Naruto quipped, uneasily eying his left side mirror where he could barely make out the car behind them.
"No," Kakashi sternly replied. "Try slo — ugh!"
Seat belts constrained rib cages and the breath was knocked from the two as the car lurched forward following a powerful collision from behind.
"What the hell is his problem?" Naruto yelled, attempting to straighten the vehicle on the road.
"Floor it, floor it now, Naruto!" Kakashi ordered, hanging onto the driver's seat as he turned around to inspect their assailant.
Tires screeched and the transmission roared as the teen held his foot down on the pedal.
"He's following us!"
Their assailant also sped up.
As Kakashi opened his unseen mouth for comment, the two were rendered speechless as they watched the car that had tailed them for so long finally pass and appear on their left.
"Is he —"
"Naruto, brake!"
The screaming of tires caught the teen's attention, and within seconds he saw the car at his side veer left before swerving his way.
"Ah!"
"Shit!"
A loud crunch accented the second impact, and before Kakashi could yell further instructions, the action repeated.
Yells and shrieks accompanied the crash as the vehicle toppled over, landing on Kakashi's side.
Naruto groaned, his limbs dangling as his seatbelt held him suspended in place.
"Naruto! Are you alright?"
Kakashi released his seat belt and winced as he steadied himself against the window that was now beneath him — his right hand refusing to move and bent strangely from steeling himself during the initial impact.
As Kakashi attempted to right himself, a shadow dwarfed the cab.
The instructor's eyes widened as the driver's side door opened, and a figure appeared.
He narrowed his eyes.
"I see. So that's how it is."
As a gloved hand reached for Naruto, still disoriented in the driver's seat, Kakashi instantly drew a knife from his pocket, unsheathed it, and sliced Naruto's seatbelt, causing the teen to fall onto his teacher.
The stranger paused.
Seizing the opportunity, Kakashi then threw the knife at them.
"Guh!"
The stranger grunted as it soared past their neck, a large cut oozing blood left in its wake.
A deep growl sounded from behind the face mask their assailant wore as he held a hand to his neck, but the man had little time to nurse his wounds.
Kakashi had straightened himself in the vehicle, placing Naruto upright against his window, and lunged at the man, boosting himself off the steering wheel for more leverage.
His punch was dodged, and the man swiftly grabbed the back of his shirt and threw him onto the pavement.
Kakashi rolled as a foot came down where he had been. As he moved to get up, he noticed the man pull something from his back pocket — something faint shot toward him, and he dropped to the ground groaning.
"Sensei?"
The stranger turned to see Naruto peering out of the overturned vehicle at the sight before him.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" He shouted at the man
The man's attention shot back to Kakashi, whose fingers were twitching in an attempt to raise himself.
The man growled and moved to lunge at Naruto, only for the teen to half-leap from the vehicle and swat the taser out of his hand.
The stranger attempted to grab the blond like he had Kakashi, but Naruto ducked, balancing himself against the driver's seat and steering wheel.
His assailant growled, head darting back to check on Kakashi, hand pressed tightly against his bleeding wound.
As Naruto lunged again, the man raised a leg and kicked him square in the chest, pushing the teen back into the vehicle.
Immediately he turned to Kakashi, grabbed him by the shirt, and hefted him over toward his vehicle.
Smoothly, he opened the trunk, tossed the man inside, slammed it shut, and climbed into the driver's seat.
"Sensei!"
Naruto was again peering out from the car, watching the assailant prepare to leave with a gray-haired victim in tow.
"Where do you think you're —"
"If you want to see Hatake again, tell no one. Head to the Sunagakure Desert."
Naruto fumbled in his scramble out of the car and stared at the assailant who addressed him from within his vehicle.
"What do you —"
"If you don't make it by the next full moon, Hatake will be killed. And if that happens, I can't guarantee the safety of your other friends, either."
Eyes widened in shock, Naruto growled.
"Like I'd let you —"
The roar of a transmission and the squealing of tires ended his protest, and with that, the stranger made a wide U-turn and sped away.
Click click click click click.
Click click click click click.
"Oh, come on."
The woman dropped her keys with a jingle, leaving the car key uselessly plugged into the ignition.
She groaned and leaned back in her seat, thumping her head against the headrest in frustration and weariness.
Sweat beaded her forehead and dampened her neck, sticking her layers of fishnet and polyester to warm skin. Her eyes squinted in exhaustion and pain as the landscape around her shone with the vividity of an abandoned, summer hellscape.
The temperature gauge on her dash, when it had worked, read 105 F — and that was in the morning. As the day dragged on, the heat would only rise, and unfortunately, she wasn't even through the hottest stretch of road, being less than halfway to Sunagakure.
Temari pressed the power button on her phone and checked the screen.
Nothing.
Knitting her brow, she tapped in her passcode and opened her messages.
Nope.
She exited the app and checked her call logs.
Still nada.
Her lips contorted into a contemptuous frown as she tapped a name already sporting 12 red, unreceived arrows.
She held the phone to her ear and watched the cracked, sunbaked road with little interest.
On the other end of her call, it rang. And rang. And rang some more. And finally — unsurprisingly — it sent her to voicemail again.
She screamed and chucked the device at her passenger's seat, where it hit her bag with a thud, the call ended.
Groaning, she buried her face in her hands — knowing from previous outbursts how painful, burning even, it was to collapse against her steering wheel. She massaged her temple in an attempt to stave off anger and a further descent into madness.
Why does he never pick up?
"Naruto! Over here!"
The blond looked left, right before spotting a pink-haired girl waving at him. He headed her way.
"What exactly happened? Let me take a look."
Naruto sat down on the gridded, thermoplastic-coated bus bench, Sakura immediately moving before him and inspecting his person.
After a few minutes, she stood up straight and placed a hand on her hip.
"Alright, good. You're not injured. Mind explaining again what exactly happened? And you said sensei was abducted?"
Naruto leaned over, resting his arms on his knees; his mouth pressed in a line, and eyes focused on the gray concrete beneath his feet.
After unsuccessfully attempting to straighten the vehicle he and Kakashi had been in, the teen headed back to Konoha on foot. As he made the fortunately-short trek back, he called Sakura to update her on the situation.
They had already lost one companion and failed to retrieve him — he was not about to blindly lose another.
Sakura sighed, failing to elicit a response from her classmate.
"OK, fine. Some guy followed you and then took Kakashi-sensei. And he threatened you into following him into… the Sunagakure Desert? To get sensei back."
Naruto nodded. Sakura frowned and looked up in thought.
"It's clearly a trap. I wonder what they want?"
She punched a fist into her open palm and Naruto lifted his head in surprise.
"OK! Let's go to the police!"
"Ehh?"
A dirty look.
"What was that?"
"But he said not to tell anyone…"
Sakura huffed and placed both hands on her hips.
"Naruto, you realize you already told me, right? And besides, you said that guy was injured. For all we know, he's bled out by now and Kakashi-sensei is waiting for us to rescue him from the back of some grody trunk."
Naruto's blue eyes lit up. He hadn't thought of that.
He leapt from the bench so quickly that Sakura stepped back.
"You're right!"
She sighed.
"That's not a guarantee, Naruto," She chided. "But let's say he stopped for medical treatment, which he would probably have to do if he's injured as badly as you say. If he stops at any facility in the region, Lady Tsunade can find out. It's only a matter of time!"
Naruto's smile dissipated a little.
"Eh? Granny Tsunade? Do we really have to get her involved?"
Despite her authority and likely ease of resolving the situation, Naruto knew what the aftershocks would be.
Tsunade, the leader of Konohagakure, would assuredly clamp down on his movements, restricting his life even further within the city limits.
Aside from the impact on his own life, considering the stranger's words, he doubted roping Tsunade into this mess was wise.
"Naruto, if you want to make sure sensei is alright, talking to Lady Tsunade is the best bet. But first, let's file a police report and see what they have to say."
Sakura pulled out her phone, dialled emergency services, and held the device to her ear.
"Yes, my teacher was kidnapped after a car accident a few miles from Konoha. … Kakashi Hatake, he's an instructor at Konohagakure Academy… No, I didn't see who did it — the person was wearing a mask. It seems to be a man though — he had a deep voice," She added, brandishing Naruto's details. "I'm not sure; he sped off in a silver car. … No, I don't know. But they were headed toward the border it seems. … Oh, because he mentioned Sunagakure. … Yes, sure."
Sakura tucked the phone against her neck.
"He's checking on something."
She returned the phone to her ear.
"Yes?"
Her peaceful expression contorted into a snarl.
"Huh? What was that? Excuse me? Like hell I would — don't you tell me to calm down! Hey, who the hell do you think —"
Sakura's face fell, and she held the phone in her hand, staring at it.
She looked at Naruto, rage again twisting her features.
"They thought I was lying!"
"What?"
"They didn't believe me that Kakashi-sensei was abducted!"
Ah.
Naruto ever-so-slightly inched away from Sakura. Thinking about it, it would sound ludicrous to report a well-known military affiliate as a missing person.
Sakura growled.
"I'm going to call Lady Tsunade!"
Again, the girl tapped on her phone and raised it to her ear.
"Shizune! Is Lady Tsunade around?"
Once more, Sakura's expression fell, her joy changing to irritation.
"Shizune, are you — no, nevermind. I see. Alright, bye."
She pressed END and again faced Naruto.
"They're on vacation; I think Shizune's drunk."
Naruto's face fell to match Sakura's expression.
"Right…"
He stretched.
"Well, guess it really is up to us to rescue Kakashi-sensei, 'tebayo!"
"I guess…" Sakura begrudgingly agreed.
"So let's go! To Suna!"
Naruto strode down the sidewalk, leaving Sakura to jog after him.
"You idiot, wait!"
A few minutes and blocks later found an annoyed Sakura looming over a crestfallen Naruto who squatted on the sidewalk.
"Hey, bro, what's up?"
The teens turned to see a small brunette with a blue scarf trailing after him.
"Konohamaru! Kakashi-sensei got kidnapped!"
The boy's smile instantly morphed into shock.
"What? Seriously?"
He looked to Sakura for affirmation and received a nod.
"Whoa… What are you gonna do? We have to save him!"
Naruto stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"They took him to the Suna Desert. We just gotta get there, but neither of us has a car. Lady Tsunade's busy, and the police didn't believe us."
Konohamaru's eyes lit up.
"No problem! I know someone with a car. C'mon, follow me!"
The boy darted off, leaving the teens to dash after him.
After a few minutes, they arrived in front of a multistoried apartment complex, a parking garage entrance next to the building's front doors.
Konohamaru entered the building, his companions following, and headed to the elevator. After pressing the five button, the doors closed in front of the group, and they were whisked away.
As the doors opened, Konohamaru immediately took off again, leading his peers down the hall before skidding to a stop in front of Unit 537 and frantically knocking.
"Hey, Konohamaru…" Sakura began, only to wind down once she saw the door swing open.
"Knock it off!"
A bearded man with a cigarette dangling from his lips held the door open and glared directly down at Konohamaru.
"Uncle! We need your help to find Kakashi-sensei!"
"Huh?"
Asuma's anger turned to confusion. He glanced behind Konohamaru, where he saw Sakura and Naruto.
"Oh, Naruto, Sakura. What's up?"
Asuma relaxed, leaning against the door frame, and took a drag from his cigarette.
Sakura frowned.
"You're not supposed to smoke indoors, sensei."
"Or in front of children," Added Konohamaru.
Asuma frowned and held his cigarette.
"Fine, fine. But what was that about Kakashi?"
"He was kidnapped!" Naruto exclaimed with narrowed eyes.
Asuma's eyes widened, and he remained attentive as Naruto explained what had befallen the gray-haired instructor.
By the end of his recounting, Asuma's face was steeled into a solemn expression.
"That's serious. And if Lady Tsunade's absent… You're right, I should look into this."
"I'm going too!" Naruto demanded.
"Me too."
"And me!"
Sakura and Konohamaru chimed.
Asuma frowned.
"No way. It's too dangerous. We don't even know what we're dealing with."
The man pulled his phone from his back pocket and began swiping through his address book.
"Let me just contact — ah!"
The device began vibrating in his hands, and he swiped the green phone icon and lifted the mobile to his ear.
"No, no problem. I'm fine, thanks."
The younger trio watched him with blank faces. They knew from his smile who was on the other end.
"Hey, actually, Kakashi —"
"Uncle, hurry up and take us to Suna!" Yelled Konohamaru, prompting the man to wince.
"What? No, no, it's nothing. Just Konohamaru. But yeah, like I was saying, looks like I need to head to —"
"Kurenai-sensei, tell Asuma to take us to Sunagakure!" Demanded Naruto.
Asuma glared at him.
"Ah, yeah, it was. Like I was saying, Kakashi — Hey!"
Asuma reached for Konohamaru, who had seized his phone and then ran behind the teens for cover.
"Kurenai-sensei, Uncle won't take us with him to Sunagakure! But we really need to go! We — hey!"
This time Konohamaru yelled as Asuma reclaimed his phone.
"Sorry about that. What? Yeah, but — what? No, no way. I've been trying to tell you, I can't — hey! OK, that's nice but — wait!"
Asuma dropped his hand and stared at his phone, the screen reading "Call Ended."
He looked up only to be greeted by three grinning faces.
He groaned.
"What was that? Did Kurenai-sensei say to take us with you to Sunagakure?" A sneering Naruto snickered.
"That's not —"
"Sounds like she was busy. I guess that means you're free to help us, sensei! Thank you so much."
A smiling Sakura bowed in gratitude.
"Hey, I never —"
"C'mon, I know where his car is!"
Konohamaru motioned for the teens to follow him as he headed down the hallway.
Asuma reached after them.
"Wait! I said no!"
The three turned around, their indifferent expressions unnerving the teacher.
Sakura pulled out her phone, and the two boys peered at its screen.
"Hey, Sakura-chan…"
"Yeah, let's see… The next bus for Sunagakure leaves at —"
"Fine!"
Asuma's yell caught the trio's attention. Seeing their stares, he sighed and again addressed them.
"You guys are heading to Suna no matter what, aren't you?"
They nodded.
"There's no way I'm letting anyone take Kakashi-sensei and get away with it!" Naruto laid out.
Asuma frowned as he took in the teen's fiery expression.
He pocketed his phone.
"Alright. Alright, fine. Fine. Just… wait a bit."
With that, Asuma headed back inside his apartment.
The trio exchanged smirks and followed him, shutting the door behind them.
"Hey! I never invited you in!"
"If we leave now, we can still catch that bus…"
"OK, fine!"
X
I have some other chapters written already, and this is by far the most serious, straight-forward and normal one.
Next time...
Everyone's in the Sunagakure Desert (well, almost everyone). Because who wouldn't want to be in the hottest place on Earth?