I Would Rather Die
Rex falls foul of dark magic. In order to save himself he has to do one thing that he swore he would never do. It comes down to choice, will Rex act to save his own life or would he rather die?
"Sir?"
Clone Trooper Knox snapped crisply to attention as the Officer has was addressing turned to him. From behind the safety of his helmet, Knox took in the amour, marked with the blue livery of the infamous 501st, the pauldron and distinctive jaig eyes helmet and tried to stretch an extra inch of straightness from his spine. Rex clipped the data pad that he had been reading back on his belt and placed his hands behind his back,
"Yes Trooper…Knox, is it?"
Knox was practically standing on tip toe now. Beneath his visor Rex allowed himself a small smile of amusement.
'If this kid tries to stand any straighter, he'll snap something.'
Asking for confirmation of the Trooper's name was just a polite formality, his HUD had scanned and identified Knox as soon as Rex had turned around, but it was something Rex liked to do, particularly with shinnies.
'Less than a month out of Kamino…this one is very new'
"Yes, Sir! Knox, Sir. 32nd Logistics Core"
Rex nodded,
"At ease. What can I do for you Knox?"
"Sergeant Ty presents his compliments and would like to know where you want the temporary barracks for the 501st set up Sir" Knox said, gesturing behind him.
Rex looked out over the organized chaos that was being turned into a temporary base for the GAR. It wasn't that big of an operation but was enough to cause a degree of disruption to the citizens of the town they had settled on the outskirts of. The residents had been hospitable enough and eager to broker deals for supplying the units that were to be based, albeit for a short time, outside of their home. But they broadcast an obvious sense of wariness and trepidation. So far, their world had been immune from the effects of the war and they obviously did not want any conflict that may be attracted, purely by the presence of the GAR, to their door. Rex didn't blame them.
The town itself was ancient, encircled by high stone walls and nestled between the shores of a vast lake and the forested mountains the surrounded it. The sun glittered off the turquoise water and cast a warm golden glow on the stone of the town walls. The site had been identified as appropriate for a base thanks to the large flat plain that lay to the south of the lake. Several temporary structures had already been set up thanks to the innate efficiency of the 32nd Logistics, who buzzed around the site like khaki & white worker bees.
Rex's practiced eye soon identified a gap in the chaos. He highlighted the area in his HUD with a few swift eye movements and sent the image direct to Knox,
"This area on the shoreline will do just fine, thank you Knox"
Knox nodded and proffered a data pad,
"Very good Sir. If you could just sign here, we will get you sector set. Your men can get settled in in around two standard hours."
Rex provided the requested signature then rubbed the back of his neck in an uncharacteristic gesture of weariness.
"Is your Med facility up & running? We have a number of injured and my Medics could use some assistance"
"Yes Captain. I can arrange for transports for the injured to the facility right away. We have six medic teams on rotation so your men can rest if they wish"
Rex smiled. The 32nd were unbeatable in organisaion and efficiency but knowing Kix & Coric they would not rest until every single injured member of the 501st was handed over with a full medical history and status report. He could see himself having to personally retrieve his Medics and force them into their bunks when the time came.
"See it done Trooper"
"Sir, yes Sir!"
Knox spun on his heel, already engrossed in his data pad. Rex opened a comm link,
"Coric, Kix…you have transports enroute for the injured to the base med facility. Hand them over then both of you are to stand down. Jessie, Fives…I want full inventories done and allocate the men bunks. Be ready to move to barracks in two"
'What's left of the men anyway' he thought.
A quartet of affirmations came in reply. He closed the link and removed his helmet, rubbing his gloved and gauntleted hand over his face.
'Fek, I'm tired'
"Sir?"
Rex looked up to find Knox back in front of him. The young Trooper had also removed his bucket and his expression was unsure…almost embarrassed. He fidgeted with his helmet for a moment before tucking it under his arm.
"If I may Sir…it's an honour to meet you. You and your men are practically legends back on Kamino. It's every Trooper's dream to be assigned to the 501st"
Rex raised an eyebrow, a quizzical look crossing his features for a moment…a legend? Him? A Captain who couldn't keep half of his men alive long enough to complete a campaign? Hardly!
'If only you knew the half of it kid'
Knox's eyes cast over Rex's battered blue and white armor, then over his own pristine khaki & white uniform. For a moment Rex could have sworn he looked disappointed. Rex held out his hand. Knox looked unsure for a moment then proffered his own. Rex took hold of Knox's forearm in the traditional way, his grip firm but not overbearing. He looked Knox in the eye and smiled gently.
"The pleasure is all mine Knox. Without you and the rest of the 32nd the GAR would cease to function. In my opinion logistics is as important as front line, if not more so. You should be proud Trooper"
Knox grinned widely and pulled himself back to attention, shoulders back and head up.
"Thank you Sir. I am Sir!"
Rex nodded and fixed Knox with his best encouraging 'look',
"Now, go and knock some polish off that armor. Dismissed"
Knox rammed his helmet back on his head, saluted sharply and practically bounced away. Rex watched him go for a moment, then shook his head, chuckling quietly to himself. He tried to recall if he had ever been like Knox; bouncy, enthusiastic and naive…he probably had, but he couldn't remember. He certainly hadn't hero worshipped anyone, clone or Jedi. A person had to earn his respect; he would not give it based on reputation alone. He respected rank because he had to, it was part of his programming. The person holding that rank was a different matter entirely.
The chirp of his comm link broke his reverie. Glancing down he quickly noted the call ID, this was one person who did have his respect,
"Go ahead General"
"Rex" said Skywalker, "You're required at the de-brief, hanger 6, ASAP"
Rex slipped his helmet back on and called up the site schematic, quickly identifying where he needed to go,
"Yes Sir, enroute"
"Oh and Rex? If you happen to locate Ahsoka on your way in, drag her along will you. She's not answering her comm…again"
The corners of Rex's lips curled up in a small smile at the tone of exasperated annoyance in Skywalker's voice,
"Will do Sir. Rex out"
"You lot are incorrigible!" Ahsoka laughed, lobbing her empty caff cup at the nearest armoured man. It bounced harmlessly off his shoulder, but Tait made a show of falling backwards off his perch on a packing crate and clutched at the offended area,
"Man down…medic!" he cried theatrically; his face screwed up in mock agony. The men around him laughed and all began to bean him with their own empty cups. Tait threw his hands up to protect his face,
"Knock it off fellas…hey, that one wasn't empty!"
"Come on Commander, what do you expect?" said Blyth, draping himself on top of another crate and propping himself up on his elbows,
"If you won't tell us what you got up to on your…secondment…then we'll draw our own conclusions. Can't let the truth get in the way of a good story after all"
Ahsoka narrowed her eyes at him but smiled good naturedly,
"Is that so? And what conclusions have you come to Sergeant?"
"Oh, now that would be telling wouldn't it Commander?" said Blyth, treating her to a wicked grin and winked one warm brown eye. Ahsoka's eyes widened, and her brow markings shot up, but Blyth just continued to grin at her, his expression and body language leaning towards flirtatious. Ahsoka threw her head back and laughed, the small group of Troopers around her joining in,
"Clones!" she laughed, rolling her eyes.
"Commander Tano?"
Ahsoka turned her head towards the voice as Rex appeared from behind the container shuttle. The Troopers around her began to get to their feet but Rex stopped them with a quick hand gesture. He paused for a moment, his helmeted gaze lingering on Tait, sitting amidst a pile of empty caff cups trying to wipe the brown liquid from his armour. Tait, gave him a sheepish grin and shrugged,
"Want a cup Captain?"
'I'd like nothing more than to sit and drink caff with my boys'
"No…thank you Tait. Commander, we're required at the de-brief…now"
"Ah stang, I completely forgot!" Ahsoka jumped down from her crate and made her way over to him. Rex didn't like the way Blyth's eyes followed her.
'Get a hold of yourself Captain, she's not a youngling anymore.'
She waved at the small group of Troopers,
"Later boys!"
There was a chorus of goodbyes as she hurried away. Rex let her walk ahead of him as he paused, arms folded across his chest. Even hidden behind his visor the Troopers knew they were being given one of Rex's 'looks'. It lingered a little longer on Blyth who, despite his best attempts to maintain his relaxed air, began to fidget uncomfortably.
"You" Rex growled, pointing at Blyth, who to his credit didn't flinch,
"Behave yourself & you" he gestured to Tait,
"Get yourself and this mess cleaned up…all of you, five minutes, then report to Jessie for your assignments. Understood?"
As one the Troopers nodded,
"Yes Sir!"
He spun on his heel and caught up to Ahsoka, falling into step once pace behind her,
"General Skywalker has been trying to comm you"
She held up her arm, showing him the damaged comm unit on her wrist,
"Need a new one, damaged it in the last engagement. He did remind me about the de-brief, but I lost track of time chatting with the boys"
"You shouldn't let them goad you like that"
Ahsoka waved a hand dismissively,
"It's just a bit of fun"
"It's disrespectful"
"It's just banter Rex" she said, looking over her shoulder at him, "It doesn't mean anything"
"Hmmmm"
She stopped so sharply that Rex had to hop sideways to avoid walking into her. She folder her arms and cocked her hip, smiling at him,
"Hmmmm? Who peed in your caff this morning anyway Rexter? You're normally up for a bit of banter with the boys"
Rex went to step past her, that alone took her back. Rex never walked in front of her if he could avoid it,
"Come on Ahsoka we're late as it is"
Ahsoka? Not Commander?
She put a hand on his arm, stopping him. He turned to her and she peered into his visor, searching for his eyes,
"Bucket off" she commanded,
"Ahsoka I –"
"Off, now"
Rex sighed, the sound translating as a rush of static through his helmet comms, then reached up and removed his helmet. Ahsoka scrutinized his face for a long moment. She could see the tension in his jaw, the tiredness in his eyes…those usually lively, sparkling, golden brown eyes. His shoulders were down and his armour was still grimy and marked with signs of their previous conflict. Rex was usually fastidious in the maintenance of his gear, the first chance he got he would strip it down and clean it. He'd had more than enough time since they had landed here and she'd assumed that's where he had gone when he'd done a disappearing act earlier in the day. Something wasn't right. She searched for him in the Force and frowned. Rex was usually such a strong, steady presence in the Force, grounded and focused. But now he felt different, wavering and unsettled. He radiated weariness.
"You look exhausted"
'I am'
Rex shook his head and ran his palm over his shaven head and down onto the back of his neck as if trying to stretch out the tension there,
"I'm fine"
"I don't think you are"
His eyes hardened slightly, and she felt a flash of annoyance from him,
"Ahsoka, please, we need to…" her expression, one of pure concern and sincerity stopped him, he sighed again,
"I'm just tired…that's all. It's been a hard few month" he admitted, his head dropping slightly,
"and I've got a pile of flimsies as tall as you to get through befo-"
He started as she placed a cool hand on his cheek and the other in the center of his chest plate,
"You would tell me if there was something wrong…wouldn't you Rex?" she said, huge blue eyes searching his,
"I'd like to think that we're close enough that you could come to me if you needed to, that you would let me help?"
She stroked a thumb across his cheek bone, rasping gently over the stubble there. Ahsoka had never touched him like this before, hell, nobody had! He froze for a moment, unsure how to react then Rex closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. His hand came up and softly gripped the one centered on his chest. For anyone watching it would have made an intimate scene. He opened his eyes and reluctantly lifted his face away from her touch,
"I would…we are" he said quietly and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Then he released it and the moment was gone. His whole demeanor changed, he was back to the consummate professional, the ultimate, perfectly engineered soldier. No weaknesses, no vulnerability, no doubts. The poker face was firmly back in place. He replaced his helmet and swept his hand to one side, gesturing for her to walk ahead of him,
"Let's go before the General puts me on latrine duty for a month"
Ahsoka stood next to Anakin as Obi-Wan led the debriefing. Plo Koon, Cody, Woolfe & Rex also stood around the holotable, the blue light reflecting off the visors of the Clone Officers. She could tell Anakin was getting board. He kept shifting the weight on the balls of his feet. Obi-Wan's debriefings were notoriously long and detailed and at times she envied the clone's helmets, she wouldn't have to worry about her facial expression if she started daydreaming if she could hide behind a smoked visor. She had no doubt that all three of the officers were multi-tasking behind their visors, using their interconnected HUDs to complete mission reports and send out orders whilst keeping one eye and ear on the task at hand. Occasionally she would notice the minute head movements that indicated they were talking within their sound proofed units, the external comms silenced.
The new comm link on her wrist, vibrated and she discreetly looked down as the tiny screen lit up.
*CC 7567 (Rex): I'm sorry*
She kept her expression carefully neutral but glanced quickly over at the white and blue officer that stood across the table from her. She couldn't reply to him without being obvious, so she sent him a gentle tendril of acceptance through the Force.
'It's ok Rex, nothing to forgive.'
She saw Rex straighten slightly and his head turned fully to her, tilted slightly to one side. She gave him a gentle smile and he 'retuned' it with a tiny dip of his chin, then his head snapped back to Obi-Wan. Ahsoka looked to her left and Anakin was looking down at her, arms crossed over his chest. Obviously standing so close to her he would have felt her little communication with Rex. He gave her a questioning look. She shook her head,
'I'll tell you later' she broadcast. He frowned at her then reluctantly turned his attention back to his former Master, just as Obi-Wan was finally beginning to draw the de-brief to a close.
"So, to finish, Central Command has decided to reward our units with two weeks of R&R here before returning to Coruscant for re-deployment"
As one Cody, Woolfe and Rex turned to him and Ahsoka could imagine the open mouthed, shocked expressions on all three of their faces. Plo Koon obviously could as well as he began to chuckle. Cody removed his helmet and placed it on the holotable,
"R&R Sir? For two weeks!"
Obi-Wan smiled,
"Yes Commander, R&R. All of our Legions have been on constant deployment for months. We've had some difficult engagements and sustained heavy losses. I think all of us will benefit from some down time"
Woolfe and Rex had also removed their helmets and all three clones looked at each other. It was obvious that the idea of a sustained period of rest and recuperation time just did not compute. They had hundreds of troops under their collective commands, all of whom were genetically engineered to have almost boundless energy. Clone troopers with excess time on their hands and no structured routine would quickly become a huge headache. Woolfe pinched the bridge of his nose,
"How are we gonna manage this?" he growled,
"Fek knows!" said Cody, then he froze, eyes wide as he realized what he had said. He turned to the four Jedi, his expression sheepish,
"Apologies Generals, Commander"
It was so out of character for the Marshall Commander that initially the group just looked at him, then Anakin threw his head back and roared with laughter. Before long they were all laughing, even Woolfe had a small smile on his lips. Rex was grinning hugely at his friend's discomfort, but he concurred with Cody's statement. Managing the 501st was going to be a nightmare! He clapped Cody on the back in a comradery fashion,
"Come on Brothers, lets go and draw up some plans. That is if we're dismissed Sir?" he said, looking to Obi-Wan who nodded. The three Officers turned to leave but Anakin strode over and stopped Rex just as the Captain was replacing his helmet.
"Rex? You have a minute?"
"Of course Sir" Rex said, tucking his helmet under his arm and gesturing for Cody and Woolfe to continue on without him. He'd catch them up.
"Before you go, you've been billeted with Ahsoka and I in the Officers Quarter. Your gear has already been taken over there by the 32nd and before you argue" he said, holding up a hand to stop Rex's protestations,
"Cody and Woolfe are bunking with Obi-Wan & Plo Koon"
"But-"
Anakin put a hand on Rex's shoulder,
"For once Rex, allow yourself to enjoy some of the privileges of your rank…I really want you to try and get some rest whilst you're here. I need you at your best."
Rex looked confused and Ahsoka could have sworn she saw a flash of hurt cross his features, as she stepped up beside Anakin,
"Haven't I been Sir?"
"That's not what I meant Rex. As always, you've been outstanding on the field, I'm just concerned for your welfare…for all of the men's welfare. The 501st has lost a lot of men recently, your Brothers, and I know you feel the loss of each and everyone of them. I just hope you don't take their loss personally"
Rex just looked at him, his expression unreadable but Ahsoka felt his Force signature twist into knot. If she felt it, Anakin definitely did but he didn't react. After a moment or two Rex nodded,
"Ok Sir. Thank you" he said, defeated, "May I go?"
Skywalker nodded and the Captain turned, placing his helmet on his head in once smooth, practiced movement and strode out of the door.
Ahsoka glanced up at Anakin,
"You're worried about him"
"As are you"
"True"
Anakin paused for a moment, his eyes still on the door Rex had left through,
"He's pulled up the casualty and KIA manifest four times since 0800 this morning"
Ahsoka felt a knot twist in her own gut,
"Oh"
His meeting with Cody & Woolfe concluded, Rex made his way towards the shore of the lake. He didn't feel like heading to his billet yet and, tired as he was, he felt the need to burn off some of the restless energy that was making him feel jittery & anxious. Unusually, he also wanted to be on his own for a little while.
The 32nd had, as usual, done an amazing job setting up the rows of dark green and beige tents that were to be the men's barracks. He strode along the row, acknowledging the greetings of the men that he passed. Reaching the edge of the camp he hopped down off the grass bank onto the golden white sand of the lake shore and made his way to the waters edge. He looked out across the sparkling surface, the water lapping at the toes of his boots. He sat down in the sand and removed his helmet. Closing his eyes he listened to the lapping of the water and the songs of the birds. He felt the sun and the warm breeze on his face and decided he could easily lie down right here and dose off.
'Nope, not a good idea'
Opening his eyes he looked at the dirt on the back of his gauntlets. He'd completely neglected to clean his gear.
'You're supposed to lead by example Rex' he chastised himself.
Rex removed his gauntlets and gloves, took a cloth from a pouch on his belt and, dipping the cloth in the water, began to clean. He methodically stripped his amour off in a practiced sequence, thoroughly cleaning each piece before placing it down on the warm sand to dry. He found the routine soothing and a welcome distraction as he ran his hands over the battered plastoid plates. No matter how much he cleaned it, his armor would never be pristine but that didn't bother him. Each mark and dent told a story, reminded him of an event or person. His armor was the only thing he owned, and it told his story as readily as the pages of a book. Before long he was sitting in just his black under suit. He stood and hung his kama and weapons belt on the branches of a nearby tree that over hung the small beach. Last thing he wanted was to get sand into his DC-15s. He'd strip those down later with his weapons kit back at his bunk. Rex looked around, then shrugged and started stripping off his under suit, leaving him only in his shorts. He walked into the water and crouched down, washing the suit through in the crystal water. The water was refreshingly cool as it lapped around his bare legs, the sun warm on his back. After so long clad in his armor, even sleeping in it more often than not, the physical sensations against his skin were more than pleasant. He returned to the tree, hanging his suit up alongside his kama, enjoying the feeling of the sand between his toes. He looked back at the water. It shimmered invitingly…he had nowhere that he had to be anytime soon and surprisingly he was enjoying this time in his own company.
'Sod it'
Rex strode back down to the waters edge and dived in.