Bloodbottler giant. Thought up another parody while I'm busy brainstorming how to work on my other stories. A classic of the Golden era of Spongebob.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Spongebob or HTTYD.
Now without any further ados. No more ados to be had, one with the story.
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Httyd BC (Before Creativity)
Chapter 1: Past vs Future.
A wide angle shot pans across the sky of an undisclosed American city. As the view continues, Gobber's voice is heard in the opening narration.
Gobber: It's time for another one of these Bloodbottler giant retellings.
Several house zoom past before the shot settlegiants house that looks indistinguishable from the rest but is, in actuality, the house that belongs to the host of today's story.
Gobber: But this is no ordinary retelling. For today we go to America as it was...
In a flash of light the scenery changes. Now the house is a rocky cave with a smoking log for a chimney. All around the rest of the houses change into caves also, surrounded by a lush jungle with oversized ferns and conifers among others. In the background a cacophony of animal noises echo from the jungle with a smoking volcano in the distance.
Gobber : … One hundred million years ago! So prepare yourselves for…
A massive stone titles falls from the black background.
HTTYD B.C. (Before Creativity)
Gobber: With your host, Matthiamore!
As Gobber finishes the opening narration an image of the host, Matthiamore, is shown. He's a young man with short stubble and sunglasses over his eyes and wearing a grey hoodie over a black shirt with an image of Alastor with the words "Now that's Entertainment!" and blue jeans. He smiles calmly at the audience.
The view then shows the interior of the house. It's a stereotypical prehistoric house with multiple drawings on the walls and bones piled all around and a stone couch. A large pelt covered the floor serving as a rug.
A loud cheer is heard followed by Matthiamore coming into sight. He's now wearing a black and white fur pelt in the popular image of the Hollywood representation of a caveman. He also has a fake orange and green striped dinosaur around his waist with a pair of fake legs on top to give the impression he's riding it. He spins one arm over his head while the other holds the reins.
Matthiamore: ( shouting) Yeehaw! ( He sees the audience and realizes the story had begun) Hey readers, now I bet your wondering 'Hmm", what's Matthiamore doing in a cave?" Good question you little…
He putters off as he realized the answer was probably very obvious. He walks over to a wall an depicting a day in a pre-history before continuing.
Matthiamore: Its because today's retelling takes place in prehistoric times.
As he explains a group of drawings appear on screen to further describe the tale. One appears to be the Viking Hiccup Haddock the III holding a spear as he is surrounded by a flock of Dimorphodons.
Matthiamore: Back when man struggled for survival and prehistoric beasts ruled the earth.
On the final note, a drawing of an Allosaurus is shown clutching Snotlout in its jaws with Hiccup, Astrid, Tuffnut, Ruffnut and Fishlegs being observed running for their lives.
Matthiamore: ( to the fake dino) Isn't that right, Bronty? But I'm riding you now!
He smacks the fake dinosaurs neck and laughs. He then starts trying to pull himself from the costume but appears to be having some difficulty doing so.
Matthiamore: ( grunting) It's stuck.
He continues trying to remove the dino costume. He eventually ends up pushing so hard he overbalances and falls to the ground with a crash. He thrashed around in an attempt to self-right himself.
Matthiamore: ( panicking) Get me out! Help! Help!
Two members of the stage crew appear on screen and start helping him to his feet.
Please stand by….
Matthiamore is now back on screen and no longer wearing the fake dinosaur. He expression is one of complete embarrassment.
Matthiamore: ( under breath) They better not use that. ( to the audience, out loud) Like I was saying, prehistoric times were the greatest.
The scene changes to show a shot of several black and white caveman holding weapons and shouting .
Matthiamore: It was a simpler time. With simpler pleasures.
As he says this the next image is shown to be one of a Berkian Neanderthal picking his nose.
Matthiamore holds up two pelts on hangers.
Matthiamore: Your clothes always matched.
He draws on the wall with a brush.
Matthiamore: You could draw on the walls and no one would yell at you.
Next he hefts a ridiculous sized wooden club that requires two hands to hold it.
Matthiamore: It was much easier to hit a baseball.
Matthiamore walks over to his couch and sits down as he continues to sell the point of how great pre-history was.
Matthiamore: Yep. Prehistoric times were the best. ( He puts his hand to his ear as he acts as if he hears something approaching) Hey readers, are those footsteps I hear a-coming? I think I know who that is. Please welcome, Brizillasaurus Rex!
Matthiamore is right…sort of. Another person enters the shot. He's around the same age as Matthiamore, but not how he expected him. The newcomer wears silvery hi-tech armor over his normal clothes and a black visor over his eyes. It was Matthiamore's fellow retelling author, Brizillaking1.
Brizillaking1: Hey man. Sorry I'm late.
Matthiamore is surprised at his appearance. This story was supposed to showcase the wonders of the caveman lifestyle and now Brizillaking1 was ruining the point.
Matthiamore: Brizilla why aren't you wearing your costume? ( holds up a T-Rex costume still on its hanger, disappointed) I was up all night finding one in an adults size.
Brizillaking1: You're wasting your time, bro. Prehistoric stuff is lame. Everyone knows the futures where it's at.
Matthiamore: ( furious) What!
Now Matthiamore is enraged his fellow author would embarrass him during trying to educate people about pre-history. He then laughs sheepishly upon realizing the story was still rolling.
Matthiamore: That's not true. Don't mind him, folks. Why even Hiccup and the gang know that prehistoric stuff is, what the kids say, "cool"!
Brizillaking1: Yeah, no they don't.
Matthiamore: Yes, they do.
Brizillaking1: Nope.
Matthiamore: They most certainly do.
Brizillaking1: No, they don't.
Matthiamore: ( annoyed) Yes, they do.
Brizillaking1: Nah.
Matthiamore: ( furiously) I know for a fact they do!
Brizillaking1: Not.
Matthiamore grunted angrily whole grinding his teeth at the others comeback.
Meanwhile….
In the Dragon's Edge training arena, Astrid throws axes at targets in practice maneuvers. She trains normally until she suddenly gets a weird chill that makes her shiver in fear.
Hiccup walks past as that exact moment and sees his girlfriend's uneasy appearance and grows concerned and he walks over to make sure she's alright.
Hiccup: ( worried) Ast, what's the matter?
Astrid: ( fearful) I'm not sure, Hiccup. But I've got the strangest feeling that somewhere two men in a caveman and robot costume are arguing about us…( shudders)… and the robot is winning.
Back in the cave house Matthiamore and Brizillaking1 face away from each other with their arms crossed as they argue back and forth.
Matthiamore: Does!
Brizillaking1: Does not!
Matthiamore: Does!
Brizillaking1: Does not!
Matthiamore: Does!
Brizillaking1: Does not!
Matthiamore: Does! ( faces the audience) Look, while we're arguing, why don't you folks go ahead and check out the Prehistoric Dragon Riders? On with the story! ( to Brizillaking1) Does!
Brizillaking1: Does not!
Matthiamore: ( at his limit) GAAAAAHHHHH!
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Ugh.
The sun rises on a new day over the prehistoric landscape of the Dragon's edge. They sky is filled with thick dark-colored clouds and prehistoric birds and pterosaurs fly in the early air. The weather is much more humid and dense as this the start of hominid creatures beginning their long road to civilization.
As the sun rises to start a new day of the mesozoic era. Gobber's voice starts narration again.
Gobber: Ah, Dawn breaks over the Dragon's edge.
The view continues across a swampy terrain filled with all manner if strange plants and prehistoric creatures. A pack of Deinonychus lounge by a stream with a mixed herd of Achelousaurus and Nasutoceratops with some Brontotheruim and Scutosaurus feeding further down next to some Saurolophus and Wooly Rhinos. While high above a lone Diplodocus feast on branches.
Gobber: It is here that millions of years ago, life began taking its first clumsy steps out of the darkness, opening it's newly formed eyeballs to stare into the blinding light of intelligence in order to-
Gobber stops as he realizes that nobody is really caring about this part as the light stops before three large objects: A large wooden hut, a giant stone house shaped like a head and lastly a boulder.
Gobber : Ah, never mind. This happened a long time ago.
Inside the wooden house three people were laying on the ground, fast asleep. There were two boys and one girl in the deep soundness of dreamland with pelts covering their bodies. The first boy had auburn hair and green eyes. The second boy was husky with short blonde hair and green eyes. The girl was lithe with blonde hair braided with amber beads and blue eyes. Based on this one might assume they were looking at Hiccup, Fishlegs and Astrid but in actuality these were their ancestors and they were named Hic-Hic, Fishlar and Astgar.
The three continue to snore loudly as they slept. The interior of the hut was mostly bare save for a few rocks and bones on the ground. On a small shelf above Fishlar's head a rock is precariously perched.
Outside, a giant flat amphibian that resembles a Thunderdrum sleeps peacefully. As light filters through the canopy into its eyes it opened its mouth to let out a yawn before blinking its eyes sleepily. When it looked like it might go back to sleep it suddenly opens its mouth and unleashed a loud roar similar to a fog horn. This in turn causes several other Thunderdrums nearby to awaken and take up the same cry. The sound waves carry across the jungle to the wooden hut.
Despite the loud orchestra outside the inhabitants of the hut remain asleep. On the shelf the rock starts to shake as the vibrations cause it to move until it falls over the side. The rock falls down and strikes Fishlar on the head. He wakes up with a shrill squeal of pain making the others wake up as well.
Hic-Hic, Fishlar and Astgar stand up shouting angrily that their sleep was disturbed before they see the rock on the ground. Their stop shouting relax with some laughter as they realize it was just the alarm system Hic-Hic designed doing its job. Picking up the rock, Fishlar carefully sets it back up on the shelf to be used tomorrow. Each of the cavevikings wore a different colored pelt on their bodies, Hic-Hic's was red, Fishlar's was brown and Astgar's was blue. As they were dressed they could now begin their morning routine.
The three poke their heads out and look sround to survey the land. Seeing no hungry dinosaurs or other predators in the vicinity they leap outside.
Hic-Hic/Fishlar/Astgar: ( in unison) Banooga ready!
Fishlar holds a vine in his hand leading back into the hut. He gives it a small tug.
Fishlar: Tabanga, Meatlug.
He walks out with his friends until he gets pulled back towards the hut just as a loud yawn is heard. Fishlar stands his ground and stares back inside the hut.
Fishlar: ( sternly) Meatlug! Tabanga!
He gives the vine a sharper tug before turning around and walking out as what was on the vines end emerges. A large reptilian head with the other end of the vine tied around its neck comes into sight. It was a large bulky Ankylosaurs with scaly brown and spiked armored skin with a bulbous lump on the end of her tail. The large dinosaur squeezes her bulk out of the small entrance somehow leaving the hut intact. She then gives another loud yawn as she follows after Fishlar.
Meatlug was drooling heavily due to her being half asleep , leaving a long trail of bluish-green slime trailing under her. The two re-join Hic-Hic and Astgar that and they walk along past the hut shaped like a human head.
High up in one of the open windows that formed the huts eyes a short stocky caveviking sticks his head out. His hair is black and his eyes are blue and he's wearing an orange and black pelt over his body. While he may look like Snotlout he's actually his ancestor, Snotlog.
Snotlog: ( baffled) Huh?
What he saw was his neighbors pet Ankylosaurs leaving a trail of drool all over his front yard.
Snotlog grunted and shook his fist angrily at the others backs. Now his nice, clean property was soiled because of their recklessness. He rushed downstairs to deal with the problem.
Right as he reached the exit he skidded to a stop as he remembered the last time he faced off with the Ankylosaurs.
Snotlog: ( thoughtful) Wait a minute.
He thought back to how the last confrontation went. Snotlog jumps up and down in front of Meatlug babbling incoherently, trying to get his point across. Meatlug looks unimpressed and simply raised her clubbed tail and smashed Snotlog into the dirt. The short caveviking cries out in pain as his body is flattened like a pancake. That wasn't the end as Meatlug smashed her tail on him again, making him shriek once more. Snotlog manages to lift his head up from the spot only for Meatlug to pound him into the ground with her tail numerous times with Snotlog crying out each strike. She then jumps on him and rolls around in the Snotlog puddle. Snotlog gives a muffled cry before Meatlug gets up and walking off, leaving Snotlog smeared in a trail of slime.
Snotlog frowned and made a hmmm sound. He definitely didn't want to go through that again. If he was doing this he's better go armed. He ran back into his face to were two wooden cudgels were leaned against the wall. He grabs them and inspects both of them carefully weighing and contemplating which would be best. He laughs darkly as he picks the one in his right hand. He puts the other back before rushing from his house.
Unbeknownst to him as soon as he was gone the club not taken shed a tear and sobbed for having not been chosen.
Hic-Hic, Fishlar and Astgar were still outside standing around with Meatlug beside them. Everything was peaceful until they saw the short cave viking running over to them shouting "Fishlar!"
Snotlog confronted Fishlar as he knew he was to blame for Meatlug's mess.
Snotlog: Fishlar, manaka!
Snotlout indicates Meatlug, the bulky herbivore simply rolls her eye and numbers off not in the mood today hear Snotlog complain today. Snotlog picks up some of Meatlug's slobber and angrily shows Fishlar.
Snotlog: No tabonga Meatlug pooka! ( indicates his slime covered yard) Tabanga ath a goat a sayla! ( points to the others hut and states he wants him to clean up the mess since it came from his pet) Tabanga doo! Tabanga doo!
Fishlar: ( confused) Tabanga doo?
He looks around questioningly as though he can't make heads or tails of what Snotlog was saying.
Hic-Hic: Tabanga doo?
As that joins them and puts her hand to her mouth in thought.
Snotlog only shook his head at their ineptness and walked away, only to cry out as he slipped in Meatlug's drool trail and slide about the area waving his arms uncoordinatedly.
Astgar: ( contemplating) Tabanga?
Hic-Hic: Tabanga?
He then hits himself upside the head as he tries to make sense of what Snotlog had said.
Astgar: Tabanga doo?
All this time, Snotlog is sliding around the edge on Meatlug's drool trail before he slams into the boulder beside his hut. The hut is also covered in drool and it splashes over Snotlog as he peels himself off.
As soon as he's off the boulder lifts up as the two beings living underneath poke their heads out. They're a pair of skinny twins with blonde hair. One male and the other female. The boys hair is in deadlocks and he's got grey eyes while the girl's hair is in three braids tied with bones and blue eyes. Their pelts are both green with the boys being a darker shade.
Male Twin: Tuff!
Female twin: Ruff!
The twins now called Tuff and Ruff climb from under the boulder and took in Snotlog standing in front of them covered in slime. The two scratch their heads not knowing what to make of it. They get a closer look at the slime while making a disgusted noise. They then sniffed the slime and made another disgusted noise as Snotlog becomes annoyed they didn't recognize him. They then scraped some of the slime off Snotlogs's forehead and licked it. They gave another disgusted noise and pulled out salt shakers before sprinkling salt on the slime before stuffing it in their mouths. This time they enjoy it but Snotlog is fuming.
Ruff/Tuff: ( thumbs up) Mawunga!
Snotlog shook himself to be rid of the slime. He grinds his teeth together as he shouts angrily at the two.
Snotlog: Ruff! Tuff!
The two are taken aback but then see it's their neighbor standing before them. A light laugh escapes their lips as they crush him between them in a tight hug.
Tuff/Ruff: Snotlog! Twins unga Snotlog!
The two keep hugging him between them. They hug him so tightly that their wiry muscles flex under their skin as they started to strangle the shorter caveviking. Snotlog's head began swelling like a balloon as his eyes bulges from their sockets as the hug crushed his bones and cut off his air supply.
Tuff/Ruff: Snotlog! Snotlog!
They are unaware of the other caveviking's distress. Hic-Hic, Astgar and Fishlar soon heard the groaning and turned around as they recognized who the voices belonged to.
Hic-Hic/Astgar/Fishlar: Tuff! Ruff!
Ruff and Tuff let go of Snotlog's limp body as they hear their friends voices. They see the others and get ecstatic.
Ruff/Tuff: Hic-Hic! Astgar! Fishlar!
The five run up to each other. Getting close up to each other since they were all good friends. Hiccup greets them first by knocking himself on the head three times. Tuffnut followed by punching himself across the face three times. Fishlegs then stretched his nose out before letting go, it smacks into his face and disappears into his skin, making him cry out on pain. His nose then popped back out and he smiled. Ruffnut then pulled her lower lip down before stretching it over her head. It tore off with Ruffnut crying out in agony before it returned to normal.
Hic-Hic: Tuff!
Tuff: Hic-Hic!
Fishlar: Ruff!
Ruff: Fishlar!
The four then embraced each other in a big hug as Astrid smiled at the heartwarming scene before the others pulled her into the bonding hug as well. Snotlog walked over with an apathetic look on his face and scoffed at the friend's moment as he believes them to be idiots.
Snotlog: Mutton-heads no gots malanga palinka. ( laughs at his own mockery) palinka.
He then walks away only to once again slip on Meatlug's drool trail. The other five cavevikings stood around while Snotlog shouted and waved his arms erratically in the background and just having a miserable time. After a bit Snotlog slid into his own hut and a tremendous crashing is heard. A muffled groan of pain was all could be heard as he was stuck in his wall with only his backside facing out.
Hic-Hic then remembered something. He grunts and get his friends attention before pulling something from his pelt. It turns out to be half a coconut with liquid sloshing inside. He shook it and makes urgent noises to show that it was something wondrous
The twins sniffed the shell and went "ohhh" as they were all wondering what it could be. Hiccup then reached out and brought out a hollowed log with a hole made in the top and the bottom. He poured the liquid into the top hole, took a deep breath, then blew into the bottom hole. A bubble expands from the top and floats in front of them.
Ruff and Tuff are wary of the bubble and cover their heads nervously, but Astgar and Fishlar are in awe at the glorious sight of the shimmering orb before them. Ruff and Tuff uncover their heads and watch with the others as the bubble floats into the air and popped.
Tuff then applauds Hic-Hic for making the bubble. As he continues clapping, dark storm clouds roll in and it begins to drizzle.
Everyone looks up to see the storm coming down on them. Tuff claps again and the rain stopped. They all smile as it seems they have the power to control the weather. Fishlar clapped his hands to see if he could do it. For a moment nothing happened, making them all frown, then the rain started back up. The group erupts into cheers just as Astgar clapped and stopped the rain. The group break out into cheers again.
As one the entire group began clapping ecstatically to make the rain start, but all the clapping resulted in a huge clap of thunder being released from the clouds. Everyone stopped and stared bewildered at the sky, not sure what to make of it. Ruffnut clapped her hands to try to make the rain stop, but all that caused was a another clap of thunder and lightning to streak across the sky. It was so startling that they all ran around, shouting frantically.
Snotlog looked outside his hut and say everyone running around acting strangely.
Snotlog: Hic-Hic, Astgar, Fishlar, Tuff and Ruff babwana ga.
Snotlog goes back into his hut to finish what he started. A stone slab sat a wooden easel that was chiseled into a self portrait of Snotlog. He puts on a beret and takes up a hammer and chisel.
Snotlog: ( snootily) No pooka Snotlog. Snotlog tay fayla foo.
A loud boom of thunder echoes across the edge and made Snotlog jump. Outside, the others stood around and watched a flash of lightning strike the log they used to make bubbles.
Snotlog rushed back to the window and gasped when he saw his five neighbors laying on the ground covered in soot and a large flame burning on the log as the rain subsided. Snotlog called out to them, hoping they weren't dead.
Snotlog: Hic-Hic! Astgar! Fishlar! Tuff! Ruff!
At their names being called the five stir and regain consciousness. They cry out in fear seeing the strange creature before them. Instinctively they all retreat to cover to escape from the unknown. Hic-Hic and the others poke their heads out from behind a rock and watch the flames crackle, wondering why it wasn't coming after them. Snotlog comes outside and he's joined by Hic-Hic and the others. They appear to realize the fire wasn't going to attack them, they come in for a closer look. Still they approach warily as they never seen anything like this before and are yet unsure what it's capable of.
Snotlog sniffed the flames and made a "hmm" noise, trying to determine what the strange thing does. He stuck his hand into the fire and cried out as his hand is burned. He then stuck his fingers into his mouth to relieve the pain.
Hic-Hic, Astgar, Fishlar and the twins all said "huh?" and decided to investigate for themselves. They all stuck their hands into the fire and their only reaction is a quizzical hmm noise. They each put their hand to their chins and rubbed them in thought at how they should react to touching the burning substance. They then made a "uh-huh" upon realizing it was hot. They all yawn in a relaxed fashion as their hands continue to burn. After a moment, they all scream out in pain and cradle their burned hands.
Hic-Hic and the others jumped around holding their burned flesh, now knowing to never touch the hot stuff again. Tuff and Ruff looked at their scorched flesh and smelled it. At first they are disgusted but then realized their hands smelled good. They licked their chops, brought out their salt shakers, and sprinkled salt on their hands. They then chew on their hands as the others watch.
Fishlegs approached them and grunted questioningly, wondering why they were eating their own hands. But the twins took this that Fishlegs wanted some of their food and grew angry before barking at him. The two crawled away and sat on the ground and continued gnawing on their hands. They barked once more to make sure they weren't followed.
Hic-Hic, Astgar, Fishlar and Snotlog all frown and lick their lips. Seeing the twins eat reminded them they too, were getting hungry. Just then, Astgar shifted her eyes and saw four potatoes that looked fully developed and ready to eat. A gasp comes from her mouth ,thinking this could be a good meal for them.
Astgar: ( licks her lips) Bangar !
She walks over to pick the potatos. Snotlog just frowned as he imagined an amoeba in his head, thinking the girl was crazy for wanting to eat potatoes.
Snotlog: Manga.
Astgar collects the potatoes and was bringing them back to the others. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going and ended up tripping over Snotlog's feet. She yelped in surprise as the roots slip from her hands. Everyone watches with dismay as they see the potatoes fall and land in the flames. They are sad that their potential meal was now ruined.
Snotlog: ( to Astgar, angry) Astgar!
He started babbling incoherently at Astgar for her clumsiness. He suddenly stops shouting as he feels something getting poured on his burnt hand. Soft laughter sounds behind him, making him turn around to see Tuff pouring salt on his hand. The deadlocked caveviking locks his chops and opens his mouth as he prepares to chow down. Snotlog pulls his hand away at the last second and smacks Tuff over the head with a stick.
Snotlog: ( indicates for him to leave) Tuff! Changa!
Tuff grumbles to himself and crawls away, upset at being denied food.
Hic-Hic takes in all he had just witnessed. His eyes fixated on the stick in Snotlog's hand. He then directs his gaze over to the potatoes roasting in the flames. He turns back to the stick, ten back to the potatoes. The boulders in Hic-Hic's head start to roll as he strives to comprehend that there had to be a way to remove the potatoes from the flames, and the stick was a key component. He just had to think. His mind kicked into overtime trying to think of a solution, all the while ominous sounds played on his ears. There had to be a way, he just needed to focus. Stick. Potatoes. Stick. Potatoes. Stick! Potatoes! He thought for a long time, trying to think of an answer.
The sound in his ears continues before being revealed to be a barbershop quartet that included a woman wearing a mustache.
Hic-Hic mustered all of his brain power and at last he found the spark that was the answer. He tugged on Snotlog's arm to gain his attention.
Hic-Hic: Snotlog! Snotlog! ( Snotlog faces him) Tooka Hic-Hic?
Snotlog nodded and smacked Hic-Hic in the head with the stick, thinking he wanted the same think he did to Tuff. Hic-Hic held his head in pain at being struck before shaking his head to clear the dizziness.
Hic-Hic: ( shaking his head) Na, Na, Na!
He took the stick from Snotlog's hands and gestures for Astgar and Fishlar to follow him. They head back to the fire and Hic-Hic uses the stick to safely skewer three potatoes from the flames. He held them out go his friends where they sniffed him. They weren't sure how, but this hot stuff made them smell delicious. They each munch a potatoes but then pause as it quickly becomes apparent the hot stuff not only vastly improved the smell, but the taste as well!
Hic-Hic, Astgar and Fishlar all jump around spontaneously in joy at this amazing discovery. Snotlog follows them leaping around with his eyes until they stop and awed at the stick. Their eyes are as big as dinner plates as they see the stick bathed in heavenly light.
The three finish their excitement and Hiccup gets the final potato out with the stick and offers it to Snotlog. He hmphed as he wasn't sure about this but decided to humor them so he took it and swallowed it. The minute he tasted the hot flavors on his taste buds he saw what all the fuss was about.
Snotlog: Namba.
In response, Snotlog jumped about with the same exuberant energy as the others. When he was finished he faced Hic-Hic and shook his hand.
Snotlog: ( congratulating) Tayla foo, Hic-Hic! Tayla foo Hic-Hic not dumbo!
An image of Albert Einstein appeared in Snotlog's mind to demonstrate he thought Hic-Hic was a genius.
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Soon, all six cavevikings were standing around the flame to cook more food to see if the taste would improve. Hic-Hic, Astgar and Fishlar went first by sticking more potatoes on their sticks and held them in the fire. Like before, they devoured and enjoyed the roasted roots.
Snotlog and Tuff went next by sticking mushrooms on their sticks. As soon they were nice and charred, they gleefully bit down and chewed away.
Ruffnut was next but she seemed confused. On her stick she stuck another stick and held it over the flames. The stick got roasted and Ruffnut ate it, unaware as it punctured both her cheeks.
Astgar: Ruff! ( Ruff looks at Astgar who shakes her head to show her she wasn't doing it properly) Waa Astgar.
At that moment a small crustacean that resembled Trader Johann crawled along on the ground chattering nonsense to itself and Astgar saw this as a good example. She raised her foot and crushed the small lobster like thing, killing it and making it howl in agony. She then pulled the stick from Ruff's cheeks and speared it off her sole and held it out to her friend.
Ruff eagerly accepted the offered food and placed it over the flames. When it was cooked thoroughly she stuffed it her mouth, swallowed, and burped deeply. Then she, along with the others celebrated their wondrous discovery of improving their palettes.
Gobber reenter the scene and makes everything pause with the cavevikings frozen in mid-jump.
Gobber: Hurray, it looks like our prehistoric pals have just discovered fire. But they'll soon learn that when you play with fire, you may get burned. Stay tuned.
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Back in the real world, Matthiamore rejoins the readers as they finish the first half of the story. The man exhaled laughter ad this proves his point that prehistoric times were indeed the coolest.
Matthiamore: See, I told you prehistoric times were fun…
He gets another idea and holds up two sticks and shows them to the reader.
Matthiamore: …Hey, how's about I show you all how a cave man makes a fire with…( clacks sticks together)… two sticks? ( rubs the sticks together) Yeah, doesn't get any cooler then that, huh? Chalk one up for Matthiamore.
In another part of the cave, a hairy arm holding a chunk of chalk and draws a line on half a stone scoreboard. Over it was a wooden sign labeled Prehistory and Matthiamore's display earned a point.
Matthiamore keeps rubbing the sticks together. His face shows he's growing tired.
Matthiamore: ( gasping) Rubbing.
He keeps trying to generate a spark until he gives up exhausted. The sticks aren't even warm.
Matthiamore: ( tiredly) I guess this is that type of wood that doesn't burn.
Suddenly, a red burst of light strikes both pieces of wood, causing both to burst into flames and startling Matthiamore. He then scowls as he sees where they came from.
Matthiamore: Brizilla!
A few feet away, Brizillaking1 holds up his wrist where a small satellite sticks out from randomly shooting lasers.
Brizillaking1: Ha, laser technology… score one for the future.
On the other side of the prehistory scoreboard was a digital screen with the word Future over it . Brizillaking1's display just earned him a point, tying the scores.
Matthiamore remains unimpressed by his friend's display. He knew of a sure fire way that would prove once and for all that prehistory ruled over future.
Matthiamore: Well, I've got something you'll never find in your little…( air quotes)… future: a real live caveman.
No sooner did he finish that he noticed another person entered from a side room. This person appeared to be around the same age, maybe slightly older wearing the same pelt as the host with scraggly facial hair and curly hair with blue-grey eyes.
Matthiamore: Hey, there he is. C'mon on in, big, troglodyte fella. C'mon.
The caveman enters the room with caution, looking at everything new before him like they could pose a threat.
Matthiamore: ( to the readers, explaining)"You see, readers, I found him frozen in a block of ice and then I spent three days thawing him out with my mom's hair dryer. I call him Bloodbottler giant.
Bloodbottler giant stops as he sees the audience. He carefully comes up and taps them before jumping back, feeling they were dangerous.
Matthiamore: Isn't he something? It's ok, Bloodbottler.
Another point is added to the prehistory scoreboard by the random hairy arm, putting them in the lead.
Brizillaking1: That's nothing, brah, make way for the future.
A metal door suddenly opens up on its own and what looks like a fully robotic version of Brizillaking1's costume comes out. It's entire body is silver with white light bulbs for eyes and a satellite on top of its head.
Robot: ( synthetic voice) Greetings. I am the X-29488. How may I serve you?
The scoreboard for the future gains another point. The scored tied yet again.
Matthiamore: ( exasperated ) Where do you keep getting all this stuff?
Brizillaking1: Never you mind, dude. Let's go see what Bloodbottler giant thinks.
Bloodbottler giant slowly crept up to the robot. Not knowing what it would do, he gently pokes it with a finger. The mood swiftly changes as the robot's eyes glow red and it activities it's defenses.
Robot: Attack! Attack!
Bloodbottler giant is startled by the loud alarm and runs away, yelping. But the robot follows behind him, firing lasers from the satellite on it's head. Each bolt hit Bloodbottler giant's backside. He holds his rear in pain as he hides behind the sofa, only to be lazered in the rear again. Every time he's hit, it scores more points on the future scoreboard.
Matthiamore: ( shouts) Brizilla! You're ruining my cave man show!
No body hears him as the robot continues shooting lasers at Bloodbottler giant while blaring "Attack! Attack!". The scene became one of absolute mayhem.
Gobber joins back in.
Gobber: Will Matthiamore ever get control of the special? What will Hiccup and the gang do with fire? Stay tuned to HTTYD B.C. to find out !
Well folks, there's part one in HTTYD B.C. (Before Creativity). Hope you all enjoyed. I decided to use my fellow retelling Authors Matthiamore and Brizillaking1 as Patchy and Potty, respectively, while myself played the caveman. Hope they don't mind the cameos. I highly recommend you check out their stories.