This is the sequel to Of Feathers And Fangs.
"to repair with gold" refers to kintsukuroi, in english meaning repairing with gold, the japanese art of which repairing pottery not hiding the damage but highlighting with gold lacquer, or, the concept of seeing beauty in the flawed or imperfect.
For those who don't know OFAF: you can read this story as a standalone piece but it's better to read OFAF first, as there are many hints to characters' motivations and stuff that happened in that fic.
Being the sequel of OFAF it also means that it's a sequel of In The Dark, my post ending dark oneshot about his imprisonment and brainwashing and how they influenced him later; on this fic I base my characterization of Sasuke and his motivations, especially for OFAF and What He Wanted.
So it's better if you read both first.
For those who don't know OFAF and those who do, a huge warning.
This is a DARKFIC with heavy physical and emotional abuse, non-con and violence. It's Narusasu, but dark. Dark Narusasu. With Dark Naruto.
OFAF was dark NS too. This is its sequel so it's dark NS.
This means that if you can't handle a Naruto who's not a ball of sunshine, and NS that's not cute and romantic, DON'T READ THIS FIC cause it's not for you.
And if you read it and don't like it don't bitch at me because you see all the warnings here, if you disagree with the characterization/dynamics/whatever, I couldn't care less (and I probably would disagree with yours but wouldn't waste time on them).
I explained my reasons for dynamics and characterization in the notes for In The Dark and OFAF so I won't be as wordy with explanations here. Maybe. Or maybe not.
As always, a reminder that I put a lot of effort in my writing and everything is exactly how I want it to be. Repetitions are on purpose, because I focus on inner dialogues and introspection and in people's minds there are repetitions and confusion. stream of consciousness anyone?
I don't follow new stuff so when I mention the new generation children it's briefly and in a way that is related to my plot. I strongly hate the kids and the wives, so if you like them prepare yourself for negativity towards them, as that's what I think. And I'm not sorry.
Again, this is a dark NS and will always be dark or darker. Read at your own risk or don't read.
More notes in the end.
"Full of broken thoughts that I cannot repair" (Nine Inch Nails, Hurt)
It's a rainy day in Konoha but no one seems to notice.
Everyone is focused on the Hokage delivering his eulogy.
"Sasuke Uchiha was the best of his clan. He made mistakes in his life but he also made amends, becoming a perfect shinobi of Konoha, fighting like one, and dying like one".
No one would admit it but they expected heartfelt words, the kind of speech that in the past had moved even enemies, bringing them to his side.
No one expected empty rhetoric instead.
As if his heart is being buried as well, some think, but they are wrong: they are mistaking the Hokage, whose speech is the most appropriate, and whose composure is inspiring everyone else to be just as strong, with Uzumaki Naruto, who, on the other hand, can't articulate his feelings for the loss of his best friend, the one he chased for years, the one he fought, the one he defeated.
The one he saved from the darkness.
The one he brought back in the village where he belonged.
The one he tricked into thinking that he, Uzumaki Naruto, would change the shinobi world when all he ever wanted was to be respected and admired as Hokage.
The one he belittled and gaslighted into believing that he, Uchiha Sasuke, had always been wrong, from his goals to understanding his brother, who had entrusted him to Naruto who, after meeting him only once, during the battle against revived Nagato, had gotten him instead.
The one he guilt-tripped, so that everything he did to him was justified and deserved for leaving the village. For leaving him.
The one he touched, kissed, taken, beaten, many times than he can count, and every time was the same and different at the same time.
The one he owned, in every possible way.
As a matter of fact, if Naruto Uzumaki gave a sincere speech no one would like it.
"Sasuke Uchiha committed crimes for which he was sentenced to death. All of you were alright with it. In fact you couldn't care less about his fate. Only I went against it, even begging the Raikage to spare him. Only I devoted my life to chasing him until I saved him".
This would have been a sincere speech.
No one really liked Sasuke, neither villagers nor fellow shinobi.
No one really accepted him, neither when he left nor when he returned.
They praised him, Uzumaki Naruto, for his successful personal mission to bring his friend and rival back, but they were not happy, as they saw the Uchiha as a traitor who couldn't be trusted.
Even if he became the Hokage's shadow.
Even if he became so loyal to the village that he sacrificed his life for it.
Those who saw them together called him the Seventh's bitch.
Sasuke hadn't complained, he had been called so many names by so many people; it was Naruto who introduced the topic, telling him to not pay attention to those words, even if he was the one who brought the subject back more times, as he liked that definition.
He liked that everyone knew whom Sasuke belonged to.
He liked that everyone was judging and taking further distance from the Uchiha.
This way Sasuke would only rely on him.
This way Sasuke would only be his.
Even though Sasuke was already his- that's what he used to tell the Uchiha, that's what he used to make him repeat every time.
He thought that Sasuke was his, but he was wrong: even when Sasuke stopped searching for Kaguya's traces in other dimensions and started training his son, even when Sasuke was in his office -in his bed, beneath him, kneeling in front of him, taking all he would give him- every time he wanted, he was always distant, so much that Naruto was too often reminded of the times they weren't together, when the Uchiha was pursuing his wrong goals and rejecting him.
Even if, since he had lost to him, Sasuke had never rejected him.
The rain is slowly tapering off, keeping the gloomy atmosphere even more, slowing down the rhythm of the Hokage's speech.
Sitting right in front of him there is Sakura, beautifully dressed, and her crying daughter.
They didn't want to speak at his funeral and Naruto didn't push them -he already pushed too much when he forced his one and only into forming a family with their former teammate, as part of his atonement for his crimes.
Back then he didn't think too much about it, just like he didn't think too much about marrying Hinata.
He was instructed by his predecessor that if he wanted to become Hokage he had to act honorably marrying the one who had always loved him from afar, and that he had to convince his friend to do the same. He was reassured that marrying someone they never cared about would not affect their bond anyway.
"And you Sakura, you are the worst: you tried to kill him yourself before someone else did, and now your lack of tears isn't proof that you're strong, only that you never loved him, you useless bitch".
He was young and stupid when he thought he was in love with Sakura. It took time to realize that it wasn't love. Now he knew that he couldn't stand her.
Where is Kakashi, by the way? Naruto distractedly asks himself, looking for his former sensei among the crowd and getting irritated seeing so many people attending Sasuke's funeral when they never liked him.
It's almost as if they want to make sure that he will stay dead and buried.
When he finds him he stares at him enough to make him uncomfortable, well knowing that the other knows what he's thinking. Then he looks at other random people: Shikamaru, Shino, Kiba and his wife. He doesn't care about them, he just doesn't want to look at the other side, towards his family.
He can't even look at his son.
"He died like a hero".
He says emphatically to finish the speech expected of a leader.
Sasuke died like a hero indeed.
He used Susano'o to shield civilians and the young shinobi protecting them, all the while fighting the meteor-like attacks launched at him.
The enemy seemed to have infinite stamina, unlike him, but he had the situation under control, until Boruto took initiative, being targeted immediately.
Not even Susano'o, not even Rinnegan could give Sasuke the ability to fight, shield people and save his student; he shifted his own chakra armor to save the boy, remaining defenceless against the fatal blow.
Naruto was fighting somewhere nearby. When he sensed the alteration in his friend's chakra he rushed to him but it was too late.
There was blood everywhere and yet he didn't understand at first; he thought that Sasuke was just injured albeit really badly, but his wound was so deep that not even Kyuubi's chakra healed him.
It's too late, the fox whispered from inside him but Naruto didn't want to listen.
He held Sasuke's head tenderly as the other exhaled his last breath.
From bloodied lips his last words were almost inaudible.
"Don't die...You are the only one who can keep the world in peace".
"We'll protect it together," Naruto said. Sasuke just looked at him impassively, before closing his eyes forever.
In the past he would have smiled bitterly, thus irritating the Hokage, who would have attacked him with words that would have escalated in actions, which would have ended with his shadow beaten and bruised and bloodied in his office.
In the present Naruto can't even imagine the world without Sasuke. Or his life. Or himself.
He didn't even realize what had happened, as the anger he was feeling was so overwhelming that when he got back to his senses he was in a pool of blood and limbs, and enemies were no more.
Sasuke's last words haunt him.
"Don't die".
Albeit his voice was almost inaudible he hadn't stuttered or hesitated in any way.
"You are the only one who can keep the world in peace".
A reminder that should Naruto die the shinobi countries would fall back into chaos again.
His last words expressed no personal feelings.
As if he was reporting his last mission.
But also, almost, as if he was giving him an order, which was weird because the Uchiha had been obeying to him -bending to every whim and need, metaphorically and literally alike- since he had been brought back and saved from the darkness.
No wishes or regrets and no mention of their bond, even though it was the only one he had.
Even though Naruto was his one and only.
Sasuke's last look haunts him.
It was empty. It was not different from the look he had in the latest years, since he had become a tool, for the village but mostly for the Hokage, with no longer a personal will except for protecting the village and obeying the only one he addressed with honorifics, except serving the one who had saved him from the darkness, the one whose every hit, every word, every abuse was justified, as he deserved them all.
His look was empty because Sasuke seemed dead even before dying, that's why Naruto tried so hard to bring him back to the world, to reality, to him, no matter what it took.
Naruto wonders about Sasuke's last thought in the brief moment between his last words and his last breath.
Did he think about him?
Or did he think about Itachi?
Wasn't peace what Itachi wanted?
Naruto is angry at Sasuke who faced death blankly, impassively, without a thought for him, as if, as tired as he was, he was finally going to sleep.
As if he was tired of him.
It's a horrible idea, especially because since he ordered his shadow to stop following Kaguya's traces over dimensions and to start training his son, Naruto was happier than ever.
Sort of. Because Sasuke was there but at the same time he wasn't there, and he had to bring him back, but more and more often no matter what he did and how painfully, he wasn't there anyway.
Naruto is really angry at Sasuke who didn't tell him that he was sick of the same illness Itachi had. That he was dying slowly, like his brother. That every time he did things to him he brought him closer to the end.
Maybe he wanted to be killed by him, like his brother had wanted to be killed by Sasuke.
It meant that for him Naruto was the most important person.
Or the one who had the right to punish him for his crimes, over and over.
Maybe it meant both.
It was Sakura who told him.
She had no idea until she examined his corpse, an unrequited procedure that she did as her only chance to learn something about the husband she had never known. She could have kept it for herself because he wouldn't have come back to life anyway, but she rushed to inform Naruto, with the pretext that she couldn't keep secrets from the Hokage.
It was her revenge, for she was grateful when he had pushed him towards her, but she had soon realized that it meant nothing, that Sasuke belonged to him.
Naruto received the news with leader-like composure, but as soon as she left he punched the wall so hard that everyone in the building noticed.
How could Sasuke not tell him?
How could someone so obedient, so deeply his, be so far away from him?
Naruto is absolutely angry at Sasuke.
He feels disappointed finding out that it wasn't just him doing things -possessing, hurting, making him bleed- to Sasuke's body, as an illness was slowly, subtly, doing things to him as well.
He feels betrayed realizing that because of said illness his best friend had probably been thinking all the time about his brother, instead of him.
In the last months Sasuke looked sickly, thinner and even paler than usual.
Naruto didn't realize back then, as he was more interested by the marks he left on him.
In fact he assumed that his worn out appearance was a result of what he did to him, his biggest turn-on being having complete control over his body. And mind. And soul.
When Sasuke coughed blood he assumed it was because of him; when it happened outside their activities, he still assumed it was an aftermath of him, who never held back.
He loved to see his strength's effect on Sasuke.
He loved to see it even when they weren't alone, when the other looked in pain and Shikamaru or Sakura or whomever else noticed, even if they pretended not to, as they didn't care enough about Sasuke to say something.
Most of it all, they didn't dare go against the Hokage: everyone knew how jealous he was of anyone who came too close to him.
He didn't bother hiding it, because it was only natural: he had saved Sasuke from the darkness, thus Sasuke belonged to him.
Since he permanently returned to the village Sasuke was more absent, almost mechanical.
Like a doll, fittingly with the way Naruto handled him.
Every time Naruto summoned him he did whatever he was asked, even anticipating the Hokage's whims.
His eyes, once burning with determination, anger and passion, looked empty as if his soul had already left his body.
He became contemplative.
On more than one occasion Naruto found him looking at the sky, at the clouds, at plants, as if he had never seen them.
Sometimes he would say things that Naruto didn't understand.
Like when he asked him if he ever wondered if they had really defeated Kaguya or if their reality was the tsukuyomi she had planned, and when the other looked at him as if he were drunk, he simply continued ranting about how subjective reality was, how life might have been a lie that everyone kept repeating to themselves.
He stopped talking then, because if he were in a tsukuyomi his life would be different; he would have his family back, he would have never fought and killed his brother not understanding his actions, he would have never fallen into the darkness from where his best friend had to save him. But it didn't matter, for his thoughts, like his ideals and goals, were wrong and pointless. He just had to shut up and obey until the end.
Naruto broke his sudden silence, commenting that he was just tired, since his son was hard to deal with, and as if he snapped out of a daydream -as he got back to reality, where he needed to atone for his crimes and serve the one who had saved him- Sasuke smiled faintly, replying that he was certainly tired, being the Hokage.
Then he kneeled down to pleasure him.
Other times he wasn't so soft. He would ask Naruto about unresolved village issues, reminding the other to act in a certain direction.
It was a reckless move, as the Seventh hated to be told what to do and he knew it -the other making sure he'd knew, with his teeth and hands- but he didn't care.
He needed to make sure that the Hokage did his work properly.
Even when he would be gone.
He needed to make sure that the Hokage would keep the peace his brother had wanted so much.
Only Naruto could have understood what was going on with Sasuke: Sakura stopped pretending to care long ago, his son was too inexperienced and it was too much of a drag for Shikamaru. Kakashi would have noticed, but he was keeping himself carefully out of their way.
He knew well how hostile the Seventh was towards him, who wanted Sasuke to get married, who manipulated him into pushing Sasuke to get married, who probably did things to the Uchiha while he was imprisoned.
Back then Kakashi forbade him from visiting his friend in jail, explaining that it would mar his reputation, which had to be perfect to become Hokage.
Later Naruto asked Sasuke about his time in jail. Many times.
Not getting any real answer he would get angry and jealous and he would let it out on him. Many times.
Then he understood that the Uchiha wasn't keeping secrets from him, that his memories were really confused, to say the least, and since his eyes were sealed he had no way to know better.
He was clearly uncomfortable thinking about that time. He was ashamed of the dishonor he had brought upon the friend who had saved him, and upon his beloved brother who had entrusted him to said friend, but there was something more, something different and hard to pinpoint, a subtle fear that darkened his look every time that subject was mentioned.
The Seventh wasn't stupid. He had learned to know himself and his deepest darkest drives, he could recognize them in other people and he spotted them in Kakashi's eyes when they lingered on Sasuke, after he returned from his journey of atonement, when he still tried hard to keep distance between them, without succeeding anymore.
Naruto understood but he had no proof and he couldn't act on someone who was so well loved in the village, but, thanks to what his former sensei and predecessor's teachings, he made sure to not have him around what -who- belonged to him.
Only Naruto could have understood what was going on with Sasuke, but he failed.
The thought causing another bout of rage he destroys the mirror next to the sofa. When he decides to pick the pieces of glass shattered everywhere, hours later, he doesn't even feel the cuts. They heal almost instantly, anyway.
It's a weird thing, that mirror. His wife brought it in his office, since he dressed himself there more often than in the house they shared, and it was unbecoming for a Hokage to look scruffy.
Hinata stopped worrying about her husband long before; she was a simple creature, content with her children and her quiet life. She expressed her gratitude with little gestures like this because she did care about her husband, despite knowing that he only had Sasuke in his mind, heart, soul, and every cell of his body.
Jiraiya had once told him that some couples liked have sex in front of the mirror, and that he too liked it.
For him instead, there was no need to use one when he could use kage bunshin and become many, to admire Sasuke from all sides and use him in any possible way at the same time.
He changed his mind once he found Sasuke looking at his reflection.
Sasuke found the Hokage's office empty upon arriving.
He was taken aback by the new object: he hadn't seen himself in so long he couldn't even remember the last time it had happened.
He would have been taken aback by his image, an adult man with dark circles under his eyes, sunken cheeks, pale as death and sickly thin.
He would have been taken aback when, taking off his cape and unbuttoning his shirt, he saw finger marks on his throat, scratches on his chest and bruises everywhere.
He would have been taken aback if only he had cared about himself.
Instead he wondered what Itachi would say if he saw him all battered and bruised like this; he wondered if his brother would blame him for not being strong enough, or if he would ignore the sight. After all he had entrusted him to Naruto, so whatever Naruto was doing, it was both's will.
He wondered if, by looking at him coughing up blood, he would recognize his same illness.
He wondered if he would wait for him on the other side.
When Naruto arrived he suddenly understood Jiraiya. The sight of Sasuke, disheveled in front of the mirror, looking at his reflection, lost in his thoughts, was intimate and decadent, innocent and enticing at the same time.
In a moment he was on the Uchiha, pushing him closer to the mirror, not against it so to keep looking at the black hair being pulled by him, to reveal the pale neck before he bit it, drawing red blood; then he moved the object so that he could keep looking while he threw the other on the sofa then he shoved his cock inside his mouth, completely unaware of the other's previous thoughts, of the reason he was looking at his reflection, of his cough and the blood already on the corner of his lips.
Naruto is unforgivably angry at Sasuke.
He can't accept that he left him again, that he left him forever.
He can't even think about moving on with his life, this weird concept that his wife, timidly, brought up, and that Shikamaru repeated.
As if he could live without his best friend.
He is Naruto Uzumaki, the Seventh Hokage, Kyuubi's vessel. He saved the world three times, from Nagato, from Kaguya and now from her minions. He saved Sasuke from the darkness, bringing him back to the village.
There has to be something he can do to bring himback again.
Whenever someone saves another's life, that life belongs to them forever: he saved Sasuke, thus Sasuke belongs to him.
Not to death. To him only.
A/N:
As in OFAF, adult Hokage Naruto is not crazy power-drunk, not in a flashy way but in a constant way, he's basking in his power because it's what he always wanted, and everyone knows, he's not the friendly loser anymore, he's their leader, he's above them and he behaves as such. Actually he didn't act like 'one of them' since he saved them from Nagato, but ok.
The mirror scene is inspired by a fanart by one of my favourite NS artists, Shinemoe, where Sasuke looked totally battered and had a worn out resigned smile. Great inspiration.