A/N: So, hello everyone! This is my first Calzona fanfic. I have written stories in the past purely focused on other ships but my heart is so on Calzona right now, they literally give me the confidence to be who I am. I couldn't have come up with this plot without the help of my beautiful friend, Nova, practically merging my idea and her idea into one big story, so special shoutout to her! I'm unsure how many chapters this will be at the minute and I will try to update when I can but working 8-6 with children 5 days a week is pretty tiring! Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this story, I am so excited about it. Follow me on my twitter caliiopeszona to see when I update!
A few things about this fanfiction, it is pretty AU but there will be things from Calzona's storyline and greys that will remain the same. I want to talk about Leah's character in this fic. She shows serious signs of psychotic behaviour and when I was writing this I was like, surely things like this don't happen in real life? But the really do and it's so heart-breaking! Some may say, why doesn't Arizona just leave? Serious domestic and abusive relationships ARE NOT easy to get out of, so please no comments on this. Secondly, lots of things are being said at the minute about how "Arizona isn't Sofia's mother," which is absolutely untrue. It is just as much her baby as Callie's, and I won't have any dismissive comments on this, which is why I wanted to show in this chapter that Arizona won't leave Leah because of their baby. Lastly, if you're struggling anyway mentally at all, please seek help…it's so much better to except the help and I am always open on twitter DMs for anyone that one to talk.
TW / mentions of domestic/emotional abuse, violence, throwing up and PTSD.
Italic font - Flashbacks
Regular font - Present time
Foreign Love
Arizona was emotionally exhausted, broken, fragmented, and as she listened to the torturous screams of her girlfriend, running around their apartment, tearing it to shreds and shattering whatever was in her eyeline, it was like her girlfriend was turning into a possessed lunatic. Arizona stared blankly, expression stoic, she was in a trance, thoughts of her brother Timothy racing through her mind, his last words echoing before he set off in to the desert to fight for his country. 'Does that mean you're going to marry this chick?' Arizona hadn't realised the single tear that began to seep, memories of his face flashing before her very eyes, like he was in the room, watching the scene before him. She was only brought back to reality when she saw Leah reach for the frame that held a photograph of Arizona and Tim back when she was in med school. Launching forward Arizona grasped the object out of Leah's reach, backing away ever so slightly as the tears continued to fall from her bright blue orbs. "No!" Arizona all but screeched, her voice hoarse and breaking in the process. "Yo-o-u can break anything you want, but no-o-t this, not this!" Arizona yelled, scampering upstairs clutching the photo frame tight into her chest as she felt the putrid acid rise too her throat, hunching herself over the toilet she began to empty the remains of her stomach, feeling her heart physically crack in her chest at the thought of Tim, the current situation she was being put through, her girlfriend giving up on her because she was grieving. Leah never failed to jump down her throat at any chance she got declaring she was the 'worst girlfriend ever' and that Arizona needed to stop with PTSD episodes, the spine-chilling nightmares. Leah was constantly making her feel like she had no time to grieve, she was always looking over her shoulder, pissed if Arizona wasn't giving her any attention, pissed at her for being sad, pissed for missing her dead brother.
As Arizona felt the wrenching come to an end, she stilled as she heard loud footsteps behind her. "I am so sick of this! Every day, every damn day Arizona, it's been months! You barely look at me anymore, you're either always in a drunken stupor or having a ridiculous episode, you have got to fucking let this go, people are constantly dying every day." Arizona shot up at that one line, she was sick of this, she had completely crossed the line. "LET IT GO?" "MY BROTHER DIED LEAH! He fought for our country and he died. This time I wasn't over in Iraq as part of the medical team, it's my fault, I wasn't there to help him I couldn't save my brother!" Arizona wailed; she was practically hysterical. Leah watched as Arizona slide down against the bathroom door, head in hands, knees pulled to her chest. Leah could feel the rising anger bubbling within her, truth be told she didn't even feel bad about the once happy Arizona crying in front of her, Arizona had paid no attention to her for months, she felt unsatisfied, in every way possible and thought she was taking it incredibly too far, she watched people die every day for god sake. Maybe she would deal with grief a different way to Arizona, but she had never experienced it. She was lonely, she had no job and she relied on Arizona for income.
"But you weren't there and there is nothing you can do about it! It happened; it's done! You watch people die every day for a living, you have to move on and be happy with me! You're killing me here and I never get anything of you anymore!" Leah shouted out of pure spite, inching closer to Arizona as she watched her press her back closer into the wall in what seemed out of fear. Arizona was absolutely dumbfounded, giving herself a moment to recompose, she stood up taking one step forward and plucked up the courage to say the words, "How could you? How can you stand there and be so proud of yourself for telling me I've given you nothing? I am grieving my dead brother," Arizona swallowed painfully "and you have the fucking nerve to talk about how I'm not satisfying your needs? You really are a selfish bitch!" Arizona screamed, her eyes puffy and vision blurry. Before Arizona had the time to let her eyes adjust, Leah forcefully lifted the picture of Arizona and Tim up from on top the sink and threw it into the wall directly next to Arizona.
Arizona gasped, as she felt a shard of glass pierce the skin on the top of her right arm, looking down at the wound, she saw the blood dripping down. Her girlfriend was insane, clinically insane. Leah just stood there, beet red, clenched fists, staring deadpan at Arizona as she continued to apply pressure to injury that she had caused. Believe it or not, she loved Arizona. More than anything. Sometimes it scared her, but she felt her slipping away and her mind couldn't take the thought of losing her. Arizona had met Leah at a time of need, she'd been kicked out of her family home, she had no job, no nothing. It wasn't until Arizona was at a nightclub when she drunkenly spotted her outside on her way out, dark circles under her eyes, slumped down against the wall, looking desperate. Being the solicitous person that Arizona was, she offered the blonde girl her spare room and as time passed, they became comfortable and entered into a relationship. 10 months had passed since then, and Arizona was starting to realise it was one of the worst mistakes that she had made. "We're done," Arizona stated matter-of-factly, as she began to apply a bandage to the cut.
"No, no wait Arizona I am so sorry! Please I didn't mean it, I…I," Leah began to ramble apologetically. "Didn't mean to what? Make me lose my brother twice by throwing away the remaining piece I had of him since he was never home? Fighting for us to live?" Arizona sobbed, moaning in slight discomfort as she felt her arm throb. "I've given you everything, EVERYTHING Leah, why won't you support me? Why are you doing this to me? I've never seen you this way before…I,"
"I'm pregnant," Leah interjected, breathing heavily as she watched the colour drain from Arizona's face.
Arizona jolted up sharply, as the flashbacks of earlier events that took place awoke her from her slumber. Gliding a hand through her soft curls she felt the sweat pouring out of every single pore of her body, she felt her pulse beating what felt like outside of her chest. Looking over at Leah, who seemed peaceful and calm, like nothing had ever happened. After Leah had broken the news to her about the pregnancy, Arizona was bewildered. They had been talking about having a baby months before Tim had passed away, they'd chosen a sperm donor and everything was set, but by the time their appointment came about, Arizona was beside herself, grieving with her family from the loss of their loved one just one day before. Leah hadn't told Arizona, but she had still made her way to that appointment.
Swiftly throwing the covers off of herself, Arizona made her way to the bathroom and stopped as she was met with the fatigue frame that appeared in the reflection of the mirror. Leah had done a good job of convincing her to stay, and Arizona knew she couldn't just leave - that was her baby in there and the thought of not getting to be in her baby's life brought the most horrible feelings to the pit of her stomach, she took care of tiny humans for god sakes, Arizona wouldn't be able to live with the fact that she was taking care of other people's children when she couldn't even meet her own and she knew that Leah wouldn't hesitate to do everything in her power to make sure she wasn't in their babies life if she didn't stay with her. Maybe having their baby would fix them? Fix their relationship? As Arizona felt every muscle in her body twitch with sorrow for herself, she sighed - playing with her fingers as she traipsed the floorboards back to bed, where her pregnant girlfriend lay. She felt trapped. She WAS trapped.
A few days later Leah and Arizona where on their way to their appointment to see their baby. The past couple of days had been hell for Arizona, she'd endured numerous verbal abuses, no sleep, constant fear and Leah had even given her a seething look for weeping whilst trying to piece together what once was her last visual memory of her and her brother, it had resulted in a huge argument and Arizona had been pinned up against the wall, as Leah splayed her hand across Arizona's cheek. Leah had then run out of the apartment frantically and Arizona had spent the next 2 hours calling her every second, worried for her baby who was currently growing inside Leah's tummy. This was the only reason she was sticking around, but the more things kept happening, the more normal it was becoming. Maybe this was Arizona's new normal.
Breaking out of her reverie, Arizona watched as Leah clutched the steering wheel tight, her knuckles had gone white, her face filled with anger, chewing on her bottom lip aggressively and Arizona could tell that her mind had wandered into a dangerous zone. "Leah, you need to slow down, please take a breath... the baby I…please, please, please snap out of whatever is happening." Arizona begged, watching as Leah pushed down hard on the pedal, overtaking cars and going way too far over the speed limit. Arizona clutched her seat as she felt the thumping of her heart take over her whole entire body. "Just shut up Arizona, shut up!" Leah chastised, taking her attention away from the road to look at Arizona's panic-stricken features that graced her face. "Why are you crying? God Arizona all you ever do these days is cry, we're going to see our baby and you can't even be happy about that? I'm fine, I just want to get to this damn hospital!" Leah sped up again as the clamorous sobs beside her began to agitate her further, she had to be driving over 100 miles per hour at this point. Arizona's sobs became louder as every bad thing in her life clouded her mind, she wanted this to be over, the only thing she wanted to live for was currently growing inside what she had recently learnt to be someone so toxic and evil.
The ever-growing anger rising in Leah was only made even more brutal as she heard Arizona silently whispering to herself whilst sobbing, slipping her hands from the steering wheel, she abruptly faced Arizona and began to vigorously shake Arizona in attempt to make her stop. Arizona could hear muffles of abuse that Leah was giving to her, she tried to shut it out as much as possible, she was only brought back to reality when they were inches away from a truck coming towards them… Leah tried to swerve the vehicle whilst Arizona screamed in ecstasy and shut her eyes tight, bracing herself before everything went black.
Arizona awoke, feeling groggy, she felt pain. Endless amounts of pain. It was like her body was on fire. Arizona tried to stretch her fingers and toes, moaning in discomfort. Arizona attempted to open her eyes, wait for her vision to focus, before she was met with the sight of curly brown hair and chocolate eyes hovering over her, clearly waiting for her to return to the universe.
"Hi, I'm Dr Callie Torres."