Sorry for the wait on "Run, Hide, Pray," I have been meaning to write the next chapter for several months now, but due to my current lack of stability in regards to mental health, I have not been in a good place to write. The struggles that Hiccup encounters here mirror my own, as with "The End of His Pain" and "The End of His Isolation." Due to this, I feel connected to this in a unique way. I apologize if this story doesn't meet my normal style or standards, I just know that I have to write this and I hope that you all will bear with me.
Hiccup could feel the weight of exhaustion bearing down on him as he lay awake in his bed. He knew that he needed his sleep to keep himself going, but he couldn't anchor himself enough to relax and so he waited for exhaustion to take over.
As he waited for his exhaustion to come, he could feel himself floating, dreams and reality blending into each other, becoming an indistinguishable mix as the lines between them blurred.
His mind began to drift, his thoughts straying towards the neverending internal war. He thought about how it had started, how the bullying of his peers had taught him the lessons that had put him in his current position.
They had taught him that emotions were a weakness, something that could be used to hurt him, a tool to be used against him. It took him months to learn that lesson, mastering the ability to stifle his emotions, most of all his anger.
He could feel the roiling mass that had grown within him over the past several years, the darkness that he fought to keep down. So far, he had managed to use sheer willpower to contain it fairly well, though not always, and he found himself thinking back to when he almost lost control.
It had been a hard day for him and he was tired. He wanted nothing more than to be left alone and rest, but when he saw Snotlout and the twins approaching him, he knew that he wouldn't be getting that luxury.
He spoke up, asking Snotlout if he could wait until tomorrow, but Snotlout kept approaching.
He suddenly felt his emotions fade away, and it seems that he wasn't the only one to see it. He felt the darkness come out ever so slightly, taking control of his body.
He was no longer a victim, he was a predator.
His gaze rose and met Snotlout's eyes, pausing the bigger teen's advance. He felt his body relaxing, ready to spring into action as he began to creep forward, moving slowly and fluidly, never looking away from Snotlout.
He could see the fear in the eyes of his prey as it took in the darkness shining in his eyes, all emotion gone, leaving them dark and menacing, and he savored it, feeling the surge of power that he held.
With his prey paralyzed, all he needed to do was strike.
He thought about where he wanted to strike. He could hit his prey in the throat, or maybe gouge out its eyes before strangling it. He could break its legs and take his time tormenting it as it tried to crawl away.
But before he could strike, his prey turned and fled. He may not have killed it, but he had certainly proven his dominance.
When he had brought it back under control, he was afraid. He thought about what he had almost done. He realized just how close he had come to killing someone.
In the days following, he found himself experiencing that same fading of his emotions often. He could feel his normally empathetic self starting to view those around him as objects instead of people until his emotions returned.
At first, he thought it was an isolated thing, but the more he thought about it, the more he knew it was a symptom of the darkness growing stronger as his control faded.
He was terrified.
He could feel the whispers growing stronger and darker as the mass within urged him to let it free, telling him that everything would be fine if he just stopped fighting, but he managed to ignore them. And despite trying to break out, the darkness was a patient creature. It knew that Hiccup would no longer be able to contain it at some point, and so it bided its time, growing stronger and stronger.
When the darkness shone through ever so slightly, he found that it was no longer happy to just kill its prey, it wanted more. It wanted to destroy its prey's will to live, to destroy everything it loved and to leave an empty shell.
As he waited for sleep to come, he tried to think about how to keep his control. He knew that his strength was waning faster than ever, unable to rebuild it.
He knew it was only a matter of time before he lost the raging war inside and the darkness was freed. He began to question why he kept fighting if he would only lose, and that thought gave him pause. He wondered what would happen when it was free, how many people would get hurt, and how he would never be able to regain control of it.
He wished he could relax for even a moment, but he knew at his core that if he ever let his guard down, the darkness would take control of him.
He wondered if he deserved to live if all he would bring to the world is suffering, and as sleep took hold, he could only think of the peace that would come with death.