Stars Rearranged

Hope is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

— Emily Dickinson

The Clone Wars.

If you asked a citizen of the galaxy what the Clone Wars meant, they would talk about destruction and distress. The war represented the Government's inability to restore balance and peace to the citizens of the Republic.

If you asked a separatist what the Clone Wars meant, they would wander about freedom and emancipation and power for themselves. If they were a member of the banking clan, enrichment would also be part of the answer.

If you asked a Jedi what the Clone Wars meant, they would debate about morality and the quest of establishing order to the Republic again; of doing what was right for the greater good and saving those who came in peril's way.

If you asked Senator Padmé Amidala, former Queen of Naboo, what the Clone Wars meant, she would sigh deeply and try not to lose her composure. Mostly, the Clone Wars was about the politics behind the politics; it was about deception, dishonesty, and maybe even hypocrisy, depending on whom she was talking about. The wars were brutal on those that suffered under its wrath, and the planets directly affected were left with turmoil and carnage on their ground.

Padmé Amidala despised the Clone Wars. She hated every aspect of it, she hated the battlefields of blood and the going back and forth in the Senate. She hated how quickly the galaxy as they knew was crumbling before their eyes and no one was willing to step out of their bubbles to see it for themselves.

So, when Anakin Skywalker was granted a couple of days away from his military duties and invited her to a trip out of the Core Worlds, so they both could escape the hell of their daily lives, Padmé's answer was instantaneous — yes .

It had been three years since the start of the Clone Wars, which coincided with the very same day Anakin and Padmé had eloped and married in secrecy from the public eyes, from the Jedi, from her family. Sometimes, she would even dare to say — from themselves .

Being in a long-distance relationship was hard on any sane person in the galaxy, but being in a long-distance clandestine relationship with a Jedi felt like something else entirely. She couldn't get her frustrations about the Senate out to him, she couldn't get her frustrations about Anakin's absence out to anyone , and, most of the time, it was suffocating to keep it all bottled up inside.

Which was why she was so excited about their little retreat to the Outer Rim, somewhere quiet and peaceful, somewhere they could be themselves. Sure, if it were up to her, she would have chosen somewhere quiet and peaceful other than Tatooine, but she understood the importance of the place, so she agreed to it readily.

Tatooine — one of the worst planets in the galaxy, for sure. Not only it had one of the most arduous weather and landscape, but it was also home to cruelty and barbarism. Slavery, smuggling, crime, everything was possible on Tatooine, and rarely ever for the best. Every time Padmé had been to the Outer Rim world, her trip had been met with distress and consternation, and it was hard to see how the galaxy worked away from the laws of the Republic when she had been so blessed with her life on Naboo.

It was hard to look over her shoulder at Anakin and know his childhood had been reduced to servitude and slavery until the Jedi had found him, and, even then, his life hadn't been magically turned for the best. He had been forced to leave his mother behind — his mother, his only constant — and move to the center of the galaxy with strangers. When he finally had the chance to go back to his mother and save her, he found her wounded and defeated, lasting only long enough to see her son one last time before dying in his arms. That was a terrible day by anybody's standards.

If Padmé was asked about it, she would definitely blame it all on Tatooine.

It all came back to fucking Tatooine.

If it were up to her, they would never go back there. The place was a bad omen, and she would rather prevent anything worse from happening. However, she understood why Anakin wanted to come back.

It was where Shmi Skywalker was put to rest; Anakin wanted to come home .

So, there they were, sitting quietly by the grave of Shmi's, under the dusk of Tatooine's binary sunset. After spending most of the day with the Lars — to Anakin's dismay — the Jedi knight had excused himself to visit his mother and pay his respects. Having once known and deeply cared for Shmi herself, Padmé intertwined her arm with Anakin's and they followed silently down the path to where Shmi was buried.

"It's so sad, isn't it," Anakin said, his voice on the edge of cracking, "There are so many beautiful places across the galaxy. So many . To have to spend your eternal rest somewhere as callous as Tatooine? It makes me angry."

Padmé laid her head against his upper arm, caressing his muscles with her fingertips. "Shmi never knew any better. She had reached a point in her life where she was happy, happy to be here. She would be honored to spend her days with those she loved."

Anakin shook his head. "I can't accept that. My mother deserved so much more than a slave life, than an ordinary life here!"

"So do the majority of citizens from the Republic," Padmé cordially mended. "Life hardly ever is fair. It is what it is, though."

His eyes stinging, Anakin crouched down, grabbing a fist of sand on his hand and crushing it until there was nothing left.

"I miss her."

Still standing, Padmé placed her hand on his shoulder on small gestures of comfort.

"I want her back."

"I know, Ani."

He sniffed, his muscles stiff.

"Padmé," he cried her name, "I would like to meditate for a while."

"Of course," she answered without thinking, bringing her hand back to herself; she didn't know whether her touch was still welcomed. "Would you like to be alone?"

He shook his head. "No, I… If you wouldn't mind, I would like you to stay here with me."

Padmé accepted his invitation as she sat on the ground next to him. "I'm here, Ani."

"It's just…" he gestured with his hands, "A Jedi is most connected to the Force through meditation, but we're also at our most vulnerable form. To trust someone to meditate next to them… it's the truest manifestation of intimacy."

She wanted to smile, but she didn't know if it was safe to.

"A Jedi is supposed to meditate when they're troubled," he continued, "When I'm agitated with my emotions, with the feelings boiling inside of me and the effects they have on me and everybody else… I need to learn to let go of each emotion until I become a vessel of peace of serenity," he chuckled anxiously, "Truth be told, I haven't been meditating a lot lately. I've been too… distraught ."

Padmé gazed at him with worried eyes. "Distraught with the war?"

"Distraught with myself," he admitted, "There's — so much happening on my mind, Padmé, I don't know how to quieten my thoughts."

Padmé swallowed roughly as her worry became tangible. "Are you having nightmares again?"

She couldn't explain how small he became after her question.

"I've been dreaming a lot of darkness," he confessed in a small voice, self-conscious. "I don't know what it means. It's just — darkness."

She slowly nodded her head. "Are you worried?"

He chuckled without a sound. "I'm always worried, Padmé. I'm worried for the Galaxy, I'm worried for the Jedi, I'm worried for you . I want to save you all and I don't know how to."

Her hand on him again. "You're a great Jedi, Ani, and a great General. Thanks to you, so many lives have already been saved. Be proud of that."

"I just don't know until how long I'll be able to do that," he whispered, "I don't think I can take any more losses in my life. I don't think I can survive that, Padmé."

"Come on," she squeezed his leg, "One day at a time. You still haven't lost us."

Anakin dropped his gaze to the ground; with the war going on and his duty to leave her safely behind on Coruscant made him feel like he lost her more and more every day.

"Maybe, after you meditate," Padmé gently proposed, "You'll feel better. You'll quieten both your mind and your heart."

"Yeah," he dared to look at her again, "You'll stay here while I meditate?"

Padmé placed her hand on her heart. "I promise."

"Thank you," he humbly bowed with his head. "You don't know how much it means to me."

Although she didn't quite comprehend the importance of meditation for a Jedi, she understood very well Anakin's desire to have her close. She understood because she often felt the same, especially when they were apart from each other.

Anakin and Padmé loved each other, but their love came with the burden that they would rarely ever be there for one another.

Padmé watched as Anakin made himself comfortable and closed his eyes, his mind elevating and leaving his body — taking him somewhere better, she supposed. She didn't know that much about the Force, other than the things she could see with her eyes, but she imagined it to be beautiful. It had to be; a greater force than all of them that promised refuge and comfort had to be beautiful.

It wasn't the first time that Padmé had stayed by Anakin's side as he meditated, and probably wouldn't be the last; it was, however, about the first time that her circumstances were so dire. She would have preferred somewhere she could sit more comfortably and at least have something to do to pass the time while Anakin immersed his soul into the unknown; she wasn't that good at doing absolutely nothing. Never had been, as her life as a Queen and Senator had been always met with trouble after trouble to the point she didn't know how to enjoy her free time.

So, there she stood, on the brim of spending the best of her next hours staring at the void while letting her mind stray. She sighed, silently apologizing to the grave of Shmi Skywalker for any disrespect as she lay down on her back, an arm under her head. Her eyes gazed at the multiple colors on the sky above her, the suns glowing soft enough that their brightness was pleasant to look at.

Exhaling once again, Padmé allowed her body to become heavy. She tried to compress a yawl, unsure whether she had succeeded, unsure where the yawl was even coming from. Maybe she was tired from the journey all the way to Tatooine, maybe she was bored, so when she, too, closed her eyes, she found herself in a state of semi-conscious all too foreign to her.

It was comforting; wherever her mind had taken her, it was warm and soothing, it welcomed her like a parent welcomed a child coming home from the war. If the Force was anything like that, then she understood meditation's appeal to a Jedi.

She wished she could escape to a greater world like this whenever she was troubled, too. She wasn't one to ever run away from her problems, but if the Force could somehow guide her towards a better understanding of both herself and of those around her, including those she had a conflict with, then she wished she too could touch this power.

No, maybe it was for the best that she couldn't. Politics belonged to politicians and the Force belonged to the peace-makers of the galaxy; mixing them up could be a dangerous thing, especially when politicians never knew when to stop further drawing power for themselves. She could think of a few like that off the top of her head.

No, enough politics for the day. She was away from duty, she was supposed to leave the Senate behind on Coruscant as she enjoyed a nice couple of days off with Anakin. So she did that; she erased every single one of her worries from her mind.

And when she did that, all her concerns were replaced in the form of thousands of sparkling butterflies flying around her. She smiled, tried to touch them; she couldn't explain it, but it felt like they were trying to tell her something. Maybe, if she reached them, she would know.

Tingles of anticipation ran down her spine; something important. They were trying to tell her something important .

Rising abruptly into a sitting position, Padmé no longer had any grasp on what was real and what was an illusion. All she knew was that, amongst the darkness, thousands of sparkling spots were laying out the path for her, inviting her to adventure down the journey presented to her. She was as fascinated as she was intrigued to see the lane for herself, so before she could properly stop to better access the situation, her feet were taking her down the road not traveled by.

After all — it was just a dream, right? Dreams could scare and dreams could provide insight, but, in the end, dreams were no more than dreams.

Dreams rarely ever came true.

As she walked down the aisle, a big bright beacon of light became stronger and closer. When she approached it, she saw her own figure amidst the glimmer, but not her reflection. That being was a person of their own, it did not mimic her movements and expressions. Padmé stared at it curiously, wondering what there was on the other side of the looking glass.

Like a subconscious manifestation, the figure addressed her at last.

"Padmé. Come."

Padmé watched as the words escaped their lips, and before giving her the chance to answer, the figure turned around and started walking away. Padmé's eyes widened, dreading to be left behind as well as she feared going through.

But something important resided on the other side. If there were the answers to bring the Clone Wars to an end, then she had to obtain that knowledge for herself. If she could bring peace back to the galaxy, then it was her responsibility to see it through.

Padmé raised her hand against the bright light, touching it. It didn't hurt, it didn't scare her, so she gathered every bit of her strength and walked through the veil of light; ready for whatever she would find.

She paced towards the other side, and the dream ended.

Little did she know that, when she opened her eyes again, her life would never be the same again.

A/N: just a short chapter to set the tone of the story :)

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