It's easy to crush her.
Not permanently, of course. Just some temporary pain, for the most part. A single word from you can wipe away the brightest smile on her face, to bring her down to something closer to your natural state. For example, somehow noticing her new top and using "yikes" to describe it despite knowing deep down that it looks pretty on her, then getting an eyeful of her disappointed expression before you turn your head and walk away.
Destroying her perfect day? Easy peasy.
As easy as it is to hate her because of her perfect-can-do-no-wrong-princess-that-everybody-loves status at school, it's just as easy to like her for some things she do. To be exact, her facial expressions. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and you can't help but get excited at the wide range of responses you can provoke from her.
It brings joy to your cold, dead heart that everything you say or do evokes some emotion from her. Of course, it's not because you enjoy seeing how much of an effect you have on her. You tell her that you like it when she is sad. It's the truth, yet it's not actually because of the malice usually emitting from you. Your heart rots a little more when you hear her talking about how she thinks of you from the way she describes you as having a twisted, bitter soul. But you like it when you see her adorable face switching expressions, from hopeful to exasperated.
Damn it, you did not just describe her as adorable.
Sometimes, you wonder why she sticks around you. It's not as if she cannot find better company. The loud sunshine radiating from her can easily cause a cosmic explosion any day, but she chooses to hang around you, the gloomy nimbostratus cloud, who can easily block out her shining light. It's just baffling and ridiculous.
But as much as you complain about her being annoying all the time and acting like you absolutely cannot stand her, deep down you don't actually mean any of those venomous words you spit at her. In fact, you actually feel happy when she is circling her slim legs around you. Not that you can or will ever tell her that, though.
You're you, after all. The terrifying, scissors wielding, blood loving personification of death in Hollywood Arts. And you can't show weakness.
Somehow, she's just different from all the people you have ever met. Even your ex. You liked him because you know he is a heart stopper. Someone that would look good with you. Someone that other girls desperately want but cannot get. Someone that incites jealousy from the rest who can only stop and stare.
All the haters think it's just not fair. And you love that.
You thought he had hooked and reeled her in too, on the second day of school after they kissed on stage. But it turned out you were wrong. When they got the chance to swallow each other on the couch in private while you were not around to stop them, she pushed him away. And it was because of you.
That was when you realized she had been telling you the truth all along. That she didn't want him. That she sees him as a friend, a brother. That she only did that to get back at you.
That she never, ever did lie to you. Except that one time when she was trying to think of a reason why you and your ex were not invited to play cards, and it was to save you from any embarrassment.
And she's just a terrible liar.
Which means when she told you you're pretty on your "date", she meant it. The happy expression on her face when she held your hand to bow together after the song to chase the pesky idiots away, she meant it. The contentment written all over her features when she lay her head in your chest during the play, she meant it.
And you hate that you let her affect you this way.
But if you're being honest with yourself, you know you were blinded looking at her performance during the big showcase. You were actually hoping to record the disaster of the performance from the talentless Vega to laugh at, but at that time, you didn't know there was another one.
The one that made your heart speed up, like no one else could. Not even your ex when you made out, no matter how hard you tried to prove it to yourself you could.
You hated her for that, and decided on that very day you must push her away no matter what. Because you were certain that she would get into the school with her voice alone. And you were right.
You held your breath when she ran away after you dumped iced coffee down her head, hoping that she would disappear after you established your dominance as alpha bitch, so you can stash away those stupid feelings you didn't know and didn't want.
But she came back the next day. And she pushed your buttons in ways you never dreamt of.
You never back down from a challenge. Especially not from someone that so openly declared war on you and took you down a notch when she kissed your ex in front of everybody.
You just wanted to pulverize her.
To achieve your goal, you sabotage her at every turn, spending every waking moment thinking about how to one up her. You might have even gotten her into real trouble at least once, but she forgave you each and every time. It was something so inconceivable and foreign to you, that she didn't want revenge for whatever you did to her.
You didn't know what to think.
But you couldn't just stop there. You continued trying, even going to the extent of digging through her medical records, snooping through her room and trying to learn about everything that makes her tick. It would be a glorious day when you are finally victorious.
Unfortunately for you, she slowly wormed her way into your heart, like the pest she was.
She was at your side adopting a dog with you to get your boyfriend back. She was running around, helping you produce a play when no one, not even your ex, would help you. And she certainly did not allow you to get your way when you stole her blood after she donated some to Robbie.
It was easy to dismiss her and block her out at first, but like a rash, she was persistent. It got harder and harder to ignore the fluttering in your stomach when she smiled at you. You hated it when she gave you one of her squeezes because you knew how easy it was to get used to them. The spine tingling glow she left when her skin made contact with yours definitely made everything worse.
When dust was clogging up the air during your uncertain status with your ex, she was there, shining through the fog. It was when you realized how easy it was to let him go.
It was when you realized how easy it was to fall into her abyss of love too.
And you know you're screwed, because you're never crawling out of this hole.