If you stumbled onto this blog thinking it was a Mommy blog, it's ok to leave now. I won't be offended. It's so NOT a mommy blog. I'm a single girl in a big city trying to find love. I decided to blog just how fucking hard this is.

If you just rolled your eyes, you are probably a guy, so hmm, how do I say this politely. Fuck off. This blog isn't for you. Ok. There's one guy out there I wish would read this but, I don't think that's going to happen,

Ok, about me:

I swear too much. I hate doing it, but I got so used to my dad's swearing that well, kids learn from their parents. Everything that's right, and everything that's wrong. So if you were looking for a mommy blog, don't fucking swear in front of your kids.

The name of this blog is Eleven Alone. My nick online is Eleven. Those who know me know why. Yes. I'm alone. And lonely. I'll admit that. And if you think that's the only excuse you need for a quick fuck, then you are a mouthbreather. You're also using too much air. Stop it. That's right. Fuck off and die.

I am 25. But I'm not a stupid fucking millenial. I can't believe they don't die of their own stupidity. Stupid should be a slow painful acting disease but unfortunately it isn't.

Ok, guys reading this are probably wondering, is she hot? Yup, you're a typical guy. Again, fuck off. The guy I'm looking for will know he's for me. Yes, he will know it.

I'm not really tall, I have a good figure… I guess. I do get looks. My boobs aren't big, but as I've heard the mouthbreather's say "more than mouthful is wasted."

I got news for you buddy. Seconds.

Having said that. I have really short hair. Shorter than a pixie style, but a bit longer than freshly buzzed. Turns most guys off right away. They think I'm a lesbian. Nothing wrong with that, I'm not exactly sure I'd say no, after all, someone who loves you, loves you for who you are. But, no. I'm not a lesbian. Sorry gals. Another universe maybe.

I'm a forensic analyst for computer systems. Originally just for critical servers that had crashed, but obviously because hackers are now shitting where they play, it's for compromised systems.

And if you got here by some hacking search and thought you'd show that bitch something. Let me remind you. I'm not a stupid fucking millenial. Not only do I now know who you are. But I've infected your system. And signed you up for a lot of porn. Hackers like to think they are so smart. They aren't. At least half of them are only script kiddies. Couldn't clear an 8086 register (even if they knew what the fuck that was) if their life depended on it.

A computer forensic analysis can find out why a computer has problems, and generally who did it. Hackers don't get this, but whatever makes my job easier. I can't even tell you who I work for. Is it military, an alphabet company… hmm, I wonder.

Anyway. No. This is not Wordpress software on the front end, friends don't let friends use anything written in PHP.

No, it's not a Ruby on Rails app, or Django, so stop looking for Ruby/Python module exploits. It's not so no Ghost exploits.

I already gave you a hint. But unless you are an OSI model expert (ie. that means you didn't just read the wiki page) you will at least know which attack vector to use.

I'm bitter. When I'm bitter I tend to swear too much. One thing my dad always told me. I can swear like a trucker if I want. Free world and all that. But most guys want their girlfriends to be, not so potty mouthed.

I promise bus guy. If we ever find each other I'll stop swearing. Forever. Ok, unless, of course it's for sex. :)

Did she just say bus guy? Sigh, yeah she did. Two things happened to me this morning. I moved to a big city, and I went purse and watch shopping.

Yes, I'm still a girl. But I'm a geek. Geeks need their watches.

I was lucky. I was one of the first people on the bus and I made my way to the back. The back has its advantages and disadvantages. If you get the very back and one of the window seats, you can ride in peace for the most part. But, getting off early on the trip is a pain in the ass if walking through the people standing in the aisle. The bus I was taking was going downtown, where most people were going to be getting off. So I'd be getting off with the rest. For the most part I read a book on the bus. People are less likely to bother you, and if for some reason you lose the book… well it's cheaper than losing an iPod or other mp3 player. I don't text on the bus. I'm a computer forensic analyst. Remember?

Ok, let's get to the point of this first entry. So, I'm at the back, one of the first people on, and this guy is right behind me. He must have seen my ass walking up the bus stairs. I wear pretty tight jeans, no camel toe for fuck's sake, that's just not cool. I don't want to see a moose knuckle on a guy either. Sorry Robert Plant. You just make me want to puke. So, sorry guys. Size of your dick means nothing to me. It's what you do with it. Even then, it's not even about that. It's whether you like me or not… or love me.

I will absolutely NOT fuck a guy who doesn't' love me. And trust me. I will know. Yes. I'm a virgin. Oh, did you just blow your load? You fuckin' mouthbreather.

Anyway, the back seats of the bus are sideways to the windows, not perpendicular. This guy sat directly across from me.

I like to think I'm not really a shallow girl. I mean I like abs and maybe a large package if I happen to spot it. But seriously. I just want a guy who loves me for who I am. Is that so wrong?

So this is the shallow part. He had shoulder length, jet black, corkscrew hair. My dad brought me up on 70's music. I don't listen to the shit they play nowadays. So his hair was kind of like a cross between Rory Gallagher (his younger Taste days) And Marc Bolan from ( The Slider album if you must know).

He had the features I like. How did Paul Williams describe it? Well, replace the "we" with "I" and "us" with "me"... anyway all the appropriate pronoun substitutions in the song "Somebody Super Like You."

He was pale, but had the cutest freckles.

I'm going to say it.

He made me wet. So wet that I...

Fuck, that's shallow, I had to look down myself to see if I wasn't seeping through my jeans.

But. He looked lonely. I can say that because I know that look. I see it every time I look in the mirror.

I can honestly say. I don't know what it was about him.

I can honestly say this too. I was in love. He was the reason I started this blog. In a desperate attempt and hope that maybe he'd read this and want to find me.

If you are that guy… well

Eleven loves you.

XXXXX

In one form or another I guess I've been blogging since about 1987. Of course they weren't called blogs then. I think the word "weblog" was first used in '97, but didn't really become mainstream and called a "blog" until '99. I'm probably more opinionated than most of my friends. I can already hear Dustin saying "really? We didn't notice."

I usually blog tech stuff. I'm a nerd, so that's what you get from nerds. Sorry girls, I know you were lining up to kiss the Paladin, but, unless you are smart. I'm not interested.

I DID say I was a nerd. So a pretty, smart girl well, I'll marry you now. We'll figure out the awkward stuff later.

About me:

I go by the online nick of Paladin, you are most likely to find me under that nick. My real name is Mike Wheeler. I come from a town where nothing ever happens. Well, the internet happened, so I guess that's something.

I'm skinny, tallish. Pale and freckles, I think my nose is too big, but I finally have a chin. I'm not sure my looks are what girls want now. Well, I think I am sure. I have no girlfriend and no prospects. Clearly, girls aren't tripping over my doorstep.

It's either that or the fact that I'm still living in my mom's basement. Yeah, you read that right. After my dad mysteriously disappeared, I moved back home to help my mom.

I have a legitimate job. Companies pay me good money to optimize their code. Believe me, "professional" programmers out there don't have the spirit of the title. They have the paperwork and that's it.

Ok, to clear a register, you CAN move 0's into the lower and higher bits, or you can just use xor and do something like: xor AX,AX

I know what you are saying. "Isn't that 8086 assembly?"

Well, yes it is. But you would be absolutely flabbergasted (did I just type that?!) to know that companies, BIG companies still use 90's technology and compilers. And code. They are very reluctant to move into the '20's (that's 2020 not 1920. Although that's not far off.

Anyway, they pay me big bucks to fix their shit code.

I don't really consider myself a hacker, but I understand the concept of what needs to be done.

Sorry mom. You know I don't' swear.

I called this entry "The Bus Ride." for a reason.

Went to the big city today, to pitch an idea to a big company. Yeah, basically on why their code is crap.

I noticed with immense relief that the bus was almost empty. I followed a girl up the stairs.

Ok. I'm gonna be shallow here for a second. I'd like to think I'm not that shallow, but she had the nicest bum I've ever seen on a girl. Not that I stare a lot, but her butt was less than a foot from my face. I almost couldn't help it. :)

I usually look down while climbing stair after a girl, just in case. But… I'm ashamed to say I couldn't help it.

I just realized that any girl reading this called me a mouthbreather. I'm really not like that. Promise. If you knew me you'd know.

Anyway, I went to the back of the bus. Strategic reasons would bore you to tears, but I ended up sitting directly across from her.

OMG. ZOMG.

I. Have. Never. Seen. A. Girl. That. Pretty

If I had a voice, after looking at her eyes. I would have asked her to marry me. Figure out all the bullshit afterwards. Not only did she look pretty, She was reading a book, so she was smart. I'm sorry all you non-readers, you are no better off if you don't read, than if you can't read at all.

I looked at the book she was reading. It was a hardcover. Who carries a hardcover on a bus? She must have had a big purse or was going to shop for one.

I was able to read the title. "Fluid And Creative Technologies". Ok that was really weird.

I knew that book. I was in a waiting room at one of the Amazon training centers in Toronto, Canada. They had that on the coffee table in the room. It was by Douglas R. Hofstadter. I was so impressed by the concepts I actually ordered it myself.

She was pretty. That was obvious. But she was friggin' smart. NO girl has that for a summer read.

She looked to be about my age.

I will tell you the truth. Friends Don't Like (I know they are reading this :) But I did not think girls that pretty would be that smart. If you are reading this, pretty girl. I misjudged you by your nice bum. I apologize. I'm in Hawkins. Kinda hard to find. It's not even on the map. If you are smart, like I'm pretty sure you are. Well, if nothing else, I'd buy you a coffee.

Even it was just to see your pretty eyes again. Especicially to see your pretty eyes again.

I wouldn't try anything. That's not me.

Sigh. Ok. Go ahead everyone. Flame me in the comments.