He wanted to be a hero once. To help those in need and prevent harm from coming to them. But now as he walked across the endless desert, he could feel only regret.
Not regret for his impossible dream as he could never betray the ideals his father had left him, and she had nurtured but rather it was a regret that he hadn't tried hard enough.
He could no longer remember how long he had been doing this. Traveling the world saving innocents all while seeking an impossible place and yet he couldn't stop trying to see her smile at him one last time.
It wasn't as if there was anything for him to back towards anyways.
Tohsaka had cut all ties with him shortly after the war, caught up in her training as a Magus and her inability to understand his warped self. He refused to speak to Taiga after an argument they had about Kiritsugu, neither willing to bury the hatchet.
He killed Shinji personally after learning what had been done to Sakura.
A sigh left his wrapped face.
Thinking about her always managed to upset him. She had spent years at his home, suffering in silence, and he had never noticed.
He supposed it was karma. Karma for surviving the disaster that was the fire only to invite its evils back a decade later.
Truly Emiya Shirou is one who suffers.
"It's no good to think like that Shirou", an ethereal voice called out to him.
Shirou turned to its origin before scowling," What do you want Alaya".
The formless entity giggled before floating around him, "I only wanted to speak with my favorite human. Tell me how is the search for your sword going?"
Shirou resumed walking before answering curtly, "The same since you last asked".
Alaya let out another laugh, "Ah yes my bad. It would seem that I have forgotten yet again ahahahah."
The presence surrounding Alaya became heavier.
"You understand, I'm sure. After all you humans are familiar with forgetting many things aren't you".
Memories of a pale crimson eyed girl flashed through his head
"She died alone you know", Alaya continued, "Her golems were tied to her own magical energy and when her body began to deteriorate there was little that could be done to keep them alive as well".
Shirou's teeth clenched
"I'm certain she cursed the world. Cursed the Einzberns for turning her body into a tool, cursed the man who never came back for her, and cursed the grail which she could never obtain".
Alaya's form began to change as it stopped in front of Shirou, reaching out to him.
"But even until the very end I bet she could never think of cursing the foolish little boy who tried to protect her even after she attempted to murder him."
Illyasviel von Einzbern now stood before her adopted brother. A twisted expression plastered on a face Shirou loved.
"I wonder how she felt!" Alaya ranted, "The despair knowing she was unable to fix the boy her father had left so twis-hrrrk?".
Trails of black and white cut her off before Illya's body fell to the sand, bisected.
Shirou breathed in deeply, watching as Illya's fake body began to dissipate away before dispelling Kanshou and Byakuya.
"Ahh~" Alaya moaned, "That merciless and precise work never fails to excite me"
"Leave me" Shirou said, "Or I'll trap you within my realty marble again".
Alay's form began to coalesce into her natural form of an orb surrounded by two concentric rings before responding.
"Very well Emiya Shirou. I'll let you continue in your fruitless quest but do remember that Avalon won't keep you alive forever and I always get what I want."
Alaya began to sink in the sand before saying one last thing.
"Always"
The sun beat down on Shirou as he remained motionless, staring at where Alaya had disappeared before relaxing once he was certain Alaya's presence was completely gone.
This had been a common occurrence since it had appeared before him shortly after he had left Japan.
Humanities Will had promised him the eternal continuation of his dream and when he declined it offered a chance to see her once again.
He wasn't strong enough then to completely decline her and his hesitation had cost him.
Since then it had been persistent in trying to break him just so the Counter Force could have its perfect tool.
He knew what kind of Hell awaited him if he accepted her offer, his future self had made it plenty clear.
The only reason he hadn't accepted was he knew it wouldn't truly be her. It would be a puppet incapable of looking at him the same way she once did. Shirou knew that if he wanted any chance of finding his wayward sword, he would have to do it alone all while avoiding Alaya's leash.
Shirou stopped at the crest of the sand dune, looking over the horizon until he found the designated village.
He knew that what Alaya spoke was the truth. Knew that Illya died alone and afraid and he knew that what he had done to her was unforgivable. But he also knew that if she was here, she'd give him a firm kick to the leg and tell him to suck it up and move on.
Shirou reinforced his body.
He might hold a lifetime of failures and regrets on his shoulders, but he just had to keep moving forward.
Mana pulsed from the village before a miasma of beasts flocked to the sky.
If he wanted to reach his utopia, he would need to keep fighting.
Shirou began to feel his circuits burn with power.
All would need to be given, every bit of his being had to be sacrificed just so he could have the chance of hearing her welcome him home.
"Trace on"
An enormous bow formed in his right hand as a nameless sword formed in his left.
Shirou swiftly nocked the blade before pulling the string taut.
He reinforced his eyes before aiming towards the cloud of monsters. He then began pouring mana into the blade, breaking it, before letting go.
The makeshift arrow pierced through the air until it hit the main mass, exploding and destroying a good number of the beasts.
Shirou quickly traced another blade before repeating the process and taking out another cluster.
Eventually the winged monsters got close enough to where he was forced to abandon his ranged weapon.
Reinforcing his legs, he jumped to the sky as Kanshou and Byakuya's comforting weight filled his hands.
He sliced through their wings as he fell, twisting to avoid their talons and beaks before he landed on the back of one of the larger beasts, plunging his blades into its flesh to keep him stable.
It squawked as it tried to shake him off before traced a rather unorthodox weapon.
The frame was that of a dagger but the blade itself was distorted. It was bent and frail, surely unable to do any damage before being broken but its real use had been revealed to Shirou in the war.
Plunging it into the avian's head, Rule Breaker overwrote the magical array and enforced Shirou as its owner.
With the beast now under his control Shirou was free to trace his bow again.
"Keep them from reaching us", he said before turning his attention back to the other monsters.
The beast screeched before taking off higher into the sky, weaving through the many others of its kind all while Shirou methodically picked them off. Before long the sand dunes below were littered with the dead or dying corpses of the phantasmal birds.
With the aerial threat taken care of Shirou turned his attention to the crumbling village.
"Go ahead and take me a little way in front of the gates" he told his avian companion.
The beast screeched once more before diving towards the ground, swiftly making its way towards Shirou's destination.
Within minutes Shirou stood before the rotted entrance to the deserted village.
Shirou grimaced. He could smell the death that was present and that meant only one thing. A dead apostle.
Making his way into what was once the main square Shirou paused to search his surroundings. If he was truly dealing with an apostle, then he would have to bring his A-game. Many enforcers had lost their lives to these affronts to humanity and he would have to concentrate to ensure he didn't end up like them.
Shirou stood before the fountain muttering to himself, "If there is a dead apostle here. Then that means-".
As if on cue his senses went wild, alerting himself to the danger which now surrounded him.
Pouring out from buildings around him came ghouls. Men, women, and children of all ages began stumbling towards him, hungry for the mana he held.
Shirou dashed towards a group of them, cutting their bodies in half and pulverizing their heads with his reinforced limbs.
When one got too close, he would jump away to a new group, slowly whittling down their numbers, but he was slowing down.
"The mana cost is catching up to me", he said to himself, "I'll have to find the apostle soon before I tire out".
Shirou quickened his efforts of searching for the cause of this disaster before feeling the slightest of feelings on his neck hairs.
Reacting immediately, he blocked a lance of mana with Kanshou.
"Well well what have we here", the hooded figure said before letting gravity pull it back.
A macabre image presented itself to Shirou and he just barely prevented himself from gagging.
Oily and pale skin with strands of hair dangling from its skull all while twin crimson eyes looked down a disfigured nose balefully.
"I see you made work of my little birdies, but it'll take much more than some archery to take me out".
Shirou remained silent as he jumped away.
"Real conversationalist aren't we huh. Well that's all right we can talk plenty when I turn you into one of my mindless ghouls".
With his piece said the apostle disappeared from sight.
Shirou quickly turned around to dodge another thrust from its spear before blocking its follow up swings. It telegraphed its attacks plainly but Shirou knew there had to be some kind of trick.
Right as he tried to sidestep one of the overhead swipes it happened.
The spears endpoint contorted and split sideways directly into his left leg.
"Grrgh", Shirou grunted as he tried to pull his body away.
"Hahahahaha you fool. Now do you see why so many fell to me. They all expected an easy fight and grew cocky mid battle and when it came time they could never escape".
It twisted the blade in his wound receiving another pained grunt from Shirou.
"I must admit you did better than most however" it said, "Do you have any idea how long it's gonna take me to create my birds again. Ugh that's gonna be at least three more villages just to recuperate my losses and that's not even mentioning the time I'll have to spend at each one".
It huffed before shrugging
"Oh well. On the bright side you'll at least make a good puppet so tah tah"
With that it stabbed the spear into the ground before jumping into the sky, conjuring flames into its hands as it reached the apex.
"Die knowing you caused the deaths of more people Hero!", it said before throwing the flame orbs at Shirou.
Shirou stood still watching as imminent death approached him before they exploded right on top of him.
The apostle drifted down to the ground certain that the magus had been killed.
"Ah I sure do love being an apostle. Now then let's get that bod-gahhh!"
The apostle screamed as it felt its foot be impaled.
It looked at its leg and saw a black key shaped sword jutting through him into the ground.
"Wha-what is this thing" it said, "I can't, hrrgh, get free".
It struggled but no matter how hard it tried it would never escape, the Church's black keys kept it in its place.
"I Am The Bone Of My Sword"
The apostle turned its attention to the source of the voice before gasping. Shirou Emiya stood there, his bow traced, and his leg completely healed.
"H-How" it yelled, "How are you still alive?"
Shirou ignored him, nocking the sword next to him.
The sword was massive, and its blade was in a jagged shape. A crimson sheen could be seen coming from it.
As he pulled further back on the string the sword began to warp. The blade became thinner and thinner before Shirou had the string fully taut and the blade now looked more like an arrow than sword.
Sensing the danger, the apostle began to plead.
"W-Wait please. I can give you whatever you want, just don't kill me!" it begged.
Its pleas went unanswered as Shirou finally spoke.
"You mentioned it would take more than simple archery to kill you", he said, "Well. Let's see if that holds up"
Shirou looked towards the cowering monster.
"Fly", he said
"Hrunting"
Wind exploded from his bow as the sword reached its destination in milliseconds, a red trail trailing behind as it did, before exploding on contact.
Shirou stayed in his release stance before finally relaxing as the apostle's presence faded away.
The remnants of the ghouls quickly followed their master's demise as without a constant mana supply, they would fall apart.
Shirou allowed his bow to dispel before sitting down on the fountain.
He inspected the wound the spear had left ensuring it had healed correctly, letting a soft smile come to his face when he found no lasting damages.
"It would seem you've saved me yet again Arturia. Thank you."
He allowed himself a moment's rest before returning to the town's entrance to finish his job.
The undead bird still stood despite its master's connection being broken and would soon break apart, but he needed it for one more task.
Climbing back onto it Shirou quickly found himself back where he started. The loose sand parted for his worn shoes as he established a firm foothold. He always hated this part of the job.
Tracing his nameless bow once more he concentrated on the village on the horizon.
"Steel Is My Body And Fire Is My Blood"
A sword formed in his hand, one of spiraling destruction and with a vow to destroy all in its path. It was one that surpassed its predecessor and one that was broken.
This sword was the culmination of his efforts to surpass his magecraft, a noble phantasm, modeled after a true one, but one still crafted by human hands. There was no sword with greater destructive capability in his hands than this one.
As he pulled back on the string the sword came with it, the spiraling blade becoming thinner before it was as if it had been an arrow the whole time.
Sparks of prana danced off the weapon before Shirou began infusing it with his own magical power until it gave way and broke.
Shockwaves of energie exploded from where he stood, scattering sand around him while the arrow gave off a soft blue glow.
Shirou took aim, "Destroy all in your path!"
"Caladbolg II"
There was no time to comprehend what happened.
One moment it was in his hands and the next the heavens gained a new star.
Not a second passed before it began plummeting to the earth, an ethereal tail following the blade, giving it the appearance of a meteor before impact.
And impact it did.
The sight was blinding. A flash of light gave way to a pillar of flame that enveloped the entire village, burning away all evidence that it had ever existed.
This was his job. To destroy all sites of magical tragedies and ensure humanity never learned of the moonlit world.
Shirou braced himself for the shockwave and shuddered as it passed through him.
He stared at his work in silent regret. Regret for being unable to save this village but still felt the sense of accomplishment for freeing the villagers from their own personal hell.
All that remained was the scorched land that would soon be covered by the various sandstorms that plagued these lands.
Shirou turned away from the destruction and began walking back to his camp. He knew what he signed up for when he joined the Clocktower as an enforcer, but he couldn't help feeling hollow with every successful mission.
He wondered if this is what she would have wanted for him before chuckling. If she had been here, she'd have smacked him silly for feeling regret for his actions. She would never allow him to curse the choices he made because it would have gone against everything he had taught her.
For now, he just had to keep moving forward until he reached his utopia.
His Everdistant Dream