The title and the whole fic are heavily inspired by the song Rain by SID (maybe some of you will recognize it as Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood's fifth opening).
Content warning: panic attack

Seven months, twenty-three days, and eleven hours. Almost eight months had passed since their return from Skandia, and Will was currently holding his bow and practicing. At least, he should be practicing.

Instead, he was shivering despite the extra cloak he had taken before he went outside. The cold seeped through his robes right to his skin, and he couldn't stop himself from constantly looking over his shoulders, expecting a Skandian to jump out of the bushes to his left.

It was the end of October, almost November, and the slowly approaching winter was already taking its toll on Will. He was doing quite well during the summer, but there were still some things that he couldn't do. For one, he was utterly repulsed by the warmweed salve used for cuts and injuries. As soon as he smelled it, he felt a need to snatch the package and throw it into the Tarbus River. He never wanted to see it ever again. And it wasn't even the worst. In the beginning, he had just curled up into a small ball in the corner of the room, refusing to even look at Halt.

Will sighed and hugged himself, exhaling deeply. Little puffs of hot air came from his mouth and he watched it as it dissipated in the air in front of him. Will let the hand holding his bow fall beside his body. Feeling another bout of cold, he shivered.

It was clear to him that he wouldn't get any more practice done in this state. His eyes darted to inspect the bushes again, finding nothing. Will wrapped his cloak tightly around himself. He was far too scared, too fearful to continue now, and the anxiety of being left alone in the cold was slowly making its way into his brain.

Hurriedly, Will gathered everything he had taken for practice. Looking at the sun, he determined that it was almost time for lunch anyways, or to start cooking. Will didn't mind that; rather, he welcomed the opportunity to get back into the warm cabin and start doing something he enjoyed doing.

A cold drop fell on his nose when he was halfway to the cabin. A sharp memory cursed through Will. He was back on Wolfwind 's board, tied to a mast, nowhere to go, just left to suffer through the cold waves slamming into his body while he desperately tried to breathe in some precious air and not the salty water all around him.

Will couldn't take it anymore. Breathing heavily, he took cover from the rain under a tree, and he curled into a ball as he sat down. A dull pain stabbed his chest every time he took a breath. The breathing exercises that he had trained with Castle Redmont's head healer vanished from his head, and he couldn't breathe.

Everything hurt. Will felt a tear, one of many, slide down his face, but he couldn't concentrate. A suffocating feeling enveloped him, and Will struggled to breathe. It was too much, the cold, the rain, he couldn't take it anymore. He curled up. This was it. This was the end. He'd end up alone, alone in his last moments. What a wonderful fate.

Stuck in his own mind, he didn't notice the soft steps, until someone crouched next to him.

"There you are," Halt said, looking at Will. He knew better than to touch him when he was in such a state. It would spiral his panic infinitely high. However, it didn't seem that Will heard him. His wide, fearful eyes travelled over Halt, but not stopping at him.

"Will," Halt said, more forcefully this time, but still gentle. This time, Will blinked, and his eyes focused on the grizzly Ranger.

"H-Halt," he croaked. "C-can't b-breathe," he added, his hand weakly rising to wipe off the tears. Halt gently caught Will's hand in his.

"Will, focus on me, son," he said. He squeezed his hand slightly, providing a contact for Will to focus on. The boy's eyes focused on Halt's dark eyes, no longer finding them as scary as he did when he started his apprenticeship.

"Breathe with me, alright?" Halt said. He was able to remember the exercises that Will was supposed to do; they had gone through them so often together. Granted, Will had been getting better the last few months - until the weather started worsening and almost all the progress stopped if it hadn't regressed totally.

"In," Halt instructed when Will managed a small nod. The boy struggled to obey. Halt's words weren't an order; he knew that much by now, but Halt had expected him to comply. He wasn't sure if he would be able to do that.

Despite all that, Will took a shaky breath, trying to keep the air in despite the pain.

"And out," Halt instructed him and Will let the breath go. The older Ranger kept instructing him, guiding him through the worst, until Will felt the pain subside. The stabbing pain relegated only to a dull ache, and he was able to breathe again.

"T-thank you, Halt," he said, his muscles loosening and he uncurled from the position he had been in until now. Halt let go of his hand. Will didn't need it now.

A drop of rain made its way through the canopy and fell down on Will. He shivered. He wasn't soaked per se, but the cold was enough to make chills creep up his back.

Halt stood up.

"Can you walk?" he asked, extending his hand to help Will up. The boy took it and got up, albeit a little unsteady on his feet. If Halt had noticed that, he decided not to comment. They had been in this situation often enough these last eight months. He knew that if it could be avoided, Will preferred not to talk about these weaknesses of his - even despite Halt's opinion that he should.

It worried Halt. With the approaching winter, Will's condition was worsening rapidly, and the Ranger knew that if nothing changed, Will probably wouldn't pass his exam the following year. Not that it mattered to Halt at this point. As long as Will was healthy, he would keep him safe under his wings, and that even if he didn't pass his exams and couldn't continue his apprenticeship. There would always be the question of just what exactly Will would do in the future, but right now, Halt was aiming for simple goals, and that was getting the boy from the cold and rain into the cabin.

He slipped off his cloak, wearing just his tunic and woolen sweatshirt now, and put his cloak over Will's shoulder and head.

"Let's get you home," he said, supporting him. The dull ache transformed into a sharp one again and Will took a sharp breath, leaning dangerously to one side. Halt was quick to support him, of course, and they slowly made their way to the cabin.

By the time they got there, they were soaked through and through. Will was shivering and his lips were starting to turn blue, and he was unresponsive, so Halt added firewood into the fireplace and set Will down in front of it, taking the soaked cloak to hang it next to the fireplace where it would dry faster.

Halt quickly changed his tunic and took one of Will's spare ones from his room.

"Hold up your arms, please," he asked him. Will glanced up at him with fearful eyes and complied without a word. Halt resisted the urge to sigh. It felt like Will had taken ten steps back these days, but he knew it wouldn't be wise to tell him.

Halt helped Will change and then took care of his bow and arrow, unstringing it and letting it dry. A wet arrow wouldn't do any good.

He saw that Will was slightly rocking back and forth. This must've been as hard for him as it was for Halt. He was a prisoner in his own body, he couldn't run away from his feelings, and Halt… kind of understood it. He couldn't understand it completely, but he would probably compare Will's situation to what he felt after his own twin brother tried to kill him… and almost succeeded.

Halt put the water in the kettle, setting it on the fire to make coffee. A hot beverage would help Will, he knew. In the meantime, though, he got him a warm, dry cloak that he could have over his shoulders to keep the cold out.

A few minutes later, they were both sitting in front of the fire, holding warm coffee in their hands. Will stared blankly ahead, the fire reflecting in his eyes.

This was the third time this week. He would be lying if he said that he didn't hate just how useless he felt at this point. He couldn't step outside. If he couldn't practice, he'd be all rusty and he'd fail his exams for sure. He'd get kicked out of the Corps for real and would meet the very same fate he had dreaded three years ago. He would become a farmer, and all his hopes for a good life would be shattered.

A tear slid down his cheek.

Halt looked at him, raising an eyebrow in a silent question. Will couldn't hold it back anymore. He choked on his own tears.

"I… I won't ever become better, will I?" he asked in a tiny voice, dreading the answer.

Halt's eyebrow fell. He was clearly anticipating this answer.

"Of course you will become better, Will," he replied nonchalantly. He had to believe in that. Will was a brave boy, he would find strength in himself.

"But what if I don't?" Will asked, gripping his mug just a little tighter. He could feel the hotness almost burn his skin, but he didn't let go. Halt gently took the cup out of his hands and set it on the floor.

"Will," he said quietly. It had an immediate effect, the boy looked at him and made an attempt to wipe his tears. "You will get better. Healing isn't a linear process. It requires time, and sometimes you step forward, sometimes you take a step back. It's alright."

Will closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"It's not alright, Halt. I need to get better. I have to pass the exams next year, otherwise I won't be able to be a Ranger anymore!"

He felt how Halt set his hand gently on his shoulder. He flinched but made no other movement.

"What you need right now, isn't to pass the exams. Hell, Crowley can wait for another year. He knows what all you've been through," he said, frowning when he mentioned his old friend's name. Actually, Halt wasn't too sure about that. Crowley didn't let him go when Will was captured; there was no telling if he would let him wait another year to take the exams.

Will clenched his hands into tight fists; so tight that his knuckles had gone white.

"That won't be necessary. I am planning to take those exams," he replied, his determined tone returning for a moment. It took Halt off-guard for a second there. He wasn't expecting Will to sound so determined. Watching as the boy took back his cup of coffee and drank, he nodded.

"Very well, if you're sure about that. We can alter your training to suit you in the winter months," he said. He didn't know how, but if he spent long enough thinking about it, he would find an answer to this problem.

Will once again stared at the flames.

"I can't have any alternate training, Halt. How am I going to survive out there if I can't stand something as simple as winter and cold?" he asked. Halt stroked his beard. He had to admit that Will had a point. When he would graduate (and that wasn't an if, that was a when, because Halt had total faith in his apprentice), Will would need to do his job in every weather. every season and he wouldn't be able to take months-long breaks just because he wouldn't be able to withstand cold.

Will shivered despite sitting in front of the fire.

"Halt… I feel so useless," he whispered, his voice so low that Halt almost couldn't hear him. "Everything I do… I feel like I'm back there. I know what's happening but I don't know how to control my thoughts, they always go back to…" he swallowed on dry air. "...to S-Skandia and to the w-warmweed."

"Will," Halt's firm voice got him back into reality. "You aren't in Skandia anymore. You're back home, back in Araluen. I'm not saying that you won't have to return there one day, but for now, you are safe here."

He sipped his coffee.

"It's not about that," he mumbled. "I thought I was getting better, but now… I've taken so many steps back. I don't know how I'll be able to continue."

It stung. It was hard to admit this. All his life, Will had been exposed to the idea that as a son of a knight, he had to be fearless. That he shouldn't have any weaknesses for the enemies to exploit. And yet, it happened over and over again. First the Wargals, now this. It hurt having to admit this. But at least it was Halt he was telling this to. He couldn't imagine admitting this to some stranger.

Halt's lips curled slightly upwards. Will was taken aback by this; it wasn't often that his mentor showed a rare smile of his.

"You have a big group of people who support you, Will. Me, Pauline, everyone at Redmont, Gilan, Crowley, the King and the Princess, Horace… everyone. We all believe in you and we won't let you fall. If you ever need someone, you can always come to any of us," he said, noticing that Will's doubtful expression was no more. His apprentice had a slight smile on his face now.

"Do you really think I will get better, Halt?" he asked. The older Ranger nodded, keeping the smile on his face.

"I don't just think it. I know it."

Will smiled. Somehow, he felt whole again. Even if only for some time before he would step back into the freezing cold outside; or the wet rain that would remind him of the days spent on Wolfwind; or he would be reminded of anything else that would set off his panic again. For now, he was safe. He was safe and warm in Halt's cabin, and the winter and coldness and rain were stuck outside.

Will lifted up his mug of coffee.

"Thank you, Halt. For everything."