(authors Note: I dedicate this to josh. The Squidward to my SpongeBob )
SpongeBob was laughing annoyingly over and over again right into Squidwards ear hole. Squidward wished he would stop laughing. Because no joke had been told. And Squidward was trying to play his clarinet.
"Heyyyyyy Squidward!!!" Spongebob appeared next to him. "whys your name Squidward if you're actually an octopus?" The question triggered Squidward. He didn't know why his father named him Squidward. In his rage Squidward stabbed SpongeBob in the fucking skull with his clarinet.
Knowing spongebob wouldn't be seriously harmed, what on account of him being a sponge.
But SpongeBob's face went still. A blank emotion showing on his face. Emotionless. And oddly quite.
Squidward pulled his clarinet out of SpongeBobs skull. "hey I'm sorry spongeBob. Are you ok? "
"Yes. I'm perfectly ok Squidward. But I just remembered I must feed my pet snail. Gary. I'll see you soon Squidward." And then he turned and walked away without saying another word. The whole time a blank emotionless stare on his face.
"whaaatever" Squidward said. Putting his clarinet back up to his seductive lips. Only when he went to blow his clarinet he noticed it's Reed had come off. " oh for Neptune's sake. SpongeBob must have my reed lodged in his brain. Maybe that's why he was acting weird." Squidward went back into his house. And began painting more erotic self portraits instead.
Meanwhile at SpongeBobs pineapple home. He sat in his bathtub, filled with cold water. He thought about the logic of it. "how could I be in a tub of water. If I live under water…" the thoughts made him mad so he went down stairs to his kitchen. His head was aching so fiercely. He decided to fix himself something to eat. Perhaps a delicious Krabby patty would sooth his aching head.
He didn't feel right… he lit the stove and began prepping his meal when another idea hit him. He slowly turned to the stove. "how could fire be burning…. If we live under water." The thought, once again filled him with rage and he began ripping the cabinets off his shelves.
It was then his pet snail Gary came into the kitchen.
"Oh hi Gary." SpongeBob stopped mid tantrum and turned to his beloved pet snail. "im happy you're here actually. I was hoping you'd help me with a little problem I had… "
"Meowwww" Gary called out before turning and running. His snail instincts were warning him of impending danger so he took off at full speed. Only he was a snail. And SpongeBob quickly caught him. Holding Gary tight he slowly choked his precious snail to death. All the while asking the same question over and over and over again.
"why is Squidward named Squidward, if he's an octopus?"
Meanwhile, back at Squidwards. He had just got out of a relaxing bubble bath and had begun preparing for sleep. "what a nice evening. I haven't seen SpongeBob not one time since I hit him!" he said to himself gleefully. "maybe I should stab him in the head more often!! " he laughed through his nose at the wonderful idea.
"Oh I don't think that'd be nice of you at all Squidward." Said a voice from under his bed.
"Spo- SpongeBob is that you? What are you doing in my hous-" he started to yell but before he could Finnish SpongeBob emerged from under his bed with a large duffel bag. Raising it up high into the air he brought it down with a startling force. Knocking Squidward out cold.
When he awoke sometime later his tentacles were tied below the bed. Preventing him from raising up, he was completely bound.
"Spongebob!!! Let me go!" he yelled angrily.
"Oh you won't be going any where Squidward. I've finished your errands. And this time you will play with me. "
"youre sick in the head SpongeBob! You're sick!"
"I don't have anything wrong with me!" SpongeBob jumped into the bed yelling into Squidwards face. " for the first time in my life I'm not a goofy goober! I'm seeing everything so clearly now! And with my new found vision I have one question for you Squidward! One fucking question and you WILL ANSWER ME"
Squidward was shaking, terrified. "what… what is it SpongeBob."
SpongeBob visibly calmed down and climbed off the bed. He thought for a moment before turning to Squidward and asked "My friend. Why are you named Squidward. If you're an octopus?"
The question was too much and Squidward began to cry in fear. " I don't know SpongeBob! Just let me go! Just let me go!" He cried out in Terror.
"Oh it's no matter. For tonight I will free you of this terrible sin. This lie you live with. And perhaps then you can find peace."
"please SpongeBob. I'll give you anything you want just let me go!"
SpongeBob looked around the dimmly lit room, the walls were full of lewd paintings of Squidward. He pointed at one in perticular. "what do you call this piece?" he asked with an eeriely calm tone.
"That's… " Squidward was shaking. "that's bold and brash" he finally said.
SpongeBob removed it from the wall and walked back to the bedside. " bold and brash eh? More like…" He paused locking eyes with Squidward "more like 'BELONGS IN YOUR ASS'!!!!" He yelled out in a psychotic rage as he began shaving the entire canvased art work up Squidwards pre lubricated asshole. While he was pushing he yelled "did you know octopuses have extremely durable body's! That's how I know you can fit this hole canvas up your slutty little hole!"
Squidward cryed out in pain, he heard SpongeBob but couldn't focus on his words. This was terrible. And he was in immense pain.
Once the entire canvas had been successfully planted into Squidwards ass his body took on a triangular shape, having been filled and changed by the art.
"now that's the shape of a squid. " SpongeBob said. Admiring his own art. But then he stopped. And focused on Squidwards nose. "no this won't do at all. " he said as he gripped Squidwards nose and began to pull.
"No no! SpongeBob please! Don't!" Cried Squidward nasally.
But it was to late, already Squidwards nose began to tear, until SpongeBob finnally ripped it completely free of him.
Again Squidward cried in agony.
"Don't worry Squidward. You won't be noseless long. Did you know squids actually have beaks. And so I came prepared. You can thank Gary for this little treasure. " he reached into his duffel bag and pulled out a horribly misshapen pink snail shell that had been broke. And reassembled into the rough shape of a squids beak. SpongeBob held it to Squidwards face and pulled out a needle and thread. Stiching it to his face. After he finished he rose up and looked down at Squidward. "now it's art."
Squidward couldn't see through all his tears. He mumbled through his new beak "why…. Why are you doing this SpongeBob. "
SpongeBob thought for only a moment. "well Squidward. I've always liked you, so I'm going to make an honest to goodness squid out of you. And btw. I don't think I like the name SpongeBob. It doesn't sound nice coming from your sexy beak. From now on. Call me SpongeDaddy."
Squidward lied there. Defeated. "yes SpongeDaddy. " he said obediently.
"good girl" said SpongeDaddy. "now did you know we sponges are Asexual?"
"no, no I didn't" he mumbled.
"No I didn't what?" SpongeDaddy asked impatiently.
"No," a tear rolled down Squidwards cheek. "no I didn't know that squid daddy."
"good girl." He said patting Squidward on the head. Then he leaned down into Squidwards ear and whispered "and I'm a sexual sponge."
Squidward began crying softly. Anticipating what would happen next.
"Nooo baby girl don't cry" SpongeDaddy said petting Squidward. "Daddy doesn't have the equipment to give you what you want." He pulled his square pants down revieling a smooth yellow surface.
Squidward let out a sigh of relief. But SpongeDaddy began digging through his duffel bag. "don't sound so disappointed. I may not have the tools you crave. But I know someone who does." He said smiling.
He pulled out a small pencil. And began doodling on the wall.
"What are you drawing ? What are you doing??" Squidward began to panic, tugging at his arms but they were tied to tight. They wouldn't come loose.
Before Squidward on the wall was a poorly drawn SpongeBob on the wall. Only this drawing had a massive 12 inch drawn on cock. Suddenly the drawing peeled away from the wall. Taking shape. It fell to the ground and looked around the room. "meeeehoyyyy neeeehoyyyy" it screeched.
"squidward, say hello to my little friend! " SpongeDaddy yelled holding out his arms in a presenting fashion torwards the doddle monster. " His name is DoodleBob. And with his mighty Doodle Dick he'll doodle doodle Do you all night long baby!!!!"
Doodle bob looked at Squidwards still recked and open asshole and immediately placed his doodle dick against the hole. It pulsed once before DoodleBob shoved his two dimensional dick deep down Squidwards tight little boy pussy.
SpongeDaddy watched from the corner. Shoving Squidwards discarded nose in and out of all his various holes, moaning in pleasure all the while. Meanwhile yelling out instructions to DoodleBob. "Doodlebob! Pelvic thrust! Pelvic thrust!"
Doodlebobs hips began pelvic thrusting deeper into Squidward.
"Step on your right foot! DON'T FORGET IT!" yelled SpongeBob again before he bagan sucking sweetly on Squidwards softening succulent severed sniffer.
After the night was nearly over. And Squidwards boy pussy had been stretched to unimaginable lengths. SpongeDaddy erased doodlebob and untied Squidwards hands. All the thrusting from doodlebob had fucked Squidwards bones into a whole new shape. Combined with the cosmetic changes Spongedaddy had done to him throughout the night. Squidward could barely recognize himself any more when he looked in the mirror.
"That's… that's me?" he asked Spongedaddy as he gazed at himself.
"that's right Pussward. That's you." Spongedaddy said.
Squidward looked at him in shock. "howd you know that name? Who told you my real name?"
" I saw your file at the crusty crab. When I saw that your real name was Pussward, but you went by Squidward. It was obvious to me that you were a squid trapped in an octopusus body. So I wanted to help you become your true self."
Squidward looked at himself again in the mirror. Tears began pouring out his eyes. Tears of joy. "Thankyou spongebo—he stopped himself. " I mean, SpongeDaddy"
Them He wrapped his tentacles around SpongeBobs body and together they stared up at the flowers in the sky.
Squidward lived the rest of his life. Finally happy, and finally fulfilled.
Until he died.
The end.