Author's Note – Quidditch League Round 8 Entry
Team: Tutshill Tornados
Position: Chaser 2
Prompt: Write about someone who depends heavily on family and/or friends. (featuring James Potter II).
Additional prompts: family (genre), reality (word), disappointment (emotion)
Word count: 1,483
FYI: I saw my chance to take creative liberties with my Next Gen character development, and I took it.
Extension used: 3 of 5
I need you to need me...
"Dad?" he said, knocking on his father's open study door and waiting for the signal to come in before he entered. He was faced with the tired but smiling face of his father, who gestured for him to sit in front of his desk. "Do you have a minute to talk about something?"
"Of course, James," he said, putting his quill down and taking off his glasses and resting them on the pile of parchment he was working on. He pushed back from his desk and stood up, moving to the cabinet that I knew stored his liquor. "You know, we never got around to having that first glass of Firewhiskey after your 17th birthday. What would you say to sharing some now? Though I don't fool myself into thinking this will be your first taste."
"They don't call you the Man-Who-Conquered for nothing, do they?" James quipped, smiling as he took the offered glass from his father and held it aloft while he poured the amber liquid. Watching it swirl around the glass reminded James of the roiling feel of disappointment that had settled in his stomach this morning and which had been the catalyst to him seeking his father out.
"Sarcasm and a name drop, you're starting strong," his dad commented, smiling as he took his own tumbler and his chair once more, sitting and watching him as he slowly sipped at his drink. "I have a feeling you didn't seek me out for a one-on-one chat to sass me, considering how easily you do that on a daily basis. What's on your mind?"
"Leaving," he responded. "And everything that comes with it."
"I would've thought that leaving involved leaving things behind, rather than bringing them with you," Dad replied. "Or is that the problem?"
"I just don't want to leave with everything still up in the air like it is," he said, leaning back in his chair and casually resting his glass against his temple, causing his dad to chuckle. He kept going, though. "Albus has just come out and will have to face his sixth year without me. Lily still can't be in the same room with Scorpius without starting to tear up. Then there's Teddy, starting his Herbology Mastery with Uncle Neville this year, all while moving in with Victoire."
"And my second eldest son is going to travel the world for the next year of his life, collecting new and exciting memories while having the biggest adventure," Dad interrupted. He took no notice however, and just kept talking.
"That's to say nothing of Rose's anxiety, or Roxeanne's nightmares, or any of the other things going on in our family. And then I'm just leaving everything behind, dropping all aspects of my reality to pick up a fantasy and chase it around the world. How is that fair?"
"It's not about being fair, James," Dad said, sighing. "It's also very much not your job to be the person that everyone relies on. Trust me, I've been there...in fact, I was the mayor of that particular suburb. And it isn't healthy nor is it sustainable."
"But I just can't stop feeling like helping them is my responsibility Dad," he said, feeling a frown crease the planes of his face. "For so long, it's been my job to protect them. I've been the oldest-"
"-the one with the oldest soul, that's for sure-"
"-and now I'm not going to be here for them. I'll write, but we both know that it won't be the same. I'll end up disappointing them."
Dad sighed again, taking a sip of his drink while he looked contemplatively at nothing. "James," he said. "Here's the thing. You're not going to like it, but you need to hear it."
"I'm nervous already, but go ahead," he said, giving him leeway to speak after the litany of words he'd just released into the quiet of his father's study.
"Do you know what the most important word you said before was? The one that matters the most?"
"Disappointment?"
"No," here Dad shook his head and chuckled again. "Though that's definitely something I want to unpack later. The most important word you mentioned was the word 'reality'. Your reality, your world, isn't limited by the people around you. Albus being gay, Lily having boy troubles, all the things Teddy, Rose and Roxeanne are going through? That's their reality, those are all things that influences their choices. Your life is not limited by the reality of others."
"But then, who am I without that?" James asked the question he was most terrified of. "Who am I if I'm not Albus, Teddy and Lily's brother, Rose and Roxeanne's best friend?"
Dad shrugged, as if he didn't have the whole answer. "You're you. It's not a terribly exciting answer, but it's the truth. Now that you've got through school, you get to spend these next few years figuring out exactly what your reality will look like. That should be a freeing experience for you."
"How so?"
"You get to experience the world around you without having to stop and check on someone else. Not that you haven't done an admirable job, because you have," Dad assured him. "But now it's time to share the load with the rest of us, because we're family too, and to go off on this next great adventure."
"Sounds easy when you put it like that," he said, taking another swallow of Firewhiskey.
"It's always easy for those of us that get to sit back and watch," he commented. "But we had to go through the same thing as well, just like you're doing now. You don't think I found it difficult to let go of your Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione? To let go of the Wizarding World, to not try and fix every problem I came across?"
He rolled his eyes. "We get it, you're the Saviour."
Dad grinned. "Hey, you're the one that brough it up," he said, laughing.
"Something I regret now," James retorted, making his dad laugh again before they both sobered up, letting a breath of silence quieten the conversation.
"It's difficult, isn't it? Being the one that is needed when, in reality, it is you who needs the people around you," Dad commented, putting his tumbler down and continuing to gaze at him, though James could not meet his father's eyes for very long. Swirling the remains of his own Firewhiskey, he swallowed the rest, grimacing at the burn that curled itself like a flame down his throat.
"I just don't want to be a disappointment Dad," James said, putting the glass down on his father's desk and clasping his hands together and leaning his forehead against them, as if he were praying. He knew he was repeating himself at this point, but he couldn't help it. For so long his reality, the reality that his father was telling him hadn't even been created, had revolved around his being the one everyone depended on. He was the rock, the emotional support and the guide all in one. And now he was going to take a gap year, something he'd at one time eagerly agreed to, not bothering to think about all that would involve.
"And you won't be," Dad said seriously. "It will feel like it, it won't always be fun, but it will benefit us all in the long run. We'll learn how to get by without you for a little while, and you'll learn how to stand on your own when you're not hiding behind the guise of being the family emotional pack mule."
James sighed, sitting back in his chair and contemplating his father's words. He was right, logically he knew that. It wasn't the easiest thing to accept in practice, however.
"You're right," he said out loud for his dad's benefit. "I know you're right."
"I often am," Dad joked, before quickly sobering up. "Look, this is nothing but a temporary distance between us. And when you come back, no, we're not going to need you in the same one. But guess what? You're going to come back a slightly different person, and you're going to find a family that's slightly different as well. Older, wiser, slightly greyer around the hair line. And we're still going to need you, just like you'll still depend on us. It won't be the same, it'll be new and different, but it will always, always be built on love."
James nodded, seeing where his father was leading. "Thanks for reminding me of that Dad."
"No worries son, anytime," he replied. "I hope it's not something you soon forget either. As much as people in your life might depend on you, I hope you know that we're ready and waiting to support you too, because we know you depend on us for love and support to. And we've got you, always."