AN: Honestly, I don't even know what this is. It's fun to write though, so... why not?
By the way, I'm bad at drawing and just generally lazy, so I just took a picture of my cat for the cover. Conveniently, he's going to have a summon that looks just like that!
...anyways, this is going to be a weird story featuring heavily OOC characters, my OC, and psychotic people all around! I would just like to say that I don't condone anything my characters do, say, or even think. I'm all-in-all way too lazy to be a villain...
Warnings: Violence, Probable Future Coarse Language, Insanity?
Obligatory Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, there would be a lot more crazy.
•AVAVA•
At six years old, I was kicked out of the orphanage.
Really, they had reason to. A crooked soul like mine could never be tolerated by anyone, let alone by such sensitive people as the citizens of Konoha.
I know they had a reason to, but I really was just inquiring. I wanted to know how easy it was to slice someone open, how it felt to have blood on my hands.
The adults always said that it would feel bad, like someone stabbed you in the gut, twisted the knife, and left it in. They explained how your chest would bleed invisible tears, and how your head would paint images of ghosts on the back of your eyelids. You would never be able to sleep, and the pain would stay with you for eternity.
But then, one day, the matron told me that people can adapt to anything, if given enough time.
I merely asked if I could adapt to the guilt that accompanies murder by committing it early, starting with my fat, intolerable roommate who snores like the pig that he's named after.
She gasped, wrapped her hands around my neck firmly, and prayed to god that he might kill the demon living within me.
I asked her why she thought my soul was a demon.
That, a few questionable questions beforehand, and my red eyes was all that it took to convince her that I was not possessed, but a demon myself.
Then, she truly, brutally, kicked me right out of the kitchen door, grabbed a trusty kitchen knife, and sliced it through my eye.
Fortunately, she was quite terrified, and her fear loosened the grip on her knife.
It told me plenty about her, and how she couldn't even use her fear as she told us to.
It showed me a hypocrite, a coward, and an idiot, and I knew that I was lucky to have been born insane.
After this realization, I began to see weakness in everyone I saw thereafter, many either looking in disgust or pity at the dirty orphan roaming the streets with a knife in his eye.
Well, I wasn't roaming much. I had a very planned destination indeed. Unfortunately, I was stopped quite a bit, and had to assure many that I was as competent as a five year old can be, and I knew very well where the hospital was.
I was on a very straight road, and the hospital was very easy to see. Yet, they still looked hesitant to let me go. I was made to take quite a few stops, but my destination eventually came close enough. Then I was stopped. So, I made to take the knife out of my eye... and maybe stab someone with it. That would answer my question, right?
That is, until my one good eye stumbled upon a rather interesting situation.
I ignored the idiots and limped to the near-hidden Hyūga compound, a slight detour that was sure to take but a minute.
That's what I thought, at least...
"Sir, what's that bundle in your arms?" I asked curiously, standing on my one tiptoe and peering into the blanket. "Ah, a Hyūga kid. That would fetch a pretty penny, wouldn't it?"
The man stared at me a moment, shock, confusion, amusement and suspicion tugging at his scarred features.
"What's it t' ye? Ye knows ye got's a cleaver in yer eye, don'ya?"
I sigh, wincing as the metal shook.
"A kitchen knife, sir. I was just on my way to the hospital. But, sir... you do know how the Hyūga see, don't you? I wouldn't walk any further."
The man's face borders on disturbance, but his hardened years have clearly seen much.
"What wed ye knows, squir'?"
"Well, sir, everyone who's been around one knows how they see. You clearly haven't, or you wouldn't have planned on stepping here. I'm not a threat... but anyone with as much chakra as you will be detected here. I can show you a better way, but I'll need something back."
"Why wed I trus'ye? And hows de ye knows tis', anyway?"
"I told you. I'm around one all the time, and if you just make his range bigger, you've got the Head. And you should trust me, because I want something. Something nobody will give me. Hey, for a little more, I can tell you 'bout a bonus caravan to sneak out with."
"That wen't be necess'ry. What'd'ye want?"
"Hmm... I would've thought that was obvious. Kidding! I'd just like a couple dozen kunai."
"After ye get me ute, iss' a deal." He grunts, gesturing for me to take the lead.
AVAVA
"'M s'prised. Ye really're sic?"
"My birthday's in a month, so it's probably unfair to say so."
"Well, ye truly're smart fer sevn. 'Cunnin'' is mer like it."
He stares at me a second, then starts barking in laughter.
"Ye're mer twisted then that, 'ctually. The kind'er twisted that kemms frem te' sell, ye. Te' werst I'ver seen."
"Thank you, sir. That must be quite an accomplishment."
"Ye knows it. Qual'ty vill'n materr'ial. Jus' remember te' kindness uh' Kum're."
"If I ever see you in the field, I'll be sure to send the bad ones your way."
He barks some more, sending me one last grin before going on his way out of Konoha with the little bundle in big, gnarled hand.
"Oops, nearly forgot about the kitchen knife." I chuckle faintly, picking myself off of the grass and wobbling across the training field.
I'm finally picked up, thrown on someone's back, and rushed to the hospital.
I must have passed out somewhere along the way, because when I wake up, I'm in a boring room and an uncomfortable bed.
"Too soft..." I mutter, sighing as I feel the muscles around my eye socket try to move something that... definitely isn't my eye. "Cold."
"You're cold?" A worried nurse says, hovering over my bed.
I point to the empty socket, the draft starting to irritate me even more.
"Ah, yes. They said that they need to let it heal a bit more before putting a fake eye in, if that's what you'd like."
"What's the cheapest option?"
"Well, I suppose we could cover it with something... the conformer is already in, so your eyelids will retain their original shape. There wasn't any damage to the brain, surprisingly. The person carrying you said that the knife had been in for a while. You're lucky it didn't pierce any deeper... honestly, what were you thinking?"
"I got distracted." I answer simply, touching the bandage around my eye.
That shocks her enough to keep her silent for a moment, but she eventually starts nagging me again.
"You're going to have quite the scar! Don't you realize what just happened? You lost an eye. Your sight will never be the same!"
"Hmm... the matron said that humans can adapt to anything. Do you think that's true?"
"Well... yes, but that doesn't mean that the eye will be coming back." She blinks.
"I know. That doesn't matter much, does it? Just a bit of a blind spot."
She stares at me, eyebrow twitching.
"Never mind. So... do you have a guardian?"
"The matron is the one who did this. I don't think that you can call her much of a 'guardian'."
"Truly?! I will bring this up with the Hokage immediately!"
"She had reason."
"Wha-"
"She thinks I'm a demon."
"That isn't a reason! Sure, you're a little... strange, but most certainly not a demon!" She declares, stomping out of the room angrily.
It's a good thing she did.
I couldn't quite control my laughter.
Those I could see outside of my door were first shocked, but quickly fell into fear and proceeded to give my room a wide birth.
"Who knew laughter could inspire fear?" I mused, staring out the window and resigning myself to watching the old people wheel around and crash into things.
It was funnier than I though it would be, and I nearly laughed again as the nurse entered.
But, that would only make her scared.
It would definitely ruin my chances to be out of that miserable hut.
"Good news! You're getting your very own apartment, complete with a reliable caretaker!" She cheers gleefully, giving me an exaggerated thumbs-up. "Me!"
I stare at her, momentarily stunned.
"So... why?"
"What d'ya mean, why?!" She huffs, hands on hips.
"Ah, sorry... I'm happy, it's just... why did the Hokage agree to this?"
"He was hesitant at first, but I convinced him! Why d'ya think it took so long?" She replies with a smug grin.
More like nagged him until he finally agreed just to shut her up... what else would take so long?
"Well, thank you, but you don't have to do this for me." I tell her firmly.
"Nonsense, of course I do! It's already done, anyways." She smiles, patting me on the head like a dog.
I can already tell that I'm going to have an exhausting year ahead of me.
AVAVA
"May I enrol in the academy?" I ask my temporary caretaker.
"It's your choice, but the life of a ninja-"
"Is dangerous. I know. That's the fun of it, right?"
She sighs heavily, shaking her head. "I suppose I knew this day was coming. I'm surprised you didn't ask earlier."
"I would have, but I prefer to be in my own age group."
"Okay. I'll sign you up tomorrow, but I want you to read this first." She smiles gently, holding out a book labeled...
'REASONS YOU SHOULDN'T BE A NINJA'.
My hand immediately goes to my forehead, attempting to smooth out the exasperated crease that has begun to take permanent residence on my face.
It's only been a year. Honestly.
"If you just pretend to read it, you aren't going!" She declares, shoving the book into my arms forcefully.
She honestly thinks that this will convince me.
Wow.
"It's your duty as a young man to inform yourself! Thoroughly!"
"Uh-huh. Anything else?"
"Well, now that you say- hey, where are you going?!"
I look back from halfway up the stares, blinking twice for emphasis.
I only get an impudent stare back.
"My room. To study. And read... this." I dangle the book in front of me, wrinkling my nose in disgust.
"You're reading that out here!" She shouts, stomping her foot.
So. Childish.
"Whatever you say." I acquiesce, plopping down on her favourite armchair.
AVAVA
"Let's start with introductions!" The teacher says cheerily as he sees us all in our chairs.
Well, most aren't exactly in their chairs, but standing on them is apparently good enough for him.
He gave up trying to properly seat everyone about five minutes into the class.
"You in the purple..."
I tune it all out, only coming back to reality when someone beside me starts poking me.
"Yes?"
"Your turn." The lazy boy drawls, head flopping back onto his desk.
"I'm Munashī." I tell the teacher.
I wonder at all of the stares directed towards me, but am unable to find a reason for them.
"Okay... can you tell us something about yourself?" He asks with an owlish stare.
"Like what?"
"Anything, really. Favourite hobby, something that happened to you, a good quality. Things like that."
"Okay... well, I suppose that wouldn't be an appropriate story..." I mutter to myself. "I like reading."
It seems as though the lazy boy heard my mutterings, but everyone else is immediately disinterested.
"Next." The teacher calls, motioning my neighbour.
"Shikamaru. I like sleeping." He says, receiving the same disinterest from his peers.
Though, it doesn't seem like he really cares.
I again tune the rest out, unimportant people with nonsensical impulses and idiotic ways of thinking.
I wouldn't say the same about the boy beside me, though. There's a few in the classroom that I haven't gotten enough information about to rule them out, but-
"I'm Naruto! I'm gonna b'come Hokage!" A loud blonde shrieks from the back of the classroom, nearly bursting my eardrums.
As expected with an outlandish declaration like that, most of the class bursts out laughing.
"So loud..." I sigh, plugging my ears while he yells at my new, annoyingly antagonistic classmates. Shikamaru nods slightly in agreement, his own ears plugged.
I stand up, walking towards the pile of children and narrowing my eye at their ringleader.
"While I do think that he is rather loud, you are even louder. I would appreciate it if all of you just sit down and leave him alone, so we can get back to training. You do want to become ninja, don't you?"
"What's it t'you, freaky old man?"
"I just said. You're too loud."
"You're too loud!"
"Am I shouting?"
He pauses, thinking for a couple seconds.
"No..."
"Who's louder?"
"I might be louder, but you're a freak!"
"Does this mean you'll stop yelling?"
"Ye-no! You can't tell me what to do!"
"Why not?"
"Because you're a freak!"
"What does that have to do with it?"
"You're not my mother!"
"I know."
"So you can't tell me what to do!"
"I'm not telling you what to do-"
"Yes-"
"I'm suggest-"
"Soo-gets, and all your weird words. I don't even know what you're saying!"
"Okay... I'm not telling. I'm asking."
"What's the difference?!"
"It means that you don't have to, but I would like it if you would."
He pauses, then grins widely. "Well, if I don't have to, I won't!"
"So you won't yell?"
"What... huh? Uh..."
"Okay. Thanks." I smile, heading back to my seat and leaving a statue behind.
"Nice one." The sleepy boy comments with a faint grin, softly snoring but a second later in the exact same position.
The teacher opens his mouth to admonish me, but just ends up sighing and muttering to himself about the 'strange cleaver kid'.
It wasn't a cleaver, but I allow it this time. Simpletons don't like being corrected.
The class drags on for what seems like a decade, an over-simplified, highly repetitive lesson on throwing kunai the only thing to focus on in the spartan room.
So, I don't focus.
Shikamaru was sleeping before the class even started, me following suit only five minutes later.
Nobody can tell, of course. Both of us have longer hair, which easily covers our eyes, and something to prop our heads up with. He so graciously gave me the window seat, having come prepared with some sort of complicated device that he now wears beneath his jacket. It seems to cocoon his neck with some unidentified firm material, all covered in discreet grey cloth.
I feel a tap on my shoulder a while later, bringing me out of a strange, gory dream.
"It's lunch." Shikamaru tells me, bringing out his own box from his desk.
"I don't eat lunch."
"Would you like to step outside? The weather's nice today. Just the right amount of clouds..."
The request isn't as it seems, more of an excuse to be away from prying eyes.
"Well, when you put it like that, I think I've had a little too much sleep. Some fresh air might help." I grin, sliding out from my desk and following him to a picnic table outside.
"I'll get straight to the point. You're the 'Cleaver Kid', aren't you?"
"Why, of course. Who else in this village is a one-eyed albino? Just so we're clear, it wasn't a cleaver. It was-"
"-a kitchen knife. I'm aware." He gives me a small grin. "I heard you carry it around just to prove it... but that's not why I brought you here. I brought you here because everyone calls you a demon."
"If you know already, why are you speaking to me? Or... should I say, what do you want?"
He shakes his head, tilting it towards the sky and smiling faintly.
"I don't really want much. Just thought we freaks should stick together..."
•AVAVA•
And so, that was my... attempt, at fanfiction. Feel free to criticize or whatever, hopefully I will stop being lazy long enough to continue this?