So, what was that saying? Write while exhausted as the pills to make you tired kick in, edit the next morning? That was me with this fic because I wanted to get it done before RotT.

CW: Body dysmorphia, self-esteem issues, offscreen death

Krel woke up to the feeling of pressure running along his body. He opened his eyes.

Oh. Right. Douxie and Krel had been watching a movie on Krel's phone, and they had fallen asleep together. Or, more specifically, Douxie had fallen asleep on top of Krel, with his head directly on top of Krel's core.

No.

On top of Krel's cores.

That's why they were here, after all. Krel was in (self-imposed, because his friends and family trusted him too much) exile in a quadrant of deep space, where he shouldn't be able to hurt anyone. That had been the plan after Krel had stabbed himself with Gaylen's core. Oh, he was strong enough to defeat the Arcane Order, but he was dangerous. He was too dangerous to be around people.

His boyfriend had decided that he was the exception to this rule, and Krel had been too selfish to say no, that they'd have to date at an even further distance than they had been for the six weeks they'd been dating.

And yes, Krel knew that Douxie had come with him for more reasons than Krel's benefit, but Douxie could surely grieve Nari and Archie in a safer way than running off to live alone with the dangerous newly-made abomination of a god. Yes, Krel was an abomination, even if his friends, sister, and boyfriend all hated it when Krel used that word to describe himself. But what word was he supposed to use? He had two cores.

And with one of those cores, Krel could feel every minute exhale that came from Douxie's sleeping form.

That was right. He was wearing one of Douxie's shirts. His normal clothes didn't quite fit him anymore given his wings and his second core, and so he'd taken to wearing human clothes that had been tailored to fit him and his arms and his wings.

Douxie had enchanted his own clothes to fit Krel, with holes opening up for Krel whenever he wore them. Douxie had offered to enchant Krel's normal clothes, but as much as Krel liked how Akiridion magic and technology were compatible he…

Krel couldn't remember what excuse he'd used, but he'd really wanted to just keep wearing Douxie's shirt even though it exposed both of his cores with how low the neckline was. It shouldn't have mattered, not with how Krel was rather indestructible now, but every time he caught sight of his double-cored reflection he was reminded of just how much he hated himself.

Douxie shifted in his sleep, inadvertently nuzzling his face against Krel's cores.

Krel tried very hard not to cry. Douxie needed to sleep. He deserved to sleep. He was sleeping peacefully. Krel couldn't wake him.

But Krel felt so loved and he didn't deserve to be. This couldn't last. One day, Douxie would realize that the man he'd fallen in love with had been sacrificed and an abomination was all that was left. He tried to keep still as tears began to slip out of his eyes, but he began to shake nonetheless.

Douxie lifted his head away from Krel's cores. Krel found himself missing the point of contact, and feeling horrible for missing it, and began to cry harder. Douxie shifted his body, propping himself up with one arm and using the other hand to brush away some of the tears on Krel's face.

"Hey, what's wrong?" His voice was so soft and gentle despite how exhausted he looked.

"I love you," Krel said. Douxie's eyes widenend.

Oh.

Right.

Krel hadn't told Douxie that he loved him, not when Krel was still himself instead of an abomination. Douxie probably wouldn't want Krel's love now. And even if Douxie loved Krel before the seals had been broken, surely he wouldn't now.

Krel looked away. "I understand if you don't –"

Douxie turned Krel's face back to him. "I love you too."

Krel didn't think he could have cried any harder. He proved himself wrong.

Douxie inhaled sharply but his voice was still so soft. "What did I do wrong? How can I fix this?"

Krel didn't know how the situation could be fixed without killing his relatives. It would be proper to have one heir to House Ventis and one heir to House Akraohm sacrifice themselves to power the cannon, but Aja might want to sacrifice herself so she wouldn't have to live with the guilt of killing her brother.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I still made you cry. Harder, anyways."

"It's… it doesn't matter."

Douxie frowned. "It does. You being happy matters to me. So, please tell me why you're crying, and what I can do to make you feel better."

Krel swallowed down tears. "Your head was on my core. Cores. Touching them is very intimate –"

Douxie's face grew grave and flushed. "Krel, I'm so sorry, I didn't know that, er, I didn't know where those parts of your body were and –"

Krel rolled his eyes. At least the shock made his tears slow their deluge. "Get your mind out of the gutter. Let's just say that Akiridion and human reproduction are more similar than you're thinking, at least in location."

Douxie nodded. "Okay, so I didn't cross that line, but I clearly crossed a line. Which one?"

"I don't know if there's a good comparison? It'd be like you holding my literal heart, I guess?" Douxie grimaced at the mental image. "But not exactly. It's just, since you're not immediate family or trying to save my life, you'd only be doing that if we were at a level of intimacy of being at the last stages of our engagement."

Or maybe other Akiridions had that level of intimacy at sooner stages. Maybe it was an old-fashioned, stuffy royal way his parents had raised him and Aja. He knew at least one of his grandmothers believed that core-touching should have been reserved for marriage, but it was possible that she was simplifying it down for Aja and Krel.

"And I know our friends have made elopement jokes before, but…" Krel looked away, trying to will himself not to start crying harder again.

Even if Douxie loved Krel, surely Douxie wasn't interested in marrying him.

"Would you want to?" Douxie asked. Nevermind, then. "This isn't a proposal, but would you even be interested in marrying me?"

Gently, Krel pushed Douxie away so that Krel could sit up, half-facing his boyfriend. There was an urge to wrap his wings around Douxie, but no. That shouldn't happen.

"Only if I was sure you understand the consequences."

"Consequences? Like what? Having to get a second pair of arms grafted onto me?"

Krel tucked his wings closer to himself. Douxie sighed.

"I'm sorry, I'm tired and wasn't thinking. But, what do you mean by consequences?"

"Why do you love me? And no, 'you're you' isn't an answer, because I'm not. Not anymore."

"You are still you even with the wings and everything, but I'm too tired to have this argument again. If you won't let me use that reason, then how about I just do?"

Unconditional love felt wrong. "That's circular reasoning."

"Well, do I need a reason to love you?"

Yes, because if Douxie knew his reason for loving Krel then he would be able to pinpoint when that reason wasn't itself anymore.

No, because if Douxie knew the reason why he loved Krel, then Douxie would leave and Krel was too selfish to want to be exiled alone.

Krel started sobbing again.

Douxie drew Krel into his arms, gently stroking Krel's back between his wings.

The next time Krel woke up, his head was directly on top of Douxie's heart.