"Damn, damn, damn and triple damn," he muttered. He should have known better. He did know better. Whenever the Tok'ra were involved, then things had to go wrong.
And to say they had gone wrong, was an understatement.
He'd been leaving the base, heading off for his first leave in months, when the claxons had gone off and Walter's voice had called out the dreaded "unscheduled off-world activation". He'd debated about just getting into the elevator and leaving – who would know that he'd heard the announcement? – but his always overactive sense of duty got in the way. Instead, he sighed and did a one-eighty and headed quickly towards the Control room.
And was that ever a mistake – for the next words he heard were that it was the Tok'ra calling. Crap! And he'd almost made it out of the mountain!
The male Tok'ra (or he supposed it was a male host, since the snakes were sexless) who walked down the ramp was one he hadn't seen before. He'd kind of hoped it was Jacob – the only one of their snake-infested allies he liked. But instead, it was someone he didn't know, dressed in the standard brown homespun clothes.
General Hammond was waiting in the Gate room to greet their visitor. Before Jack had a chance to step back, out of view, the General had turned around and given him a sharp nod, indicating he knew Jack was there – and that he wasn't to leave.
"I'm sorry Sir," Walter turned and looked at him sympathetically. "You almost made it."
"You know Sergeant, you could have waited just a few seconds more before announcing that we had a visitor. I would have made it out of here and I wouldn't have had to meet with our latest Tok'ra guest!"
"I'm sorry Colonel," the sergeant repeated. "Next time I'll make sure to give you a few more seconds," he said, barely repressing a grin.
"You do that, Walter," Jack sighed, turning and heading up the stairs to the briefing room. He paused. "My team?"
"Teal'c left for Chulak and Dr. Jackson and Major Carter are with Sg-4, exploring the planet with the -"
"Aack!" Jack said, plugging his ears. "I don't need to know what my geeks are up to today – just that they're gone." He turned once more, muttering as he headed up the stairs. "Of course they're gone – leaving me to deal with the bloody Tok'ra!"
"Jack, come in and have a seat!" Hammond, said, way too cheerfully, when he arrived at the door of the briefing room. "We have a special guest from the Tok'ra visiting us today."
"Really?" Jack said, "I never would have guessed. It's always hard to recognize you guys," he grinned (evilly, he knew).
The General let out a long-suffering breath, while the Tok'ra looked – well – bland – was all that Jack could think.
"Really?" this time it was the symbiote who replied. "How unusual, since that is exactly what we say when we see the Taur'i. What is your expression? When you've seen one, you have seen them all."
Jack looked at him in surprise, and saw the General suppress a small grin.
"This is Man'our, and his symbiote Tal'rek," Hammond introduced the Tok'ra. "And this is Colonel Jack O'Neill."
"Your – fame – precedes you, Colonel." Again, it was the symbiote who spoke.
"Yeah? It's nice ta meet ya, Manure and – uh – Tail-wreck."
"That's Man'our, Jack," Hammond rebuked him.
"Oh – sorry. Nice ta meet ya, Man'our."
"And Tal'rek, Colonel," Hammond said sternly.
"Right – and Tal'rek. So, why, may I ask, are the – two – of you visiting our fair planet?" he asked. He tried to keep his voice friendly, out of respect for the General, although from the gleam in ole Manure's eyes (or was it Tal'rek's – who seemed to be the sarcastic one of the two), he/they knew his friendliness was put on.
"We have come to ask a favor of the Taur'I," Man'our replied, again with that bland voice. "We have an important mission and were hoping that Major Carter or Dr. Jackson would be free to join us."
"Why?" asked Jack, sounding suspicious. There was no way they were borrowing his Major or his archaeologist – even if they had been here, which they weren't, he was happy to remember.
"We require the help of someone who can assist us with an intriguing discovery we have made on a planet we recently discovered. There is no evidence that the Goa'uld were ever there, yet we have discovered writing as well as some artifacts that are of interest."
"And you need us?" Jack asked incredulously. "What about Anise or Freya? Isn't this their gig?"
"I do not know the term "gig", Man'our replied. "If, however, you mean that this would be within their area of expertise, then yes, that is so. Unfortunately, they are on a mission at the moment and are unable to assist us."
"Why is that always the case with you folks?" Jack asked. "Your people are never available when you need them!"
"There are not many of us left, Colonel," Tal'rek replied coldly. "Our people are needed in many places." The Tok'ra turned to Hammond. "So, would it be possible for Dr. Jackson or Major Carter to assist us?"
"They're not available," Jack answered before the General had a chance to speak (after all, they were his team members). "They're away on a mission, themselves."
"I see. It appears your "folks" are not available when you need them, either!" Tal'rek responded.
Ooh – the battle lines had been drawn. Jack's eyes narrowed as he looked at the – bland – face of Man'our. He rather suspected that Tal'rek was the brains and the personality of the two of them. "Well, they're here when we need them, which is the important thing. But you can't expect us to always hang around in case the Tok'ra need us – again!"
"Colonel," Hammond warned. He turned to the Tok'ra. "I'm sorry – Colonel O'Neill is correct. Both Dr. Jackson and Major Carter are on another mission. Is there someone else who could assist you?"
"Sir – do we know for sure -" Jack left the rest unspoken, not wanting to openly insult the Tok'ra across from him. But he was always suspicious and didn't know this – these – guys from the hole in his butt.
"Jacob sent a message, assuring me that Man'our and Tal'rek could be trusted," Hammond replied, knowing what Jack was asking.
"We can be trusted, Colonel," Tal'rek informed him.
"Good - then I do trust you – at least as much as I trust all the Tok'ra," he smiled.
"That is good – it appears as if we have equal trust in one another," Tal'rek answered.
"General – I don't think there's anyone here who could replace Daniel or Carter, so unfortunately I think we'll have to say no, don't you?"
"I'm afraid we don't really have anyone with their skills," the General said apologetically. "So, I don't know if we can help you at this time."
"Maybe Colonel O'Neill would be willing to accompany us?" This time it was Man'our – the bastard – who made the suggestion. Maybe he wasn't so bland after all, thought Jack.
"I don't think you'd want me," he told the Tok'ra. "I'm not much good – at the things they are. I'm not a geek."
That caused a frown to flit across Man'our's face. "Geek? We do not know that word."
"It simply means that Colonel O'Neill isn't a scientist," Hammond explained. "He's more of a – uh – leader, than anything else."
"We understood that you were also a warrior, Colonel O'Neill," Man'our told him. "Your fighting skills are renowned."
"Are they? Wow – I'm famous among the Tok'ra!"
"I wouldn't go that far," Tal'rek answered. "Let's just say that you're slightly well known."
The knives really were out, thought Jack. For some strange reason that made him like this Tok'ra – or at least the snake – a little better. He hated how normally unctuous their supposed allies usually were. This snake had a bit of spirit.
"That's nice. Unfortunately, you aren't known at all – here on Earth."
"We do not crave fame or fortune," was the reply. "Our goal is to destroy the Goa'uld and free our people."
"Well, we can agree on that, at least," Jack nodded. He glanced over at the General. "Sir, if that's all – I'd kind of like to – you know, get going on my vacation."
"We really would appreciate your help, Colonel O'Neill," Man'our said quickly. "Although we would appreciate the scientific prowess of Dr. Jackson or Major Carter – you also have seen many wondrous things – and your fighting ability would be appreciated."
"Why?" Jack frowned. "Is this planet dangerous?"
"No, not that we are aware," he replied. "But it is always wise to be prepared."
"Don't you have your own fighting men – women – to take with you?"
"As we said before, there are few of us and most are on other missions," Man'our told him. "Tal'rek and I were on a long, undercover mission with the Goa'uld Bak for many months – and the High Council is letting us investigate this planet as a way to rest and recuperate. No other Tok'ra could be spared as this is more of an exploratory journey and wasn't considered of strategic importance. Councilor Garshaw suggested that we ask the Taur'I to accompany us."
"So, you're on spring break?"
"Spring break?"
"Colonel," Hammond warned, sounding tired. "Man'our, Tal'rek – how long do you think this will take?"
"It should only take three or four of your Earth days," the Tok'ra answered. "We give you our word that we have no ulterior motive. We simply wish to investigate the discovery and then we will return Colonel O'Neill in one piece."
"Colonel?" Hammond asked.
Jack sighed. There was nothing he wanted to do less than take an excursion with the Tok'ra. He knew from Hammond's tone of voice that he wouldn't command him to go – but he also knew that the General would appreciate his cooperation. Things had been strained with the Tok'ra lately – and anything he could do to improve matters would be helpful. He wondered for a moment if that was behind Garshaw's suggesting the involvement of the Taur'i.
"Fine," he said, grudgingly, "but I expect some extra leave for this, Sir," he said. "Those fish are just waiting for me," he made the gesture of casting a line, "and will be disappointed that I'm delayed."
Hammond chuckled. "Do this Jack, and you'll definitely get some extra time off – and my gratitude!"
Jack nodded his head. Knowing the General appreciated his willingness to do this meant a lot. "Okay," he said to the Tok'ra "how soon do you want to leave – and how will we get to this planet?"
So, here he was – instead of driving to his cabin, to spend two glorious weeks fishing, sleeping – and fishing – he was preparing to go God knows where with the Tok'ra! God really did have an evil sense of humor.
"Thank you for doing this, Jack," Hammond told him, as he checked in with the General before heading out. "I know you'd much rather be – well – doing absolutely anything rather than spending time with the Tok'ra. But – things with them have been strained, and the President and the Joint Chiefs are worried we'll lose them as allies. Anything you can do to repair our relationship – well, it would be greatly appreciated."
"So – I have to be nice?"
Hammond chuckled. "I'm not expecting miracles, Colonel – but at least don't shoot them."
"I promise not to General – and I'll even try and be – well, polite, although I get the impression that Tal'rek doesn't like me."
"Oh – I don't know. I kind of think the two of you are more alike than you know. Now, stay safe and when you get back you can head out for Minnesota."
"Your lips to God's ears, Mon General!" Jack gave a salute and headed towards the Gate Room, where the Tok'ra waited patiently for him. At least Man'our waited patiently. Jack rather suspected that Tal'rek was chomping at the bit.
"Okay campers – Jack O'Neill, present and accounted for. Let's boogie on out of this joint! Walter," he called, "Dial 'er up!"
"Yes Sir, Colonel!" Walter grinned, and input the coordinates given to him by the Tok'ra. As the Gate engaged, Jack gave another salute to the General, who was watching from the Control Room.
"God speed Colonel, Man'our and Tal'rek."
"Thank you, General Hammond," Man'our replied. With that, the human and Tok'ra stepped through the event horizon.
"How long till we get there," Jack asked. He was seated at the back of the Tel'tak, his back leaning up against the wall.
Man'our sighed. "As we told you ten minutes ago, we shall be there in slightly more than twenty-two hours," he replied. "Do you not have something with which to keep yourself occupied."
"Mmm hmm," Jack replied. He held up his laptop (complements of Carter). "I taped some Simpsons' episodes plus half a dozen westerns," he informed the confused looking Tok'ra. "I'd invite you to watch, but someone needs to pilot this baby."
"It is with much regret that we cannot watch some Simpsons or the half a dozen westerns," Tal'rek told him sarcastically.
Jack just grinned, since it was obvious that the snake had no idea what either of those things were. "Too bad," he said. "I'll tell you what happens. Hey, by the way – why don't they put seats into these things?" he asked.
"These vessels are generally piloted by the Jaffa, and they do not expect comfort," Man'our told him. "The Tok'ra also have little concern for such things," he said.
Jack rolled his eyes, pretty sure that he'd just been subtly insulted for being concerned about his own comfort. "Well, you guys have snakes – sorry Tal'rek – who can take away the pain in your ass - or is it asses? We don't have that and sitting on the floor for hours is hard on the butt."
That got ignored, so he sighed and opened up his computer. The Simpsons were way more fun than the Tok'ra.
He could hardly wait to get to this planet, check out the artifact (Jack O'Neill, going to see an artifact, for God's sake - he was never going to hear the end of this from Daniel) and get home as quickly as possible.
He just prayed that nothing would go wrong.