I don't know how to feel, seeing Lara Croft again. My head is sometimes still a messy jumble of my own thoughts and those of the psycho queen who possessed me and ruined my life. It's taken months for me to be able to prove I'm of sound mind, to say nothing of trying to clear my name. I'm still … I don't think I'm ever going to be completely free of it.

But so, so much time, money and effort and when I asked my father about it he wouldn't tell me how far he'd gone for that, who he might have bribed or what threats he might have made. The only thing he'd said was that someone else had covered half the costs. A part of me had guessed who, which had led me to calling Lara. And eventually to coming to London when she ignored me.

Okay, so that had hurt but I could understand why. Lara had a bit of a martyr complex and was undoubtedly still punishing herself for something that wasn't her fault.

Just like none of what had happened was my fault, as my remarkably open minded therapist tries to drill into me and I constantly ignore because I'm, you know, me.

Rather than have tea and lunch in the obnoxiously large dining room, Lara lead me to a cozy sitting room near her library, and even though it's been years I can still read her body language like an open book. She wants to be close, but she wants to give me space and she keeps looking at me like I'm some magical fairy who's going to up and disappear on her. Or maybe she's expecting me to hate her.

I don't hate her. Not Lara, never Lara. Honestly I'm as drawn to her as I've ever been. She's always been magnetic to me; I might have a line of ex-lovers as long as my arm but she's always been the one that captured my heart.

And then everything happened. Yamatai and Himiko and the psych ward and Lara cutting herself off from me and me just going with it because I barely knew who Samantha Nishimura was anymore and I'm pretty sure I said some horrible things I can't remember. Or maybe I just refuse to remember them.

But now I know, now I remember what it was like before. Can't have a Lara without her Sam and a Sam without her Lara and my vision hasn't been this clear since that fateful trip years and years ago.

So when Lara stands there awkwardly after offering me a seat, I take her hand and guide her into sitting next to me. Her hand is warm and calloused, with new scars along some of her knuckles. I trace them and Lara's throat bobs. But I don't say anything until Winston brings the tea and some sandwiches and then leaves.

"So tell me about the apocalypse."

Lara nods, closing fingers around mine as she meets my eyes. There's so much pain there, but something else too. Like she's found that balance that she'd lost.

"I suppose I need to start with something called Trinity." And Lara talks, and I listen. She tells me about Siberia, about the truth she learned of her father's death. The hunt to stop Trinity and her mistakes that nearly led to the end of the world. She talks about the people she's met, too. The way she says Unuratu's name and the regret in her voice breaks my heart. But she talks and I can tell this has all been bubbling inside her just waiting for a chance to come out.

I kind of wonder if she's been waiting for me.

When she falls silent, I squeeze her hand. "That must have been really tempting. To rearrange things, bring your parents back."

"It wasn't the only thing I was tempted by," Lara admits. Her eyes seem to bore into mine. "I couldn't dare let myself even think of your name."

Without saying it in so many words, Lara just told me she might have chosen me over the world. You can't just drop that kind of bomb on someone! "And what, you'd have stopped Yamatai? Or maybe just make us have never met?"

"I've come to accept that I can't go through life alone. That I'm a better person when I let other people in and let them help me."

"That you should stop pushing people away and answer the damn phone when we call?"

She smiles, "Yes, that too."

I can't help it. I touch her face, pushing some hair back behind her ear and she closes her eyes and leans into the touch. I remember how easy it always was for us; Lara was so closed off with nearly everyone but me. Maybe that had been a sign. Or was maybe one we both missed.

Lara's smile falters, and something breaks in her eyes. "I have so many regrets."

"We can't go back and fix those, and we've already learned that's a bad fucking idea," I remind her and somehow I feel … light … just saying that.

"There's one I can fix," she says, her hand running up my arm. There's a question in her eyes.

I feel my mouth dry out as her fingers inch into my hair, behind my neck. "Please say you regret never kissing me."

"And if this is a mistake? We've only just-."

So I do the only thing that I can think of. I kiss her first. Maybe you can't chase away the demons that haunt you by kissing your scorching hot ex-best-friend, but it's sure as hell a good place to start.

I hadn't actually come here to mack on Lara, but the moment our lips touch it feels so right. Like I can tell her the things I need to say without using my words, like the things I need to say are too complex to say with words. I mean, I do need to say them with my words but that can wait for later.

Lara pushes me back into the cushion of the couch, our kiss deepening as she tries to tell me all the things she needs to say.

She's… she's hard under my hands, all muscle and scars and I slide my hands under the back of her shirt to revel in the feel of her. Lara's skin is warm, smooth in places and rough in others and I think of the things she's told me. My hand rests over the old rebar scar from Yamatai; her very first. Lara used to react instantly and badly when I did this, and so I'd made a point of touching it until Lara stopped reacting like that.

I guess that conditioning stuck, because her moan vibrates against my mouth and the sound sends a jolt between my legs. As if her weight on top of my body isn't already turning me on enough as it was.

Maybe she's right, maybe this is a mistake, but it's our mistake to make. But still … I break the kiss, "Lara?"

She lifts her head, staring down at me with this powerful, intense look in her eyes that makes me want to melt. "Sam?"

The irony of me, Sam, theme song P!nk's "Slut Like You", slowing anything down isn't lost on me, "Lara, I want you. I've wanted you since the day we met, but I never wanted to pressure you and eventually I figured you just weren't wired for that kind of thing. But like, you're right, we've only just connected again and I'm terrified of ruining things with you."

"I know I've hurt you," Lara said, her eyes growing just a little shiny. "And there's still so much we should talk about. But I've missed you terribly, and you were only partly right. I need a connection with someone, and while there have been a few, I've never connected with anyone the way I have with you."

"Unuratu?" I guess, and from the shift in her expression I know I hit a sore point. I quickly move on, brushing my fingers across Lara's cheeks. "Way I look at it, Lara, is that we can cool our heels or we can go up to your bedroom."

I guess maybe a part of me still worries about pushing her into something she doesn't want or need. But she smiles softly at me, gets off of me, then leans down and pulls me up into her strong, strong arms.

Lara carries me out of the sitting room and I bury my face into her neck. I've always loved Lara's scent. It's so earthy, with a little bit of the smell of old books. Her breath hitches when I start to nibble, moving my lips across her neck and flicking my tongue at her jugular. She tastes so good that I keep thinking about what the rest of her will taste like.

When I bite harder Lara starts moving faster, taking the stairs two at a time. I can't help it, I lose my shit, giggling against her skin.

"What's so funny?" Her voice is raspy and thick and I'm pretty sure not from the exertion.

I bite her neck again and she shudders and now my sides are killing me from laughter.

"Sam," Lara breathes. "You're going to pay for that."

Once upon a time that would have been a prank, or a pillow to the face or something like that. But my mind goes to erotic places and the ways she could maybe make me pay and lets be real, this isn't the first time my mind has ever gone there in relation to Lara but this is the first time some of those fantasies have a chance of happening. Maybe all of them, if I'm lucky.

It sobers me up a little, and I resume kissing and sucking at Lara's neck. If nothing else, I'm going to mark her.

Lara comes to a stop, her fingers tangling in my hair as she pulls my head away from my neck. And it kind of hurts but oh my god the sound I make and the look on Lara's face when she hears that sound.

And for a moment, we look at each other, a mutual trepidation between us as though there was still this last line to cross. Like everything up to this point we could make excuses for but here we are at the point of no return.

Mouth dry, I tell her to put me down. She does, gently lowering me to my feet. I cup her face, kissing her lightly, then step back and run my hands down her chest. "So… last chance to back out."

"I'm not a virgin, Sam." Lara fixes me with a look, before pulling her shirt off, "And I'm not one to back down, either."

Finally after all these years I can look at Lara in a bra without feeling guilty about it. But I do wonder who that was. Amanda? Unuratu? A part of me hopes for both if only for Lara's sake. Pushing that from my mind, I focus instead on the beautiful woman in front of me. The beautiful woman with abs for miles, biceps of some Greek Goddess of the hunt, and a variety of scars. Okay so I'm too busy staring to say anything as Lara reaches behind her back to undo her bra.

Look, I'm a simple pansexual woman and there's a lot to love about the human form. But there's especially something about a nice pair of breasts or a toned ass that gets me going like nothing else and Lara has that toned ass and her breasts, her breasts are spectacular.

Lara is also pretty self-conscious and so I make squeezy grabby motions with my hands to make her laugh. Then she's close enough to touch, her hands in my hair and her mouth eager on mine. Her breasts fit nicely in my hands and I'm giving each of them as much attention as possible without letting her lips go. Somehow she backs me against the bed while I'm distracted and I lose my balance, falling back into it.

"You're still blushing."

She ignores my teasing, and I'm treated to this amazing view of Lara pushing her pants and panties down her legs and there's just… so much for me to take in. I want to kiss every inch, explore every scar, taste her skin and learn what she feels like inside and out.

I … want her. Not just for naked fun times, but I want her to be in my life again, for me to me in hers. As new as this is between us, despite the years that separate us, it feels right. It feels like at long last I'm home.

"Sam?" Lara edges closer to the bed, sliding her hands up the outsides of my legs and over the fabric of my dress.

Knowing it's important to tell her how I feel, I blurt it out. "I want to be in your life again. I want you to be in mine. God, Lara, it's been torture without you. Can't do a therapy session without bringing you up."

Crap, talking about therapy was not a sexy thing.

"Me too," Lara said, though she doesn't really clarify which part so I just assume she means everything. Then she's leaning over me, her mouth against my ear and her breath is hot and I'm pretty sure I've ruined my panties by now and if I don't get this dress off soon I'm going to die.

Lucky for me, Lara deftly pushes the dress up and off of me. It takes me a moment to free my head and arms but when I do she's just kneeling on the bed, staring down at me.

"Like what you see?"

"Those are, uh. Fancy knickers."

"I may not have planned to seduce you but since when have you known me to own plain, boring underwear?" Even my most boring pair was 'fancy' by Lara's standards. "Don't like them?"

"Sam, you used to drive me nuts prancing around in knickers like these." Lara hooks her fingers into the waistband of the black little number I'm wearing and practically rips them off. Aaaaaand my horniness goes up by a factor of like, twelve.

Thousand.

"I'll make a note of that." Before I can remove my bra, Lara is on me, kissing me, her hands pulling my bra down and roaming across my body. The roughness of them shouldn't be surprising, but it still is. The texture of her fingertips as they glide across my skin contrast the softness of Lara's lips as they crash back onto mine with a kind of need I've never experienced before.

And like, I'm way more experienced than Lara and I know it but god the way she touches me. Lara hesitates, her hand on my thigh, tantalizingly close as she lifts her head and stares down at me uncertainly. "Sam... I just got you back, I don't want to lose you over…"

"Over what?"

"I don't do casual," Lara answered, voice thick. Trailing her fingers in distracting circles on my thigh, she clarifies, "Amanda. Unuratu. They weren't flings. And I've never seen you with anyone who wasn't just a fling."

It doesn't bother me. In fact, I totally understand where she's coming from. I also understand that both those women are dead but I really don't want her to start associating this act with people dying on her. "You've never seen me with anyone who isn't you, Lara. I love you."

Her hair is so soft under my fingers, her cheeks warm under my palm, as I pull her face in closer and whisper. "I want you to wreck me, Lara Croft."

Lara's breath catches and I lean up, kissing her deeply. When her fingers slide between my legs, it's my breath that hitches.

"What if I just want to make love to you?" She whispers, and I feel myself melting from more than just the feel of her fingers as she begins to caress at me.

"You can wreck me tomorrow," I manage to say, my eyes watering and my heart aching at her.

And yet, somehow, it still happens. Longing touches and careful caresses and my name on her lips, my name whispered against my skin, the pressure that builds and builds and builds until it bursts and I've lost all sense and reason…

When I come down from it, the floodgates open and I'm sobbing, clinging to Lara and sobbing against the bare skin of her throat, digging my fingers into her and pulling her as close as I can without actually crawling inside of her.

I feel like my chest is about to burst open and collapse at the same time and every time I open my mouth the only sound that comes out is a broken hiccup. Lara's fingers dig into my back and I realize she's crying almost as hard as I am. It's enough to start the process of calming down until I can actually think about more than the strange relieved grief I'm feeling.

Grief, for everything we've missed, everything we've lost and missed out on with each other. Relief that there's still this connection between us, that it could be so good and feel so pure and that god god she still-

"I love you." Lara touches her fingers to the underside of my chin and tilts my head up. Her eyes are red and puffy, her hair messed up from my fingers and she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, "I'm sorry. For … abandoning you. For pushing you away."

Shaking my head, I kiss her lightly, "I kinda pushed you away too, lets just call it even."

She rolls onto her back, pulling me on top of her, her hands stroking my face and when she kisses me again I can't help but start crying again.

"Sam?"

"Sorry, sorry I'm just so overwhelmed." I wiped at my face and try to reassure her with a smile, "We really gotta talk in the morning sweetie. But I think we'll be okay."

Lara laughs that nervous sort of excited laughter, "Yes to all of the above."

"So… I guess it's okay to stay the night?"

"Love, you can stay forever."

Oh. Oh. I'm sure she still digs around in the dirt and I'll need to convince her to take me along. But for the rest of that? Well, I might have to take her up on that.