Why had she been such an idiot? Why had she let herself trust people again?

She knew this would happen. She should've known better. She should've learned her lesson the countless times before. It never should have gotten to this point again.

She shouldn't have opened up. She shouldn't have ever let her guard down again. She should've kept everything in. She never should have trusted people again.

But she had hoped that maybe they would be different. That they would understand her. That they would stay by her side through it all. But of course they didn't.

No one had time for someone like her. No one had time to help her. She was alone. Just like she had always been. Just like she always would be.

She wished she had never told them. Wished she had just lied. If she had kept her mouth shut, she wouldn't be here. She wouldn't be holed up in her room, crying her eyes out.

She wouldn't be alone...

She hated being alone.

"I think we should do a bonding exercise today. Tell something deep about ourselves to show we can trust each other."

She cursed that exercise. If it had never been brought up, none of this would have happened. If she had realized they wouldn't like what she wanted to say, she would have been fine.

But... what did she do wrong? They had said personal things too. Why was hers so wrong to say? Why did it always make people avoid her? Why did her confession make people run away?

She had always been insecure. Hiding away under the guise of pretend. She never was her true self. Because when she was, she always got hurt.

Friends from the past abandoned her when she opened up and showed them that side of her. The fragile side. The side that no one wanted to deal with. The side that truly represented her. Someone who was weak... who just wanted someone to help them.

She didn't understand why. Friends were supposed to help each other. Why wasn't her problem worth it? Why did she always get left behind?

What was wrong with her?

"Um... aren't we supposed to work on our homework together?"

"Sorry. Something else came up."

"Oh. Okay."

She didn't think anything of it at first. She should've picked up on it immediately. That was the start of everything. The start of this abandonment.

She had been through this many times before. And yet she still blindly believed she had a chance. She was such an idiot.

Why wasn't she worth their time anymore? Why didn't they want anything to do with her?

She didn't get it. She could easily have kept hiding away. She could have made sure nothing changed. They never gave her a chance.

Was she really not worth it? Did everything they had been through together mean nothing? Did all the nice things they had said and done for each other mean nothing anymore?

She felt hopeless. She felt lost. Angry. Alone. Sad. So many different emotions. All things she has felt before. Things that, as much as she hated to admit it, she was used to.

It still hurt. Even after how many times she had gone through this exact scenario. It hurt to be abandoned again. Would that ever change?

"Sorry, you're not worth my time. I want a partner I'll actually get stuff from."

Even in practice, no one wanted her. She was alone, forced to do everything on her own. In class, she'd be forced to pair up with whoever was left without a partner. No one seemed to want her.

She struggled to get through. She couldn't focus. She couldn't dance. She couldn't do anything right anymore. It was ruining everything. No one wanted to be with someone who kept constantly messing up.

"Sorry. You aren't fit to keep being an edel."

Because of her drop in performance, she was kicked out of the group she once called her family. There was no remorse on their faces. No one asked what was wrong. No one cared to see if she was okay.

Maybe that was why... she had left. This proved a lot. If you weren't useful, they didn't care. And now she had found that out the hard way.

She had wanted to scream, to fight back. To yell at them for everything. Instead, she bit her tongue and just walked away without a word. At least she had kept her pride for that interaction.

Though, now here she was. Alone in her room. Crying. Sobbing.

She had lost everything. It was never going to come back, was it? She would never get a second chance to make things right. This was once again her reality. A cruel reality that she had been subjected to so many times before. A reality that she just never seemed to be able to escape from no matter how hard she tried.

Alone... without anyone who cared.

Alone... lost in her own hate.

Alone...

Just all alone. No friends. No family. No one who would put up with her. It was her and her alone. Her and her thoughts. Her and everything she hated about herself.

She let out a scream, one filled to the brim with anguish. She didn't care if anyone heard. Just like no one cared about her.

The tears wouldn't stop. She curled into a ball. Sobs racked her body, shaking her to her very core. This pain... was so familiar. It was back again, almost as if it had never left.

Her body ached. Her heart stung. Everything hurt in some way, whether it was emotional or physical. Would there ever come a day she wouldn't have to worry about feeling this pain again?

"Oh just shut up. No one cares."

"Leave us alone. You're ruining our day."

"I know, but don't interact with her anymore. She's not someone you want to be around."

"She's a freak. I can't believe she fooled anyone."

The words were ringing in her ears again. All the hurtful things she's been told. She couldn't even remember who said what. Was it someone she called a friend? Was it a stranger? She couldn't remember. They all just blurred together into one big pile of hate.

She instinctively covered her ears, as if that would help. The words didn't shut up. They got louder. It hurt. It hurt so much. Tears stung her eyes as even more fell down her face.

She wanted it to stop, but she didn't know what to do. She was stuck in the circle of self hatred. This circle that she couldn't seem to break.

She wasn't taking the easy way out. She had promised herself that from the start. She wasn't going back on her word. That would show just how weak she was.

Her head was filled with many thoughts. The thoughts of what people have said, but also thoughts of her own. Wishes that those people who hurt her would suffer.

Visions of her killing them. Visions of her making them hurt just like she was.

It scared her. To know she was capable of those thoughts. She couldn't kill someone. She couldn't. That wasn't right.

So why did her mind keep trying to tell her to? That wasn't the answer either. Doing that wouldn't solve anything. It might make her feel good for a moment, but it wouldn't help.

"Are you-"

"Don't talk to her."

"But-"

"I said no. Let's go."

Maybe someone did care at first... but that had stopped already. When they were constantly shut down and told off for trying to help, it eventually made them stop completely.

The one person she thought just maybe was still on her side left. That stung worse than anything else. To know that people could be convinced to leave her alone even when they wanted to help her...

How long ago had that been? She couldn't remember. Her memory was very bad as of recent. Maybe it was her mind's way of trying to protect her from those bad memories?

She barely remembered why she was currently crying in her room.

"Please... just one thing..."

"Get out of my sight. I wish you'd disappear from our lives!"

That was right... she had been yelled at again. For trying to talk to someone. All she wanted was to talk. To try and right everything. To make amends and go back to the way things had been.

Why did she even bother? No one wanted her. She was useless. Someone to be tossed aside once they no longer needed her. Why did she ever think higher of herself than that?

Why did she put so much trust in them? She really didn't know. Why had she decided to open up so much to them? Why hadn't she kept her mouth shut and hid away like always? Why...?

"Akira... Michiru... Mei Fan... Shiori... Why... why did you leave me...?"