A/N: This is my first story in about 1000 years so I am a bit nervous - but I hope you all enjoy it and please let me know what you think! Thank you so much adenie for beta-ing! :)
"I'm sorry Ms. Granger, there is nothing left we can do."
You think it's going to be easy, but then it isn't. You spend your whole life hearing how clever you are, and just when you finally get a win and begin to believe it, life knocks you down. Hermione couldn't help but to scoff at the thought. As she and Ron sat, hands tightly woven together, on a large couch in front of the lead healer at St Jacob's Hospital for the Magically Modified.
The war had been won, the wizarding world saved. Months and months of backpacking through the woods, living off of only berries and mushrooms had proven to be worth it. There were many things for Hermione to be happy about in this post war era of her life. But the darkness of the sacrifices made through the past year caused her breath to catch in her throat. She still had nightmares every night - some nights she swore she could feel Bellatrix's hot breath on her neck, whispering to her how worthless and dirty she was. On her worst nights, she sometimes believed it. These were the times she was most thankful for Ron. Ron, who had been through so much himself, would hold her every time one of these nightmares occurred and rocked her slowly in his arms until the tears stopped and her breathing regulated again.
He was the only constant she had in her life now. Him, the rest of the Weasleys, and Harry. During the months following the war they all piled into the Weasley home, having to add on a new addition even higher than Ron's attic room to accommodate everyone. They all needed each other in different ways. Coping with the losses they had endured was something no one was prepared to go through alone.
Sometimes, despite it all, she couldn't help but feel lucky. After all, she had been in love with this beautiful ginger, freckled man for years. Humble beginnings were something they definitely endured, but it had only proceeded to make them stronger. Sometimes the best way to not push buttons is to be familiar with what they were, and they certainly were that. Their relationship was much like a dream - a dream they both had been waiting to come true for some time now. It was the end of their sixth year when she had been almost certain of his feelings, and it finally sank in at Bill's wedding. Even though you could hardly call what he did asking her to dance, she had graciously accepted. She knew things like that did not come easy to Ron. She wished they could have danced all night. They have come so far since those days, with a stronger understanding of each other, making them okay now - better than okay.
But this was not okay.
There was much to pick up after the war. One of the main things that was constantly on the forefront of her mine were her parents.
Hermione's parents took over 5 months to be found - and when they were, their memories were deemed 'too far gone' to modify. The healers at St Jacob's were unsure if attempting this would cause permanent damage, and after all they looked so happy. Their practice had taken off and was more successful than they had ever been before. Hermione and Ron had traveled together to get the news once they had been informed by the AMOM (Australian Ministry of Magic) that Mr. and Mrs. Granger had been found. Now, sitting on a dingy green sofa in front of the healer, she felt silly. Silly to think this final piece of the puzzle could ever fit.
"I need to go get some air," Hermione mumbled, getting up off the sofa and making her way out of the office. She could hear the quiet sounds of Ron's footsteps following behind her. He did not try to talk to her or stop her so that he could catch up as they made their way out the front door of the hospital. He just silently waited for her to be ready.
"I know it was the right thing to do, but over the last few months…. The longer it took for them to be found I couldn't help but wonder if I should have just been honest. Left their minds alone." she said to the air in front of her as he stood behind her, but he knew it was for him.
"I know," Ron replied solemnly. "But it was the right thing. They could be a lot worse off than they are now, you did that for them. I know this hurts, but they're alive, Hermione. You can't just-"
She cut him off, "I know, Ron," more biting than she meant. "I know."
She became quiet, a silent sob making her shoulders shake slightly. Ever the trooper, Ron, didn't even flinch at her tone. He had grown a lot over the last year, grief can do that to you.
"I know," he agreed, coming closer and slowly wrapping his arms around her stomach, his head coming to rest on top of hers as she took a deep sigh and settled into him. Hermione was tough, but she let Ron see the side of her that was tired of having to be.
She wanted to see them one last time, she decided, after swaying with him slowly for some time. A comfortable silence washed over them as she let the tears silently pour down her cheeks. She knew this could happen, she had prepared herself for the possibility. Things are always different when it finally happens, though. You can never fully prepare yourself to never see your parents again.
"What do we do now?" she asked, unsure of what to do or where to go from here.
She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but more than either of those she wanted to go home. But home wasn't a place anymore. Home was an empty building with busted windows and overturned furniture.
"Well-" he started, taking her hand and slowly turning her to face him, "I think you need some place where you don't have to think." She could see a slight sparkle in his eyes, and she did not have the slightest clue what this mad man could possibly have in mind.
He always had a way of doing this, sweeping her off to do something whenever life got to be just a little bit too much. Something that had to be done for the both of them over this healing process. It gets exhausting, facing your problems head on all the time. If Ron had taught her anything, it's that the problems weren't going anywhere. They would be there waiting for you whenever you were ready to get back to them. Sometimes, a distraction could be a good thing.
"What did you have in mind?" she asked, and he flashed her a little goofy grin before reaching to wipe a tear from her eyes.
"Do you trust me?" he asked, but she knew it was a question he already knew the answer to by now, but she still gave him a nod before they turned on the spot.
They appeared in a place that Hermione thought she may have seen before, but she couldn't place it. She saw the sign and couldn't help but laugh as she read it aloud.
"Kiss My Axe?" she asked incredulously. She had traveled a lot of places in her life but she was certain she had never heard of anything like this.
"Yeah, I saw it on one of those signs near where we are staying. They said lots of muggles use it when they need to destress, and I reckon both of us could use a little of that."
She followed him inside the building suspiciously, still not sure if this was such a good idea. How on earth could something with the word axe in it be helpful. Furthermore, since when was Ron the expert on muggles?
They entered and Ron led the way to the front desk. She felt kind of in a trance, as she tried so incredibly hard to push all of the thoughts bouncing her head away. She wasn't ready to really break down - not yet. She saw Ron hand the lady some muggle money and then they made their way into a small but isolated room.
She had set them up with a bucket filled with exactly what she suspected. Axes. "So are you going to give me some kind of clue of what this is or not?" she asked, finally giving up on figuring it out herself.
"I never thought I'd see the day Hermione Granger didn't know something and I did," he joked.
"Ha-ha, very funny," she replied, rolling her eyes at him.
He held his arms out as if presenting the bucket to her.
"Axe throwing."
"Axe throwing?"
"Axe throwing." He repeated with a chuckle. "I really think it will help - get the feelings out."
"Seems a little barbaric don't you think?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
"Just trust me." he pleaded, offering her the first throw.
Hermione reached a slightly shaky hand to grab the goggles and pulled them down over her wild curls.
"Very sexy" he said, with a laugh.
She gave a small smile as she took the axe Ron was offering her and warily stepped up to the red line that indicated the throwing point. Taking a deep breath, she threw the axe with all her might at the target. It hit the wood of the bullseye with a satisfying chop. Exhaling heavily, she felt a weird sense of relief wash over her. Something about the violent yet simple task made her feel in control. She was quite surprised, she was a pretty good shot.
"Nice!" Ron cheered, lowering his goggles to take his turn.
On three separate occasions over the course of the evening Ron had to go add another half hour to their time. Laughing each time he came back into the room with a new bucket to be greeted by an excited Hermione who could not help but bounce in place in excitement.
When they finally decided to call it a night, it was dark outside. And the reality of what had occurred earlier in the day began to wash back over her.
"I want to go see them before we go home." she said, taking Ron's hand in hers as they walked out into the parking lot. "Nothing major - I just need to see them. One last time."
Ron nodded in understanding and he led them to a dark spot in the lot and he apparated them to the location a ministry worker had given them before their trip.
Ducking behind one of the front bushes, both silently wishing they had asked to borrow Harry's cloak, they saw a soft light coming from the front window of a small cottage. Behind which sat Mr. and Mrs. Granger, enjoying their dinner. Each sporting a grin and a glass of wine, it looked like they had just told one another an amusing joke. Hermione began to feel hot tears rolling down her cheeks. They were happy, elated even. And though it broke her in a million different ways, she knew this was what was best. She made this choice to keep them safe - and she succeeded. Sometimes the biggest successes are bittersweet.
"Let's go" she said, after a moment, her voice sounding broken and small. She had seen enough. Staying any longer would have just caused unneeded pain.
Ron was silent, having not spoken a word since they had apparated back to the hotel room they were staying in. He seemed to be trying to follow her lead on how to proceed. She caught him looking at her and she gave him a weak smile. She sank into a spot on the bed and let out a heavy sigh, unable to bring herself to even take off her shoes.
Ron silently came over to her and kneeled on the floor in front of her, carefully untying and removing each of Hermione's shoes. Such a simple act of love, making her heart skip a beat.
He proceeded to take one of her feet into his hands and rub small circles on the soles. Trying to coax away the tension he knew still remained.
"I know there is nothing I can do to make you feel better about this - that this is just another thing on the long list of traumas we are going to have to work through." he said, continuing his efforts on her other foot, "but I will always be right here with you - through it all."
"We need each other" she stated, leaving no room for the contrary as she lowered her body onto the bed. Ron continued his movements, tracing up her legs, and swirling small circles in the skin along her thighs. Though she still had about a million thoughts racing through her mind, she felt a slight warmth flood through her body.
"You know, I was worried earlier - about how I no longer have a place to call 'home' - that it's all broken pieces now." she said, rising up onto her elbows so she could look at him. "But I realize now - home isn't a place at all. It's a feeling - a person. You."
She couldn't help but smile at the goofy grin now plastered on his face. They both knew they had a long journey of healing ahead of this, but for right now they were 'home' - and for right now, that was all they needed.