Author's Note: Hello there! Since my last update, it's been so long, and I'm happy to inform you that I'm back and started writing LAS' (Light and Shadow) third chapter. I hope you'll stay tuned for its update. Woohoo, and to celebrate my presence, I'm back with a one-shot. I hope you bear with this experimental writing style and happy reading.
First day.
He sat on his couch by the window and rested the empty coffee cup on his desk. Looking up the sky, he sighed as the world embraced the shadow of the clouds. Taking a deep breath, he placed his hands on the cup seeking solace as his room grew colder as the rain started to fall. Even though technology had significantly advanced through the years, there are still unpredictable things. He thought to himself. Unpredictable, it was the word he loved the most to describe life: life, a completely unforeseen turn of events unraveling before his eyes.
As the downpour intensified, he pulled the curtains back; just in time, he heard someone knock on the door. He asked them to enter, and so, the most unpredictable thing happened in his life. As his eyes feasted upon her auburn ones, he felt a strange warm feeling etching deep in his heart. Contrary to what the world is, she was radiating with vibrant warmth. She ventured to him and smiled as she introduced herself. He grinned back at her as he let their hands interlock with each other. As their hands entangled, so as their fates.
The next day.
As the lights in his bedroom dimmed, he clung his hands to his chest, questioning himself as the warm tingling from yesterday's meeting has not yet subsided, and it seems to escalate when she's nearby. He was unsure and unprepared. Unprepared and afraid to witness the outcome of their meeting, he gently slapped himself hoping to bring him back to his senses, but he failed. He might be afraid to admit that he might've fallen in love, but it was too late, for he'd already fallen for her charms.
The third day.
Even though he wasn't brave enough to step out of his comfort zone, he crossed the bridge and took the risk. He thought it was far too risky for him to trust and build a good rapport with someone because he's afraid of falling hard, leaving him with nothing but bleeding wounds. However, he can't seem to hold his breeches but root for her. He stammered as he asked her to address him casually, earning a soft chuckle from her. She happily agreed to his request, tearing the chains of uncertainty in his heart as he smiled. For the first time, he was genuinely happy.
The fourth day.
He had tirelessly marveled at her hands while sketching the written words on his paper. He smiled as he gawked at her on the opposite side of the table with his elbow resting on the table, and his hands were already on his hands on his cheeks. Unbeknownst to him, at some point, while sketching, she would occasionally pause and look back to him with eyes full of curiosity. However, under their little hide-and-seek game of exchanging glances, they never caught each other's burning gazes.
The fifth day.
Loud laughs soon cloaked the silent room as he showed her his sketches. She tried to repress the choked chuckles in her throat but failed when he showed her his work, causing her to burst into laughter. Terrible. It was like a child's first attempt to draw, but still, she was kind enough to teach him some techniques. He smiled at her, captivated, just as the first time he saw her. She was enthralling. Finally, their gazes had met as she glanced back at him; he looked away and slightly pushed his chair, distancing them by inches hoping that it could ease the heat rushing to his cheeks. She bowed her head and uttered her utmost apology.
The sixth day.
Unlike the previous day, the room was bleeding in silence. It was awkward. So, he cleared his throat and apologized to her for yesterday's events. Then, after reassuring him that she's okay, he heaved in relief.
The seventh day.
That day, it rained questions and curiosity as the two beamed while sketching and writing on their separate sheets of paper. He had asked her so much about her favorites, ranging from her favorite book to her favorite hobby. But, contrary to him, she seemed to be interested in his dislikes.
"What could be the best thing someone can give to you when you're having a bad day?" he asked as he tapped the tip of his pen to her sketchpad.
"Um, I think white roses would do," she answered and stared back at him.
"Why?" he asked while cocking his brows.
"Because no matter how pure it may look, white roses can emit shadows under the limelight. Y'know, it reminds me that no matter how hard your day is, even the most perfect thing can be imperfect too. Then, what about you? What could be the worst thing that can ruin your day?"
"Liars, I hate lies." He exclaimed.
"Really? Why? Because I think it's better to lie than argue with someone senselessly. Sometimes, some things are better left unspoken, Jellal."
"It's better to be hurt by the truth than settle to the comforting lies of people, Erza."
A few weeks later.
The skies were tattered by grey clouds again. However, contrary to the gloomy skies, the bright ivory ceiling greeted him, and he sighed as he came to a realization. Damn, he was rushed to the hospital again. Ring. He reached for his phone and saw her message.
Are you feeling well? Edmund told me that our meeting was canceled for today because you had an urgent appointment with your doctor. I hope you're fine. He smiled and held the phone closer to his chest. No one ever cared for his well-being before, but he had her now. Special. For once, he felt longed for and cared for by someone.
Don't worry much. I just had an awful stomachache last night. He lied. He knew that he never liked the idea of lying to her, but he doesn't want her to know about his condition. I guess I hated myself now; he thought as he remembered that he doesn't prefer to settle in those comforting lies, but he did.
"Jellal," his father's voice sounded from afar.
He quickly hid his phone and was shocked when his face tasted the quick slap from the papers in his hands. He flinched as he heard him raised his voice. After being questioned due to his shoddy write-ups, he bravely answered that he couldn't intricately describe the scenes lest he experienced it himself. He sighed and allowed him to do whatever he wants.
"Finish the book before your surgery because that's the last thing you can do before you leave." He said, causing his son's face to turn sullen.
The following weeks.
He tried to live his life to the fullest. However, he knew that his surgery was on the corner, and the chance of surviving was not guaranteed, so he spent the whole month with her. Entirely tearing the walls of his heart, his loudest laughter was heard with her company through their merry-go-round days. After visiting the amusement park, he ran from her behind and panted before her.
"Are you alright?" she asked, full of concern.
"White roses," he chuckled as he handed her the soft foamy cotton candies from behind.
"Aw, this is amazing!" she giggled as her eyes beamed with amusement.
"Wanna share some? It will take a few minutes before we get to the theater." He said, causing her smile to fade slightly.
It seems that she had started to misunderstand his actions. She plastered her illusive façade and beamed brightly. What exactly was I expecting? She asked herself as she reminded her that he's doing this as a reference to his work, not for her. It wasn't the other way, she thought.
But on the contrary, his actions were genuine. He desperately wanted to clearly express his feelings as much as how he skillfully painted the exact words danced under his fingertips, but it was more complicated than he thought because he was clumsy.
Perhaps the play was too dull for him, causing Jellal to look at her. She was enjoying it; she laughed her heart out while munching the popcorn in her hands. Happy. He was contented seeing her happy.
The next day.
It was too late when he realized that her hands were already aligned with his, and his feet were following her as she dragged him to shower with the heavens' cries. She let go of his hands and danced with the raindrops, outstretching it and letting the rain kissed her pallid cheeks. He smiled as she extended her hands to him, asking him to join her. He happily accepted it, and they danced like fools with their smiles glued on their visages.
It was his birthday.
Erza raised her toast, but he shook his head, declining her offer. After consuming it, she hissed and wiped her lips with her hands. She sighed and looked down to the ground, upset. Seeing her actions, he grabbed the bottle of wine in her hands to toast with her, but she insisted that she's fine with him declining her offer.
"What could make you happy, Jellal? It's your birthday so, it would be best if you had fun," she asked with a tipsy voice.
He smiled and offered her a cake, "Want some?"
"You're not answering my questions," she said before eating the cake.
He pouted as he drew nearer to her face. He wasn't sure if she was blushing due to the wine or his face near her, but he continued and chuckled as he wiped the cream on her lips and uttered, "What if I told you that you make me happy."
"Tch, you can't be that serious," she said before passing out to his shoulders.
After carrying her to his bed, she abruptly opened her eyes and gave him a not-so sober look. Caught off guard, he froze as his arms are still wrapped around her body. Slowly, she reached for his ruffled hair and tousled it. Then, after chuckling drunkenly, her hands traveled down to his cheeks, and she uttered.
"Why, why can't I keep myself from misunderstanding your actions?" she asked before dozing off completely.
He gently laid her and clenched his jaw as her words kept ringing in his head. Misunderstand my actions? Did she think I was merely using her as a reference to my work? He asked himself as guilt crept into his heart. His hands traversed to her face and slid her bangs next to her ears. He paused and attempted to touch her face, but he curled his hands the moment it almost grazed her skin.
"I'm afraid I can't resist coveting your warmth once I indulge myself into it." He said, staring at her serene face.
"I thought I already had my life figured out, but then you came. I'm scared because you made me want to live a little bit longer, but I'm not sure if I make it." He said as he quietly sobbed as he held her hand.
Silently tracing her vanishing footprints, he darted his gaze to her as she danced barefooted against the waves kissing the shore. She paused and stared at the plummeting sun over the horizon, smiling as the darkness slowly embraced the sun. Finally, he clenched his jaw and uttered.
"I want to finish the last chapter of my life with you,"
Dumbfounded for a second, she looked back at him, but she knew deep down that those words weren't meant for her, but they still hurt her anyway. She smiled, trying to console herself, and looked back to the sunset. It sank to the darkness, so as her heart.
"That's a great line to break cliches. Should I affix more colors to the sunset-"
"It's not about the book. It's about the two of us. Just us." He said before extending his hand with the white rose in it.
"You can't be that serious, Jellal."
"I'm not kidding, Erza. I wanna ask you if you can still accept me even if I'm at my darkest?" he said as the sun's light succumbed to the darkness.
Her heart raced as he was now facing her with only a few inches left for their faces to touch. He gulped as he stared at his shaking hand. He was afraid after taking his final leap, closer to her. Would she not accept it? He asked himself before lifting his head, finding her face closer to his. Her hands intertwined with his, capturing the rose, so as his lips on hers.
"I love you," she said after the chaste kiss.
Love. He wasn't sure if her definition of love matches his, but he hesitantly mimicked her words and told her that he does love her too. Even though unsure of what love is, one thing is for sure, she was his priority, and he wanted her to be happy with him. He hugged her before claiming her lips, locking them in a passionate and warm kiss.
After a week.
He watched their hands aligned to each other and smiled as she leaned her head on him. Carefreely touching her face, she stared at him with her lips curling happily. Their contract would be over in a week, but he reassured her that he would not stop seeing her after that. Finally, the car stopped. He opened the door for her, and she smiled before biding her farewell with a kiss on his cheeks. He slightly blushed and waved his hands before entering the car.
After a few minutes, the rain started to drizzle on his car's window. He leaned back to his seat and smiled to himself. Before, he hated rain because it often swathed him with a blue blanket of melancholic memories but now, he was happy because their smiles and dances replace those memories. He hissed as his driver suddenly stepped on the brakes, disturbing him. After condemning his actions, he noticed her bag. Wait, she left her bag? He thought as he picked it up. He hastily instructed the chauffeur to return to the subway while dialing her phone, worried. However, she didn't answer, causing him to be more anxious as the downpour went torrential. Of course, she would be fine, he thought to himself, trying to calm himself, but she would never ignore his calls.
After a few painstaking minutes, they finally arrived at the station. Jellal garbed his jacket as soon as he stepped out from the car with his chauffeur holding his umbrella for him. Venturing out of the parking lot, he gasped as he saw her at the building entrance. His eyes widened as he watched her get soaked by the rain. He ran to her, not minding the shower of droplets, and quickly wrapped the jacket to her fragile form. Forcing a smile, she looked up to him and reassured him that she's all right. His heart sank; it was the first time he saw the cloud of sadness in her eyes. Vulnerable. His whole body shook as he saw the rain uncladded her naked; all her smiles were robbed from her. He sobbed as he touched her face.
"Are you alright?" he asked her for the first time.
"I am," she said before she felt him tug her to his embrace.
She hissed in pain after he gently pressed the ice cubes wrapped in the towel to her lips. After insisting on doing it on her own for the third time, he clicked his tongue and let her be. He balled his left hand as his other hand adjusted her fringes. She flinched as she heard him ask who done this to her. Sensing her discomfort, he cleared his throat and asked her to stay the night.
"I'm sorry," she uttered with a shaky voice.
Even though he's still unaware of her current situation, he tried his best to show her that she's safe with him. Once more, he braced her in his arms and later kissed her forehead before sending her to sleep.
"You're safe with me; I will embrace you even at your darkest, Erza," he promised as he held her unconscious hands to his cheeks.
The next morning.
His eyes widened as his father's words trapped him in an endless labyrinth of questions. Erza rushed to his side and kneeled, begging him to listen to her. But he felt numb; suddenly, he burst into anger as he learned the truth. Contract. It was part of their contract.
"NO!" he yelled as he tried to silence the impeding rage waiting to be unleashed within him.
"Everything's part of the contract," he said as he handed him the papers.
"I can explain! Jellal, please…" she begged with tears in her eyes.
He let go of her hand, feeling betrayed. He couldn't fathom with his eyes that the very woman whom he loved was just using him for money. He clutched his heart, unable to contain the pain. Erza assisted him before he wobbled down completely, but he pushed her aside. He can't breathe; this betrayal was way too much for him to handle.
"Don't touch me," he cried.
"Please, listen to me. I can explain," she begged.
"Explain what?" his father asked her, drawing near to his son.
"Explain how you needed money to bail out your mom; who's in jail?"
His words stunned her. Her eyes went dull, and her whole body shivered in fear as he instigated her with the very scenes of her mom's crime. Jellal staggered back, unable to think straight. Fool, he was a fool for believing that those actions were genuine, a fool for thinking she could heal him, and a fool for thinking she wouldn't break him. He rose and vented out his anger on her by tossing all her artworks on her face. She didn't flinch; she blankly stared at him with her extremely wan face.
"How could you possibly make fun of me? If you'd just leave me as broken as how I am before you found me, you should've let me live and die in peace. I, I will resent you until the day that you die. Leave," he ordered before falling to his knees.
Tears started to flood her eyes; she wanted to apologize, but no sounds were emitted from her throat. She painfully watched herself being dragged away from him, unable to explain her side to him. She fell to her knees as the guards pushed her out. She wailed as she clutched her chest. Fear. Her fear had once incapacitated her. After a while, the gate once opened. She turned her head, hoping to see him, but it was his dad. She flinched as he threw a bag of money at her.
"Would that be enough?" he asked before leaving her as the rain started to fall again.
Later, at the police station.
After a few hours, her face finally lit up as she heard her mother's voice. It has been months since she was confined. She hugged her daughter tightly, missing her so much. Erza clenched her hands on the fabric of her shirt as she smelled the scent of her mom once more. Again, she missed her so much; her heart was slightly relieved because she's back. Her sole ally is back.
"Mom," she said before collapsing into her arms.
That night.
Irene smiled as she watched her daughter devoured her favorite homemade soup. She smiled as she looked back at her. Irene caressed her cheeks and gave her more soup, causing her to beam.
"I miss you, mom," she said, tearing up as her mother clasped her hands.
"Me too," she replied, grinning back to her.
After urging her to have her share, Irene started to eat, and Erza fixated her gaze on her phone as it vibrated. Her eyes widened as she saw his message.
I was sorry about my actions a while ago. I was just upset about you, but I can forgive you, so tell me the truth. Her lips curled as guilt seeped into her heart. She couldn't undo what has been done, but at the very least, she wanted to apologize for not telling him sooner. Before she can attempt to write some reply, he texted her something that made her rush to him.
The next day.
He groaned as he felt the sun's rays zapping his eyes. Hospital? He asked himself after finding the room familiar. He laid his back, and he hissed in pain. What on earth?
"Congratulations, you've made it," someone congratulated him from behind, causing him to tilt his head.
After explaining all the details regarding his surgery, his father emerged from behind. He rolled his head as he asked him to recuperate faster so that he can finish the book. Uninterested, he rolled his eyes to the other side and asked him who the donor was, but he didn't answer. Jellal sighed and asked for his phone but was soon perturbed when cops entered his room. Surprised, his father asked them not to bother his son, for he's still unwell. Piqued with curiosity, he asked for their intent and was soon shock, knowing that he was asked about someone's whereabouts.
"Pardon? Erza's missing?" he raised his brows in utter confusion.
The next day.
After getting his hands on his new phone, he dialed her number, but it was out of reach. Worried, he slammed the phone to the bed and closed his eyes. Edmund asked him to rest as he insisted on watching the news, hoping to find any clue about her disappearance. He knew that she had betrayed him, but he still can't get over her. He wanted to talk to her and ask why did she contact him before she went missing. He cursed as there was no news about her. After a while, a madwoman entered his room.
"What have you done to my daughter?" asked the woman who almost looked like her while grabbing him by his collar.
It wasn't that long before the guards restrained her, and she wailed.
"She said she'd be back, but she never returned home. So, what have you done to her?" she yelled as the guards dragged her out.
The following day.
Immediately after being discharged, he looked for his phone when he entered his room, but unfortunately, it wasn't found. All that was left were her artworks. He ventured to the bed, finding the unusual notebook in it; it was her diary. After a few minutes, the notebook fell from his hands, and he shook his head in remorse.
"What did I do?"
Please, listen to me. He remembered her words, and it slowly scarred his heart. He should've listened to her first before judging her. He desperately wanted to talk to her and take back what he said after learning the truth until Edmund opened the door.
"Who told you to enter my room without even knocking?" he raised his voice as anxiety stuck him.
He bowed his head and didn't reply as he offered him his phone. His eyes widened as he saw it, grabbing it in a flash. After entering his password, a shadow of guilt was embedded in his eyes as Edmund confessed everything.
"She was your heart's donor."
Unable to recover from the shock, he stood still, and Edmund retrieved her body. The rain wasn't that heavy, but he felt his knees went weak as he saw something resurfaced, covered with plastic. Slowly uncovering the body, he felt the rain gushed like knives into his soul as he gawked at her lifeless face. He crawled and held her in his hands, never imagining that it was real. He touched her ashen face and asked her to open her eyes, but she was not moving. Dead, she was dead and cold. He tried to hug her, hoping to share his warmth, but he was helpless; he couldn't do anything. He wailed as he could not feel anything but the excruciating pain pouring over him despite the cold rain splashing over his shoulders.
After a few minutes, the cops arrived with her mom. She ran to her daughter and pushed him aside. Cradling her daughter's lifeless body, she broke down as she looked up to the heavens, asking for answers.
Still drenched, he went home and witnessed how they dragged his dad with them. He balled his hands, asking him why did he do that. He unapologetically smirked and blamed Jellal for her death. Having enough of his excuses, he flashed his eyes to him and asked grabbed him by his collars. He chuckled and told him that he'd already planned everything from the beginning because he wanted him to become miserable, carrying the burden of his sins for the rest of his life.
"You said you wanted me to act as your parent, so I did everything to let you live," he said.
Jellal loosened his grip and smiled to himself as he asked him once more, "Did you ever once treated me as your son? Coz, you never did,"
"Huh, did you really think you were mine? You were not my son. The moment your mom cheated on me with my twin brother, I wanted to let you suffer the same resentment I had to her, but in the worst way to the point, you wished it would be better if you're not born,"
"It would be better if you're not born,"
He forced himself to smile as he touched the bridge's railings. Even though the rain had already stopped, it was still cold. For the first time 'round, he realized his life was now empty, emptier than before. Dull colors replaced the vivid lines of her artwork; it was the last sketch she'd made on her diary.
He embraced me with a warmth that I've never experienced before. His arms felt like a safety net, constantly reassuring me that it's alright to cry because he's ready to catch me when I'm on my knees. After lulling me with comfort, he grasped my hands. Calloused, it was slightly calloused. I hope he won't get hurt after embracing the thorns of this broken white rose.
He cursed himself as he read the footnote of the page, reminding her to color it by tomorrow. She won't be able to finish it now. He thought as his lips trembled in realization.
"I'm sorry," it came out as a feeble whisper.
I promised you that I'd embrace your darkest fears, but I'm a coward. I ran away after the lights dimmed. Even though I promised not to turn my back on you or leave in the hours, you need me the most, but in the end, I failed you. I was weak enough to catch you from falling; no, I didn't even dare to catch you but leave. I know sorry isn't enough to compensate for everything that I've done, but… Why didn't I told you the words you wanted to hear the most instead of telling you how much I resented you? Why didn't you even complain to me when I hesitantly told you that I loved you? Why did you keep it to yourself and never resent me for that, Erza? How can I ever forgive myself after learning that you died begging me to forgive you even though I should've been the one kneeling and telling you that? He thought while clenching his chest.
"That night, my dad came home, wasted, and vented out his anger on me, beating me to death. Jellal, it-it didn't end there; he almost raped me..." her voice soon cracked as the words left her lips. "To my desperation to defend myself, I accidentally killed him, but mom covered up my s-sins and took the blame for me. I felt so terrible because every time I tried to defend myself or my mom, my fears debilitated me. That's the reason why I can't tell you personally either. I'm scared of the thought of you hating me. And if it's about the contract, it wasn't an act. Although at first, I tried myself not to fall, as the days had gone by, I had learned to love you, and for once, I was able to breathe again because of you freely. I swear, I never faked everything. It was genuine. I do love you; I really do." Those were the last words left on her voicemail before a crash could be heard.
"I'm sorry because I once promised that I'd end the last chapter of my life with you, not knowing I'd be the reason for your last pages to be torn off earlier than they should. I can't take this anymore; it's too much for me to handle. I'm sorry for everything," he said before taking his leap out of the bridge.
"It's tragic," the little girl said as she watched her teacher closed the book.
"I know," he said as he patted her head.
"I think it would be better if he didn't commit suicide and relive his new life, Teacher."
"Why? I preferred him to end that way because it's the price he had to pay for taking what wasn't his."
"He was just desperate to end that because he thought that she could not hear his apology anymore. It must be pointless, apologizing to the dead, but I'm sure she can feel it."
"How?" he raised his brows as the little girl explained her thoughts.
"Maybe she could feel his sincere apology through his heart because she might be dead, but she still lives on him. He has her heart, right? Why not let himself live on? I'm pretty sure she would give a second chance if she's still alive,"
He paused and smiled at the girl as her mom entered. After bidding her farewell, he stood still and looked up to the clear sky.
"It's been a while, Erza." He said as he sat next to her tombstone, placing the bouquet of white roses on it.
"It's been a year," he said while touching her tomb, eliciting a cold shiver down to his spine.
"Did you know that my student told me something wonderful today? It's about the book I wrote, no, it's about the story you write to me. She said you'd forgive me for everything, but I still can't forgive myself. I thought that by dying, I could finally redeem myself for everything back then, but the waves are cruel; they washed me back to the shore where I promised you forever. My life felt so cruel that I hated myself as the day had passed. I wonder if we'd meet in another life because I wanted to ask you that and hear you forgive me by yourself. Until then, I'll wait for you, and when that happens, I'll surely tell you that I loved you without any hesitation. This time, I'd make you stay so that I don't have to say that you were the one that got away."
Author's Note: Thanks for reading. I hope you'll leave some reviews! Yeah, it's tragic. Please don't hate me. T_T