A/N: Hello everybody I am back! I know it has been awhile but I just thought of this today and plotted everything down so this is what I came up with. I hope that this pleases whoever chooses to read it I thought I did pretty good. So as always shoot me a message in the reply section if you like or even if you don't I love to hear what you have to say. Also all mistakes are mine. Thank you for reading. - Count Drizzle
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my imagination and a Paramount Plus account. Star Trek Enterprise and it's characters belong to Paramount. Also the beginningsentence comes from the song " Winter" by Joshua Radin. A wonderful song that I suggest you listen to if already haven't.
I should know who I am by now. The thought came to T'Pol when she was reading the Kir'Shara and drinking tea in the Mess Hall. She is sixty six years of age young by Vulcan standards but she's not on Vulcan is she? She is on the Earth vessel Enterprise, her home. And on Earth sixty six is considered elderly. Should she know who she is? Most Vulcans her age already know and she thought did until Kir'Shara, until her mother's untimely death. Now T'Pol has not the slightest clue who she is or even who her people are. For her whole life her entire sixty six years she has lived and worked under a corrupt government under false pretenses. So should she second guess every decision she has ever made, every mistake, every thought regarding everything, every… person. Then the doors to the Mess Hall opened and interrupted T'Pol's thoughts. And the one person that T'Pol didn't want to see sat down across from her.
" Feel like some company?" But Trip didn't give her a chance to answer his question before he started to talk again.
" We haven't talked much since Vulcan. How are you holding up?" This time Trip did give her some time to answer. In fact it didn't seem he would leave her alone until she did. But T'Pol hesitated at first, her instinct told her to run but her heart told her to give in. She was going to answer him by telling she was ' fine' and that would not be a lie, fine has variable definitions. But when she was about say the sentence she has been muttering for what seemed like life time she remembered what her older self told her.
" But I can't imagine what my life would have been like without him." " Follow your heart."
" I am not sure, Commander. I have served my entire life and never once was afraid of what I might see. So I am confused for the first time and afraid and I do not know what to do." What Trip said next was not a surprise to T'Pol, it is what she expected of him, that is who he is. A gentleman.
" Let me help you. God knows you helped me to accept what Lizzie said. Maybe I can help you with the loss of your mother." T'Pol took a sip of her tea before she shook her head.
" You misunderstood, I do not need help to come to terms with the loss of my mother. I have lost a parent before I know what to do." Trip looked at her confused.
" So the loss of T'Les doesn't affect you at all? T'Pol for god's sake she was your mother." T'Pol raises an eyebrow at Trip's outburst.
" Once again you misunderstand. The loss of my mother affects me greatly as you say she was my mother. But Vulcans push the feeling deep down and we live with it. That is what I did with my father and that is what I have done with my mother."
" Oh that's kinda sad."
" Yes it is Commander but it is necessary, it is the Vulcan way. To do otherwise would be dangerous and catastrophic." Trip nods obviously not understanding but she knew he wouldn't, it is too alien for him to understand.
" Then what are you scared of?" T'Pol takes another sip of her tea before answering.
" I am not sure who I am." Once again Trip looks confused. T'Pol found the way his forehead crinkled and the way he stared at his glass comforting.
" What do you mean?" He reached across the table to grab her hand and when he contact she stiffened but then relaxed when laced their fingers together. He was about to rub the tip of his thumb across the tip of her finger before she quickly pulled her hand back.
" Please do not touch the tips of my fingers." Before Trip could ask for clarification she continued on with the subject.
" I… Commander when you think of yourself, who you are. What do you come up with?" Trip gave her a smirk, seemingly to have forgotten what had just taken place.
" The perfect southern gentleman just like my mama taught me." She was about to reply before he cut in again.
" Oh and the best and most handsomest engineer in the fleet." She knew he was joking so she decided to play along.
" It would seem that you are also the most illiterate engineer in the fleet knowing handsomest is not a word." Trip started to scowl at her before he started to laugh.
" T'Pol, did you just tell a joke?" T'Pol raised an eyebrow in mock offense before she gave her answer.
" No, I was just pointing out the flaws in your grammar." Trip then began to chuckle again before shaking his head.
" You know I just love you so much." And then the playfulness dissipated. Trip froze not believing the words just spoken and T'Pol's eyes widened a fraction. All was silent after the secret both of them had kept hidden from the other came out. Then Trip seemed to have regained enough of his confidence to get out.
" You say you do not know who you are anymore but I know exactly who you are. You are the woman I love." To an outside party T'Pol would have seemed to be a perfect display of a Vulcan but she knew better and so did Trip. She froze but not in fear but she shocked that the three words that neither of them ever dared to speak and ones that she would most likely never speak finally came out.
" After Dr. Erickson leaves." Trip understood the words immediately and got up to leave. Before he walked through the doors he just opened he turned back and smiled at her.
" I'm looking forward to it." Then he leaves T'Pol to her thoughts. They are much different than one's she had before her conversation with Trip. Now she was wondering what the future held for the two of them.