Hello, Mossy here! Welcome to my incredibly normal comp entry! Please enjoy! That being said, warnings for gore, disturbing imagery, repeated phrases, and drowning, and probably other dark things. Sorry it's late!
- Mossy
I am not a beast, I'm not a monster
I don't care what you say
You can't have the bad guys without a hero
And I'm the only one who's got a cape
I swallow and shuffle my paws, looking at the she-cat in front of me. Rosestorm is a real beauty, with ginger tabby fur that made her look like a firebrand. Soft blue eyes meet mine and I feel myself begin to lose my nerve.
I can do this. We've known each other since we were kits and she's my best friend. We've always told each other everything. Well… almost everything. She turns and flashes her trademark, dazzling smile at me and I lose my breath.
"Aspenleaf, were you going to say something?"
The sun's setting, and with it my chance of telling her.
"I…" I feel the words die in my throat. It should be simple, just three simple words that conveyed everything I felt. All I just had to do was say them. Rosestorm is standing there, the hues of orange and magenta streaking the sky behind her.
She's everything to me.
"I…"
She places her paw on mine and it doesn't help. "You can get it out," she giggles, laugh like a melody. My heart skips a beat.
"Iloveyou," I blurt, wincing as my words slur together. She's going to just turn me down, I know it-
And suddenly, she's hovering in front of my face. Her voice is a soft whisper, "What?"
"I… I…"
Suddenly, she's kissing me. I start as her mouth meets mine, before closing my eyes and melting into the kiss.
Rosestorm is with me, she's kissing me. What did I do to deserve this?
When am I going to wake up?
She pulls away with a soft laugh, "I love you too."
I meet her gaze, bright red and dumbfounded. "I… I can see that," I nod, feeling like a fool. She just laughs again and I smile like an idiot.
"I thought it was obvious," she chuckles, "Silly Aspenleaf, how did you not notice?"
"I just… didn't," I shake my head head. I really can't remember Rosestorm being interested in me. "I always thought you liked Hawkshade," I admit sheepishly.
"That pompous foxheart?" Rosestorm scoffs, "Why in the name of Starclan would I pick him? You're stronger, and…" She smirked, "Definitely more handsome. Cats are practically drooling over you."
"You're laying it on a bit thick there," I roll my eyes. It's getting dark, and the shadows are growing longer. The dark black fingers of the outlines of trees reach for my paws and I jump back, shivering.
"C-can we get back to camp?" I whisper, and Rosestorm looks at me. Her eyes reflect the fading orange sunset behind us.
"What's wrong, Aspenleaf, scared of a little shade?" she laughs, though her tone feels crueler than necessary.
"Yes," I huff, and forcefully press my side into hers. She twines her tail with mine as we enter GladeClan camp. Maybe cats eyes fall on us, and I hear whispers of "Finally." and "I thought he'd never get her."
Hawkshade is silent as his gaze settles on us. His orange eyes narrow and lip curls into a snarl. I scoff, knowing he's jealous. It's not a secret he's after Rosestorm. But it doesn't matter.
She's mine, just like she's always been meant to be.
"I'm telling you Rosepaw, that's why Badgerstar named him Hawkshade," I huff, "He's shady. I swear, he's going to try and murder me in my sleep."
"He is not going to murder you," Rosepaw rolls her eyes, "Honestly Aspenpaw…"
"I still can't believe he got his warrior name early." I send a glare over to where the tabby warrior is currently dropping a pheasant on the freshkill pile of all things. Show off.
Rosepaw is watching him too, eyes lingering. I try to pretend not to notice. He flashes those sunset eyes of his at us, and I swear Rosepaw swoons. It's ridiculous, because it's Hawkshade and he will slit her throat. It's not fair that he has perfect, shining fur and eyes that look like a dusk sky.
He gives Rosepaw a soft smile, gaze hardening when he looks at me. His face curls into a frown and I glare back with equal force, bristling.
I wrap my tail around Rosepaw and she leans into my side ever so slightly. I falter, feeling heat rise to my ears. Hawkshade's eyes are still locked with mine, and despite my flush, I manage a smirk. He huffs and ducks his head.
"You're ridiculous…" Rosepaw whispers in my ear, "He's not even doing anything."
"He was… he was bothering you!" I exclaim. I know he was, he always is!
"No," Rosepaw tuts, "He was bothering you. I don't mind when handsome toms take flirtatious looks at me."
"Rosepaw…" I groan, almost whining. I try not to let my disappointment dawn on my face too much.
She'll never like me, I know it's true. She only had eyes for handsome warriors, especially those who pass their assessment and get their names early.
(Hawkshade's still smug about it.)
She doesn't want me. No one really does.
I know why. I see a hunting patrol led by my brother coming back into camp. Badgerstar's gaze is heavy on me as he walks to the freshkill pile, carrying a rabbit.
I flinch as Gladeclan's leader and I make eye contact. My older brother was too young to be made leader. He nods, and smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.
The shame isn't difficult to miss, nor is the world-weary sag of his shoulders.
And it's all my fault.
"Hey… Aspenpaw?" Rosepaw's voice is dripping with concern. I can't breathe suddenly, I can still see the broken body…
He had been my mentor.
I think I'm shaking, and I feel grateful when Rosepaw leans against me. Somewhere out of the corner of my eye, Hawkshade scoffs.
He saunters over, eyes fixed on me. "Are you thinking about Froststar again, murderer?" he leered, voice thick with hatred.
I can't respond. All I do is meet his gaze, trembling. My lip curls into a snarl but no sound comes out.
"I…"
Rosepaw lashes out.
Hawkshade looks at her, blood welling up from the clean, precise scratches that go across his face. The crimson drops, staining his light brown fur.
That snaps me back into reality, looking at her with wide eyes.
"Don't you dare talk to Aspenpaw like that," she hisses, raising another paw. She strikes him again, and he stumbles back.
"Come on Aspenpaw," she smiles, flashing her fangs at me. Her tone is cheery, "Let's make sure he doesn't hurt you again!"
I nod, returning her grin. Hawkshade looks at me, eyes wide with horror.
His gorgeous eyes, rimmed with yellow. I raise a paw, claws gleaming in the bright sun.
I bring it down, raking those eyes out as the light goes dark.
"What should we name them Aspenleaf?" Rosestorm looks at me, smiling. The two kits suckling at her stomach are gorgeous. My daughters.
I press my nose into a small ginger and white one, taking in the scent of milk. "Duskkit," I whisper, and turn to meet Rosestorm's gaze. She nods approvingly.
The other kit is small and white with brown flecks, just like me. "I like… Twigkit," Rosestorm wraps her tail around the kit.
"It's perfect," I smile softly, faltering, "I mean, they're perfect… you're perfect. I… um…" I flush and my mate laughs gently.
"Oh Aspenleaf…"
"They're going to be strong," I sit down, wrapping my tail around my paws, "Like you." As I watch the kits squirm, almost like maggots, dread fills my stomach.
I don't know the first thing about being a father. It doesn't really feel real. But these are my kits.
"They're not… they're not Hawkshade's, are they?" I ask Rosestorm. She bristles.
"How could you even think that?" she snaps, "I would never. Aspenleaf, I love you! Why can't you accept that!"
"I don't know!" I feel tears welling in my eyes, "I know you do, but sometimes I feel like you should have ended up with him!"
Rosestorm lets out a sigh, "That… it was always you I loved. Never him. He's gone, you took care of that." Her eyes are kind, "Remember, you saved the clan?"
I swallow sharply. It was difficult to forget. Dread pools in my stomach, and I clutch the sides of my head.
"Yeah, he's gone," I whisper, voice breaking into a sob. He's gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.You took care of that.
A broken cry rings through the nursery, I think one of the kits starts crying. I don't care. Hawkshade is gone.
Rosestorm twines her tail with mine, and I feel her breath on my ear.
"You're a hero, Aspenleaf."
"He's going to kill the leader someday," I exclaim, "Really! I swear!"
"The only death I'm planning…" Hawkpaw rolled his eyes, "Is yours."
"Aspenpaw," Rosepaw narrows her eyes, "Please stop casually accusing Hawkpaw of murder."
"You're going to be the death of Froststar," I spit at him, "Everyone knows you want to be leader."
"Naturally," Hawkpaw nodded, smirking at me. I huff and shake my head, anger burning inside. "Though I planned on doing it the proper way, you know?"
"See!" Rosepaw nods, "No murder! Feel better?"
I flower at him, "You're lying. I know it. I can't trust anything that comes out of your mouth."
He rolls his eyes, "You don't know that Twig."
"'M not a twig," I mutter as he ruffles my fur, a stupid condescending smirk on his face.
"Oh, and when I'm deputy, you'll have to do whatever I say," he presses his paw against my nose with a wink, looking absolutely delighted by this fact.
"Nah, I won't let you have Aspenpaw do anything dangerous," Rosepaw steps between us, sighing.
"See? Rosepaw's here to protect me," I grin, smug, "Who do you have?"
"I protect myself," Hawkpaw scoffs and turns to go, "Maybe you should learn to do the same."
"Otherwise…" his eyes flash, "Something may get you.
The fox is closing in on me, snarling. It's not fair. Hawkpaw caught a pheasant, and I didn't. The smug jerk is already lording it over me. But if I kill the fox that's been living near the Great Oak...
I grit my teeth. I can do this.
I can impress Rosepaw, I can take this beast down, and I can show the clan what I'm made of.
I imagine Badgertuft, already deputy. The look of pride on our parents' faces when they spoke about him.
I would kill for them to think of me like that.
The fox makes the first move, raising a paw. I get ready to retaliate, smirking.
"Let's dance."
It slams me into a nearby tree, and the world is spinning. I feel something trickle down my mouth. With a detached sense of dread, I realize it's my own blood.
White teeth gleam above my throat, the fox's lips curled into a snarl. I'm going to die here.
"I'm sorry Rosepaw," I whisper, gritting my teeth and screwing my eyes shut, "I'm sorry Hawkshade."
I get ready for the snap of fangs.
Spittle drips on my fear and I whimper.
I feel the heat of it's jaw, pain flooding my body-
"Aspenpaw!"
My eyes open, and a white tom is standing there. He looks powerful and holy, shining. I smile, relief flooding my system.
"Froststar," I exclaim. He's come for me. I stand up, nausea rocking the world back and forth.
He leaps at the fox like a hero out of an elder's story. He dances around the fox, taunting it.
Pride fills me, that's my mentor. He wasn't going to let me die. He takes the fox with his claws, cackling.
Then he jumps at the creature's throat. His aim is true, and his teeth sink down on the fox's jugular. The beast howls, and swipes…
Slicing Froststar's own throat.
He turns to me, blood pouring from the gash. "As… As…" he croaks, the red overtaking his once pure figure, "You… you need…"
He steps towards me, blood splattering on the grass. His gaze locks with mine, blue eyes filled with almost madness, "W… w… wake…"
I hear the caw of a crow.
The fox rears its head, slowly dragging itself through the dirt. It's lifeless eyes screw up to look at me, growling at my leader. "That's enough old man."
It springs up, jaws clamping down on Froststar's neck and coming down with a sickening crack.
The leader falls onto the forest floor with a lifeless thud, words coming out as dying gurgles.
Badgertuft gives me a friendly nudge on the shoulder. "You're a silly little goober, you know that?" he laughs, eyes lighting up. I like that I can do that, make him happy.
"Badgertuft, 'm not a goober," I wrinkle my nose, "You're a goober!"
"And you're my itsy-bitsy, wittle baby brother," he quirks a smile, "You just became an apprentice yesterday, right?"
"Badgertuft!" I huff, indignant, "You know, I'm seven moons old! I'm most certainly not a kit!"
"I know," he chuckles, "I mean, you have a girlfriend already."
"Rosepaw…" I flush and stare at my paws, "Come on, we're not like that… she's just my friend."
"Just your friend?" Badgertuft give me a stupid grin. He winks and I let out a groan.
"Yes!"
He doesn't grin stupidly when Froststar's corpse is lying at his paws. He doesn't even smile anymore.
He just looks at me and whispers four words, ever trying to be the comforting brother.
"It's not your fault."
We both know he's lying.
The water laps at my paws, the soft sounds comforting me. It was just a nightmare, that was all. A bad dream, nothing to worry about.
The moon reflects off the surface of the lake, blanketing the world in a silver gleam. The threads
I almost miss his shadow creeping up on me. "Aspenpaw," he snaps, bristling, "What are you doing awake at this forsaken hour?"
"I uh…" I swallow, "Couldn't sleep, you know how it is."
"Maybe I don't know how it is," Hawkpaw snarled, "You can't just assume things about me."
"I could assume you're up this late because you're burying the kits you murdered," I retort, "But I was choosing not to. You're the one being an ass."
"I'm not trying to-" Hawkpaw lashed his tail, "I didn't murder anyone, Aspenpaw!" I scoff. He frowns, "I… same reason as you."
My eyes widen, and I try to stifle my shock. "What would you have to be afraid of?"
To my surprise, Hawkpaw laughs, "Really Aspenpaw? You don't know?" He swallows, and I flinch at his tone. "Everyone thinks I'm my father. They think I'm going to kill Froststar, and I-" He grits his teeth, "Even you do. Especially you."
He's growling, and he's distressed and I feel something soft well up inside me. Hawkpaw has frustrated tears welling up in his eyes, and he can't read my gaze away.
I step closer, and he bares his fangs, which gleam white in the light. However, the shine of the moon softens all his other edges, bathing him in a silvery glow. He looks less like the frightening, untouchable cat I know him to be. He's more vulnerable, more real.
He's the spitting image of Leafstar, but there's subtle differences. Where Gladeclan's previous leader had been cruel and savage, Hawkpaw wasn't. He was harsh, but not wicked. He was…
His eyes meet mine, and it's plain as day. He has gentler features than his father, it's obvious in the way his jaw slopes, or how his face lights up when he smiles.
He almost never smiles around me.
"You're… you're not him," I whisper, "I know that. You're… you're Hawkpaw, and… you're a loyal warrior."
He looks at me, not speaking for several moments. That's when a soft smile breaks across his face. Maybe he can smile around me.
I like that.
That's when he falters and his gaze turns towards the lake. "You don't know anything, dumby," he mutters, but his tone is lacking it's usually bite.
I feel my heart pang.
"I know you have your mother's eyes," I say without meaning to. He startles and looks at me, pupils blown.
"What?"
"Your eyes, they're…" I falter, unsure with where I'm going with this thought, "They're deep, you know?"
"Deep?" his voice comes out almost like a squeak, and I laugh.
"Yeah," I nod, forgetting what my nightmare was about in the first place. I start to head back to camp, "Goodnight Hawkpaw."
I hear the breathless, "... g'night," as I walk away, smiling to myself.
My throat feels like it's closing up. I can't believe the sight in front of me. I refuse to believe it. "H-Hawkshade…" my voice is trembling, and he turns to me with a cruel look, eyes cold.
Badgerstar's corpse is broken and bloody, neck twisted like a vine. Red splattered the cave walls of his den, the same one he used to let me curl up in as an apprentice when I couldn't sleep.
My brother's blood stains Hawkshade's pelt like sin, and I want to unsee it.
"Why?" I ask, voice breaking, "How could you-"
"You think being the deputy was good enough?" Hawkshade leers down, "Do you think I wanted to listen to your pathetic brother my whole life?"
"I always wanted to kill Froststar," he growls, "He's the one who killed my father, who took everything from me."
"What are you talking about?" I roar. I glance at Badgerstar's body- my brother's body and let out a choked wail.
Hawkshade smirks at me and laughs, eyes rolling back in his head. His eyes are terrible and white, veins threading through them like spiderwebs. Gone is his warm, sunny amber.
His teeth seem to increase by twofold, turning his grin into something more twisted. "What's the matter with Aspenleaf?" he whispers, but his tone is too sharp, "You always said it yourself. I'm a monster."
He grins, gnashing his teeth together as he speaks. My blood runs cold, and I bare my fangs back.
"You are," I hiss, leaping at him and sinking my teeth into his throat. Hot blood wells in my mouth as tears form in my eyes.
Black ink pours from Hawkshade's throat as he watches me and laughs. "You did it!"
I draw my paw back, recoiling with disgust. The blackness is rising, clogging up my fur. It sticks to my skin, and I feel it seeping in.
"You saved the clan," Hawkshade's voice whispers. The ink is rising above my head now, pouring into my nose and mouth. I gag, and try to force out. I can't let it go, it won't leave, I can't go-
It's warm, and it burns. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he continues, and I hear a sob. Is he crying?
I try to reach a paw out, "Hawkshade!"
"Please come back…"
I try to call out, to let him know that I'm here. The ink floods my face, and I can't speak. It just keeps filling me up, until I'm dark as it is.
"You're going to be a great leader someday, my boy," Leafstar whispers. I watch Hawkkit nod, shaky.
"My perfect little son," he grins, and something about it unsettles me. I step out from where I'm watching and accidentally tumble down the hill. Leafstar's cold gaze turns to me, a frosty blue.
He bristles, "Hawkkit, what is this runt doing here?"
"I…" he turns me, confused, "I don't know why Aspenkit is here, I swear, I just-"
"No one is supposed to follow you out here," Leafstar seethes, raising a paw. Hawkit flinches, eyes wide with anticipation.
I see his gaze flicker to me, anger flashing on them. And… something else. It might be concern, but that didn't make much sense. "Um… Leafstar?" I falter, taking an unsure step forward, "Hawkkit can't be leader, Frostpelt's already deputy. He would have to die."
Leafstar gives me a sweet smile that makes my skin crawl, "I know that little kit." He looks at Hawkkit, eyes gleaming.
"Hawkkit will have to earn his place as my deputy."
Hawkkit meets my gaze, eyes sad, "You always said I was a murderer."
Badgertuft hadn't gone to receive his lives. He hadn't moved from the leader's den, nose pressed into the moss of Froststar's nest.
"It still smells like him," he whispered as I walked into small cave, "I imagine he'll walk in and-" A weak whimper escapes my brother, and my heart breaks.
"I know it's hard to lose him," I manage to get out, paws shaking. He's like this because of me. Badgertuft is broken. "It's hard to lose your leader."
"My…" his voice cracks, "Yes, my… leader."
"He's been buried," I whisper, "Have you gone to visit him yet?"
"I gave him a rose," Badgertuft looks towards the sky, "He always liked roses."
His gaze in on my, and I feel the weight of his loss. "Have you gone to see him yet?" my brother whispers, "He was… he always loved to talk about you. He was proud of you."
Proud. I swallow, feeling sick. Of course he was.
"I can't," I admit, "I can't face him."
Badgertuft narrows his eyes, growling and flexing his claws. "Coward!" he screams, "You disgusting, wretch. He gave his life for you."
"I know!" I scream, "I know that! I just… I just can't! I wanted the pain to end."
A white tom walks into the den, eyes glossed by death. His breath is rancid as he opens his mouth, the scent of decay burning my eyes.
"It's your fault," his booming voice comes out, "You're a shell of everything you wanted to become."
"I know," I nod, tears falling, "I know."
I look up at my brother with big, round eyes. "Badgertuft?" I ask, "Where are Mommy and Daddy?"
He looks at me, and his eyes are two black, gaping holes. "You're gone."
I start and blink, before looking into my brother's kind, green gaze. "They're gone," he whispers in a mournful tone, "I'm sorry Aspenkit."
He smiles weakly, "You'll always have me though."
"Yeah," I smile, "And you'll never have me again."
"You'll be fine deputy," Crowstar whispers in my ear. She looks at me with her red gaze, "It's everything you ever wanted."
I look out at my clan and meet Rosestorm's gentle gaze. "You have the girl, you vanquished the villian," our leader runs her tail under my chin, "Everything is perfect."
"Yes," I agree, "Everything is perfect."
I rush out, embracing Rosestorm and licking her cheek. "I can't believe you were made deputy!" she exclaims, "It's like something out of a dream!"
"You're a dream," I smirk and she fondly rolls her eyes.
"I just… I can't believe Hawkshade would…" she frowns, "He never… Only you suspected he would do this. You were right all along."
"I didn't want to be," I admit, "But…" I grit my teeth and fight back tears, "He killed Badgerstar, killed my brother."
"He deserved everything he got," I snarl.
Rosestorm cups my face with a paw, "And you deserve all of this."
I don't feel like I do, but I agree anyway. I can't complain.
Everything is perfect.
"Ah!" I let out a laugh, "Duskpaw, be careful with your father."
"Maybe you shouldn't be so easy to jump on then," she giggles, swishing her tail swish side to side.
"Have you seen Twigpaw around?" I ask, and Duskpaw rolls her eyes.
"She's off collecting herbs again," my daughter scoffs and I sigh. Rosestorm and I have had this talk with her many times.
"Duskpaw," I narrow my eyes, "It's fine that Twigpaw chose to be a medicine cat. It's not anything against you."
"But we were supposed to train together," Duskpaw kicks some dust into the air with a pout, "All of us are always supposed to be together. Me, you, Twigpaw, and Mama."
"We'll be together forever," she whispers, "You promise Dad?"
"I promise, little tot," I smile, ruffling her hair. She grins, wrapping her paws around me in a hug. I feel her soft fur and place a kiss on her head.
"Hey Dad, don't you have deputy stuff to do?" Duskpaw asks me with a sigh, "You're always so busy-"
"Crowstar needs me to help take care of the clan," I ruffle her hair, "It's a hard job."
I see the black leader walking up to me now. I laugh, looking at Duskpaw. "Ah, speak of the devil and she will appear."
"Aspenleaf," she smiles, "And little Duskpaw."
"Your daughter's lovely," she purrs to me, "She was made well."
"Ah," I cough, "Thank you Crowstar."
I see Gladeclan's little medicine cat apprentice trot in as we speak. "Twigpaw!" I exclaim, running over to greet her, "How are you?"
She jumps, and let's out a whimper. I sigh, she's always been the jumpy type. "You're still here," she gulps.
"Of course I am," I chuckle, "I'm the deputy."
"No, but you can't…" her eyes are full of tears, "You're a wonderful father, and I love you, that's why I-"
"I love you too." Her distress is throwing me off. Something's clearly going on with her. "Twigpaw, what's wrong?" I ask her, concern edging into my voice, "Are you okay?"
"Everything is!" she exclaims, "I'm…"
She cowers when Crowstar walks over, "Excuse me Aspenleaf, I need to have a word with our lovely little medicine cat apprentice here."
"Yes… yes Crowstar?" I nod, confused as they walk away.
I see Gladeclan's little medicine cat apprentice trot in as we speak. "Twigpaw!" I exclaim, running over to greet her, "How are you?"
My daughter nods and smiles, beaming brightly at me. She shakes, but then again she's always been jumpy.
My gaze flickers to the scar that marks her throat. She's never been the same since that badger attack left her mute. Rosestorm was devastated. Our inquisitive, observant little girl, now silenced.
Unable to speak a word to anyone.
"Don't go," Rosestorm presses her nose into my flank, "Aspenstar… my love…"
I wheeze, letting out a shaky sigh. The seasons have caught up to me, though I swear they seemed to fly by at times. My age has finally caught up with my body. My daughter, and my loyal deputy, Duskflower is sitting beside me. I turn and look at Twigsight.
"I'll see you again Rosestorm," I promise, and turn to my children. "Duskflower, you've been the perfect daughter."
"I know," she nods. Her mate is by her side and she buries her face in his fur, obviously trying not to cry. I sniff, she's always trying to be strong.
"I don't know how I'm going to be as good a leader as you," she whispers, "The elders will tell of you for seasons."
"You're my daughter," I croak, "You'll do fine. You have your mother's strength."
Rosestorm let's out a sob. I look at Twigsight. "I love you," I whisper, "Thank you for… for all the sacrifices you made for the clan. Being a medicine cat is difficult."
Tears glisten in her blue eyes as she nods.
"You can't," Rosestorm is holding me tightly, "You mustn't go…"
"I'll see you again," I promise her. The stars are calling my name. Aspen…
They sound vaguely familiar. Orange and gold danced at the edges of my vision, a beautiful sight. The sun setting on my life.
"And I will love you always," she presses her nose into my scruff.
I can pass on, knowing that my clan is safe. I truly was a hero.
I'm gasping when I come to. Rosestorm is there, and I look at her with wide eyes. It's too soon for her to join me in Starclan.
"No, no…" I look at her, "Rosestorm, you were supposed to watch over them. Our daughters… they needed you."
"I thought you were going to stay with them." I sit up and lean forward, pressing a kiss to her lips.
I'm shocked when she recoils away. "Aspenleaf, what?"
"I love you," I look at her, feeling my heart breaking.
"How, I…" she averts my gaze, "You haven't even been here… Hawkshade is my mate."
The world starts to spin. "Hawkshade?"
"You said they were mine!" I seeth, "Those kits… they were his all along?"
"What, of course they're his!" she looks insulted, "Who else's would they be?"
"You know, mine," I answer, voice breaking with betrayal. Something Wells up within me. A storm of rage, threatening to drown us.
"I'm… I'm expecting his kits," Rosestorm whimpers, "I thought you knew that, I told you-"
"You lied," I snarl. That's all everything was. Our love, a lie. Something she span to entrap me.
"You're my best friend," she pleads, "I wouldn't lie to you.
I turn and walk out with a growl, claws sinking into the dirt with every step.
I pretend it's flesh.
"Aspenpaw, Aspenpaw you were screaming again!" Hawkpaw pants, looking at me with concern. I don't know why he suddenly cares, but I don't question it.
"There was… the birds were peaking, tearing at me Hawkpaw," I'm shaking, practically falling into him, "The crows were back and…"
"There's no… no crows," he whispers, caressing the back of my head. He's gentle. Since when could he be so soothing?
"There weren't?"
"No Aspenpaw," he looks pained, "What's happening with you?"
"I don't know," I hug him desperately, "I don't even know what's real anymore." He seems solid, flesh and bone. I take in his sweet scent. "You're real, aren't you?"
"I'm real," Hawkpaw promises, "And I'll never let you go. You have Rosepaw… and you have me."
His ear tips are red, and I smile softly. "If you have me… I'll be alright then."
"Yeah," Hawkpaw swallows, and I hate how unsure he sounds. He's normally so confident, so ready. He sounds scared.
Hawkpaw's never scared.
He meets my gaze, and I feel a little more sure. He's real, he's here, and he has me.
I take a walk through the forest, the shade cooling me off. I see him standing by the river, and I suppress a growl.
"Look who's here…" the shadows of the trees call out, mocking. I grit my teeth and stride forward.
"Hawkshade," my voice is deep and gutteral, "How are you here?" He should be rotting in the Dark Forest.
"Huh?" he turns around and his eyes widen, "Aspenleaf! You're out of the medicine den!" His tone is so bright and full of hope.
He's mocking my pain.
"You dare come back here?" I flex my claws, "And it's Aspenstar now."
"Aspenstar? What are you talking about?" he's playing dumb. Trying to trick me. I trusted him once and he killed my brother. I won't make the same mistake twice.
I take a step closer to him, "You're a murderer."
He looks at me, hurt flitting across his gaze. "We… I thought… I'm not…" he sputters over every word, as of that single accusation has pierced him. My own gaze softens.
"Hawkshade…"
"Remember?" the wind whispers in my ear. I see Badgerstar's broken body and I flex my claws.
Hawkshade meets my eyes, pleading. "Is this about Rosestorm?" he whispers, "I'm sorry, it was a moment of weakness, we both missed you and…"
"Did you kill them to?" I snarl in his face, "And then take my mate?"
"Kill…" Hawkshade shoves me away, "I never killed anyone! I wouldn't…" He growls, "I wouldn't hurt anyone! And Rosestorm isn't your mate!"
"Lies," I shove him, "Everything you ever said was lies."
"I would never…" he's shaking, "I would never lie to you."
"Where are my kits?" I scream, "What did you do to them. I pin him to the ground.
"You don't have any kits!" Hawkshade is dumbfounded, "You never did."
I see them both, frolicking at my paws, Rosestorm giving me a gentle smile…
Rosestorm's eyes turn to meet, and they're a deep amber. And so full of love. I tremble, looking at Hawkshade.
At his amber eyes.
"You were always the villian," I whisper, and he shakes his head.
"No Aspenleaf, I would never hurt you," he pleads.
It's too much, the shadows are growing darker. They're coming towards me, and pouring in again. I can't let it out. I wail at the sky, eyes wild.
I grab a stone off the ground beside us. Hawkshade looks resigned to his fate. "I lo-"
He doesn't finish his words. I bring the stone down on his head. It crunches, the sickening sound ringing through the air.
The shadows start to fade, and I am left with a corpse.
I hear footsteps and turn around. Rosestorm is there. I run over to meet her, and hold her. "Darling," I whisper.
She notices the blood on my mouth and screams. "What… I…" she's the one shaking now.
"It's okay," I try to sooth her, "It was just Hawkshade. I don't know how he came back, but…" I meet her gaze, "I saved the clan, I'm a hero."
She doesn't speak, her eyes flicker to Hawkshade's caved in head. "H-hero?"
"He killed Badgerstar," I frown, noting her swollen belly. I remember what she said.
"Those are his," I narrow my eyes, "Where's Duskflower and Twigsight?"
"Who?" she's backing away, afraid. I don't understand why, she's my mate. She's supposed to love me. I just killed Gladeclan's greatest threat!
"Our daughters," I look at her, "Hawkshade said they didn't exist." I laugh, an almost mad sound. I am mad, my mate is expecting the kits of my worst enemy.
"They… they don't," Rosestorm whispers, backing up until she hits a tree.
I turn to her and raise a paw. "Don't lie to me."
"I'm not…" her gaze hardens, "You're not a hero. You killed him!" Her voice rises into a screech and she leaps for my throat. Suddenly she's on to of me, snapping at me.
"I am," I shove her off. She looks up at me, lip quivering.
"Aspenleaf…"
I shake my head. "I am Aspenstar." I frown, "And I rid the world of evil."
I rake my claws across her throat. She looks at me, pupils dilating. The blood stains my paws.
Rosestorm's blood.
I turn and look at Hawkshade's body. It's not moving. His eyes are directed at me. Even in death, they're still bright.
They're burning me.
I turn to Rosestorm. I place a paw and close her eyelids. Her warmth is fading. They're not coming back.
I let out a wail as the shadows start singing. "You did it! You're a hero!"
"Just like you always wanted."
"No, I didn't want this," I beg, "I… I didn't…" I look around. Their blood is staining my pelt. Their cries echo in my ears.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I sorry!"
"Aspenstar, the great leader…"
"I'm just Aspenleaf," I bury my face in my paws, "I just want to be Aspenleaf."
"I want…" I pause and look at Hawkshade, "Oh Starclan… Hawkshade… no…"
"The stars can't help you now."
"Hawkshade!" I shake him. He's not moving. It's my fault. It's my fault-
I can't breathe, I can't… I…
I feel myself shatter, and the pieces fall to the ground. Infinitely broken.
They're gone.
"You're gone…"
"You're gone…"
"You're gone…"
So, Aspenleaf is a tad possessed for clarification.