Author's note: I don't even know how to start this author's note other then by saying that I am so excited about this story. So, So excited.
Just a few (important!) things before you guys start to read
This fic will be angsty, consider yourself warned. The rating will change from T to M, I am not really sure when, but it will happen.
This fic has a playlist to go along with it! To listen on Youtube, just search The One That Got Away Fic Playlist (it is supposed to be public) For spotify and Apple Music, links in my twitter SurreraFeels.
This fic will have a lot of flashbacks, and I think the first chapter will make you ask a lot of questions. You can shoot them my way, but if your question will be addressed in a future chapter then you will just have to wait (Sorry)
One last tiny thing - I know you are all waiting for a Daughter update. It will come soon, I did not leave that fic, I am just going to need a bit more time.
Thank you for everyone who has left love on my other two fics, I hope you will love this one just as much. I hope you will leave me your thoughts.
"The entire world is a collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her."
- Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
October, 2003
"Do you think there is something beyond them?" Andy asks Robert as she stares into the sky. The night is unusually clear for an October in Seattle, and there is not even one cloud to block their view. The stars are spread all over, like a blanket covering the couple, protecting them from anything in the outer space that might hurt them.
The radio plays the song Falling In Love With You, and Andy can't help but notice Robert hums softly to the beat of the melody.
How fitting. She really can't help falling in love with him, with the boy who she met just a few months ago and entered her life like a thunderstorm.
"Do you mean a heaven, a place where my parents and your mother are watching us right now? Or do you mean a place where we can meet a friendly green alien that goes by the nickname E.T?"
If she wasn't so mesmerized by the glow of the stars, she would have gotten up and punched him. She doesn't want to leave this place, ever, even if she is getting chilly beneath the three layers of sweaters she wears, and the moist grass is poking at her back.
"Stop mocking me!" Andy protests.
"Then stop being so easy to mock." Robert returns. He lays with his head near hers, but each of their bodies goes a different direction, their faces the only thing preventing them from being one, straight line.
"Are you going to tell me what did you mean, or are you going to stay angry with me?"
"It is nothing. Stupid, really." She nods her head. The music changes, from the soft tune of the words once sung by the great Elvis Presley himself into something more upbeat that Andy doesn't recognize.
"I won't laugh, I promise."
Her fingers fidget with the grass of their front lawn, and her father will be annoyed if he comes back home after a twenty four hour shift to find the entrance to his house ruined. "Watching the stars, so big and bright and far away from us, I just can't help but wonder if there are greater things than us in this universe. If our purpose is just to live and to die and to be a part of the circle of life."
"You need more meaning." He doesn't ask, but states, and she nods, even if she is not sure he can see her. "I felt the same right after my parents died. I couldn't understand who decided their time was up, that they had enough. There is so much evil in this world, and yet someone up there decides to take two of the best ones. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it."
"Did you find any?"
"You promise you won't laugh?" He makes her swear on the same thing he had just given his word for.
"Never."
"I think the purpose of existing is having this one, true, big love story. So many of the people who history remembers were driven by the great and devastating power of love. Cleopatra and Antony. Romeo and Juliet. Hemingway and Gellhorn. Cash and Carter. My parents. I think the purpose of life is to find yourself just one of those big love stories, and the rest will take care of itself."
"You are aware that Romeo and Juliet were a fictional couple, and a dumb one, to say the least." She makes a comment, and rises herself up to a sitting position.
"I just love how you manage to miss the point of everything I say." Her heart skips a beat for a moment when she hears him note one thing he loves about her.
"Do you have someone in mind? You know, for your great, epic, love story. The one movies will be made about and will inspire authors to write poems." Andy bites her lower lip in anticipation as he rises as well. They are so close, their lips almost touching, and she can smell that body spray he seems to love so much for an unknown reason.
Andy will be lying to herself if she said she didn't dream about this moment, the moment they might finally, finally, become more than friends.
The blanket of stars above them makes the moments somewhat magical.
"I am just eighteen, didn't even graduate high school yet. You know, my entire life is still in front of me."
Andy drops her gaze to the floor, accompanied with a soft "Oh" coming from her lips.
Robert places his palm lightly against her cheek, and it is warm and comforting. "But I have learnt that time has no meaning in this world. You think you have decades, and then you learn the hard way that life can be cut short in a moment. And I have met a girl in school this year."
"Really, who is she?" Andy asks, even if by now she is absolutely sure he is talking about her.
"She is gorgeous, has the most beautiful smile and the most wise brown eyes I have ever seen. She is my best friend. She challenges me, keeps me on my toes all the time, makes me want to be a better version of myself for her. She makes me feel calm and hopeful, feelings it didn't occur to me I could feel for two long years. And I think I am falling in love with her."
Andy looks at him in anticipation and says "I am sure she wouldn't mind if you decided to kiss her right now."
And just like that, his lips are on hers. Their kiss is soft and quick, yet it sends an electric current all over her body nonetheless. Before she knows it, the kiss is over.
Her first kiss. Their first kiss.
"You should really improve your kissing techniques." Robert mocks her again as he drops his back into the grass. She knows he isn't trying to embarrass her, but there is a blush crawling up her cheeks regardless of his pure intentions.
"You can teach me, you know." She suggests boldly, and it is quite unlike her. Being in his presence makes her do that. He makes her want to live outside of the box she has kept herself in, makes her bold and audacious.
"Oh, believe me when I say this has become my number one top priority. I am tagging it urgent in my mind."
"Stop being so clever, or else I wouldn't want to kiss you anymore." Andy lies back next to him. He takes her hand in his and interlaces their fingers.
For some inexplicable reason, this small gesture makes butterflies fly all over in her belly. Or maybe it is the fact that she is finally, finally, as close to him as she had wanted to be since the moment she caught a glimpse of the new and mysterious senior walking down her high school halls.
"Do you know anything about the stars?" She asks after a long while of silence. For some reason, they all seem brighter now, after he had kissed her.
"I can't point at the constellations. I don't know where The Big Dipper is, or Cassiopeia. I think my knowledge in astronomy is limited to our solar system."
"Well, I don't think we can see them from here." Andy guesses. "I think you can only see those planets on very special nights . But we can always make it up as we go."
"This is Venus." Robert points straight above them, to a small star, which shines relatively bright against the darkness. "The roman goddess of love and beauty. Just like you."
"Enough with the compliments. I am going to continue kissing you anyway." Andy scolds.
"I am just stating the facts." Robert shrugs. "Now you go." He points to the right of the star they were looking at. That start is bigger, but doesn't loom quite as much light.
"I think this is Jupiter." She says the first name that comes into her mind, and the one she knows a thing or two about. It sometimes feels like he outsmarts her. He is older, and life has thrown some harsh events his way, yet he kept coming out stronger on the other side. "King of the gods, god of the sky and thunder." She thinks a bit, then says. "I am pretty sure we got it wrong."
"You know, it doesn't matter. From now on, every time I will look at the night sky and see two stars, they can always be Venus and Jupiter. They can always remind me of this moment."
"Venus and Jupiter." She says it back to him.
They lie there, on the wet grass, watching the night sky, for another hour or so, until her eyelids get heavy and she has to call it a night.
For some reason, he can't stop humming that song to her the entire time.
"Take my hand, take my whole life, too. For I can't help falling in love with you."
September 2004
It rains heavily that day.
Andy lived in Washington her entire life, so she is well aware that the weather in this particular state is not as welcoming as it is in sunny California.
It rains more often than not in Seattle, but the rain today feels different.
Like someone up there sheds the tears she is doing everything in her power to keep at bay.
She refuses to cry. He has made his decision, and she knows from endless conversations and countless hours spent begging and requesting, that he will not change his mind.
There is nothing left for her other than to be proud of him. Proud of the man he is going to be. Fighting for their country, avenging the death of his parents.
She is trying to be the supportive girlfriend, the one to tell the boy she loves to go ahead and fulfill himself, even when the place where he has to go is almost seven thousand miles away from her.
So why does it feel as if the moment his hand lets go of hers, her heart will shatter to a million pieces?
They walk hand in hand inside the crowded train station, trying to stay dry and find cover from the rain.
The station is busy in that hour of morning, people commuting on their way to work or to spend a nice day exploring what the city has to offer. The noise of chatter is deafening, strangers coming and leaving, each to their own direction.
Andy wants to scream at them. How can you go on with your life, like nothing is happening, when the man she loves is about to leave her and no one knows when she will see him again. Or if she sees him again. The thought is unavoidable. The image of herself crying over a coffin wrapped in a striped and starred flag invading her mind's eye.
She tries to shake the thought out of her head, tries to tell herself that everything will be fine, he will come back to her safe and sound, even if it takes a little while.
He is enlisting in the middle of a war. He said that was a calculated risk he had to take, but why does she have to take the risk of losing him?
"Are you OK?" Andy asks, her voice breaking.
Don't cry. This is hard enough on him as it is. Don't make it worse.
"As much as I can be." Robert tries to reassure her. He drops his duffel bag, which contains a little amount of objects, the sum of them is his entire belongings, to the floor. Her boyfriend wraps his arms tightly around her, and if they were in any other situation, she would have yelled in a choked voice that he is suffocating her.
But right now, she wishes to freeze this moment, even if the way she is pressed against his body makes it difficult for her to fill her lungs with oxygen.
"You know I have to go." He tries to explain one more time, even if he knows she will never understand why he has to leave her and put his life on the line. "I have to do this. To figure out what kind of man I am. To make sure the people who murdered my parents, and with them took almost three thousand more lives, get what they deserve. Each and every one of these victims were all someone's child, someone's sibling, someone's parent. There is no one who will do this if not me."
"And you have to do this without me. Becoming the man you ought to be."
She feels everything. She is angry at him for leaving her. She is sad, and she is hurt to a point her tummy turns and she feels like she is about to throw up.
"Andy…" He whispers her name softly, for what might as well be the last time, his fingers caressing her right cheek gently. "You have the brightest future in front of you. You have your father, and Ryan, and you are only seventeen years old. This city is waiting for you to conquer it. Me, on the other hand… This has never been my city. My city changed to a point it can no longer be recognized three years ago. And I have to go and try to make the people who made my city bleed pay."
She nods, and he wraps her back into his comforting embrace.
They stand there in the middle of the train station for a few long minutes, a girl at the end of adolescence, and a boy whose choices will make him an adult in no time at all. Two teenagers who share a love story bigger than most seniors can say they have had in the span of a lifetime.
A love story to make movies about and write poems on.
As his train arrives at the station, she lifts her head off of his chest and kisses him softly. They are surrounded by plenty of people, yet the kiss is intimate as if they were alone again, at the safety of her own bedroom.
"You should really improve your kissing techniques." Robert whispers softly. He had said that to her on the night of their first kiss, and ever since, with every kiss, soft or passionate, he had reminded her of that sentence once again.
"Maybe you can teach me." Andy answers, as always.
Robert sneaks a glance at his watch, then picks up his belongings off of the floor. His train is about to leave, and he has to go.
Their time is up. The most beautiful year of her short life has come to an end.
"I will write to you." He promises. "I will try and call and come and visit when it is allowed." He tries to smile at her, but she can see this is not one of the genuine smiles he sneaks her way whenever he believes she doesn't notice.
She has learnt to read him quite well this past year, too well, actually. There is sadness in his eyes, but she can see a little amount of anticipation in them as well.
It is an adventure for him, yet a disaster for her.
Andy stands on the tiptoes of her old, worn out converse shoes, as he places a soft kiss on her forehead.
"I was so lucky I couldn't help but fall in love with you." Those are the last words he has for her, before turning around and walking toward the train.
Andy steps outside to the pouring rain, mumbles to herself as if she was possessed. "Please don't go. Please stay." She watches him as he climbs to his assigned car, and sends her a last look and a wave.
The words she mumbles change to "I love you", and she keeps saying them as if they were part of a prayer, over and over again, until the train moves and finally disappears out of her sight.
Then the dam in her eyes finally opens and all hell lets loose.
Andy falls to her knees, her jeans getting wet from the puddle she just landed in. She cries and cries, until she has a headache, probably induced by dehydration, and there is nothing left in her tear ducts for her to let out. Her mouth feels dry, like sandpaper, and there is a shiver running up and down her spine.
Andy doesn't know how much time has passed by, before she feels a familiar hand on her shoulder.
And for a moment she thinks he changed his mind. Maybe he hasn't left her. Maybe he decided to return. There is a spark of hope that lights inside of her, which is put down quickly as she remembers this can't be.
She watched him walking away from her.
"Ryan." She says the name of her friend, who looks at her sympathetically.
She is a hot mess, and she is soaked to her bones.
Her childhood friend helps her get up from the hard floor, and carries her to a place they can find a bit of shelter from the rainstorm still raging. She doesn't have the power in her to walk without him supporting her.
"He left, didn't he?" Ryan asks, and when Andy nods in approval, he hugs her tightly, never caring she is getting him completely wet.
"I will wait for him." Andy declares. "It can be one year, or five, or a decade for all that I am concerned. I will wait for him, and he will be back, one day. Someday."
"Of course you will wait for him." Ryan doesn't doubt. Even as her heart is shattered into a million small pieces, there is still a place in her broken soul to appreciate her best friend for being there for her, as the young man she loves is gone.
"Now come on." Ryan places a hand on the small of her back, coaxing her to get out of the train station. She knows that the moment she leaves, the moment she is back into the rash of the city, it all will be real.
He left her, and didn't look back.
"We will get you a set of dry clothes, and something hot to drink, and you will feel much better while you are waiting for him to return."