Chapter 1:
Sean closed the book he was attempting to read and gave up the studying ruse. He wasn't accomplishing anything except procrastinating the unavoidable. He stood up and looked out the window of his dorm room, watching the other students moving around the courtyard. He was supposed to be figuring out what temperature the late fall afternoon had morphed into, but instead he just fixated on the confidence and sense of purpose everyone else seemed to have.
Reluctantly he pulled himself away and got dressed for his weekly dinner with the family. The ability to still attend the majority of these meals had been a major factor in helping him choose John Jay College. He usually liked being able to meet up with family and friends who lived in New York City whenever his schedule allowed. He saw how much his cousin Nicki had appreciated her family's support and counsel throughout college and he was eager to have the same safety net.
Sean especially liked being able to see his dad at least once a week. Since his mother's death, his dad had become Sean's rock. He had a similar personality, never judging Sean if he needed to release pent up frustration and it was comforting to be able to spend time with him. Tonight however he was dreading it. Since the night at the hospital when his recent deception had come to light, things with his father had been strained.
Sean left a quick note for his roommate, Nick, who had left earlier for a party at Queens College. Since housing for both colleges was off campus and independent of the university, the students often mingled together like members of one large university with multiple campuses. He might have even joined his roommate tonight if the experience with his ride along hadn't made things very complicated for him. He felt obligated to go to his grandfather's house and face the music. Not to mention, he wasn't looking forward to explaining his wicked black eye to a bunch of new people.
The shared housing for several city colleges was part of the appeal that living in campus housing held for him. Sean felt like he was meeting new people from a lot of different places who were all interested in different careers. John Jay had a lot to offer but most everyone had some avenue of the justice system in mind for their future. When he talked with other people from Queens or CUNY, he got a fresh perspective. While he saw a career with the NYPD as his end goal, he was struggling to figure out how to make his mark on the department.
John Jay had so many options for pursuing a career in law enforcement that lately Sean felt overwhelmed. There were more than 10 different types of Criminal Justice degrees as well as a host of specialties like forensics or data science that could prove useful in a law enforcement career. He wanted desperately to make his legendary family, especially his father, proud. He knew he felt the same call to service but at the same time he needed to step outside of his father and grandfathers' shadows. The time to declare a major and choose his path forward was fast approaching.
That was why he had made up the school project that would require a ride along. His aunt was not only the youngest of the family serving in the NYPD, she was blazing her own path. He was more than a little in awe of her ability to garner the respect of not just his uncle but the rest of the Reagans as well. He wanted to pick her brain and find out how she did it. He just wasn't sure why he found it so hard to simply ask her.
He was tying his shoes when his father texted that he was waiting downstairs. Sean grabbed his key card and phone, then as an extra security measure he snagged the book he was struggling to study for class Monday. Playing a card that he picked up from his cousin Nicki, he figured If he needed an exit strategy, he could use the book for cover.
Danny Reagan was not in a talking mood when his son jumped quickly and equally quietly into the passenger seat. He had only been parked for a couple minutes when Sean had climbed in beside him, but he was oblivious to the passage of time. His mind was completely preoccupied with his own thoughts. Once again he was engaged in an inner dialogue with Linda. He needed her advice more than ever. How was he supposed to deal with what happened? What kind of father was he, letting his youngest son nearly get killed recklessly following his aunt around on duty? How was he supposed to handle the aftermath - she had always been the nurturing one. Linda's voice came back clear and strong to him, "Just listen to him, Danny."
The only problem with her advice was that the apple hadn't fallen far from the tree where Sean was concerned. He and Danny were so alike, that the ride from Manhattan to Bayridge was a nearly silent one with both passengers struggling with their inner thoughts. Like his father, Sean was also in silent conversation with his mother. He knew she would have been very upset with him for putting himself in harm's way, but he also knew she would have tried to understand. She would have wanted to know why he had acted so recklessly.
His mom would have seen he was just trying to find his own path. Jack was the studious one, although he had to work incredibly hard for everything. This forced him to really plan everything out methodically from test preparation to his college path. Like their mother, Jack was driven to help others. Jack approached his future with a clear end goal in mind that he had broken down into steps. If his mother was still alive, she could have helped Sean apply that same process to his life.
School was something Sean had always taken for granted. Of course, he had to do the work and apply himself, but when he did, achievement always followed. He easily found academic success in his classes without pushing himself hard enough to vie for the top spot. He did just well enough to be considered one of the better students but avoided the pressures that his top 3 or 4 classmates had. He was following his family's lead into the law enforcement system but without a clear path for himself.
When Danny pulled his car up in front of his father's house instead of using the driveway, it was like he was preparing for a quick getaway. It troubled Sean that he didn't seem nearly as upset with him as he was with his aunt and uncle. At the hospital, Danny had been so angry with them that he could barely contain himself. When he had brought Sean home for 24 hours to monitor him for the concussion he suffered, Sean anticipated a huge blowout. Instead Danny had remained stoic and angry but it was mostly directed away from Sean. It was clear when they arrived in Bayridge that the past few days had done little to change his mood.
After a dinner where his great grandfather seemed strangely proud of him for following the perp, his aunt and uncle were clearly upset with him and his father had transferred that same disappointment back onto them, Sean was frustrated. His Aunt Erin and his grandfather were surprised by his actions, but were mostly just relieved he was okay. His entire family was talking about what happened as if he wasn't even there, or at the very least as if he were a small child. Sean was not naive enough to think that 18 was a full fledged adult, but it was his father's insistence that his aunt and uncle should have confirmed Sean's story with him before believing it and that they were to blame as a result that had forced his hand. He finally spoke up and assumed complete responsibility in front of everyone. He hadn't been trying to avoid it before, but he was trying to stave off the embarrassment of admitting what he had done in front of all of them.
Sadly, despite his efforts to direct the focus back onto himself, the family dynamic at the end of the evening was still as strained and uncomfortable as it was when they arrived. This was unusual since more often their family seemed to be better off after dinner table arguments. Most times it was like they had ripped the bandaid off and started to heal after dinner table conversations became heated.
The strained silence of Sean's ride back to school was only interrupted by his father's clipped question, inquiring about a night to meet up for dinner that week. With nothing settled, including father-son dinner plans, Sean trudged wearily back up to his dorm room.