Operation: Hackwrench, a Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers + Loud House Crossover fanfic

(Gadget and the Rescue Rangers are the main villains in this series. They are also human-sized. I'll explain why later. They also live next door to the Louds, where the Cobras reside.)

SCENE 1

*DC is shown in an evil lair taking out gadget hackwrench shaped robots six at a time.*

*He finally gets to gadget herself.*

Gadget

"If it isn't the leader of the cobras, DC Sweetson."

*Gadget has an evil smile on her mouse face, thinking she has the upper hand. Lasers point at DC from all angles. Gadget thinks the Rescue Rangers are safe, but she thinks wrong.*

Give it up, Gadget. No matter how many times you come back, I've beat you before…

*DC presses a button that obliterates Gadget and the Rescue Rangers.*

DC [Cont.]

... and I'll do it again.

*Angelica shows up out of nowhere.*

Angelica

DC, I never knew you looked so good in a tutu!

*DC looks at his outfit to see he is wearing a tutu.*

WHAT THE-?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*He wakes up *

*heavy panting, but calms down*

I can't watch any more action movies before bed.

*He flops on his back.*

SCENE 2

*We then cut to Arnold's office where a therapy session is underway.*

Arnold

Alright so let me get this straight, you have a recurring dream where you achieve your goal of killing a mouse-…

[Cutting off]

Evil mouse.

Arnold

[Condescending]

… Right, an evil mouse, then you wind up in a tutu and a ballet studio, and you ran over here to ask me what it all means?

Exactly, you're a therapist after all. This is why I have you twice everyday.

Arnold

Have you talked to this… evil mouse about how you feel?

No, Why would I? She's EVIL!

Arnold

Well, maybe you could try that.

Thanks, Doc. You're the best.

*DC leaves.*

-End of Cold Open-

SCENE 3

*Meanwhile, at the Loud house, the Cobras are training.*

Alright, Lily, evaluation day.

Lily

Sir yes sir!

Battle stance test.

Lily

Oh god, I hate this part of the exa-... Look sir! Hackwrench!

*DC's attention snaps towards next door.*

Gadget

Just getting my mail, no evil today.

Then what's that?

*DC points to a clipboard she's holding that reads "evil plan!"*

Gadget

Okay fine, you got me.

*She then pulls out a laser gun and shoots at DC and Lily.*

Alright, Lily, let's show 'em what we're made of.

*They hop over the fence, and run towards Gadget, only for her to disappear.*

Damn! She got away!

*We cut to DC's job at Big Corporation (that's what it's called.)*

Tony
Sweetson, can I see you in my office?

DC
Yes sir.

*DC makes his way to Tony's office. Tony sits down at his desk.*

Tony

Sweetson, the word on the street is that you have been getting involved in some… disturbances of peace as of late.

DC
Sir, if this is about what happened in the parking lot, I can assure you, the hobo was dead after I backed over him.

Tony

… Well, that's not what I was meaning. The main thing is I've heard about these squabbles you've had in your neighborhood.

DC
Sir, I've just been getting into a few disagreements with the neighbors, it's not my fault they're super villains.

Tony

And you're getting yourself involved?

DC
Yes. Why, just yesterday, she tried to shoot a raygun at me. It was a grrrreat orde-

Tony
SWEETSON. Those days are behind me now.

Yes, sir, sorry.

Tony

*Sigh* Listen, the point is, I can't have my employees getting into trouble like this. If you make one slip up, it could affect the reputation of the entire company!

DC
To be fair, we're in deep enough shit, sir.

Tony

I would appreciate it if we had less shit to deal with, that's my job. You're not necessarily helping.

DC
Well, sir, the attitude of the employee reflects that of the boss, and not to complain but as your assistant, I have no clue why you ask me to drive you home from the bar every night.

Tony

Do you think this job is easy, Sweetson? What do you think I do every day, sit here and tell everyone what to do and nothing else? I can only take so much of this madness. All I ask is that you… mind your own business.

DC
It's been pretty peaceful in the past month sir. I get you miss your old job, even I think that Kelloggs replacing you as the mascot for some new age management and that they picked an animal rights tiger to be the new spokesperson cause of her boobs and female empowerment is still on the grounds of wrongful termination.

Tony

I said mind your own damn business!

DC
See you after work sir, we all got you something, in hopes you might return to the Tony we once thought was gr- very good.

*DC hands him an old picture of Tony that says, "Dear Tony, Don't feel down. We still think you're pretty great! Signed, Your underlings.*

Tony

I-... *Sigh* How much longer am I gonna fall for these?

DC
Whatever do you mean sir? Just because we use your best photo and write something nice, you think it's a trap?

Tony

More like something to hold me back from being brutally honest with you.

DC
I know I'm not the best employee ever, I know I show up late occasionally, I know I have my faults, but I work on them.

*DC gets an idea.*

DC [Cont.]
Sir, I have a solution.

Tony

Oh god, what now?

DC
What if we just leave someone else in charge, do whatever we want and be back by four-thirty?

Tony

How does that solve anything?

DC
We come back relaxed and ready to work, sir. Plus, I'll leave Angelica in charge, what's the worst that could happen?

Tony
How can you say that calmly? She's the reason we all had to transfer from New York.

Those days are behind us now. I still don't know how she managed to launch a corporate takeover in an hour. Anyway, I'm off to see my therapist, and I was wondering if you'd like to come with me?

Tony

Is that… is that even allowed?

DC
Sure, he won't mind.

*Tony thinks for a few seconds before standing up.*

Tony

*Sigh* Sure, fine, but please warn him beforehand that I'll be there with you.

DC
Yeah.

-End of Act 1-

SCENE 4

Tony
Are you sure you're going the right way?

I'm going the left way.

Tony

No, I mean… Okay fine.

*DC sees Gadget.*

DC
Oh no. Sir, I'm sorry, but I have business to take care of.

Tony

What are you talking about? We haven't even gotten there yet!

DC
For your own safety, stay in the car.

Tony

Sweetson, what the hell are you doing?

DC
Saving the world.

*DC runs towards Gadget and pounces on her, then cut to a bruised DC and an angry Tony, driving*

DC
It's been five minutes, sir, we can talk about it now.

Tony

Seriously, DC, you have to leave that mouse alone. She's too tough for you, and it's none of your business. All you're doing is dragging everyone else into it!

DC
Sir, what I'm doing is saving the world from evil. The cops weren't gonna do anything.

Tony

Well judging by your performance a few minutes ago, you're doing a pretty pathetic job at "saving the world."

DC
So, I got my ass kicked, it's normal. You've taken a few losses.

Tony

Yes, but I never dragged anyone else into my problems! Besides, you're only making problems for yourself. You don't have to do this.

DC
You're right. I don't have to. I do it because, well, everyone needs a hobby outside of work. Yours is drinking to forget you've wasted your life, mines is saving the world from a 5-foot mouse.

Tony

… Yes, but… Y'know, Sweetson, some hobbies just aren't good, and you have to give them up. It's not something that happens instantly, it takes time, but…

DC
So, changing the subject, what was it like working with Toucan Sam? You know, before he went nuts and got lost in the jungle?

Tony

Don't you dare change the subject! This is serious! Besides, we don't talk about Sam anymore.

I miss the New York days, sir.

Tony

Just… take us to your therapist.

Aye aye, captain.

SCENE 5

*In Arnold's office.*

And then he falls to his death. And that's basically the entire story of the movie I plan to pitch to Disney about The Lion King from Scar's perspective.

*Arnold looks at Tony.*

Arnold

… Should I tell him?

*Tony shrugs.*

Arnold

Anyways, um… Disney may or may not be already working on that, plus others featuring Nala, Mufasa and Sarabi- Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself.

*Arnold glances down at his notes.*

Arnold

Anyways, I've been looking more into your whole… situation, and I may have some kind of solution.

Wow me, doc.

Arnold

So, considering how you seem to be struggling with defeating Gadget, and since you dragged-

DC
I'm gonna have to stop you right there doc.

Tony

You should probably listen to your therapist, cause you know… he's your therapist.

Arnold

I was going to say, maybe you two should team up to stop Gadget?

Tony

… I take it back, don't listen to him.

DC
For once, I agree with you, sir. I have my own team.

Arnold

You say you have a team, but here you are running after Gadget all alone without them.

DC
It's 11 AM, Arnold, they have school. This is why I'm glad I got college out of the way when I was six.

Arnold

Then maybe you should find a new team member or two that aren't busy at that time? Someone with a similar schedule as you?

Yeah, that sounds fair.

Tony

Where would you start looking?

Arnold

Well I mean-

Tony

No. I'm not doing it.

DC
Wasn't gonna ask you to sir, though, isn't your daughter studying martial arts and a fellow college graduate?

Tony

Don't you dare bring my Antoinette into this. You've already dragged me in.

Sir, with all due respect- wait, hold up. Thought you were siscilian, whys your daughters name french?

Arnold

Stay on target, DC.

DC
Right, I've seen your daughter perform, tony. You drag me to every family event.

Tony

… *Sigh* Fair enough, I'll let you ask her, but if she gets hurt I willKILL you.

'Kay.

Arnold

… Y'know maybe it is a good thing you two aren't teaming up.

-End of Act 2-

SCENE 6

[To himself]

Okay, this is your boss's daughter, be cool, but try not to be accessible, they hate that.

Tony

Now, I'll say it again, it's not because I don't trust her abilities, it's that I don't trust the abilities of others. It's a lot like driving. You got that?

*DC knocks on the door.*

DC
Is anyone there?

*Footsteps can be heard approaching from inside the house. Antoinette opens the door.*

Antoinette

Hey Dad! … Uhhh, who's this guy? Wait, is he one of your business associates?

I knew it. I knew I was gonna get scrubbed.

Tony

Antoinette, this is Sweetson… er, DC. He works for me, but right now he has a proposition for you.

Antoinette

Alright.

Well-

Antoinette

I'll do it.

Okay.

Tony

Antoinette! Don't you think you should-?

Antoinette

I said I'll do it.

Tony

You don't even know what he was going to say-

Antoinette

I don't care, I'm bored, and you're letting him ask, so it's gotta be okay.

Tony

Fair.

Ok, see you tonight.

*That night.*

Liberty, analysis.

Liberty

Hackwrench at twelve o'clock, sir.

Commence Operation: Hackwrench.

Lisa

I like that name, sir.

Liberty

It works on many levels.

Suck-ups. To your stations, men.

Liberty

With the exception of you, none of us are men sir.

Saying ladies in that context just sounds wrong.

Liberty

… Maybe "Girls?"

Antoinette

"Dudes" is cool. I'm cool with "dudes."

We can argue about this later. Antoinette, you're the distraction. You have to distract the rest of the Rescue Rangers long enough so that we can swoop in, and defeat Hackwrench.

Antoinette

Okay, great. I'm perfect at distracting. What are their weaknesses? Any I should know of?

They're complete morons hypnotized by beauty. Just dance in front of them.

Antoinette

I regret this already.

That's the spirit! Alright, ladies, let's do this.

Antoinette

I take back what I said about "dudes," "chums" is way cooler.

*DC cuts a hole through the ceiling and the Cobras fall in.*

We settle this for real, hackwrench.

Lisa

I hope. If my calculations are correct, we have a thirty-two point three repeating chance of victory this time.

Liberty

That's a lot better than we usually do!

Show yourself!

Antoinette

Oh come on, no stealth? You're just gonna yell that?

That's how we usually do it.

Antoinette

I can see where Lisa's stats come from then…

*And like magic, Gadget appears.*

GADGET
Wish granted.

Antoinette

See? She knows what's up!

That's the point. Alright, girls, let's rock.

*The Cobras just start running towards Gadget while yelling, and vice versa. Then, in a stroke of luck, Gadget trips, and falls into the shark pit.*

Lily

Did- Did we just win?

Antoinette

I have a funny feeling that was like, a trick or something, like a hologram maybe. Any second now she's gonna appear, I swear.

*Her jumpsuit arises from the shark pit, torn to shreds.*

DC
We actually won! Holy shit!

Lisa

Huh, lucky shot.

Antoinette

… Yo, we just killed somebody.

DC
No we didn't, she fell.

*THE WAREHOUSE BEGINS TO SELF DESTRUCT.*

Antoinette

This is where that thirty-three percent Lisa was talking about comes in, huh?

Lisa

That was success, not survival!

DC
Alright ladies, out the window.

Liberty

[Sarcastic]

Oh, my favorite.

*The Cobras each jump through the window, while looking really cool doing it. But Antoinette uses the door.*

What was that?

Antoinette

I just, y'know, I have enough problems. Broken glass all over me is not one I want to have.

Point taken.

*The building explodes.*

Lisa

Sheesh, dramatic.

The sweet smell of justice. And smoke.

Lisa

Let's go before our lungs are permanently damaged.

Liberty

… Again.

Antoinette

H-How…?

*The Cobras disappear.*

Antoinette

I was planning to walk home anyways.

SCENE 6

*In their treehouse base, the cobras are sitting down, bored out of their skulls.*

DC
You ever wonder if Michigan's not as great as they make it seem?

Liberty

The whole country is like that.

Lily

Y'know, that's funny that you say that cuz your name is Liberty.

Liberty

Oh shut up.

DC
I have an idea!

Lily, Liberty, Lisa (Unison)

Oh no.

DC
What if we just, went somewhere else, far away from here.

Lily

Why would we do that? Boredom?

Lisa

Well, considering our greatest rival has been defeated-

Liberty

You can just say "killed."

Lisa

… Yeah sure I guess. The point is, we have made a great accomplishment, and that was really our only challenge to overcome.

Lily

But what if someone else bad comes along, maybe even worse than Gadget?

What if someone worse is already out there somewhere else?

Lily
I just wish that there was somewhere that needed us more than Michigan.

DC
Isn't your sister moving to Monaco?

Lily

What's a Monaco?

Lisa
Which sister?

Liberty
The one obsessed with rock. She announced it at dinner the other day.

DC
Don't you see? She's getting out of here to start a new life, so why can't we?

Liberty

Imagine us trying to agree on a place to move.

We've already decided: Monaco, France.

Lily

We're gonna follow Luna?!

Lisa

Wait a minute, chief, are you implying that Luna needs us or something?

DC
No, we're just gonna be living together.

Liberty

If that's the case, we should establish some ground rules, like don't go into my snack stash… ever.

DC
Our snack stash.

Liberty

Why hell I oughta-

Lily

Mmmmaybe we should make our own snack stashes…?

DC
This is gonna be the best thing that's ever happened to us.

Lily

I hope so…

Lisa

According to my calculations, this'll be… the third best thing.

Liberty

What was the best thing?

Lisa

We literally just defeated-

Liberty

Killed.

Lisa

For the love of- okay fine! We just killed our greatest nemesis so far.

Lily

Do you have a calculation for how much worse our next nemesis is going to be?

Lisa

Not yet, but I'll keep it in mind.

SCENE 7

*At the airport.*

DC
Saying goodbye is the hardest thing anyone has to do. So let's just act sad till we get on the plane.

Lily

Who are we saying goodbye to?

Lisa

The uhh… the rest of our family.

Liberty
I never knew them, yet I can't look away.

DC
Just smile and wave, ladies, smile and wave.

Lily

Smile? I thought you wanted us to be sad-?

Liberty

Oh just do it.

*They all smile and wave.*

DC
It's funny, before Gadget, no one knew who we were, yet here we are, our bags packed and bound for Monaco, and everyone shows up to say goodbye.

Lisa

… Hmm…

Lily

What's wrong, Lisa?

Lisa

Nothing, I was just thinking about what you asked me earlier. I'm starting to wonder if Gadget has any… friends that may try to avenge her.

Liberty

We probably won't have the luck of a shark pit next time.

DC
Well guess this is goodbye. Royal Woods was actually a good town, everyone knew who you were, everyone was friends with the mayor, and ice cream was fifty cents.

Liberty

… How much is ice cream in Monaco?

Lisa

Approximately two United States dollars.

Liberty

This is a mistake.

Lily

Oh come on, it'll be fine!

SCENE 8

*After the plane flight we see the Monaco airport is filled with babies.*

DC
It's an airport full of Lilys.

Lily

That was uncalled for.

Liberty

Hey, like, y'know, are you just gonna ignore how crazy this is? What the hell happened here?

Lisa
Overpopulation. This is the second city of love.

Liberty

I hate it here. I hate it here. Oh my god I hate it here.

DC
I thought you hated India?

Liberty

Maybe I hate it everywhere, but I hate some places more than others.

DC
It's not all bad, they have Disneyland here.

Lily
That's Paris, sir.

Liberty

It's probably worse over there…

DC
Why didn't I think this through enough? This place sucks.

Liberty

Ay ay! I told you so!

Lily

I wonder why Luna decided to live here…?

Lisa
Because they have the best rock concerts in Monaco.

Liberty

Well let's go find one of those!

*They go outside and discover it's just like Michigan only 120 degrees constantly, and they keep speaking French.*

DC
Someone spot me eight bucks for ice cream.

Liberty

W- Lisa you said it was two!

Lisa

He's getting it for all of us.

Liberty

Oh, you expect me to think straight in this heat? I miss Antoinette…

Lily

Hey, the ice cream will cool you off! Here, let's each pitch in two dollars.

Lisa

Did we… Did we get that exchanged yet?

Lily

What?

Lisa

Our money. Have we exchanged it for euros?

*Everyone facepalms.*

Liberty
*Sigh* It's gonna be a long rest of our lives.

End of chapter one.