I force myself to take a deep breath before I set foot in the Potters' house. I need to calm down. Truth is, I'm terrified of what I know I'm about to see.

With slow, uncertain steps I enter the house, and what I find in the hallway is enough to take away any doubts I might still have had on what has happened here. Potter's body lies still on the floor. I can't help but notice how his wand seems to be missing. Was he really so arrogant as to believe not only that he could ever stand a chance against the Dark Lord, but that he could be strong enough to beat him without even a wand? I must confess that I do feel some satisfaction at the idea that his arrogance, that was one if not the greatest source of agony of my school years, has ultimately led him to his own death. Altough I'm aware of how cruel this must sound, I feel like he kind of deserved it.

I guess you could say that, in a way, he was asking for it.

As I set off to the second floor, my legs are shaking so much I barely manage to walk. All I can think of is how every step is taking me closer and closer the discovery of something that I already know, but still refuse to believe to. Finally, after what feels like a lifetime, I step into the room. And, even if I was aware of what was awaiting me here, and I thought I was somewhat ready to see it, the scene still manages to take my breath away. I guess, no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for it, imagining something like this will never hurt as much as seeing it for real.

Lily lies on the floor, her body frozen, her eyes open. I rest against the wall, as if I could ever find any support in it.

Lily. My Lily. I can't believe I've lost you, I think, before I have to remember that you weren't mine anymore, that maybe you never were, and that I had lost you many years ago anyway.

A toddler's sudden cry distracts me from my own thoughts and, if I'm being honest, scares me a little. I knew that Lily had a son, he's the sole reason why the Dark Lord came here, but I didn't even consider he could have survived. It feels like a cruel twist of fate that Lily's dead when the baby, who was the real target, isn't.

I find myself looking into his eyes, this pair of awfully familiar bright green eyes, and it's almost like looking into hers.

In takes me less than a second to start drowning in my own memories. I see scattered moments of my life, solely connected with one another by the constant, inevitable presence of her.

I'm staring at her from a distance as she plays with her sister. She's happy, smiling like she doesn't have a care in the world.

She looks the way every kid should. The way I never have.

"Don't you listen to her" I say, smiling to the red-haired kid in front of me "she's just a regular person, you're special"

"You're mean, Severus" she scolds me, but I can see the smile in her eyes.

"I'm scared, Sev." The red-haired kid is thirteen now, and has just been threatened by a group of Slytherin boys. Boys who, although she doesn't know it yet, are all my friends.

"You don't have to fear them." I tell her anyway "I'm here to protect you"

"Always?"

"Always" I smile "We are infinite, Lily. Don't ever forget it."

"Mudblood." I almost spit out the word, and I regret it before I even finish saying it. But, once the damage is done, you can't go back.

"I'm sorry."

Lily is facing me, arms crossed, at the entrance of her Common Room. I have never seen her eyes so… cold. She never even looked at Potter like this. Not like she hates me… more like I just don't exist to her anymore. She doesn't even look mad, or hurt. It's like she knew this moment would come, eventually, and has already accepted it.

And somehow, this hurts way more than hatred would.

"I'm not interested." She says after a while.

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath. I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done." I would do anything to get you back. "I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just —"

"Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends — "I close my eyes for a moment. I'm trying so hard to think of an answer, but my mind has just gone blank. "You see," she continues "you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you? I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No — listen, I didn't mean —"

"— to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

This time, she doesn't even give me the time to answer. She turns around and disappears into the portrait, and all I can't think of is how I have just ruined everything. How I have just lost the one and only thing that made my life worth living.

We are infinite, that's what I told her. I promised her I would always be there for her. To protect her. To take care of her. How could I let her leave me like that?

We are not infinite. We couldn't be even if we wanted to. Not anymore.

Because I'm alive, but she's not. And I am the reason behind it.

We are not infinite, but we have been. We still would be, if it weren't for me. Even after so many years, I'm still regretting it. I'm still paying the price for it. For that one, cursed word that destroyed everything we were.

As tears start flowing down my face I swear to myself that I'll do everything in my power to protect this baby the way I couldn't do for his mom.