Chapter 1

Its been a few weeks since I defeated the Demon King. You'd think that there would be parades in my honor, a huge celebration, maybe a marriage ceremony with a pretty princess… But no! Not only is the kingdom 'busy' with cleaning up the remnants of the demon king army, they don't believe I defeated the Demon King at all! Tch. Suspicious bastards.

If their 'ongoing investigation' bullshit wasn't enough, my relationship with Megumin hasn't progressed at all. Every single time something might happen, those two idiots ruin it! Either Darkness with her ridiculously lewd body sneaks up on us, or the damn useless Goddess interrupts us with another bout of idiocy. A growing young man has needs, you know?

So I've decided I need a vacation. Give the kingdom time to settle down and be prepared to give me the rewards I deserve, and maybe make the explosion obsessed girl try a little harder to go to the next step in our relationship, mmmm. I learned Random Teleport from Wiz a while back, so I figure I'll try it out and roll the dice. With my luck, I'll probably end up in a gorgeous hot spring full of naked babes, or this world's version of the Bahamas or something.

And if I end up in a bad spot? I'll be able to teleport right back home with just a few minutes of mana regeneration. I'm Satou Kazuma, slayer of Demon Generals and the Demon King himself. I'm sure I'll be able to survive a few minutes (by hiding shamelessly) even in the most dangerous parts of this world.

"Bye bye! I won't blame you for crying if you end up missing me too much, hehehe." I call out to my adventuring party with a malicious grin, and the girls reply back with responses like 'Have a nice trip' and 'Bring me back souvenirs' and 'Just leave already, Kazutrash'. I make a mental note to make Aqua cry for real when I get back, before posing dramatically and calling out "Random Teleport!"

A light blinds me as it covers everything, and then I'm gone. The next thing I know, I'm leaning against a wall, my head spinning and pounding with a headache as nausea and an assault of odd sounds and smells assault me. What? This has never happened before, did something go wrong with the spell? I might not be the best spellcaster, but I've never failed *this* badly.

A honk stuns me out of my reverie, and I turn to raise a fist and complain at whoever had the indecency to be so loud while my head was feeling like it was being stomped by a herd of Lizard Runners, but nothing escapes my lips as I see things I've never thought I'd see again. It seems I'm in an alleyway, and in front of me is a street… with actual cars going down it. People, normal humans with no fantasy traits at all and in sadly modest and modern clothing are everywhere, going about their lives.

It seems like my luck is exceptional as ever, because it looks like I've come back to Japan, though as usual in the moment I'm not sure if its truly exceptionally good or bad. I-don't know what to feel. I begin pacing back and forth, the modern smells of gasoline and metal and concrete, along with the stink of the particular alleyway assaulting my nose. Do I teleport back? Does magic even work here? What if I can't get home at all?

I blink, smiling to myself as my own thoughts surprise me. When did I start thinking of that crazy world as home, eh? Well, the only thing to do is try. I'm sure things will work out. "Freeze." I mutter, finger pointed out towards the alleyway wall. Sure enough, a small spot of ice begins to form. Thats a huge relief, I let out a sigh along with the tension I had felt building in my shoulders. If magic is possible, I should be able to teleport back as soon as my mana regenerates enough.

Now that the matter of getting back home is mostly solved, I begin pacing again. What should I do while I'm here? Pick up some modern conveniences I haven't been able to make with my blacksmithing skills? Get a dozen sets of track suits so I never run out? Maybe trade some of the magic items I have for cash here? …. I guess I should visit my family, too. Let at least them know I'm not dead. Kaa-san is probably going to-

My thoughts are interrupted by a heavy hand clamping down on my shoulder. I look up to see a pair of grim-faced police offers, and I immediately give them a nervous smile that I'm sure looks incredibly guilty. Its just how my face is! "H-how may I help you, officers?"

"We got reports of a suspicious person. We're going to need you to come with us, Sir." Suspicious? How am I suspicious!? I'm just a normal 17 year old! I glance down at my equipment and begin immediately sweating nervously as I realize the issue. I'm in my fantasy world gear, which includes quite a few suspicious items-not the least of which being the very visible sword and bow on my back.

As I begin looking around for a way to escape, the Police Officer's grip on me tightens and I know I'm not getting away without hurting these two. Sigh, this is a great way to be introduced back to Japan… am I doomed to failure no matter what world I'm in? I blame the useless goddess, her bad luck must have cursed me.

"Small sword, a European style bow with arrows, a chain made of some unidentifiable metal, caltrops, a small hammer, a few homemade explosives designed to look like dynamite, smoke bombs, and a bag of gold coins. Tell me, Young man, are you just an absurdly dedicated cosplayer or preparing to go to war somewhere?" An exasperated middle aged man in a detective's uniform asks me, his stubble coated chin making him annoyingly handsome in a lazy looking way.

The drive over in a police car was a brand new experience, but sitting in front of an investigator getting questioned is a depressingly familiar situation. I just wish it was still a beautiful girl doing it, even if that would mean facing the damned lie detector relic again. "Cosplay! Definitely cosplay. It just doesn't feel right if the equipment isn't authentic, you know?" Having been offered a convenient lie, I take it in a heartbeat. I'm not gonna actually say I was isekaied and get tossed in a loony bin or taken by the government, so this is what I've come up with to try to get out of it. Hopefully they just think I'm a crazy teenager instead of a criminal.

The detective eyes me suspiciously. He's a lot more competent than Sena was, and can smell bullshit when he's hearing it. Not having a convenient magic item means people here have to actually work on catching lies, I guess. "And you claim to be Satou Kazuma, a boy who died last year?"

"Thats right! If you can bring my family here, I'm sure they'd vouch for me." I give the man a bright and hopefully innocent looking smile, since this at least I'm mostly not lying about. I have no idea how I'm going to explain that kerfuffle, but I've been claiming amnesia so far. "Maybe my family will have some idea whats going on? The past year just feels like a blank."

Blame other people so it doesn't look like your fault. A strategy I try to live by. The detective, who had introduced himself as Miyazaki Souta, begins rubbing his temples with his eyes closed. He looks pretty stressed, could probably use a vacation himself, and I tell him as much. I'm rewarded with only a deadpan stare in return. "Fine then, Satou-kun. We'll contact your family, but we will be confiscating all of your 'cosplay' materials. Assuming your family can verify your identity, we'd be willing to let you off with a warning as long as you keep to the straight and narrow. But we'll be keeping an eye on you, mister 'Amnesiac'."

Thank god. It takes a day or two in a prison holding cell, but that's nothing new for me. Prison is like my home away from home at this point, and this is way more comfortable than the other world's version. There's an actual bed! And a real toilet! Damn near luxurious, really. Though they've confiscated even my fantasy clothes for some reason, they've given me a nice blue jumpsuit to wear.

I've discovered something unfortunate, by the way. Though I can still cast spells, it looks like the mana here is ridiculously thin, which means my magic power regenerates slow as hell. Maybe a hundredth of what it usually is? I've managed to collect enough to teleport back over the two days in my prison cell in an emergency, but at this point I'd really like to stay long enough to save a teleport point near my house if possible.

Eventually, I'm told that my mother will be arriving soon, so I prepare myself. I laze out on the bed with a hand holding up my head, and try to make myself the picture of confidence. I'm shaken a little when I finally see her walk into view, but I steel myself and maintain my trademark deadpan look.

"Yo." Satou Yuumi looks stricken upon seeing me, my mother's pretty face twisting in shock. She looks like she could be my older sister, damn her. Why couldn't I inherit those good looks? She has a pair of bright green eyes and the same color brown hair as me, but whereas I inherited my father's average looks and mischievous smile, she looks like a combination model and housewife somehow, with an innocent and soft cast to her features… usually at least. As soon as her shock ends, those innocent features twist into the mask of a demon.

"Open this DAMN door so I can kill my son and put him back in the grave where I buried him." Uhh…. not exactly what I was expecting. Couldn't she have saved some of that anger for later, at least? I immediately hop off of the bed and shake my head in terror at the police officer who had accompanied my mother to my cell, but a single look from her has him opening the gate regardless.

The next thing I know I'm being held up by the collar of my jumpsuit by the devil herself, hand raised into a fist to pummel me into the next life. "Umm… Hello Mother?" I ask, hoping a more formal and respectful tone will save me some pain. It doesn't work in the slightest unfortunately, and she starts berating me right then and there, punctuating her verbal abuse with physical in the form of slaps. "Ungrateful child. Hikikomori. NEET. Little bastard. My… my son…"

Never particularly painful, her hands had lost all power by the end of her tirade and she pulls me in close in a backbreaking hug, sobbing into my chest. Was I always this much taller than her, I wonder? Cheeks still stinging, I hug her back and find myself crying as well. Its been so long since I've seen her, and I only realize now that regardless of what Aqua said about my family laughing at how I died, they still had to bury me. They still mourned their son.

Maybe this random teleport ended up being good luck after all.