My Mum, My friend and My Compass
Hello, I know this is a strange one what I am writing here. Mainly as this isn't a fanfic but rather an auto biography of some sorts. You see looking at the dates the 30th of June 2021 would make have made it ten years since I came onto this website and made my account.
So, in a way this is a tenth anniversary celebration to I guess my own personal landmark. When I say 'in a way' is because when I look through the years, I have been on this website I have to acknowledge it has been both good and bad.
The good, I made so many friends on this website. So many good friends, I have made connections with them which went beyond this website. I have gotten closer to them throughout different medias such as Facebook and email. I gained their trust, their loyalty and I learned more about them as people I mean real people. People who have dreams, who have amazing hobbies and who truly do understand the value of life and use Fanfiction as one means to promote their beliefs on what it means to be a human being. I owe these guys so much as they have gotten me through some rough times in my life. Now for those who I truly have gotten close too I do send a video message to them every Christmas and birthdays. Because honestly, they are worth it as people. They knew how to make people genuinely happy which is such a rare yet easy gift. If whatever the reason they read this I hope you know how grateful I am too you all for making me feel like Superman. Not because of the costume or powers but rather for giving me the faith and motivation to be the best part of myself. In return I do hope your dreams and ambitions do come true for you all as I know no people better who deserve such fortune.
The bad, I guess the bad was just losing people on this site. More specifically, loosing them through different consequences. Loosing their respect, loosing their liking or just doing something so dam stupid they found reasons to ghost me or worse even block me. And I have done stupid things on this site. In 2013 I was a real prick, forceful and demanding and just a plain bully. I wasn't aware of anything not real, not people or how to they would perceive things. I just cared about myself, allowing my own ego and bitterness takeover me. Alienating people who had been nothing but good to me. It wasn't any surprise when they retaliated and pretty much called me out on it. I changed from bully to shell, letting people walk all over me. Scared of my own shadow just the idea of someone blocking me just terrified me all together. In 2013 was when my depression problems truly happened for the first time. The summer of 2013 was hell for me, I was always nervous always scared and just lonely. Which was my own fault. Yet I find myself grateful for such hell as in 2014 I got better and truly established myself as a better human being. I just really needed a major wake up call on how bad I was wasting my life; I was just becoming a weak suck up that would never leave anything of true value behind.
Despite gaining a much-needed maturity years later, I do feel moments of true regret. I do feel sad from the fanfics I never completed or deleted. Angry of the time and motivation I will never truly get back into writing them. It makes me crawl into a ball knowing that ten years ago I came with so much ambition but only so much of it have been accomplished of it. It does sting me and anyone else who has a passion for storytelling.
Yet, when I think of it, I have created far more stories than I ever realised. You see I told stories way before I was 15, I was telling them when I was 6. You see my mum she was the one who truly made me fall in love with stories and fiction. She would always tell me stories when I was a kid, not read them to me but rather just tell me from her own words. It stared when we went abroad once, she would tell me some of the classics, Snow White, Three little pigs, all the classics. The time we really went into fanfic territory was when she made up some Toy Story stories for me. I was into it back then when I got the second film for my birthday. When I found out Woody had his own spin off puppet show she took advantage of that and told me stories based on that show. I guess her own personal episodes of Woody's round up.
I loved every moment of it. Being the daft twit that I was, I just found them to be moments of gold for me. A treasure I would always keep to my heart as she in her own way was teaching me the value of imagination to me. Later when I gained my love for Digimon she started to tell me stories about them. However, one day she asked me if I would like to tell her my own Digimon story. So, I did, and since then for more than twenty years I have been telling her stories. Either in the car, for a long walk or in our lovely garden. Different things but always a good story and she would always be happy to see me shine, to see me use my creativity. To be able to create something with my imagination and words. Something which was beautiful.
She helped me, have a love for the world of fantasy. To see things, I never thought I could see or possibly imagine. Every story we ever exchanged was a moment of bliss for the both of us, a time of peace and pure happiness. All thanks to her for telling me a few stories in a hotel about a cartoon toy cowboy. I have nerded so much on stuff, unbelievably look in and researched all the fictional franchises. Not because I have no life but rather for the excitement of learning and opening myself up to things, I never thought I could ever have believed in.
My mum gave me all this, this fortune and treasure. Stories saved my life more than once. They kept me sane through the worst of times and believe me I had my unfortunate share of them. Its just when I imagine a story in my head, I get happy, I ever sometimes dance because of the pure excitement of creating something extraordinary. Something outside the box.
Look life will be hard, it will find new ways to put you down and make you feel like dirt. You will meet people who love you and sadly people who also hate you. I am afraid these things will always find a way to find their way to attack you. If it does happens use your imagination, embrace it. Take the teaching of a hero from your all time most beloved story to keep you steady to remind you that you are worthwhile. Draw inspiration not obsession from the story, use it to help you see clearly through the darkness in your life. To make you want to do great things and do things you always dreamed off doing in your life. One day you will die, don't waste the time you have on sadness and bitterness or jealousy on the trivial things. If you do all you are doing is allowing yourself to become an unnatural creature. A lonely person who will always be hated.
Use stories and heroes to make your own story and become a hero yourself. It isn't too late the pages are still blank and still need to be written. Just be brave enough to fill them in.