Epilogue - This is a Cycle, Often Repeated, That's Predictable to a Fault (It's Overwhelming, This Process of Changing)
"Wait, it's so permanent. Always rearranging, I can't commit; fear of a future I can't predict has got me laying sleepless at night. The future freaks me out…"
('Permanent' by 'A Day to Remember')
For a long time after that, Izuku did not see Ochako in person again.
When he woke up, she had left. At first, there was a crushing sense of sadness and loneliness to that. He had walked over to the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror and just… cried. He cried to himself and sank to the floor and just… collapsed for a long time.
Eventually, he forced himself to get up. He always had before, after all. Staring at himself in the mirror, he ran his hands through his hair and clenched on handfuls of it. There were sparks of crimson lightning mixed with a green glow, then he had green hair again as he watched his eyes change colors in the mirror.
Green. They were green, the way they were supposed to be. Not red, like they had been made to be. He remembered in the dream, distant like a phantom memory, that Ochako had always loved the green and hated the red - but only in his eyes, not his shoes - and the thought was delirious as he assessed himself in the mirror.
His hair came out fluffy like it used to be and he wanted to smile. He hadn't seen himself - his true self - in person and not in a dream in so long. But he didn't smile because he couldn't force himself to smile.
At least he didn't look like Mikumo Akatani anymore, the boy that Father had made him into. He looked like Izuku Midoriya, a ghost in Japan's superhuman society. Because officially, Izuku Midoriya had been dead for a decade and now so was Mikumo Akatani.
Izuku gathered this fact as he walked through the streets a few weeks later. All the news ever talked about was how Ochako Uraraka, Uravity, the Symbol of Hope, had defeated the Symbol of Terror and made Japan safe once more. There were discussions about how she was a shoe-in for number one Hero next cycle and that made Izuku smile a little bit. He didn't mind Ochako finding success off of his loss, after all.
She deserved that much and probably more still.
Slowly, he collected himself. He grabbed his spare costume and buried it in the bottom of a suitcase along with whatever normal clothing he owned. He quickly realized that an abnormally high percentage of his clothing was dress clothes, so as he gathered up money he went out and bought some more… normal, casual clothing.
It would be easier to blend in that way. Between the clothes he had and the clothes he bought, he ended up with two suitcases worth and he owned a car. Most of the League of Villain's assets had been seized or frozen but he had enough money to survive on for just himself. He was all alone in the world but, for the first time, he felt like that might be a good thing.
At least it was just him on his lonesome and not him and the voice of Father, too.
After that, he lived in one of the old League of Villain safehouses in Kyoto for a time.
There was plenty to do and see there but Izuku spent most of his time getting things in order: obtaining sufficient paperwork for travel under a false name, making sure no one recognized him as Izuku Midoriya, that sort of thing. His picture as Mikumo Akatani had been so thoroughly ingrained in the public consciousness for the last five years that nobody recognized him with green hair and green eyes again.
But then, he did look at himself in the mirror, once he was cleaned up and had gained some weight back after eating properly for the first time in years, and he did look really different. He looked… healthier.
And happier.
There was an underlying fear, though, as Izuku tried to readjust to something like normal life. He didn't know where he was going or where he should go and that was scary.
He considered trying to contact Ochako but quickly decided that was unwise. She was spending almost every waking moment dealing with the aftermath of the 'death' of All for One, in between press conferences and award ceremonies. He could only ruin things if he tried to contact her, so he didn't. He wanted her to have her moment and he felt like she deserved to live a normal life now, free of the shadow of All for One. After all, that was what she had given him, too.
Slowly, he adjusted properly to being alone. It was funny, in a way. Even when he was All for One and the leader of the League of Villains, he'd never really been alone. He had associates and underlings but his relationships with them were always dysfunctional and defined by their professional roles. They were villains, people cast out by society, and so, appropriately, he had been surrounded by freaks and weirdos. It suited him, since he was a freak and a weirdo, too.
Now, he had no one but there were advantages to that. He learned how to do simple things: how to cook and clean for himself, how to keep his clothing consistently washed, and how to keep a regular, healthy sleep schedule. It was entirely incongruous because, in the past, those things were either handled by others or simply not worth consideration.
But now, he had a chance to be normal… and he held on to that for dear life.
He didn't choose Kyoto for any sightseeing reasons, however.
That night with Ochako was in January. As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, Izuku formulated plans. He was intending to travel, most likely; maybe he would go to America or Europe and find somewhere he could blend in and disappear. He wasn't sure what he would do then.
Ochako's words to Father about how he could've done something good and instead chose to be a monster sometimes echoed in his mind as he made plans. He decided he would probably choose one of All for One's more innocuous quirks and claim that as his 'real' quirk on official paperwork but, past that, he wasn't sure.
There was a sorrow he felt, constant and crippling but distant like a fog in his mind, that he still had All for One. Part of him had hoped the quirk would be lost after… after the dream. But it was not lost, even if the vestige of Father had been destroyed. He supposed he could theoretically get rid of it but then he wondered…
Maybe it was his to keep. A reminder of what he had done, like a brand or metaphysical scar on his soul. He had been born quirkless and now he had a terrible quirk - the worst quirk in history, the most monstrous and awful one, one that could only take and never give, not truly - and the irony was that he wished he was quirkless again, instead.
Maybe he would never be a Hero… but he would never be a villain again and All for One was a continuing reminder of what he never wanted to be like again if he could help it.
As such, All for One could die with him and he could make sure it left the world properly. He would be the last Bearer of All for One, just as he… was meant to be the last Bearer of One for All, in a life that never was.
His whole life otherwise was in shambles. He had no official formal education past the age of ten, though he had been nominally educated by All for One. He had no real medical history anymore and he had effectively no records of his relevant existence in the last few years. All of the records of Izuku Midoriya had been wiped out, sealed, and destroyed by the government when Mikumo Akatani rose to power, so now there was nothing left but ashes.
Izuku considered this as he stood on top of a building and looked across the way.
The building he was standing on was a parking garage and the building across the way was an apartment building. Here, in Kyoto, there were many such apartment complexes but the one he was looking at was special. It was possibly the single most important apartment building in the nation to him, yet he was just standing there looking at it like a fool.
He was searching for the courage to walk down to the street level and cross the street so that he could go inside. He would walk up the stairs and go to apartment 4C, then he would knock on the door and hold his breath. Part of him would pray that she wasn't home, that she wouldn't answer the door for him, and that she wouldn't see him. He wasn't sure if he wanted her to see him and he wasn't sure if he wanted her to have to see him.
Yet he also knew how thrilled she would be to see him, after a decade apart.
Inko Midoriya lived in apartment 4C in the building across the way. She had a new name now, though he didn't usually acknowledge it. It was a name she had to take because of him, so he preferred not to think about it. She was still his mother, though, and even if he couldn't imagine how disappointed in him she was… He liked to think she would still be happy to see him.
Maybe she would cry a river of tears yet again because of him, tears of joy this time instead of sorrow. That was what parents did when they found out their dead children weren't really dead, wasn't it?
But Izuku wasn't sure; he wasn't sure she wanted to see him and he wasn't sure that seeing her wouldn't put her at risk. He wasn't sure he wouldn't break her heart again, so here he stood on top of a parking garage, feeling like a fool.
Izuku swallowed heavily and looked down at his hand. He was holding the last All Might figure he had saved, treasured, and protected. His mother had given it to him and his father would have taken it away. Yet here he stood with the figure in his hands and his mom across the way while his father was dead and he couldn't force himself to take that first step.
"Hey, Deku."
Izuku whipped around and was met with Ochako, wearing a business suit and with her hair tied back in a ponytail. She had a long, thin black tie and she clasped her hands behind her back and smiled at him while he looked at her with his jaw on the floor.
He was wearing dress clothes today, too. He hoped he looked nice for his mom - he wanted to show her that he had indeed finally learned how to tie a tie properly - wearing a simple black three-piece suit and green tie. Between the two of them, though, Izuku realized that he and Ochako kind of looked like they were going to a funeral and that seemed entirely fitting to him.
"H-hey, Ochako. I… How did you find me?" Izuku asked, and he actually stuttered. He hadn't stuttered since he was probably fourteen, yet in the face of Ochako - and she was very pretty today, dressed for a funeral or not - he stuttered.
He was pretty stunned, though, in his defense.
"You dork," Ochako said as she walked towards him. Izuku flinched, not sure if she was gonna smack him or give him a hug or something else entirely, and she frowned at him and did none of those things. Instead, she stopped just past him and leaned over the concrete edge - which came up to their forearms - and looked across the street. "She misses you, y'know."
Izuku sputtered incoherently, not sure how the hell that was an answer to his question at all.
"Izuku," Ochako said, and Izuku snapped his mouth shut with a click. "It's your birthday. Where the hell else would you be?"
He blinked slowly, processing. He had forgotten entirely that was the reason he'd chosen today specifically to come here. His birthday had stopped really mattering to him a long time ago; he chose today for his mom's sake, much more than his.
Accordingly, he was shocked again when Ochako held out a small wrapped box for him, which she had been hiding behind her back. Izuku accepted it with a slightly befuddled expression and tore the packaging off.
"I haven't gotten a birthday present in ten years…" Izuku whispered, reverent and in awe as he held up the All Might figure for good measure. "This was the last one, actually."
Ochako just smirked and jutted her chin out towards the box. Izuku nodded, remembering that he was halfway done, and turned only to put his All Might figure back in his car. Then he opened the box and furrowed his brows at what he saw. Picking it up and holding it by the little metal chain, he stared at it, then he tilted his head to stare at Ochako past it.
"An… All Might netsuke?" Izuku asked hesitantly. Ochako nodded insistently and Izuku wasn't sure-
And then the phantom memory hit him like a runaway train, of him giving her this netsuke and how it was supposed to be, then he nearly dropped it on the spot. He fumbled with it in the air for a few moments, instead, and caught it, cradling it like a baby even though it was tiny. He looked entirely ridiculous but Ochako didn't laugh and he realized she understood because she had seen the memory that never was, too.
"You remembered…" Izuku whispered, and Ochako nodded slowly. "I feel like… I should give it to you, then."
"Nope," Ochako said matter-of-factly. "Stick it on your keys," she added, and she gestured to the car keys sticking halfway out of his pocket. He quickly complied, digging them out before they could fall on the ground and attaching the netsuke. Then he held up his keys and smiled at them and he almost wanted to cry.
"You really do cry at the drop of a hat…" Ochako said quietly, but she was smiling and Izuku realized his vision was all blurry because he was crying. He laughed, trying to rub his face off with the heel of his hand, and stuffed his keys back into his pocket.
"Thanks… Ochako," Izuku said. When he was done wiping his eyes, he saw that Ochako was still smiling but it was a smaller, reserved thing now.
"Why are you just standing here doing nothing?" Ochako asked, her tone betraying that she probably knew very well why he was standing there doing nothing.
"I, uh… I'm afraid," Izuku admitted. Ochako sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose with two fingers.
"Did you know," she began, still closing her eyes and pinching her nose, "that I've met your mom before?" She looked at him and he shook his head; he had no idea. "After I… After I became the Ninth Bearer, I spent time at her home. I tried to understand what happened but I was just a kid then. I couldn't make sense of what was and what was supposed to be but Inko never cared. She invited me in like a daughter even though I was open with her that it was my duty to defeat you. Do you know what she asked me?"
Izuku bit his lip and shook his head.
"She asked me to make sure that, no matter what I had to do, no matter if you had to die or go to jail or anything else, that you did it as Izuku. Not Mikumo: Izuku." She reached out and gently jabbed her index finger into his chest. "I didn't get it when I was younger. I told her I wasn't sure I could promise her that… but she was so devastated, so I said I would try if I could. But I get it now and I kept my promise."
Izuku was speechless.
"So, that being said, I am going to frog-march you across this street and you're going to go see your mother and introduce me properly," Ochako continued in Izuku's silence. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, processing her implication.
"As… what?" He asked, and Ochako turned a bit pink and looked away.
"I don't know," she admitted. "I don't know what we are. I don't know who you are yet. But I told them I killed All for One and that was a promise, too, not the truth. So wherever you go, I guess I'm going, too." She turned back to him with a severe expression. "Because that's another promise I have to keep."
She held out her arm, motioning for him to start walking across the roof. He did so, stopping only to throw out the packaging from her gift in a waste bin, and he thought seriously to himself as they went.
"Hey, Ochako?" He asked, and she hummed in acknowledgement as she took a comfortable walking position next to him. "What if… I said I wanted to move away? Would you still come with me?"
Ochako looked at him carefully, squinting, as if gauging if he were serious or joking.
"Everywhere needs a Hero," she said after a moment, as if it were a simple thing. "I did my duty as the Ninth Bearer here, in Japan. If you want to see the world, well… I'm sure I'll still fit in, somehow."
"What if I don't fit in?" Izuku asked as they reached the stairs. Ochako just laughed, to his surprise.
"You'll fit in, Deku. Of course you will. You'll be with me."
Izuku hesitated with his hand on the door handle, staring at Ochako and waiting for the punchline. She stared back defiantly and he realized she was entirely serious. He wondered then what that would mean, what being with her would mean. What it could mean and what it should mean now.
What he deserved and what should have been.
"Alright," Izuku said, and he gave her a tiny smile. "Are you… ready to meet my mom?"
She laughed again and it was high and bright and, for the first time, he thought he was seeing her truly happy. Not in a dream or in a phantom memory but for real, right in front of him, and she was happy because of something he said. He cherished that feeling, of making her genuinely happy, and never wanted it to go away.
They descended the stairs together, each of his footfalls feeling heavier than the last, and he thought about what he was going to say to his mom. He thought about his future, where he was going, and what he would do and he realized:
He didn't know the answers. He didn't know the answers to any of it and it was terrifying.
But he had a choice now. He might not be home yet but, with Ochako beside him, he was fairly sure that he would be safe.
He was fairly sure he could find home and maybe that was what actually mattered.
Izuku carefully, slowly, and hesitantly raised his hand to the door of apartment 4C and… hovered there.
"You can do it," Ochako said confidently, and he wished he felt as sure as she sounded. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then he rapped his knuckles on the door twice and stepped to the side.
Ochako narrowed her eyes at him in judgement but didn't make him stay within immediate view of the door. There was a long quiet and Izuku could hear muffled 'oof' sounds coming from inside the apartment, as if someone had been in the middle of something and was interrupted. After about a minute, the front door opened and, for the first time in ten years, he saw the face of his mother.
She registered Ochako first and it broke his heart how her face fell.
"Oh… Ochako, how… how nice to see you again, it's been too long. If you came to check on me, dear, please don't worry, I'll be okay."
Inko sounded so sad, so defeated, like her sun would never rise and tomorrow would never come for her. Izuku almost wanted to reach out to her just like that but he felt frozen to the spot. Meanwhile, Ochako had the biggest, stupidest shit-eating grin on her face and he watched his mother slowly go from sorrow to confusion as she registered that.
"Inko, I brought you a present," Ochako said, and Inko furrowed her brows.
"A present… but today isn't…" She started, but he watched in slow motion as she turned her head and saw that there was another person outside her door.
The silence that followed was deafening as Inko's eyes went wide as dinner plates. For what felt like forever, Izuku and his mother just stared at each other like deer in headlights and Izuku felt like he wasn't breathing anymore. He heard his own blood pounding in his head like drums but he was almost certain his heart had stopped.
"I… Hi, Mom," Izuku said, then she sobbed. She sobbed and she probably was going to scream, except he stepped forward and hugged her and she was trying to crush him as she soaked him in tears. He let her and he hugged her back and he was home.
"We should go inside," Ochako said absently, but neither Midoriya was hearing her. She just gently pushed them back into the apartment and they shuffled like awkward penguins, not willing to let go of each other. The door clicked shut, then reality sped up again for Izuku.
"I can't… I can't believe it - the news! The news - Ochako, the news said you killed him!" Inko was trying to whisper, she really was, and Izuku giggled a bit as she held him close. Ochako cleared her throat awkwardly.
"It's… complicated," Ochako admitted.
Inko took that moment to step back and look at Izuku properly with her hands on his shoulders. He was taller than her now, taller and leaner and more properly built than he had been so long ago. He'd gotten himself back into shape in the past six months and his baby fat was gone but he was still recognizable as Izuku Midoriya.
Izuku turned to Ochako and saw that she was looking at framed photographs on the wall.
"Y'know," she said, "I've seen all of these photos… but it's wild to see them and see you next to them."
Izuku laughed awkwardly but, when he turned back to Inko, he saw that she had transitioned from crying waterfalls to staring intently at him. She radiated disappointment and he shrank in the face of it.
He was in for it now.
"So if they think you're dead, what have you actually been doing?" Inko asked, and Izuku swallowed nervously.
"Mostly just sitting in a room and watching television. I worked out a bit. That sort of thing. I haven't done… any villainy, since January," Izuku said, and Ochako snorted in amusement at him saying 'villainy,' so he looked at her with a pout.
"I'm sorry, I cannot take you seriously as a villain like this. All for One really is dead, god I wish I could take a picture of your face right now with your mom…" Ochako trailed off, her smile evaporating as Inko turned to her now.
"They said you killed him!" Inko said, but this time she was angry instead of happy. Ochako went as pale as a sheet.
"I lied!" Ochako admitted, throwing her hands up, and Inko looked like she was about ready to murder both of them.
"You're both grounded. Forever," Inko declared firmly. She turned and pointed at her couch. "Go and sit down so I can make some tea."
Izuku and Ochako hustled over to the couch, fearing for their lives. He sat down on the end, expecting Ochako to sit on the other end and maintain some space between them.
Instead, she sat down right next to him. He waited for his mom to leave - and did not miss how she glared death at the two of them as she went - before he turned to Ochako.
"Um… What happens now?" Izuku asked, and he gestured vaguely behind him towards the kitchen where his mom was. "What… do you want me to tell her?"
Ochako stared blankly at him for a moment, as if not seeing him at all. Then she looked down at his right hand on his thigh and reached out for it. He made a small, strangled noise of surprise as she threaded their fingers together, then she looked back to him and shrugged.
"I don't know the answer to that," Ochako said simply. "I don't know where we go from here. I never thought I'd make it this far, if I'm being honest."
"Do you…" Izuku trailed off. He was going to say 'do you like me, like I like you' but that sounded so thoroughly childish in his head that he didn't even want to say it out loud. Ochako stared at him, probably picking up on that, and shrugged again.
"We'll find out," she said, and it was hilariously noncommittal as an answer, yet Izuku had never felt more hope in his life than that moment.
"Alright," Izuku said. He turned just in time to watch his mother come back in with a tea set. She still looked thoroughly displeased but, when she saw that they were holding hands, Izuku watched her anger melt a bit.
Izuku cleared his throat before continuing.
"Um… Mom?" She set the tea tray down and sat in the recliner chair across from the couch. There was a little coffee table in between and Izuku looked down at the tea set sitting on it while he searched for words. "I, uh… I wanted to introduce you to Ochako Uraraka." He paused and bit his lip, turning to Ochako. She smiled encouragingly and nodded. "She's… my friend. And I wanted to ask if we can start over?"
When he looked back at Inko, she was smiling so brightly and he didn't realize how much he had missed that. She looked good, considering what had happened. She had lost most of the weight she gained before - years of stress took that weight off, just like it had put it on - and she seemed a bit more frail than he remembered. But she still had that green hair and her kind eyes and he remembered-
She looks like Nana. Or does Nana look like her?
Izuku smiled as Inko responded.
"Of course, dear. We can start over. I always… I always hoped you might come home one day, against all odds."
Izuku and Ochako smiled, too, and she squeezed his hand. The truth of it all washed over him like a wave and he realized how happy he was, for the first time in years.
He was home.
Closing notes: So this is the end of 'So We'll Pretend It's Alright (and Stay in for the Night)'
I invite feedback on this story, especially if any of the formatting broke; some of it didn't transfer nicely from AO3, unfortunately.
The next story is in progress on AO3 as of me posting this to FFN. That means I won't be cross-posting it until it's done, which given my current issues with writer's block might actually not be for a long time. It might be quite some time before you see me here again. So, if you've read all of this nonsense of mine but you want to read more of my work for some reason, you can do so on AO3. As of this writing, I've posted more than a million words; for context, 'In the Shadow of Shimura,' this series, is only about 600,000 of those words.
Thank you for reading.