A/N: Yes, I know. Another new fic lmao. I'm really going to discipline myself with this idea because I really liked it but as I began writing I started losing my confidence. I plan for it to be four chapters and maybe one day there will be a sequel, but we'll just have to wait and see.

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The ambiance of the bar is cozy and inviting—a contrast to the ice cold beer that goes down his throat. The warm lights glow above him and other patrons laugh as they unwind from a long day at work. It's one of his favourite places to go—the people are always the same and the alcohol is reasonably priced; it's one of the few constants in his life. He's been here for a couple hours now—he wanted to catch up with a few friends from high school before he was shipped off for deployment again.

His first tour was long; he had been gone for two years in a region of Iraq before he was allowed to return home. There were days where he was sure he would die—so many of his friends had made that ultimate sacrifice so many days he thought he would too. There were countless days where he was lucky to come out of a recon mission with just a few scratches here and there.

However, being away from everyone and everything he knew probably brought him to one of the lowest points in his life. The weekly letters that arrived for him kept his spirits up but it was nothing compared to seeing her in flesh and blood. Jay wouldn't admit that it scared him knowing that he may never see her again if something were to happen—but it was always a thought in his mind while on base and in the villages. There was no telling when they would be ambushed or shelled; his life could end in a split second. Nonetheless, knowing that he had someone waiting for him when he returned home motivated Jay to fight and survive through everyday. He had to do it for her.

They were high school sweethearts and got engaged a few years after graduating. Jay had started school on a pre-med path—one pushed onto him by his father since it was family tradition for the Halstead men—but after a few years, Jay realized medicine wasn't for him. Instead, he dropped out of school after getting his bachelor's degree and enlisted in the army, much to the dismay of both his father and fiancee. She had always joked around with him that they'd get tired of being around each other if they worked in the same hospital—a doctor and a nurse. But they never got to live in that hypothetical and soon Jay was being shipped off for his first tour.

"Alright guys, I'm gonna head home." Jay said, melancholy in his voice. He knew this tour was only six months—a drastic difference compared to his first tour—but the sadness of being away from home was all the same. Leaving was always the worst. There was no promise of coming back. He gave his friends a hug before slipping on his leather jacket and walking into the cool Chicago night. They had met up at a bar near his place so he had decided to walk instead of bringing his vehicle—something he regretted as he blew into his hands for some semblance of warmth.

By the time he arrived outside his apartment door ten minutes later, his hands shook slightly. The heat of the building was inviting and he couldn't wait to crawl into bed and wrap his arms around his fiancee—something that he wouldn't be able to do in a couple days time. After struggling for a few seconds with the key, he was finally able to let himself into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

"Babe?" Jay called out when he didn't immediately hear or see her. The lights weren't on and it wasn't too late in the evening. They were both night owls so the sight in front of him was odd. He knew she was home from work since he saw her car parked outside before he made his way into the building. When she didn't come to greet him as she usually did, he assumed she had gone to bed early and made his way to the bedroom.

Jay smiled as he turned the corner to the room and noticed his fiancee standing at the dresser. Her back was turned to him and her dirty blonde curls fell evenly across her shoulders as she looked down at whatever was in her hand. She didn't seem to sense him in the room yet so Jay quietly moved across the space and slid his arms around her waist. He felt her jump in surprise a bit before she realized it was him.

"I missed you." Jay said as he pressed a kiss on her cheek. When he heard her sniffle in response he instantly knew something was wrong. "Babe, what's wrong?" He turned her around to face him, noticing the tear tracks on her cheeks. Her mascara was running under her eyes and when she didn't immediately speak, Jay felt his heart starting to beat faster.

"Jay… I can't do this anymore." She wiped her tears away, only for them to be replaced.

"What do you mean? Do what?" Jay asked hastily, his body reacting due to the increase of anxiety. "I don't understand."

"I never signed up for this."

"Sign up for what? Ava I don't understand what you're saying." Jay had no clue what his fiancee was talking about. The last few months while he had been home from his tour had probably been the best of his life. There were a lot of laughs, a lot of fun adventures and experiences, and a lot of great sex. He really felt like their relationship solidified in the last bit. They were planning on the next steps of their life. Had he been blind to the turmoil she was experiencing?

"I can't sit around here anymore, waiting for you to come home safe all the time." Ava said, breathing hard to catch her breath. "I never know if I'll get to see you again or if someone will be knocking on the door to tell me you died." Ava moved to sit down on the bed, not trusting her legs to hold her weight anymore. "Every time someone knocks and I'm not expecting anyone my heart drops. I can't do this again."

Jay stood dumbfounded as he watched his fiancee unravel before him. He hadn't noticed anything wrong since he returned—but then he realized that he was a different man when he came back. He wasn't the same—it had been two years since he was gone. He could sometimes see Ava being receptive to his new personality and at times she was careful around him. It was as if she was interacting with a completely different man—not her fiance that had left two years prior. Were the past few months all a dream?

He knew it wasn't fair to Ava that he decided on a career that would force him away from her. All throughout their relationship she assumed he'd always be around and that they would soon be working together before settling down. They had it all planned out since high school. When he decided on enlisting he did feel a bit guilty—it wasn't part of the plan. But plans often change and now Jay was realizing Ava wasn't liking this new path they were on.

He couldn't find the words to describe what he was feeling. It was all so sudden and shocking and he couldn't perceive all the emotions at once. When she moved off the bed and made her way towards the duffel bags on the floor, Jay got desperate. She couldn't leave him; she was his lifeline.

"Ava, please." He begged, his voice cracking. "We can figure something out. Please don't do this." Jay watched as she slid his mother's ring off her left hand. As a last ditch effort—out of despair—he began to beg. "You're all I have! Please don't do this. There's nobody else in my life!"

"Jay… I have to. I-I can't stay with you." After forcing the ring into his hand, Ava softly kissed his tear stained cheek. "Goodbye Jay."

She really left.

Jay couldn't believe it. How had he not noticed anything?! Was she really that unhappy in their relationship that she would walk out instead of talking it through? Irrationally, he went towards the closet and ensuite, wanting to confirm that she actually took all her stuff. There wasn't a single article of clothing she left behind; the makeup that was usually littered all over the countertop was spotless; and the only products that remained in the shower were his.

Out of anger, he smashed his hand into the mirror, watching the shards fall into the sink. When he looked back up, the mirror resembled a cobweb more than anything else. His hand pulsated as the cuts on his knuckles began to bleed.

More than anything at the moment, he needed a drink.

As he made his way out of the ensuite, the silence of the apartment encapsulated him. Generally, music would be playing in the background as Jay and Ava cooked or the TV would be turned on as they cuddled on the couch. Memories of the past few months flooded his mind and it was at that moment the gravity of the situation really weighed in on him.

He was truly alone.

Jay's not sure how long he sits on the couch—the hard liquor burns his throat which brings an onset of tears in his eyes. He's not sure if he's crying because of the alcohol or because of what happened—maybe it's a mixture of both. It's still quiet around him, and as the night grows old, the city settles and turns dark.

Eventually, he passes out cold on the couch, the half empty bottle forgotten.

Jay was blissfully unaware of the events that transpired the night prior up until he opened his eyes and the Chicago sunlight aggravated his growing headache. Groaning, Jay pushed himself up on the couch into a sitting position and took in the apartment. In the darkness last night, he hadn't noticed that Ava had also taken her photographs from the mantle and books from the shelves either side of the TV. She left the images of them together from over the years and he couldn't help but feel like he got punched in the gut—she really didn't want to have anything to do with him.

Everything looked and felt so foreign.

Slowly, Jay shuffled into the bathroom and made his way into the shower—letting the steaming water rain over his body. His hand stung the second water touched it, reminding him of the mess awaiting him in the sink. The scalding water eased the aches and pain in his muscles and relieved his building headache slightly. He knew he needed to get food and water in him if he wanted to be functional that day so he turned the tap off and tied a towel around his waist.

Taking in the sight of the mirror in the aftermath of his anger, all Jay could do was shake his head. He let his anger get the best of him—he had never acted so rashly. As he cleaned the mirror scraps, he realized that he didn't have many options as to what he could do. The world wouldn't stop and wait for him to get his life back on track—he was deploying for his tour in two days. As much as it hurt, he couldn't dwell about Ava now.

Not if he wanted to make it home alive.

Through the hangover, Jay slowly packed his bag and got his fatigues ready for his flight the next day. He went throughout the apartment and plugged out appliances and electronics before returning to the bedroom. He slowly sat down on the bed after finishing his night time routine. It was early but he wanted to be rested for his flight. He confirmed his alarm on his watch before noticing his wallet on the bedside table.

Grabbing the wallet, he opened it and pulled out the photo he kept from one of the pockets. It's something he always carried for good luck; it was something he used to get him home safe. Anytime things overseas began to get difficult, he would pull out the photo of Ava and take in her shimmering blue eyes and bright smile. That smile had reassured him for years now but it didn't bring him any sort of comfort looking at it now.

Defeated, Jay slid the photo back into his wallet before tossing it near the rest of his stuff. He turned off the bedside lamp before climbing into bed—the aftermath of the last 24 hours had exhausted him. Soon enough, he was fast asleep.

The airport was bustling with energy from travellers both domestic and international. It reminds him of when he was coming home after his first tour—how the noise and rapidity of everything slowly squeezed all the air out of his chest. There was too much stimuli back then but he didn't tell anyone. Surly a man who had just been in a war would find comfort in being home.

He makes his way over to the security line up and patiently waits. His eyes take in as much as they can because soon, he'll be in an area that isn't so modern and developed; he'll be somewhere deep in a desert.

After Jay finishes at the security checkpoint, he makes his way to his gate where he is met with a few others who will also be on deployment with him. Their first stop will be in Germany where their post orders will be confirmed before flying into Afghanistan—the epicentre of the war.

As Jay sits in the seat—mindlessly listening to the conversation of his colleagues—his mind travels to the image in his wallet. His anxiety has been heightened ever since he left his apartment that morning. He was expecting Ava to be there to send him off that morning, but his whole world had come crashing down two days ago. Instead, he took a taxi to the airport and walked alone without anyone by his side like the first time.

He's staring at the photo again when his group is called to board the plane—nobody said anything to him about it and he was glad. Jay wasn't prepared to explain that his fiancee had left him right before his tour.

As they stand in line with their passports and boarding passes ready, Jay makes an impulsive decision.

He rips the photo into shreds and discards it into the trash can near the door.

The heat in Afghanistan is a lot different compared to Iraq. During midday—when the sun is at its highest—it's blistering. Jay knows to appreciate the heat because closer to the end of his six month tour, winter will have arrived and he'll be craving the heat instead. During the winter months all they have is fire to keep them warm; but for most of the day during missions, they rely on their equipment for heat.

Since he touched down, he's kept his head down. He does what he's told and keeps his mind on the job every second. Rarely does his mind travel back to home—and consequently, her. Anytime he sees her face in his mind—her blue eyes shining bright—he silently berates himself and focuses back on his task. He's been praised and used as an example often by his superiors; if only they knew of the commotion going on inside his head.

Everyday is the same, it's mundane: wake up, get food, get ready for the day's mission, return to base, food, sleep. Sundays are his off days which he dreads, because when he's not busy or on a mission, his mind gets time to think about other things.

Today seems like the worst day.

He's finishing a set on the bench press and sits up to rest. The makeshift gym in a war is nothing compared to what it's like at home. There's no luxury of having actual equipment or machines. Instead, much of their equipment is concrete slabs that are moulded into looking like plates and dumbbells. It's not ideal but it keeps the soldiers fit—it's all they can ask for.

He's breathing hard after taxing his chest muscles but he's not concentrating on the workout well. Instead, his mind is fixed on his ex-fiancee. He still can't wrap his head around the idea of her leaving him. What did he do wrong? Everything seemed fine while he was home—she was happy.

Maybe it was all a facade and Jay had fooled himself into thinking the last few months had been great.

Huffing out an annoyed and angry breath, he lies back down on the bench and starts his next set.

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Please leave me a review! It definitely helps get the writing gears going. And let me know what you think of the idea!