I can't seem to remember the last time I am this restless. Rather, it's more like there's something bothering me and can't put my finger on it. "An aircraft carrier that swings her sword as swift as her aircraft". Those words kept repeating inside my head, and I can't remember why.
"Is there even a sword wielding aircraft carrier here?"
I keep thinking to myself about these words repeating over and over again. For some reason, my instincts are screaming that I should know about this...but I really don't know. King George V and the others have little to no idea on what I'm trying to relay to them.
"What was I saying back then...?"
Some time ago, I was investigating an unknown phenomenon because I'm only primarily used to this rather than direct combat. No, it's not a phenomenon. It was an unidentified shipgirl. After the events, I was found barely alive and muttering incoherent words. Who was it that I met back then? I remembered being touched and having each of my senses completely paralyzed.
"Completely...glitching...and static"
Glitching and static. Those are the two things I can describe the phenomenon - being that I encountered. I'm certain that it's neither human nor Abyssal as its existence keeps phasing out. All I remember is a humanoid female completely disguising herself in black shadowy substance. She seems to be searching for something...or maybe running from someone.
"When she touched me, I saw a face"
I bit the bulky end of my pen as I struggle to scribble and sketch my memory in shambles. Whatever it is, she did something that caused my memory to be distorted and my senses utterly confused.
"This is pointless"
No matter how much I hit and shake my own head, no progress is made. My memory is completely scrambled regarding that event. There's something in that unknown being I can't put my finger on it. Bismarck and her sister don't know what I'm talking about either. They stare at me in complete confusion, as if I'm overthinking a mission I can barely remember.
"Her sister? Now that I think about it, Tirpitz oddly reacts when I mention it..."
Tirpitz isn't the type to dig into these kind of issues, but I'm loosely guessing she might have useful knowledge. Well, she's not easy to approach or to predict like her older sister. Even to her own comrades, she keeps her inner thoughts and real intentions to herself.
(The lonely Queen of the North...)
I'm not in the position to accuse an ally and fellow member of the Maizuru fleet, but I'm certain she's giving off this feeling that she has her own intentions. It's because she's a bit difficult to approach that I can't help but feel wary even if she's harmless right now.
"Stop muttering to yourself, Vanguard. You're not alone in this room, remember?"
Sheffield tosses a cookie to which I easily catch thanks to the reflexes I've been honing since childhood. I almost forgot that Sheffield and I are having afternoon tea since we're both stressed out with how Warspite overwork is recently. I'm used to it since she even makes me carry her shopping bags and drag me for an hour in the mall.
"Are you thinking about the ghost you saw while out there?" Sheffield stirs her cup of tea
"Something's wrong, and I know it" I insist
"You need a vacation. I mean, you haven't slept in three days"
"I'm fine. I can work five days straight without rest"
"It seems you were traumatized by what happened. You saw something that mentally paralyzed you and emotionally confused you"
Sheffield accurately guesses what I had to go through back then. It's true that the moment I met it with my own two eyes, I couldn't lift a finger or utter a single word. My voice couldn't escape my lungs, and my body refuses to move an inch. It was as if my instincts knew I was going to die if I dare to provoke it.
I think I remember you? This person's memories is embedded to my existence now, so some people seem familiar even I never personally met them...
Her echoing and distorted voice somehow made me tremble in sight. I don't fear opponents stronger than me, but she's visibly urging me to back off. The person isn't someone who stands on top of the food chain. Rather, that thing makes sure the one top isn't disturbing her.
Even if I were to show you the one I borrowed, I'm certain you wouldn't recognize me. I wonder what would she do if she hasn't given up herself...
I couldn't tell what kind of shipgirl she is as my senses are in complete chaos during the encounter. When she stretches her hand and grab me by the collar, I feel like I was suffocating. To be specific, I feel like her hand is going to squeeze my heart at any moment.
If you're asking me for what I am, then I am nothing and nobody. I am here and at the same time I am not. Both alive or dead - that's what I am...
Her answer doesn't certainly help my completely confusion during that mission. If only she said something sensible, I would have a slight idea of her identity.
"Please don't tell me you're not having a flashback..." Sheffield groans
"Pay no mind to it. I'm trying to remember her words" I brush it off
"You seriously can't remember what she looked like"
"When I foolishly tried to confront it...I saw your figure for some reason. She repeatedly mimicked the appearance of people I know"
"So a doppelganger of some sort? Maybe it's some sort of mutated Abyssal? I mean those freaky things are full of surprises"
"Perhaps..." I shrug my shoulders
Maybe it's just a mysterious Abyssal that very rarely appears herself. I haven't slept on three days, so I'm guessing I'm just really tired after all...
"The admiral said you should get some rest. He allowed you to take a day or two off"
"I can't rest" I frown
"Warspite is also concerned that you're overthinking the slightest thing. I mean it's like you saw a ghost"
"Probably because I almost died"
"You weren't even bleeding that badly! All you did was mutter how it was dark and couldn't feel anything" Sheffield flails her arms
"Psychology warfare, huh. The Abyssals are smarter than we thought"
It's the only answer I could think off on why I felt sudden terror course through my veins and pierce through the deepest corner of my mind. I've seen the horrors of war countless times, but the fear I felt was on a different level. If someone like me can be suffocated by such thing, then I worry for the others.
"I'll rest as soon as the current matter is settled. Her majesty will request my presence soon" I stand up
"Then go to sleep. Don't wait till her majesty have the Royal Guards tie you to the bed so you can sleep" Sheffield sighs
"I can imagine her doing that..."
"Speaking of her majesty, even though you swore loyalty to the throne, that's not really the case"
I was about to turn the doorknob and leave as soon as possible when Sheffield brings up an unexpected topic. Of all the things she has to remind me, it has to be completely personal.
"There's no need for me to lie when it's so obvious. Let's just say it stems to my background when I pulled a trigger on my own birth parents"
"You killed your own parents?" She seems visibly shocked
"It is for the sake of our people. To avoid more blood from being spilled, I did what I have to do"
"...!"
I turn to face her and answer her while staring at her right in the eyes. Just because they gave birth to me, doesn't automatically mean I wouldn't turn against them. I have my own ideals even before taking the name of "Vanguard", and my own parents simply contradicted those ideals.
"That's a bit dark for your character"
"It's quite normal"
"I don't think killing your own parents to prevent further deaths is normal"
"Hmm. It seems morals are indeed unique to each individuals"
Others would turn a blind eye or even run away if they are faced with the same choice I have. It's natural to fear being ensnared and snapped in half when it comes to conflict.
"Then how did you end up getting to know Warspite before the Royal navy?"
"Around the moment I first pulled a trigger. It was when I grew to respect her father"
"What's up with your childhood..."
"That's enough of my personal life. Any more it will cause bitter feelings to resurface"
I immediately dismiss the conversation and leave before Sheffield try to bring up more uncomfortable topics. Thankfully, I avoid telling her on how it really started. Not even Warspite knows about this as my life is something she should never lay a hand on. No, it's more like I'm afraid to let her know that she shouldn't really be trusting someone like me.
"I really didn't want to hear it, but I think I caught a grasp on you"
Washington is stand outside, about five meters from the room. She's just leaning there with her arms crossed. It makes me think she just moved there and posed while waiting for either Sheffield or I walk out of that room.
"My priority right now is to investigate about mysterious sighting of an Abyssal around Sweden and France"
"I see..."
"...That monster made me relive that moment as if she pried into my thoughts" I bring
"Seems intriguing. Might if I join the search?" Washington eagerly asks
"No"
"I'm still tagging along even if you say no"
I roll my eyes and leave the area as soon as possible while Washington follow me shortly after.
"So what are we looking for?" Washington excitedly asks
"I'm going to Sweden. The Royal Guards are needed to contain information again, so you're not allowed to come"
"The admiral said I need to keep an eye on you. You literally almost cut down Akashi while they're you're bleeding to death"
"If it's the admiral's orders, then suit yourself"
I remember bleeding to death which causes me to hallucinate unknown monsters who appear out of ripples. I saw Abyssals around me, so I started shooting. It turns out those are just my allies, and I briefly lost my mind desperately defending myself from any living being I see.
Perhaps there's another me out there in a world just like this one...
In that world, I have different life and going through different experiences...
The "me" in that world is probably smiling without sin...unlike me...
If anything, "I" am not just facing Abyssals, but foreign beings as well...
After all, I had a dream where I saw "myself" completely forgetting about outside enemies...
Yes, perhaps it's no hallucination that a ghost showed me sucg world exists...