THIS STORY IS ALSO PUBLISHED ON ArchiveOfOurOwn AT /works/31544177/chapters/79710058
THE AO3 VERSION HAS BETTER FORMATTING, EMBEDDED ART, AND PODFIC VERSIONS AVAILABLE
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND READING ECLIPSE ON AO3 INSTEAD
Part One: The Question is Asked
Chapter One: The Friend
"Is that how it went? Huh. I remember it more like you always following me around. Whenever there was something wrong—like you lost to your brother or you fought with Dimitri—you'd come crying to me. You were so meek and pure back then, cute even... like a baby brother."
"That's enough."
"What?"
"I said, 'That's enough.'"
"Sorry. I just came to see if you wanted to pick up some girls. I didn't mean to get on your nerves."
IMPERIAL YEAR: 1185
Garland Moon
"Felix, are you still listening to me?"
Felix let out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes until they landed on his father. Rodrigue straightened his posture, sitting up tall on his horse.
"I'm never listening to you."
Rodrigue shook his head, seemingly amused.
"I hope you were at least paying attention to the scout." He chuckled.
"Of course, I was." Felix retorted. "They actually had something important to say."
Rodrigue only laughed again. Felix offered no response, returning his eyes to the road in front of him. The travel to and from the rendezvous point outside Fhirdiad had been unexpectedly uneventful. Day after day on the main roads through the Kingdom's countryside and not a whiff of imperial soldiers. Felix didn't like the smell of it. The Emperor was either extremely confident or extremely careless, and he couldn't see it being the latter.
The reports out of the royal capital were worse than expected. For years, Cornelia had held the city without challenge, but it seemed she felt compelled –or perhaps threatened—enough to tighten her grip.
It was no secret that countless citizens within Fhirdiad remained loyal to the Holy Kingdom. Though they had long suffered in silence, the people had become emboldened by news of the Prince's return. Despite Cornelia's best efforts to control the information going in and out of the capital, there was no way to stop word of the Prince's victories in Ailell, Myrddin, and most recently Gronder from reaching the people.
The spark of hope had ignited a full-on revolt inside the city walls.
With the Emperor forced to retreat to Enbarr, Cornelia was without support as riots erupted in the streets. By all accounts, Fhirdiad was theirs for the taking.
However, rather than march to reclaim the capital, the Prince demanded that they pursue the Emperor as she retreated back into imperial territory.
Ever since, conditions inside the city had only gotten worse. Realizing how close they had come to losing the Dukedom, the Empire sent more and more reinforcements to solidify their occupancy.
And it didn't stop there. The citizens who had risen up against Cornelia began disappearing off the streets and even out of their own homes. It was the lucky ones who simply showed up dead. Others were not as fortunate… Some turned up dead with signs of torture, some with signs of experimentation, and some became creatures beyond any recognition.
"Felix…" Rodrigue began quietly, breaking his train of thought. "When were you planning on telling me?"
"Telling you what?"
"Are you really going to make me say it?" He responded incredulously, peering over at his son. Felix turned his head slightly, raising an eyebrow at his father. "Fine then… I'll just say it…"
Rodrigue paused, letting the suspense build. Or so he hoped. Felix provided no reaction.
"Felix Hugo Fraldarius, I am your father!" He declared bombastically, prompting what could've been either a scoff or chuckle from Felix. Rodrigue slumped his shoulders, letting out a sigh. "Instead, I had to hear the news from Gustave of all people…"
"If you have something to say then just say it already." Felix jeered.
"What I'm saying is that I'm hurt that you wouldn't tell me… but I am very happy for you, son. For yours and Annette's engagement…"
"Hmm."
"I accept that you no longer value my wisdom or experience… but surely even you will grant me the kindness to celebrate your achievements and happiness…" Rodrigue trailed off. "Your family may be growing, but you're the only family I have left…"
Felix groaned.
"Fine." He mumbled. "Annette and I are engaged. Happy now?"
"I'm very happy, Felix. Truly I am." Rodrigue repeated. "I just would've preferred to have heard the news from you. Why tell Gustave and not me?"
Felix glanced out of the corner of his eye for just a moment.
"Oh… He wasn't supposed to know either, was he?"
"No." Felix answered simply.
"I don't know why you would bother withholding such wonderful news. You must know that none of your friends or comrades would fault you for falling in love? It's been far too long since we've had occasion to celebrate!"
"There is nothing to celebrate until the war is over." Felix responded. "It'd be a waste of time to celebrate some future that may never come."
"Nothing ever happens unless we make it happen, son." Rodrigue smiled.
"Hmm."
Rodrigue nodded and turned his eyes forward, seemingly content to end the conversation there. Felix tilted his face up and closed his eyes, absorbing the Garland Moon sun.
"What is this?"
Rodrigue furrowed his brow, sniffing the cup suspiciously.
"Tea."
"I know that much! I watched you make it!" Rodrigue blurted. "It's just… so sweet. I wasn't expecting that. I thought you preferred that fancy Almyran stuff."
"I do."
Rodrigue contorted his face at the response but opted not to press the issue, instead returning his attention to his sandwich. Felix took a sip of his own tea. Sweet Apple Blend. The name didn't lie.
"So… what do you make of it?" Felix asked flatly.
"Huh?" Rodrigue responded, the sound muffled by the food in his mouth. "The tea?"
"No, not the tea." Felix replied snidely. "The reports out of Fhirdiad."
"Oh…" Rodrigue mumbled, taking a breath before consuming his final bite. He wiped the corners of his mouth as he rose to his feet. "Well… it's not good."
"Not good?" Felix scoffed. "That's sugar-coating it a bit."
"Not unlike the tea…" Rodrigue remarked. Felix stared back at his father, unamused. Rodrigue brought both his hands up to his face, covering it for a moment before running them through his hair. "I don't know what you want me to say, son."
Felix turned his eyes back to his cup, leaning into the tree behind him.
"We have to do something…"
"I know. It breaks my heart to see the Kingdom suffer like this…" Rodrigue agreed. "The sooner we can deliver the Emperor to His Highness, the sooner we can turn our attention to the capital."
"You have to be kidding me." Felix sneered. "Deliver the Emperor? Can you hear yourself?"
"It is the Prince's plan." He shrugged.
"Plan!" Felix laughed. "The prince has no plan! All he has is blood lust and a suicide wish!"
"We mustn't lose our faith, son."
"It's not me you should be worried about."
Felix took another sip as he waited for his father's response. When none came, he turned his head to find Rodrigue staring at the ground in front of him. Feeling the weight of his son's eyes, Rodrigue looked up to Felix. The color had drained from his face.
"What? Was the tea that bad?"
"Son..." Rodrigue began softly. "Do you blame me?"
"Blame you?"
"For Glenn's death."
"What?" Felix exclaimed, confused.
"It's okay if you do." Rodrigue replied with a somber smile. "I blame myself after all."
"Where is this coming from?" Felix asked. "Better yet – where the hell is this going?"
Rodrigue laughed. He walked over to a nearby tree where the horses were stationed and began to undo their ties. Slowly but surely –and with a little trial and error—he managed to release them. Rodrigue guided them both over to Felix and offered him the reins to his horse. Felix accepted the straps skeptically, eyeing his father. Rodrigue only walked away, leading his own horse. Felix watched him proceed down the road for a moment before prompting his own horse as well.
"There's not a night I don't think to myself, 'What if it had been me?' What if I had been the one to accompany the King to Duscur rather than your brother…" Rodrigue began. "And no, before you even think it, I don't think I would've made much of a difference there. I'm sure I would've died right alongside everyone else…"
Rodrigue met his son's gaze and continued.
"But… what if Glenn had survived? What would his life be like? What kind of man would he have become? What kind of man would you be?"
Felix averted his eyes.
"Such stupid hypotheticals are pointless. That's not the world we live in."
"I suppose you're right. We can't change the past, can we?" Rodrigue chuckled. He looked up as the clouds passed in front of the sun, casting a shadow over them. "Can you believe it's almost been 10 years already…"
"Hmm."
"Of course, we lost your brother that day, the day Faerghus lost its King… but we must never forget that Prince Dimitri lost his father and his stepmother that day…" Rodrigue paused, turning his eyes to the ground in front of him. "The horrors that poor boy must have seen, the things he must have heard… I can only imagine what he sees when he closes his eyes…"
"Is there a point in all this?" Felix asked coarsely.
"That's the big question, isn't it?" Rodrigue smiled. "Tell me – do you believe in fate?"
Felix rolled his eyes.
"Ha! Well… I do." Rodrigue continued. "I lost my son the same day Prince Dimitri lost his father… my best friend…"
"And?"
"And I refuse to believe that's mere coincidence. I believe it must be a sign from the Goddess, a sign that I am to watch over His Highness, a sign that… I should be the kind of father Lambert was…"
"You're pathetic." Felix spat.
"Excuse me?" Rodrigue barked, turning angrily to his son.
"No." Felix said dryly, turning his head just enough to meet his father's eyes. "I don't blame you."
"I… I don't understand…" Rodrigue mumbled perplexed.
"I don't blame you for Glenn's death. I never have."
"Then why—"
"Because you're an arrogant, self-righteous bastard." Felix answered the unfinished question. "While your head is in the clouds searching for deeper meaning, wondering if it's part of some divine plan, you lose track of what's actually happening right in front of you."
"Felix…"
"Glenn died, the King died, and a whole lot of other people died. But we didn't. We're alive, and we should act like it." Felix returned his eyes to the road ahead. "Life is for living..."
"I…" Rodrigue sputtered, failing to find his words. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, hoping to collect himself. "I'm… sorry…" Felix glanced over at his father. "I just… I feel like I failed Glenn, like I failed Lambert… and I don't want to fail Dimitri too…"
"You still don't get it." Felix snapped. "This isn't about Duscur or Lambert or even the Prince. This is about the Kingdom. This is about… about..." He stopped and bit his tongue, contorting his face as he considered his next words. Felix let out a heavy sigh, drooping his shoulders. He turned to Rodrigue, a melancholy expression on his face, "This is about making the world a better place for my future with Annette..."
"Felix, I—"
"Let me ask you a question." Felix interrupted, turning his eyes sharply. "Are you proud of Glenn?"
Rodrigue stared blankly across at Felix, unsure if he'd heard him correctly. Felix met his eyes and held his gaze firmly, making it clear he did not plan on repeating myself.
"Y-yes, of course, I am." Rodrigue answered shakily with as much resolve as he could muster.
"Why?"
"Why?" Rodrigue repeated. Once again, he looked to his soon for more, but Felix offered no response, his orange eyes glaring back unflinchingly. "He died like a true knight – protecting his King and his family."
"I see." Felix replied, monotone. "And what if you had died at Gronder? What if the Professor hadn't stopped that girl in time? What that have been a death to be proud of?"
"I…" Rodrigue stumbled. "I would have been proud to have given my life for Prince Dimitri."
"And would the Kingdom have been better for it?"
"Would the Kingdom have been better?"
"That you died, rather than the prince."
"What kind of question is that, Felix?" Rodrigue gawked. Felix turned his eyes forward.
"If you had died, what do you think would have changed? I'll tell you what I think…" Felix paused. "Not a damn thing."
"Felix…"
"If you had died, the prince still would've chased after that wench without a second thought. Hell, I'd probably be on this same road on this same damn horse coming back with the same bad news." Felix turned to his father. "But what do you think would've changed if the Boar had died instead?"
"Careful, son…" Rodrigue warned. He clenched the reins tighter, straining his gloves against his knuckles.
"You know what I think?" Felix began, his voice rising. "I think we would've mourned the loss of our beloved prince, but I think by now he'd be buried right next to his father in the royal cemetery after we took back the fucking capital!"
"That's enough, Felix…" Rodrigue grunted through gritted teeth.
"What was that?" Felix sneered goadingly.
"I said, 'That's enough!'" Rodrigue shouted, stopping and whipping his arm angrily across his body. His horse stopped in its tracks as well, neighing in response to the outburst and sudden tug on its reins.
Felix continued unabated, sparing a glance at his father as he passed him.
"If you say so… Lord Fraldarius."
Felix agreed. That was enough.
IMPERIAL YEAR: 1181
Ethereal Moon
"And where do you think you're going?"
Sylvain stopped his tracks. He raised his free left hand up beside his head, and slowly he lowered the bag slung over his right shoulder to the ground. He held both hands out and up from his body, keeping them clear of the Lance of Ruin on his back. He waited a moment for any additional direction before leisurely spinning around on his heels.
"I don't suppose you're here to give me a kiss goodbye, huh?"
Felix stood with his arms crossed, leaning back against the outer wall of the city. For a moment, he just stared back at Sylvain.
"You're a fool." Felix finally replied, shaking his head.
Sylvain laughed, turning his hands outwards into a shrug.
"Maybe. Maybe not."
Felix pushed off the wall and approached Sylvain. Sylvain's eyes darted quickly between Felix's feet and hands, evidently measuring up the threat.
"What do you actually think is going to happen?" Felix asked brusquely. "Surely, you're smart enough to know you can't just walk into imperial territory, let alone Enbarr… especially not with your face."
Sylvain laughed again, ruffling his fingers through his hair.
"Y'know, I've tried not to think about that part too much." He grinned. "I want to sound organic, not rehearsed. I want them to know I'm sincere."
"You? Sincere?" Felix scoffed. "You can't convince me. Do you really expect to convince the Empire?"
"I think you give Her Majesty too little credit."
"Her Majesty?" Felix repeated incredulously.
"Okay, okay… maybe I've been rehearsing a little." Sylvain acknowledged anxiously, demonstrating how little with his finger and thumb.
The night around them was peaceful. The Ethereal Moon sat high among the stars, shining brightly and unencumbered in the cloudless sky. A slight breeze blew across the city, providing a little chill on an otherwise warm summer night.
"Hold on... Do you hear that?"
There were voices, footsteps…
Sylvain readied his feet and stared nervously at Felix. Felix, however, was unmoved. He gazed in the direction of the sound and held up a single finger, silencing Sylvain.
As they approached, the sounds got louder and louder, clearer and clearer until they were just on the other side of the wall…
But then they continued. The voices passed by and proceeded with their own path, never the wiser to the men outside the city.
Felix turned his attention back to Sylvain, crossing his arms once more. Sylvain sighed as he stood up tall and laced his fingers behind his head.
"Say it. Just go ahead and say it. I know you're thinking it." Sylvain said reluctantly. Felix offered no response, only staring back at him. "If I'm this scared, this anxious already, I should just give up, right? Better now than before I have to run back with my tail between my legs?"
Still, Felix said nothing. Sylvain let out a forceful breath, letting it blow against his lips.
"Y'know… I owe you an apology, Felix…" He began softly. Felix raised an eyebrow. Sylvain smiled, pleased to finally have garnered some feedback. "Well, maybe more of an explanation than an apology. I'm not having second thoughts about this, not anymore; I've made up my mind, but I am glad I'm getting the chance to clear the air with you."
"Says the traitor sneaking away in the middle of the night."
"Tss." Sylvain laughed through his teeth. "Yeah, I deserved that. But the truth is… I was scared to face you..."
"Afraid that I would turn you in?" Felix asked.
"No… Well, yes, I suppose. That would've been a bummer for sure." Sylvain answered cheekily. "I was scared… you'd be disappointed in me."
Felix's turn to chuckle.
"When have I ever been anything other than disappointed in you?" He replied rhetorically.
"You know what I mean!" Sylvain quipped loudly. He instantly bit his lip as he stopped to listen for any reaction inside the city. Nothing but the wind. After a couple quiet moments, Sylvain relaxed, shaking his shoulders as he straightened his posture. "Do you remember that time at the academy when you called me a 'good-for-nothing?'"
"Not specifically, but it sounds like something I'd say."
"Well, I remember it. I remember it clear as day." Sylvain continued, his trademark levity suddenly dropping from his tone. "You said that I was 'sitting idle.' The words seem so innocuous saying them even now, but… I don't know. I couldn't get them out of my head…"
Sylvain reached behind his back and grabbed the Lance of Ruin. Felix shifted his weight on his heels at Sylvain drawing his weapon, but Sylvain just held it out in front of himself. He didn't make any aggressive moves or really move at all; he just stared at it. Slowly, the lance began glow with dull orange light.
"If it wasn't for this stupid thing and my stupid crest… if I hadn't just been sitting idle… do you think Miklan would still be alive?"
Felix shifted uneasily once again, caught completely off-guard by the question.
"I thought about that a lot, like a lot a lot…" Sylvain stated quietly. "Tell me – did you ever read the Manifesto?"
Felix took a moment before responding, analyzing Sylvain's face. There was no cheerfulness in his voice, no sparkle in his eye.
"I did."
"Yeah, well, I read it too. I read it over and over again. What it said about Crest, about Lady Rhea…" Sylvain shook his head again. "And then when the war broke out and we were asked to fight, I had to ask myself, 'What am I fighting for?' Am I really going to fight for this system? For the church?'" Sylvain grit his teeth, his grip tightening around the lance. "I didn't ask for this power, and I didn't ask for this war… But I'm not going to sit idle. Not anymore. Not ever again."
"I see,." Felix replied. "So you're doing this for Miklan?"
"No. No, I can't say that. I don't deserve to say that,." Sylvain answered somberly. "I didn't do anything for him in life, so I don't have any right to invoke his name in death. I'm doing this for me."
A quiet enveloped them once more. Sylvain was fixated only on the lance while Felix could only stare at him. Where was the airhead he'd grown up with? Had the gap between them really grown that much? Or was this the closest they had ever been?
"Y'know, I really wanted to ask you to join me in defecting…" Sylvain began, a grin returning to his face as he looked back to Felix. "But I decided not to waste my breath. You're too loyal for that."
"Loyal? To the Boar? You have to be kidding me."
"Oh, I didn't mean Dimitri." Sylvain laughed. "No, I was referring to a certain little five-foot nothin' spitfire of a redhead."
Felix said nothing, only furrowing his brow.
"Whether you even admit it to yourself, I know you're head over heels for Annette, and there's no way you'd ever leave Faerghus without her." Sylvain's expression softened. "But I also know how Annette feels about her family, especially her dad. I'm not sure if she'd ever be able to break away from them, let alone fight against them…"
Sylvain trailed off, the words lingering in the warm night air. He placed one hand at his hip and ran the other through his hair, briefly turning his eyes to the ground. Just as quickly, he brought up the arm from his hip, pointing a finger right at Felix.
"Hey, do you remember the promise we made when we were kids?"
Felix tilted his head.
"About sticking together until we die together." Sylvain elaborated.
"I remember."
"Well, don't think is me breaking that promise because I'm still going to be holding up my end of the bargain, so you better hold up yours! When this war is over and done with, you're going to be Count Fraldarius, I'm going to be Margrave Gautier, and all you and Annette's little lordlings are going to run around playing with all my little bastards, you hear me?"
Felix smiled.
"Yeah, yeah. I hear you."