Kang Ruien had watched silently as his clan leader entrusted a piece of his soul to someone who did not deserve it. Ruien, a myrmidon of the Nie for many years now, had never been concerned about Meng Yao's past; he himself was considered by many to be a foreigner due to his Sogdian blood, and he should know better than to judge people for things they could not control. But being of a similar rank and social position to Meng Yao often gave him a perspective that Nie Mingjue did not have.

Once, during the Sunshot campaign, Ruien had witnessed a myrmidon of the Jin sect purposefully spill the dregs of his tea on Meng Yao just as the delicate man was leaning in to fill his cup. The myrmidon had loudly blamed Meng Yao, using language Ruien would never think to use about another human being. But Meng Yao barely reacted. He bowed and asked for forgiveness, without a trace of irony or anger.

The Jin myrmidon in question scoffed at his obsequiousness and left with his fellows soon after. Ruien, who was quite learned but whose cultivation was not high, like Meng Yao was usually relegated to servants' duties during the campaign. He came to assist in cleaning the table and floor without a word.

"Ah…it's all right, Ruien," Meng Yao had said with his ever-present smile. "It's my mess, I'll clean it."

Ruien frowned at Meng Yao in wonder at why he would feel the need to lie to an equal. "He did it on purpose. Why say it was your fault?"

Meng Yao hesitated before smiling reluctantly. "You understand, don't you? No good would come from arguing."

Ruien did understand why it was pointless to argue with superiors. But that should not include him. One thing he had noticed about Meng Yao was that his desire for advancement was so strong that he would side with the powerful, whether or not they were right, whatever their relation to him, and even if they were not present. It was this tendency that first caused Ruien to think he probably shouldn't trust the very talented young man so easily.

He did not know what exactly took place when Meng Yao somehow sealed Clan Leader Nie's qi on the battlefield, only that afterward, Nie Mingjue's attitude toward him was night and day. It was to the point that Clan Leader Nie nearly flew into a rage every time Men Yao's name was mentioned.

The whole situation gave Ruien an uneasy feeling in his stomach. For one reason in particular; one that in fact only Meng Yao knew about.

Years ago, in fact only weeks after entering the service of the Nie, Meng Yao had observed Ruien taking his daily orders from Nie Mingjue, which happened to include sending them both to the record room. The walk there was mostly silent, but just as they arrived, it was broken by Meng Yao's soft and elegant tenor.

"Master Kang," said the newest servant in a surprisingly refined voice. "I have heard you are of Sogdian blood."

Ruien raised an eyebrow at him. Normally people did not touch on the subject directly, only vaguely hinting about him being somehow foreign or stupid. "Half. Yes."

"You were rescued from the midst of a war by the Nie," Meng Yao continued, opening the door for his senior servant.

Ruien wasn't sure he liked where this line of questioning was headed, but he walked in and waited for Meng Yao to follow. "That's right."

After closing the door behind them, Meng Yao asked, "How long have you now been in their service?"

"More than ten years."

"I see. And how much of that time have you been in love with Clan Leader Nie?"

Ruien rounded turned a pitiless gaze on the smaller man, having a brief thought that this man might already be an enemy he now had to be wary of.

But at the coldness in Ruien's stare, Meng Yao only laughed lightly, a charming sound. "Please be at ease, Master Kang. The information is of no use to me, so you can be assured I would never threaten you with it. After all, you likely know better than anyone, don't you? Clan Leader Nie is entirely heterosexual."

Ruien closed his eyes with a tired breath, turning his attention to his task of updating the clan's weapons inventory. He sought out the correct volume of ledger as he spoke. "If you know, then why bring it up?"

"Oh, pure interest," Meng Yao said, resting one delicate hand on the shelf, at a respectful distance from Ruien. "In fact, you might say like attracts like."

Ruien stopped what he was doing to look hard at Meng Yao again. "Clan Leader Nie?" he asked.

Meng Yao shook his head. "Another. But just as hopeless." He sighed and leaned his shoulder against the shelf as well. "Mine is newer than yours, I would guess, and so…I suppose I brought up the subject hoping for some advice."

Ruien sighed. "What advice?" he asked tersely. "You said so yourself. It's hopeless."

He found the book he was looking for and left Meng Yao there without turning back.

He knew without being reminded that it was hopeless. Not only was Nie Mingjue almost certainly heterosexual, but he was so demanding and unforgiving, there was hardly a woman in the world that he would ever even tolerate. There were only two things he respected: strength and integrity. Ruien tried not to be overtly jealous of the way Meng Yao was able to earn favor despite seeming to lack both these things.

He was not prepared when Nie Mingjue asked him to take over Meng Yao's role during the campaign. Ruien had some talents, but he would be the first to admit that he had neither Meng Yao's incredible memory nor his impressive social skills. He spoke numerous dialects and was a scholar of battle tactics, so at least he tried to assist in those areas. He did his best, and surprisingly Clan Leader Nie was not overly harsh with him. On most occasions. Comparatively speaking.

"This spy of Xichen's, whoever he is," Mingjue was saying during a planning meeting with just the two of them on this occasion, "is saying the best place to strike is here." He pointed to a spot on the map, at which Ruien had to restrain the urge to physically recoil. "Speak," Mingjue prodded, noting his reaction.

Ruien traced back along the route between that point and where they were now with his finger. "This path is narrow. Hard to fit more than one or two at a time. The following section is entirely down hill until that point, meaning the only expedient means of escape would be up even closer to Nightless City. If anyone were to approach from the east, we would be utterly cut off, with no way out but to go further toward the enemy."

Mingjue sighed, but didn't seem to have a response. Instead he grumbled, "…it's not 'we.'"

"Clan Leader…?"

"You're not going," Mingjue said flatly.

"Not going?" Ruien repeated in alarm. "I'm sorry…I know my cultivation is lacking compared to Meng Yao, but-"

"It isn't about that," Mingjue replied dismissively, walking away toward his desk as if the issue were already settled. He took a seat there. "It looks bad this time. I know that. Xichen's information has been good until now, and that's the only reason I'm putting up with this now. But I won't risk my whole force, and I won't take anyone not already prepared to die."

"Clan Leader…" Ruien murmured, feeling deeply wounded by his clan leader's lack of faith in him. "…I am prepared to die." He pointedly avoided adding the words he thought quietly to himself after that: for you.

Mingjue's jaw shifted in discomfort and Ruien worried he might be angry. But he wasn't sure why he would be. As far as he knew, Nie Mingjue not only preferred, but expected this attitude from his myrmidons. Was Ruien so weak that he only found the sentiment irritating coming from him?

Sadly, the clan leader's next grumbled words seemed to confirm this. "You can say things like that, only when you can be certain your death will accomplish something. Otherwise it's just a waste."

Having his honest feelings of loyalty referred to as 'a waste' was painful, but he couldn't deny the logic. It killed him every time Nie Mingjue went into battle, and at least being able to be present and see with his own eyes, his figure fighting so bravely, seemingly invincibly, was the only thing that eased his anxiety. But it was true; he would be little more than a burden by comparison to most of Nie Mingjue's powerful saber cultivators.

He nodded and bowed before taking his leave. Little did he know how close he would come to losing his clan leader entirely on that day.

When Lan Xichen brought him back from the raid in Nightless City, the great and terrifying man who could slice through seemingly whole battalions of Wen soldiers with a single stroke was barely able to hold himself upright. Blood dripped from every visible part of him. Ruien called for the healers in a panic, while Zewu Jun stayed close until it at last seemed that Nie Mingjue would pull through.

Also nearby, his presence so soft that he was barely noticeable, was the ignominious Meng Yao. He was wearing Wen sect garb, but while standing beside Zewu Jun, no one seemed to question him. He likewise stayed close until it seemed Nie Mingjue was out of danger, but whenever Mingjue opened his eyes and began to snarl at the sight of him, he would move behind Lan Xichen and out of sight until Mingjue's consciousness faded again.

The next morning, Ruien's hands were still shaking as he came in to check on his clan leader. He checked to see that one of the doctors had already cleaned and replaced his bandages today. Since Zewu Jun would likely soon be arriving to play healing music for him, there was really nothing for Ruien to do. For now, he merely sat by his clan leader's bed with his face in his hands.

Crestfallen as he was, he didn't notice as Nie Mingjue's eyes slowly opened and he gazed at the ceiling above him in silence for some time.

"I don't need a babysitter," came a rasping growl.

Ruien gasped at the sudden sound of his low voice. "Clan Leader…" he murmured worriedly, so relieved that he was awake that he ignored the harshness of his words.

Mingjue glanced roughly in his direction before letting out a soft sigh. "What happened after Wen Ruohan died?"

Ruien nodded, understanding at once what he wanted to know. "After the news of his successfully killing Wen Ruohan spread, Meng Yao was formally accepted by Jin Guangshan. He is now called, 'Jin Guangyao,'" Ruien told him calmly.

Mingjue scoffed bitterly. "Fitting," he grunted.

Ruien's heart ached for him, not only because he could hear the betrayal in his voice. In the tortured expression on the face of this uncompromising man, he knew that despite his anger and pain, Nie Mingjue had not yet given up on Meng Yao even now.

"Clan Leader…forgive me for speaking out of turn…" he said softly.

"Speak."

"…do you love him?"

Even though he was looking away, rage rolled over Nie Mingjue's expression. His bloodshot eyes turned to Ruien as his whole body seemed to shake with fury. "Love? Love what? That son of a prostitute? Are you trying to drag me into the gutter with him?"

Ruien took a deep breath to regulate his emotions and focus on Clan Leader Nie's needs, which at the moment did not concern his own feelings at all. "Clan Leader. I only asked in case it might lighten your burden for someone to know. If I am wrong, I will not speak of it again."

Nie Mingjue scoffed and tossed his head away as if this didn't even merit a response. But Ruien was sure he could see torment lingering on his face even in profile. At length, Mingjue opened his mouth slowly as if gathering his courage to answer. At that moment, there was a knock on the door.

"Brother?"

It was Lan Xichen.

Ruien swept to his feet and let him inside at once, secretly grateful not to have to hear the answer to his question. Kind as ever even toward people much beneath him in rank, Zewu Jun smiled and bowed his head gently in greeting. Ruien bowed more formally in return, hoping to hide the slight flush in his cheeks from receiving even slight attention from the beautiful Lan clan leader, and left them the room to themselves.

As he was closing the door, he heard Lan Xichen say, "Your new Sogdian deputy is very loyal to you, isn't he?"

Mingjue only let out a soft, disapproving breath through his nose and did not answer.

…

It took some time for things to regain any semblance of normalcy, but the dust started to clear, and after all the Wen had been soundly defeated. Gradually, the new enemy of peace and orthodoxy seemed to become the one who was probably responsible for as many Wen deaths as Nie Mingjue himself during the Sunshot Campaign: the one some had started to call the Founder of the Demonic Path, Wei Wuxian. At the grand hunt at Dafan Mountain just a few months later, he purposefully flirted broadly and showed off his skills as if to flout anyone who was really concerned over such things.

Fortunately Nie Mingjue had no interest in him to start with, so he barely seemed to notice Wei Wuxian's antics. Ruien rode behind his clan leader in the procession, watching all the sons of noble families being showered in a rain of flowers from the young ladies watching. He was almost heartbroken at how the flowers stopped quite abruptly before Mingjue's huge and forbidding presence.

After observing Wei Wuxian shamelessly toss a flower to Lan Wangji, Ruien caught a blossom that fell near him, presumably intended for Nie Huaisang in front of him. It was a rare blue orchid. Feeling guilty, he looked up toward the watch towers to try to spot the maiden who had thrown it. He was surprised when he met the eyes of one with her fingers still stretched out, and when he did, she quickly hid a shy smile behind her sleeve. He blushed and swallowed, feeling even more guilty after realizing it had indeed been meant for him.

The hunt was something of a disaster for the nobility, but for lower myrmidons like Ruien it went rather well. After catching a few ghouls himself, and especially after seeing the majority of the remainder willingly offer themselves up to the Jiang thanks to Wei Wuxian's flute, Nie Mingjue seemed to lose interest in the hunt. Ruien found him idly giving some sugar cubes to his horse no more than an hour after the hunt began.

"Clan Leader?" he asked cautiously as he approached.

Nie Mingjue glanced over his shoulder at him. "Nh," he answered.

"You're…not interested in the hunt?"

"With so little big prey left, all one can accomplish is to earn other clans' enmity," Mingjue commented, sounding genuinely bored. "The most interesting prey is already gone anyway."

The Clan Leader glanced up as he noticed Ruien carrying a dead measuring snake over his shoulder. He nodded his approval.

"Well done."

Even though it was a comparatively small monster, there were few things in this world that made Ruien happier than even small praise from Nie Mingjue. In that moment, his heart so full, desire for closeness rose up almost painfully. He opened a qiankun pouch and stuffed the measuring snake inside it to make it easier to carry.

With his hands now free, he removed the orchid that he had been carefully keeping in his lapel. His heart pounded as his every instinct told him this was a bad idea. And yet, he slowly found himself holding the flower out before him, within arm's reach of Nie Mingjue.

The clan leader glanced down at the curious object, for which no doubt a man like him had no practical use or meaning. "What's this?" he asked.

"Oh…nothing," Ruien said quietly, retracting his arm a little. "Forgive me…"

"But what do you mean by it?" Mingjue pressed, seeming annoyed.

Ruien shook his head quickly, though inside he was starting to feel incredibly cold and ashamed. "Nothing."

Mingjue cast his gaze toward the ground for some time. Eventually he said, "I don't need pity."

"It's not pity," Ruien said sharply. He turned the flower nervously in his slightly shaking hands. "I wanted to give it to you. It is my selfish desire to give you something beautiful and auspicious. That is its meaning."

Mingjue frowned down at him with uncertainty. Mingjue normally avoided eye contact, so being under his intense gaze for this long was rather unnerving. Ruien helplessly stared at the ground, unable to move.

He was surprised to see a large, calloused hand enter his vision. It grasped the stem of the flower and took it from him. When he looked up in shock, Mingjue was frowning at the object as if he'd never seen one and didn't like it.

"What do I do with it?" he asked, though his voice sounded softer than normal.

Ruien swallowed, his spine tingling from the softness in this harsh and terrifying man's voice. Entirely forgetting the question that had just been posed to him, Ruien asked one of his own out of the blue.

"Clan Leader…have you ever been kissed?"

He expected Mingjue to either go into a rage or become dreadfully embarrassed, but the huge man just sighed. "I said not to pity me. I know who I am. I'm not one to be kissed."

"…would you like to be?"